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Skywatcher's Blog
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Wow, been off for 6 months...
posted at 02:27 pm on 06-26-2009
Well, I haven't logged into Wrong Planet for 6 months. I guess I tagged it as being associated with the horrors of Huntsville. Things fell apart there, my goals associated with it, well, disintegrated. It took me all of those six months to regroup, it took me all of that time to come back from that fall.
And I guess on some level it was a good thing that things did not work out in Huntsville. I was going nowhere in research, I was limited in my academic options, my friends were, well, not my friends. I even picked up driving and bought a car within a couple of months of moving away from there. Things just worked out better not being there. Heck, I even have research prospects, assistantship prospects, job prospects, and have kept in touch with the people down there I wanted to.
The fact that I, well, failed my classes in Huntsville probably won't keep me from entering that field. It was under some pretty special circumstances, and I still am finishing up the master's degree I left to study down there in the first place. Because they will have many similar courses (and I will take the courses I failed over again here), I don't think I should have problems getting in somewhere else. I think now that the problems with moving away are identified, and I have around one or two years to solve them, I should be more able to succeed when I move to another college at that time.
In the mean time, I can only hope for more success here. I'll be studying applied math and physics at the graduate level, hopefully doing research in solar cells or some field of math (we have a mechanical differential analyzer for starts, love diff eqs.). Anyway, I hope to have some research experience and classes completed before I apply again, not to mention several of the Asperger's problems solved.
Thanks,
Skywatcher
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My apologies if I posted something on the wrong forum...
posted at 07:24 am on 12-02-2008
I might have posted some things on the wrong forum recently. Sorry.
I should have known better. If it gets deleted, I deserve it. It is part of accepting responsibility for my own actions, no matter how minor.
Anyway, I hope that everyone can apologize for doing this from time to time.
Skywatcher
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Decisions
posted at 02:28 pm on 11-30-2008
I am at a personal crossroads, and the paths that lie before me will diverge in the next week or so.
I must move from my current residence one way or another. I will not stay here for next semester, I will move away regardless. However, there is the question of whether or not I will move back home, 450 miles to Ohio, or move 1 mile to the on-campus apartments across the street from the Optics Building.
I am unsure if I want to continue classes here. I am unsure if I want to continue pursuing a degree in physics. Perhaps if I am unsure, then I shouldn't. The only reason I want to do this, the only reason I ever tried in the first place was because I had some messed up delusion that I could make some form of Star Trek happen in my lifetime with this degree. They don't employ people to pursue dreams like that, they employ people to pursue the known and already done. NASA is doing things that have already been done for decades, and won't spend a dime on anything new and innovative. I won't see my dreams come true working for anybody, I will see them come true through my own business ventures and my own money.
I guess that will take time as well, but not infinite amounts of time. I'd put a decade or two for that to happen, with NASA still using their stupid chemical rockets and of course their fancy plasma engines that get you nowhere fast!
But, where I got from here is a big question. I don't want to waste 5 years of my life in my studies, but I also don't want to be trapped in this degree only to wind up a professor or a researcher in some dead-end job.
Anyway, that's my side.
Skywatcher
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Why I don't post stuff on my obsessions
posted at 11:42 am on 11-04-2008
I haven't gone out of my way to vent out my obsessions here for a few reasons.
First, when I do vent my obsessions, I tend to be over people's heads. I tend to be over any given number of Aspies' heads as well, and I'm not sure having an audience of 25,000 will change that much. I'm also worried about getting shot down as I often do, though I oftentimes get into longer winded discussions where I just tell them how dumb they are for thinking I can't do this stuff.
But, probably the biggest reason is I know that probably at least 10-20% of you all can take a good portion of my ideas and work with them, while I'm stuck in a place where I can't do anything with them right now. I would conjecture that it would be unwise to post good ideas, which most of mine are, on a blog where there are thousands of people with minds similar to mine who may or may not have the moral restraints I have keeping them from running away with someone else's thoughts and making millions or billions. I may be selfish in this, but I am also being very cautious and wise in this. You probably should be too. I would not want you to post one of your brilliant ideas only to see it stolen by someone and you have to deal with not reaping anything from that idea.
I seriously do not want to post too many good ideas for these reasons, and my obsession is ideas and thought. I have no real focused obsession - I really have too many obsessions to count, so many that I am bouncing around from hour to hour with them. I really don't have a favorite thing at all.
