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NowhereWoman
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Posts: 87
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 Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:20 pm Post subject: Hard time w/son's stims b/c of own sensory issues |
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I didn't want to put this on the Parents board because that's largely for NTs and although they mean well, I doubt they'd get this.
My son is "classically" autistic. I'm not...but my auditory sensory (avoiding, not seeking) issues are HUGE. I can not stand mouth sounds...like eating. The rage and horror I feel is almost unspeakable. I try to eat alone now, and I leave the room if someone else is snacking.
Well, ironically, my son's stims are ALL...yes, oral. He sucks his teeth and the like. OH, I CAN NOT STAND IT. I am almost in tears right now listening to him in the tub, sucking and sucking and clicking and clicking. I can physically feel it, like an assault. Unfortunately, it's not occasional. It's all day long, literally.
Why couldn't he just flap his hands like a normal autist.  Kidding.........sort of. He won't suck on a straw (which is quieter) instead; he won't blow a whistle. He flat-out refuses. His language is very limited, though...so I have no idea why.
I don't know what to do. If I wear ear plugs I won't hear when he and my youngest are doing things that are bound to cause trouble. I have tried asking--even begging--him to go to another room to stim. He won't. He stares at me blankly. What can I do???? I do understand the stimming...it's just that it's the VERY worst, most emotionally and physically assaultive (I can't explain this, but it feels like a rape) sensory thing I can imagine.
Help...please help... |
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sbwilson
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 11, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 187
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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This drives me mad as well. I don't have the answers that you're looking for, but I can certainly relate. Just yesterday I had to excuse myself, stand in the kitchen with both hands on the counter trying my very best not to explode at the sound of my son eating whatever it was he was snacking on.
Just this morning, I snapped at him to shut up! In front of Nana, this appeared rude, but I told her I understand that he's not saying anything rude, or anything really at all (he was yelling to the cat repeatedly through the screen of our front door) ....but the sound of his voice going off constantly with no real purpose was making me nuts.
I'll be checking back to this thread to see if you get any good advice  ~
Good luck and hang tight. |
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NowhereWoman
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you, thank you sbwilson, simply for understanding. I hate feeling like a monster as a mother...b/c well...if my son WERE NT then it would almost be not as bad for me to tell him to stop (and I do!!! So don't feel bad about that...it gets to that point)...b/c he probably could control it in that case, particularly with eating, simply by eating with his mouth closed.
But it being a stim is the hard part...if I tell him to stop, it's like telling him not to blink when he had something in his eye or not to scratch a horrible itch. The times he does try to control it (poor guy), I can almost feel his pressure building...so awful. So it's really conflicting and really hard...and with his current level of understanding of other people's responses (though he's academically very bright!) there's no way I can explain the effect this has on me for my own issues.
Thanks again for hearing me. |
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activebutodd
Phoenix
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Joined: May 30, 2009
Posts: 807
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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Oh god I know. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's like rape, but I can't STAND mindless noise. Especially if it's repetitive and/or constant. I can stand some noise and not resent it so much if it's for a purpose, like a washing machine, but I know someone who constantly cough clears their throat as a habit, and it goes on for a decent chunk of time. *ah00m ... ah00m... gulp ... ah00m ... ah00m .... ah00m* You get the picture. It's so hard to focus on anything but that sound. And if it becomes irregular, somehow you spend that second of silence just waiting for it to happen again. 
Argh. I don't know how you manage. All I can think is to lift him and put him in his room to get on with it it, leave the room yourself, or find something else for him to put in his mouth that would feel the same but be quieter. I'm trying it out now, and I notice that the feeling of sucking teeth has a more satisfying resistance than sucking a straw would have. So maybe a pacifier? (Aka a 'dummy'.) Nuk brand are shaped so he won't get buck teeth from them, and if you're desperate you could put some honey on it so he might be more likely to stim using that.