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AHHHH!!! Time Change!!!!
posted at 05:25 pm on 11-03-2008
Ahhh!
I am having trouble with this time change. It is very hard to deal with because I am on the Eastern edge of Central Time zone. The sun sets now at 5 pm. It is dark for a lot of my waking hours. I cannot stand it. It was bad enough already. That and these stupid elections, and my homework, are all killing me.
Skywatcher
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- Short recession
posted at 08:26 pm on 10-24-2008
To alieviate fears about the global recession, I will teach you all somethings about what is happening right now.
First, the Dow hit 7888 and bounced off with heavy volume today. Why is this significant? The Dow hit 7888 not too much earlier, about two or three weeks ago, and bounced off with heavy volume. This means that the system has corrected itself, that the market will be on an upward trend now. Why? Because people reinvested after it hit that number, that low, and a LOT of them did it, which means that they believed in it, which means that they believe in the market, and that's all that matters. Pending anything bad like natural disasters or OPEC cutting oil supplies on Monday, the markey should stay stable or shoot up a good deal. Market volatility should continue for a good bit, but otherwise the market should start an upward trend now.
However, I am assuming that the market did this with heavy volume because as of the noon EST (time for the Dow), around the time I checked it, it did have heavy volume. But, when if people just stopped trading intraday and the Dow shot up, a possibility, then we have a serious problem. For one, I don't know what that problem is, and for two, there is a 50/50 chance based on the info I have (as in I have two possibilities that I know of resulting from this but there may be more) that we may go into a lengthy horrible recession or worse a depression in certain areas of the world. But from what I see, most places should be out of this within several months, the US before the next president come to office.
Outside of calming fears of gloom and doom recessions, thanks to doing my homework, please let me note the following. Don't ask me for investment advice because I am not qualified to give it. I won't give you advice on the market, I am not qualified.
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A short list of my favorite things
posted at 08:05 pm on 10-24-2008
1. Star trek (own all 10 movies)
2. Star Wars (just the two main trilogies)
3. Stargate (original, SG-1 though not as into it after season 8, Atlantis especially after SG-1 ended, other two movies, kind of)
4. Orange Juice (go through a gallon every three to four days)
5. Great Achievements in anything whatsoever (though I cannot possibly do everything, it is not my goal to be mediocre)
6. Women. I want to marry someone someday, but I have to find someone and date them before then. But I would say that women are on the list.
7. So is the resultant marriage and children.
8. Thought. I spend so much of the days just immersed in thought. It is how I entertain myself.
9. Ideas. It is one thing to produce thought, it is one thing to have a coherent idea.
10. Emotion and Love. Ideas and Thought mean nothing if you don't have someone to share them with that you care about. I don't have too many people to share my thoughts with, my ideas with, or anything else with. I am lonely. I am not entirely alone, but enough to be lonely. I know that a good portion of people with AS are in the same or worse situation than I am in. I have emotion, I have love, so do all of you, but we have little or none to be reciprocated. It is not our fault, its just the fault of those who dare not try to understand us, to understand our differences. And so we go through life without love, without caring, without friendship, romance, marriage and best friends and close friends, and while we produce better thought and ideas and in greater numbers than those without Asperger's, I would reason to say we don't live a fulfilling life, and this is something that doesn't have to be. We don't have to live our lives with such hopelessness, we can learn to have more than that one friend or more than just our thoughts. It takes time, it takes paitience, but it also is rewarding. And I am certain that with all of us, just knowing there is an issue means that we can do something about it.
Well, that's my 10 favorite things. Sorry about the dissertation on number 10.
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Updating the whole dating thing
posted at 02:05 pm on 10-19-2008
Well, I did go out on a date, but apparently this person did not realize to tell me that she was and has been dating someone else for a long time. I am still pretty peeved about that. But, in another sense, I think I have been going for the wrong type, the classically pretty type who have no brains and common sense about them and therefore always go for morons and jerks like themselves.
So, I went with my feelings on this. About fifteen minutes after I got the news of this disaster, I asked the girl that I was very interested in out over an e-mail. This was the first time I actually managed to get anything positive done over e-mail or notes or anything of the sort. But it worked, we even rescheduled it twice, to the weekend, of all things, which my Mom says is a sure-fire sign that this is a real date. That and the fact that she e-mailed me her phone numbers and contact info twice says so as well.
Oh, by the way, she is NOT a NT. She either is an undiagnosed Aspie or is undiagnosed with or diagnosed with ADD. This only makes it better. I personally do not want NT kids, so I have to wonder how I could have any with her. Oh well, a topic for maybe a year or two down the road, perhaps. In the mean time, I hope that this date, it is a date isn't it, works out well today.
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Facebook agitates me...
posted at 01:07 pm on 10-08-2008
Facebook agitates me. I have 96 notes on facebook, but I get comments from know-it-all NT's who comment on notes that I intend more as a joke or as a punch line for our present condition. They don't get Asperger's, so they don't understand my writing style, and they suggest I work on it. They insult me to me "face"book.
I'd like it if we had, as in Aspies, had our own facebook. We deserve a facebook for ourselves without all these stupid neurotypicals ruining our blogs, making us delete entries, and scaring us and making us think we're too dumb or insulting us. We deserve a neurotypical free zone. Of course, the friend and defriend option on facebook is really good for this. If you know people who have AS, just create a phantom account, all of us, and look up the phantom account, keeping in contact on wrong planet, and friend request each other, creating the World Wide Aspie Net.
I'm sorry, I'm on a school computer that is restarting in 3 minutes. I have to go. Can't promise to edit or add for several days.
Skywatcher
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Survival in the next Depression...
posted at 05:55 pm on 10-07-2008
First of all, if you don't agree with me that there will be a depression soon or that we are already in one and it will hastenly become worse, please don't not post comments to this effect on this blog. This blog entry is not a forum for discussion to that point, the previous entry is. This blog entry is a forum for discussion on practical survival methods and techniques during a depression. If you don't have something practical or perhaps an idea about this, don't post anything on this entry.
1. Have cash on hand and items to barter with. Though you may be able to get by with checks and debit cards for the first year or so, after a while, things may get to the point where banks close, don't have enough money for your transactions, and this happens often enough that the government cannot secure funds enough to pay for your insured account. Also, cash is more flexible, trade is more soluble, and in a depressed economy, people will want to trade goods rather than directly receive money oftentimes (goods being food, clothing, even shelter). There is also a nostalgia with hands on currency, and you will be able to barter for more with paying less in such an economy by using plain and simply cash.
2. Save money. Save money now so that when you may possibly lose your job, which will happen to a ton of people, you will have a backup fund to last you for at least a few months. Also, if you have an ample supply of barterable goods, these may be worth more than they cost to begin with in such an economy.
3. Help others. Always help others, because one day they may help you. Also, if you are known to be a person to assist others, if you are in trouble yourself one day, there will be a great many people who will go out of their way to help you.
4. Watch the news. Be wary of new leaders and change in foreign and your governments. Be wary of new nationalistic governments. Keep an eye out for wars brewing in your part of the world, and be prepared to evacuate to another country if need be.
5. Don't be scammed! Don't pay for some way to get rich quick or for some way of getting out of debt in 3 months! Scams will be commonplace, and you must look out for all of them. Be wary of scam artists.
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We're doomed...
posted at 05:40 pm on 10-07-2008
OK, I believe the worldwide stock market will crash this week. It seems self evident to me. It is something that can and must happen.
Boy, that sucks, you might say. Or you may wonder what high I'm on to say something as outlandish as this.
Well, yes, it will suck. And, I simply have a darn good gut feeling about this. I get such gut feelings about things not to often, but they are most often right.
Now, what does it mean, stock market crash? Most economic analysts would mean that we have a negative downturn. That's because they are idiots and won't use the correct terminology until its too late to do something about it - we are in a depression. Yes, we are in a worldwide depression even now, and its about to really turn for the worst.
Now, people might think that a society like the United States will be buffered from the effects. You are stupid and wrong! What about credit? What about bank failures? What about business being tied to everything? All of this collapses, this nation will be back in the 30s! Nations like China will suffer no better fate. They will collapse in the same manner as the US did in 1929 - an industrial economy is very vulnerable to economic downturns. But for one of this scale, everyone and everything is vulnerable.