I hope this helps. |
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3854
Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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If earplugs help, but you have to be able to listen to your kids, can you put all of you in the same room most of the time so you can watch them instead? If the little one is a baby then it is just a matter of moving a crib or a playpen...
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Reports from a Resident Alien:
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NowhereWoman
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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Activebutodd, I had NEVER thought of a pacifier. What a great idea. A really great idea! I am going to see if I can go dig one out. I must still have one somewhere.
Callista, the little one is three years old and speech delayed but probably not ASD. They love to be together. I just can't separate them, which is pretty cute...but OTOH...which means that they think I'm punishing them if I separate them. But I can start working toward seeing how I might accomplish that subtly...Thank you... |
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Psygirl6
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 28, 2009
Age: 30
Posts: 236
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:10 pm Post subject: |
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Nowhere Woman,
I have the same problems with noise, especially eating sounds from other people. That is why I need to literally isolate and since I was a child had to eat alone. When I am around others,because of the noises, i am unable to eat and even cry sometimes. I know how the noises feel like rape. because that is how it is for me, as well.Like I am being punched kicked, and attacked in my ears and mind. I can never go anywhere to eat and I dread family outings and eating out events, besides the fact that I also have food intolerance. I have problems with noises, especially from the male gender. With females, not really, but certain pitches of coughing and sneezing would bother me from females, but not all. the males it is everything coughing sneezing, most noises and even most male voices. I have a very hard time with my dad because every noise plus the sound of his voice is unbearable to a point that I was not able to have any relationship with him. i do feel guilty about that, now that I am older. as much as I try, i have to go home and be isolated from noise for a whole entire day after I have been with him. I have the same problem with my housemates and all males. Ironically, the only male voice I do not have problem with are the "gay" type who have female voices or lisps. The macho men, forget it I am pretty much gone. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13241
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:49 pm Post subject: Re: Hard time w/son's stims b/c of own sensory issues |
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| NowhereWoman wrote: | I didn't want to put this on the Parents board because that's largely for NTs and although they mean well, I doubt they'd get this.
My son is "classically" autistic. I'm not...but my auditory sensory (avoiding, not seeking) issues are HUGE. I can not stand mouth sounds...like eating. The rage and horror I feel is almost unspeakable. I try to eat alone now, and I leave the room if someone else is snacking.
Well, ironically, my son's stims are ALL...yes, oral. He sucks his teeth and the like. OH, I CAN NOT STAND IT. I am almost in tears right now listening to him in the tub, sucking and sucking and clicking and clicking. I can physically feel it, like an assault. Unfortunately, it's not occasional. It's all day long, literally.
Why couldn't he just flap his hands like a normal autist. Kidding.........sort of. He won't suck on a straw (which is quieter) instead; he won't blow a whistle. He flat-out refuses. His language is very limited, though...so I have no idea why.
I don't know what to do. If I wear ear plugs I won't hear when he and my youngest are doing things that are bound to cause trouble. I have tried asking--even begging--him to go to another room to stim. He won't. He stares at me blankly. What can I do???? I do understand the stimming...it's just that it's the VERY worst, most emotionally and physically assaultive (I can't explain this, but it feels like a rape) sensory thing I can imagine.
Help...please help... |
You can at least retire the idea that it is like rape. I am certainly not denying you are affected adversely by the situation, and I am not saying it isn't very difficult for you. But having been raped, I would like to suggest your situation is somewhat less in intensity as the real thing.
that said, I would like to welcome you to WrongPlanet.net. this site is awesome.
Merle
_________________
where sin abounds, grace abounds the more;
Non omnis moriar |
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NowhereWoman
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:51 pm Post subject: Re: Hard time w/son's stims b/c of own sensory issues |
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| sinsboldly wrote: | | NowhereWoman wrote: | I didn't want to put this on the Parents board because that's largely for NTs and although they mean well, I doubt they'd get this.