$700 billion only serves to destroy our chances of recovery, to quicken our fall, by simply telling the investors that the government has no confidence in the system - if the government has no confidence in the market up to $700 billion, then why invest your money in that market? Pull it out! And pull it out they will and they are! $700 billion in the market only serves to see the market collapse like never before - no confidence in the system and the system will fall.
My next blog entry is to be about survival in the next decade or so, the times of trouble, the next Depression.
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Aspie NT dating part 2 (or else personal take)
posted at 05:28 pm on 10-07-2008
I have personally dated only an Aspie and an NT. From what I can tell, I don't believe that relationships with NT's is very soluble. They are chaotic, they think differently, they are illogical, and they tend to run in packs of hundreds. We on the other hand tend to be the opposite, and don't wish to be dragged out of our perfection into some "enlightened" state of NT purification.
I only want to be with someone who can understand what it is LIKE to be an Aspie. I don't want understanding, I want them to KNOW the condition, to understand what I go through, and to above all else not want to drag me out of my comfort zone just to satisfy their demands.
Perhaps there are NT's like that. Perhaps the one I'm dating would do that for me. It is a lot to ask of someone who is an NT. I personally don't think they're capable of it, that they neither have the heart nor the brains for this.
I will stick it out in whatever relationship I have right now, for the moment. I am worried, but I will stick it out partly as an experimental test for the above mentioned dilema.
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Do NT's make better mates for Aspies than other Aspies?
posted at 06:01 am on 10-05-2008
Short answer is.... it depends.
If you get your typical NT in a relationship with your typical Aspie, than probably not. There can be misunderstanding, miscommunication, and there will likely, though not definately, be a breakup.
However, get an NT with something else going on, say they have had to live with a disease of some kind all their life or have a little brother with autism, then things change... the level of understanding goes up to the point that they will stick around through the hard times, they will try to make this work, as will the Aspie in their sympathy (in the disease case).
But, Aspies with Aspies probably would work best, depending on various factors. Why is obvious - mutual understanding of each other's quirks and mannerisms, their various things they do, etc. Aspies should be able to live lives together in harmony better than NT and Aspie pairs any day of the week, theoretically. But, the harmony only existed with my Aspie girlfriend for a period of months, and then the first bump in the road sent us apart. A similar bump in the road is approaching for my NT girlfriend, and I know that if we are still together by then, we will only grow stronger as a couple because of it. My point being, theory is only as good as practice.
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Texting should be banned outright
posted at 11:42 pm on 10-01-2008
It has been determined that the engineer for the train in the LA train crash that killed so many people a couple of weeks ago was texting 22 seconds before the crash.
As happens before so many crashes - texting, it has been found, is more dangerous to driving than anything you could possibly do other than simply being stupid and intentionally driving into another car. It is horribly dangerous. It destroys valuable work time, it kills people due to their distractions, and now it has killed dozens in a train crash. It is a plague on our society, and I want the texting option banned from cellular tower distribution. I want cell phone companies to stop broadcasting texting, and effectively kill this option dead in its tracks.
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Apparently I'm too aggressive a person...
posted at 01:12 pm on 09-29-2008
Apparently I'm too aggressive a person. Apparently, getting agitated with three people in six weeks, six weeks where I've been uprooted from home for the first time in my life, and where I'm now 8 hours away from any real support, is a sign of a bad temper. There's also the fact that one of the people is the scheduler for my work assignments, a fellow TA, and kept screwing up the schedule to the point that I was worried I messed up things so bad I would be fired. So I sent a not so nice e-mail to this point to him. I've seen several people vent at him for him screwing things up, but because I have Asperger's, its me who gets the blame for all of it.
I also happened to get frustrated with someone telling me I was wrong about a problem one week. I only so much as mumbled and stormed out the room, but still, this was a homework problem that I needed help with, and they were providing very little, and started so much as harassing me on it.
Finally, every time I say I need to find something to eat, I may complain a bit about it, and everyone tells me to just find something to eat. I don't own a car and the nearest food is a ten minute walk away (and that's the student center, actual fast food is a twenty minute walk or 7 minutes on a bike and thirty minutes to recover either way). I am too busy and too far from any grocery store to go out and buy food right now. So, when they say "go and get food" it really frustrates me, it is rude and not at all to the point. So I griped up a storm at the last person to tell me this - and they were the last person. I got my point across.
I don't see how these events are me being overly aggressive or being a jerk or blowing up. When I blow up I yell and screw at the top of my lungs and throw the closest object with full force. I haven't done that for quite some time. This seems to me to be just one bad week (I ran out of one of my meds for five days four weeks ago) and the results of it. It also seems to be me responding to the poor behavior of others, in large part. I have a right to do that, you know. I haven't threatened anyone, I have treated everyone fairly, and I have been very nice and kind to everyone who has been a good person during this time. I haven't gone out of my way to be mean, I only do this when someone goes out of their way to be unfair or mean towards me.
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My idea for creating a systematic mass transit system in the US
posted at 01:31 pm on 09-28-2008
I am tired of biking and nearly gettng run over by cars. I want $50 a gallon gas!! But, in the mean time, I'd prefer it if we had a mass transit system here in the US by which I could not have to bike, or else I wouldn't have to be so worrisome about being hit all the time.
Back to trolleys.
Back in the day, streets had these tracks on them, and they had these cars that ran on them, and these were called trolleys.
Why not today?? We have an extensive highway network, we have paved roads and roads that essentially have good degree and slope everywhere in the US, its just in a tiny fraction of the country where this isn't the case, why can't we just build a universal trolley system?
And control it by some sort of AI or something??
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My High School Experience
posted at 01:26 pm on 09-28-2008
I just realized that I possibly had a one of a kind high school experience. Possibly. I use the term lightly, and in the abstract notation.
Now, my high school experience had something that many other people, just in general, lack. It had Justin. The guy who taught me so much about socializing, about being out of the box, about humor, sarcasm, who took me under his wing, who made a point to get me out of my little metaphorical box I created for myself, the hole I dug where I would never get out of, because I did not understand the world around me, and I chose to believe that socializing was evil, and that friends were unncessary, and that Asperger's syndrome, at least so far as the symptoms of it, were the best thing since sliced bread.
And I got to taste in those two years that he was at that high school, what reality was, and understand what a social life was, and that I may have autism, but I don't have to live with it. I can choose to live without it. I can choose to fight the symptoms, to tackle this disorder, and to tear it to shreds, keep the good parts, remove the bad parts, and in the end, I am left with the true me.
Please know that I am by no means advocating anything with the last paragraph other than having more self-will and determination towards your own treatment. Attitude can do great things, especially when it filters down to other actions. That is my point in this, and my point in how I got past where I was then.
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Dealing with bugs
posted at 04:20 pm on 09-27-2008
I wonder if anyone else with Asperger's has issues with gnats - the tiny fly-like bugs that just fly around in strange patterns, and typically are attracted to you when you are stressed or sweaty. I have found that I am a magnet for these little insects, and that they are the most bothersome things the world can produce. They overload the senses like crazy - swarms get up in your face and dart back and forth, so small you cannot track them, only when they are in front of a light source. These bugs tend to send me swatting away at my face, walking briskly or running away, even though I am actually intrigued by bugs and not afraid of them. Every psychologist I have ever been to made a point to try to treat me for bug phobia because of this - every flying bug has this effect on me to some degree, the buzzing ones tend to trigger problems via auditory overload rather than visual overload. Crawling bugs tend to trigger problems via tactile overload. I tend to deal with them better because its just a matter of swatting a few times. You cannot really swat at a bee, lest it sting you back again, so I've learned that its best to just repress as best you can any instinct you have, just stand there and let it pass you by or even sniff you out for a minute or two. Even the yellow jackets and hornets aren't going to sting some immobile object, maybe just sniff it out for a few minutes and go on their merry business. I guess the main lesson I've learned in trying to supress the fight or flight response is that most bugs can be ignored to a certain extent, even considering the sensory aspect of things, and for the one that can't, there is something to be said for my own personal self control.
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Maybe found someone to date??????????
posted at 02:12 pm on 09-27-2008
Well, I have been searching for a long time for someone to be my future Mrs. However, I have ran into a problem, one which I just identified about three days ago - I have been overanalyzing women, patterns, the whole situation, in order to see who I should date, always coming up empty or with a dozen at a time, and always with women whom I never really want to be with on a deep personal level.