My son is "classically" autistic. I'm not...but my auditory sensory (avoiding, not seeking) issues are HUGE. I can not stand mouth sounds...like eating. The rage and horror I feel is almost unspeakable. I try to eat alone now, and I leave the room if someone else is snacking.
Well, ironically, my son's stims are ALL...yes, oral. He sucks his teeth and the like. OH, I CAN NOT STAND IT. I am almost in tears right now listening to him in the tub, sucking and sucking and clicking and clicking. I can physically feel it, like an assault. Unfortunately, it's not occasional. It's all day long, literally.
Why couldn't he just flap his hands like a normal autist. Kidding.........sort of. He won't suck on a straw (which is quieter) instead; he won't blow a whistle. He flat-out refuses. His language is very limited, though...so I have no idea why.
I don't know what to do. If I wear ear plugs I won't hear when he and my youngest are doing things that are bound to cause trouble. I have tried asking--even begging--him to go to another room to stim. He won't. He stares at me blankly. What can I do???? I do understand the stimming...it's just that it's the VERY worst, most emotionally and physically assaultive (I can't explain this, but it feels like a rape) sensory thing I can imagine.
Help...please help... |
You can at least retire the idea that it is like rape. I am certainly not denying you are affected adversely by the situation, and I am not saying it isn't very difficult for you. But having been raped, I would like to suggest your situation is somewhat less in intensity as the real thing.
that said, I would like to welcome you to WrongPlanet.net. this site is awesome.
Merle |
My dear, I too have been raped, and over a long period of time with nobody to believe me, so I beg to differ with you: I do know how it feels. I would not have been able to make the parallel if I hadn't; I'd have had no idea otherwise.
The intensity (the physical feeling...yes, it is physically there...are you ASD? Do you have sensory issues? Hard to explain if you don't, but I don't know that so I'm asking) is absolutely there...I have literally gone to my knees. Also the emotional feeling of being absolutely trapped, not being "allowed" to strike back (instinctive), being forced, by surprise and out of the blue each and every time, to feel something horrifying and having no recourse at least in the exact moment, and having nobody you can tell, etc. are all absolutely there. It is in fact extremely similar at least at the immediate moment; one can logic oneself out of something after the fact, but by then the feelings have already overtaken the person (in this case, me) so the hurt has happened, and in my case, happens multiple times a day. Hopefully that clarifies that comment.
Thank you for the welcome to WP. |
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Ligea_Seroua
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2009
Posts: 555
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:50 pm Post subject: |
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My son also Autism, me AS, and I have a hard time too with the noise (humming, echolalia, shouting, repeating the same things again and again in different pitch) -I feel sick at the end of the day. I'm also very touch aversive, my son bucks all the stereotypes by being very huggy, always needs to be near (i.e. right next to) HAS to hold my hand , climb on me. I always feel mauled and dragged about. And in this hot weather, it's particularly uncomfortable.
No surprise my stress levels are through the roof and I have cardiac dysrhythmias. Thank goodness for school (him) and studies (me) I would be a wreck otherwise.
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Other people are people too.
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MomofTom
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2006
Posts: 704
Location: Where normalcy and bad puns collide
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 9:17 pm Post subject: Re: Hard time w/son's stims b/c of own sensory issues |
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| NowhereWoman wrote: | I didn't want to put this on the Parents board because that's largely for NTs and although they mean well, I doubt they'd get this.
My son is "classically" autistic. I'm not...but my auditory sensory (avoiding, not seeking) issues are HUGE. I can not stand mouth sounds...like eating. The rage and horror I feel is almost unspeakable. I try to eat alone now, and I leave the room if someone else is snacking.
Well, ironically, my son's stims are ALL...yes, oral. He sucks his teeth and the like. OH, I CAN NOT STAND IT. I am almost in tears right now listening to him in the tub, sucking and sucking and clicking and clicking. I can physically feel it, like an assault. Unfortunately, it's not occasional. It's all day long, literally.