I then just had the epiphany, one of many in my life, that I should stop thinking about things, just go with the flow, so to speak. I did, as it turns out, within about a few seconds of making such a judgment I started to realize things. The three women I thought I was interested in, that I was confused about, I was not in the least interested in - I was interested in the pattern, the scope of an equation, nothing more, nothing less. Then it hit me, I was interested in someone but had been covering it up. I had been interested in them for close to five weeks. And they seemed very interested in me.
But, here I am, I may or may not act on this. I already talked to a friend who really is more experienced in the field of dating and has gotten married recently - a true veteran who won the battle. However, I have a serious issue with taking the first step - I don't want to unless I know that they aren't dating anyone else. I just don't want to try. Especially if they are in a serious relationship. I have a problem with finding out. I don't want to ask - it is rude, in my book. So I am left at step one, which is I know that she is perfect for me, I could go into details, but it is one of those issues where your heart can tell when you let go of the details. I simply have the problem of being too scared to take another step and date her.
I wonder if that is a major issue for Aspies???
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One Day
posted at 11:07 pm on 09-26-2008
One Day...
I will be married to a beautiful woman, have three or four wonderful children, perhaps five if we have time, and maybe have grandchidren.
One Day...
I will be President of the United States of America. I kid you not, I already have a running platform planned out for 2020.
One Day...
I will be the first person to walk on an extrasolar planet.
I will fund exploration, exploitation, and colonization of the local Cosmos.
One Day...
I will build a PHASER!!! Ok, main goal, energy independence, wipe out fossil fuels as viable energy resources, develop "adequate" propulsion technologies, etc.
One Day I can achieve all that I put my mind to, if I have the work ethic to achieve it.
Andy
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I want a phaser for Christmas
posted at 10:58 pm on 09-26-2008
And not the stinking phase pistol that Captain Archer has!!
I want to build a phaser in the next 5 years. I know it will probably be 50 meters long, require the whole Tennessee Valley Authority to power the thing, and go ~~~ Sizzle ~~~ pop and melt a cm wide hole in a piece of aluminum foil, but still, I WANT A PHASER!!!
"And as he stood there, his hand tremoring on the level, which had the ability to give or take life away from his machine, he realized that this simple level also could give and take life away from Humanity as a whole. And he stood there, listening to the beat of its heart, the inevitable drum of Death, as a thousand torches awaited, the inevitable demise of Man."
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Introduction to Me
posted at 03:24 pm on 09-03-2008
I figure as a first blog, I need to set up a new "about me" section, to at least have some background on future blog posts.
I am 23, I have a BS in physics, which I got when I was 21, but did not know the application processes (always applied two months late) so I did not get into a graduate program until this year. I am working on a MS physics degree, which I want to switch over to PhD physics by taking and passing the comps this January. I want to also work on research, which I am getting ready to start, particularly in advanced and theoretical propulsion systems. I am a TA at my university right now, and this is a very confusing time for me, both being away from home and also with the massive amount of scheduling I have to do. I am fair to good with social skills, I have been told by people that I blend in to the point that they would not guess there is any difference between me and another person. I make it a point to strike up conversation when I can and to avoid it when that is necessary. Still, AS can, quite often in fact, cause many troubles that other people lack. I have trouble recognizing friend from foe, and I am very paranoid of everybody around me because I cannot tell if they are just going about their business or possibly a threat. The frightening part is I probably wouldn't recognize the real threat, which is what usually happens in my life, and then I have troubles from that. I was diagnosed in 1998, but there were preliminary diagnosis as early as 1994 - ADD leading to PDD-NOS in 1995 leading to AS in 1998. When they diagnosed me with PDD-NOS in 1995/96, they knew very well then that I had AS, but it was so unknown at that time in the US that it was brushed over for the other diagnosis. The ADD was before even PDD was well known.
I hope that I can post some stuff on my life and some advice and opinions on getting past several obstacles in AS. I had many bad parts with my AS that I eventually got over, or at least suppressed to where they do not affect me as much. I want to share how to get past these things, at least how I got past them. I had many people helping me along the way - this is perhaps one of the best ways to get past these obstacles. Please at least look into local support groups, disability support services at your school, or college, and look into all avenues possible, because I did, and I went from near the upper-moderate functioning part of the ASD scale to approaching that line that for some reason defines "normal" in about a decade (or in other words, about the length of time required to get a PhD and do your post-doc).
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