Why couldn't he just flap his hands like a normal autist. Kidding.........sort of. He won't suck on a straw (which is quieter) instead; he won't blow a whistle. He flat-out refuses. His language is very limited, though...so I have no idea why.
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Such is the case in our house. My son and I are both Aspie, but he likes to create noise to stim with while I avoid it like the plague. The only thing that keeps me in check is thinking that God must surely have one wicked sense of humor! Like other posters, I also cannot stand eating, throaty or breathing sounds.
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Apathy is a dominant gene. Mutate. |
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sbwilson
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 11, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 187
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 9:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Ligea_Seroua wrote: | | No surprise my stress levels are through the roof and I have cardiac dysrhythmias. |
Me too! |
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3854
Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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That has something to do with stress? I mean, I know it's common for people's hearts to occasionally skip a beat, or go irregular for a few beats, but I didn't know it was connected to stress...
Hmm...
_________________
Engineering student. Gamer. Christian. Asexual. Information Addict. Deal with it!
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13241
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:42 am Post subject: Re: Hard time w/son's stims b/c of own sensory issues |
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| NowhereWoman wrote: | | sinsboldly wrote: | | NowhereWoman wrote: | I didn't want to put this on the Parents board because that's largely for NTs and although they mean well, I doubt they'd get this.
My son is "classically" autistic. I'm not...but my auditory sensory (avoiding, not seeking) issues are HUGE. I can not stand mouth sounds...like eating. The rage and horror I feel is almost unspeakable. I try to eat alone now, and I leave the room if someone else is snacking.
Well, ironically, my son's stims are ALL...yes, oral. He sucks his teeth and the like. OH, I CAN NOT STAND IT. I am almost in tears right now listening to him in the tub, sucking and sucking and clicking and clicking. I can physically feel it, like an assault. Unfortunately, it's not occasional. It's all day long, literally.
Why couldn't he just flap his hands like a normal autist. Kidding.........sort of. He won't suck on a straw (which is quieter) instead; he won't blow a whistle. He flat-out refuses. His language is very limited, though...so I have no idea why.
I don't know what to do. If I wear ear plugs I won't hear when he and my youngest are doing things that are bound to cause trouble. I have tried asking--even begging--him to go to another room to stim. He won't. He stares at me blankly. What can I do???? I do understand the stimming...it's just that it's the VERY worst, most emotionally and physically assaultive (I can't explain this, but it feels like a rape) sensory thing I can imagine.
Help...please help... |
You can at least retire the idea that it is like rape. I am certainly not denying you are affected adversely by the situation, and I am not saying it isn't very difficult for you. But having been raped, I would like to suggest your situation is somewhat less in intensity as the real thing.
that said, I would like to welcome you to WrongPlanet.net. this site is awesome.
Merle |
My dear, I too have been raped, and over a long period of time with nobody to believe me, so I beg to differ with you: I do know how it feels. I would not have been able to make the parallel if I hadn't; I'd have had no idea otherwise.
The intensity (the physical feeling...yes, it is physically there...are you ASD? Do you have sensory issues? Hard to explain if you don't, but I don't know that so I'm asking)
Thank you for the welcome to WP. |
yes, I am ASD. You can tell because if you click on my name to the left of this post it will take you to my profile that shows my diagnosis. We all have that option, to tell others if we are on the spectrum, and I chose to answer the rating truthfully. Most people do and you can look and see to whom you are addressing. There is even one for being neurotypical!
You are welcome for the welcome, this site is awesome!
Merle
_________________
where sin abounds, grace abounds the more;
Non omnis moriar |
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ignisfatuus
Toucan
Joined: Feb 06, 2008
Posts: 291
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 4:08 am Post subject: |
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Having ASD and sensory issues don't necessarily go hand in hand. Actually, exceptional hearing is relatively rare, or so two AS experts said at a PDD conference in Vancouver last October.
Mouth noises drive me f***ing apeshit as well.
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"The world is only as deep as we can see. This is why fools think themselves profound." - R. Scott Bakker, The Judging Eye |
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