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Geek38
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 21, 2009
Posts: 5
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 Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:55 am Post subject: Hi from a new member |
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Hi. I've been reading the forum posts for awhile now and have decided to post. I've not been diagnosed with Asperger's but I strongly identify with much of what is posted here and other reading material I've studied.
Since I was about 11 years of age (now thirty-eight) I have had persasive social difficulties which have only gotten worse in some ways. What's difficult for others to understand, I don't care for the behavior generally associated with women even though I am female. I'm not a very emotional person and I definitely do not like drama of any kind. I also do not like gossip or other catty behavior and most other women describe me as cold. There are some women I like but only if they don't engage in any of the aforementioned behavior.  At the moment I have some acquaintances but no real friends other than my husband of 15 years. My husband definitely seems to have some Asperger's traits himself and also tends to be the loner type. I tend to get along with men better as for the most part they seem less judgmental than a lot of women I've known.
For as long as I can remember I seem to be the type of person who just got ignored and trying to have a social life, at least during adulthood, seems way too much for me to handle. It's too intricate and way too many details for me to deal with. Feels exhausting just thinking about it. I've never felt like I've fit in any where and at times it bothers me but for the most part I don't mind. I even get ignored for the most part on Facebook I would disable my account there but my seemingly NT daughter (18 years old) who is away at college likes to keep in touch (share pictures, etc) that way and seems to get irritated when I mention ditching my account. I have some old friends/coworkers on there but for the most part Facebook seems like a virtual high school - and my real high school I was happy to leave 20+ years ago.
I also have a tendency to become obsessed with things and I used to tend towards meltdowns but there has been less of that since I started taking anti-depressants a few years ago. I still deal with obsessions but I really don't mind and if they bug anyone else, oh well. I took a quiz on here (listed on another part of the forum) and scored 40. The scoring key indicated 80% of those scoring 32 or above would likely be diagnosed with Asperger's. I would seek out an official diagnosis but I don't know if receiving this hwould make my life any different or better. Could confirm what I tend to believe already. For now I'm just happy to see I'm not the only one out there.  |
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Tim_Tex
Richard Nixon Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 30
Posts: 34178
Location: Houston, Texas (interim)
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:59 am Post subject: |
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Welcome to WP!
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"I am not a crook!"
"I shall resign from the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in at that hour, in this office." |
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SpiritBlooms
Raven
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Age: 53
Posts: 105
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 2:18 am Post subject: Re: Hi from a new member |
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| Geek38 wrote: | | For as long as I can remember I seem to be the type of person who just got ignored and trying to have a social life, at least during adulthood, seems way too much for me to handle. It's too intricate and way too many details for me to deal with. Feels exhausting just thinking about it. I've never felt like I've fit in any where and at times it bothers me but for the most part I don't mind. |
I can identify so strongly with those statements!
Welcome! I'm new here too.
I'm interested that you mention your husband. I'm not diagnosed either, but I suspect both my husband and myself have the traits of AS. I also wonder about both my parents. I wonder if Aspies tend to be drawn to each other as mates? |
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i_wanna_blue
otherworld
Joined: Aug 10, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 6057
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:12 am Post subject: |
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| Welcome to WP, Geek 38. |
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BruceCM
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 09, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 368
Location: Exeter, England
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:52 am Post subject: |
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Hi & welcome! 
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The answer to the question "what is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything" is - what is the question!? |
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c3po
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 21, 2009
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:40 am Post subject: |
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Welcome, Geek38, from another emu egg (now there's a nickname I haven't heard before!)
You sound a lot like me. The things a lot of women do to socially connect are like a foreign language to me (for instance, a group of friends can't seem to make a trip to Walmart without all calling each other to discuss their plans, coordinate their outfits, and go in a gaggle.)
I've been accused of being "stuck up" many times but the truth of the matter is that - if I can't think of something to say--I don't say it!  Hubby knows all about my social difficulties but the discussion of AS pretty much goes along the lines of, "You're telling me you have...ass burgers?"
Glad you found the forum here and hope to hear more from you. |
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Scientist
Chick
Joined: Nov 07, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 1029
Location: Sittard, the Netherlands
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:13 am Post subject: |
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Hello Geek38,
I also recognise things you wrote about yourself compared to most women's social behaviour. Welcome to WrongPlanet!
To my opinion having ASS officially diagnosed is valuable. It can help explaining certain behaviour and experiences, and it can help explaining about yourself to others, provided that these others will understand about ASS, and knowing it yourself can be useful in future situations.
Anyway, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!
_________________
ASD: Asperger's Syndrome (diagnosed: October 22, 2009), ADHD partner
Interests: science, experimental psychology, psychophysics, music (listening and playing (guitar)) and visual arts
Don't focus on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths |
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budgenator
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Aug 03, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 180
Location: SE Michigan
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:15 am Post subject: Re: Hi from a new member |
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| Geek38 wrote: | | I would seek out an official diagnosis but I don't know if receiving this hwould make my life any different or better. Could confirm what I tend to believe already. For now I'm just happy to see I'm not the only one out there. |
Hi and welcome, the consensus on an official Dx, diagnosis, in adulthood seems to be it's not worth the money to get one unless you need to get on disability or have some coexisting issues . We know what areas that we need help to fit in with the NT's and whether the cost-effort/benefit ratio is there and can do that independent of a Dx.
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"I feel like a stranger in my own life" |
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JetLag
California Condor
Joined: Aug 08, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 3153
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:44 am Post subject: |
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Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, Geek38.
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Stung by the splendor of a sudden thought. ~ Robert Browning
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Geek38
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 21, 2009
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:26 pm Post subject: Re: Hi from a new member |
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| SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Geek38 wrote: | | For as long as I can remember I seem to be the type of person who just got ignored and trying to have a social life, at least during adulthood, seems way too much for me to handle. It's too intricate and way too many details for me to deal with. Feels exhausting just thinking about it. I've never felt like I've fit in any where and at times it bothers me but for the most part I don't mind. |
I can identify so strongly with those statements!
Welcome! I'm new here too.
I'm interested that you mention your husband. I'm not diagnosed either, but I suspect both my husband and myself have the traits of AS. I also wonder about both my parents. I wonder if Aspies tend to be drawn to each other as mates? |
Hi Spirit Blooms,
I'm not sure if those with Asperger's are drawn to one another but it certainly has made life easier for me in my marriage. My husband puts absolutely no pressure on me to socialize with friends or family and we have a LOT in common. We can also go all day and be in the same room with one another but not feel any need to talk. Not that I mind talking but there are days where I/we just have nothing to say. I'm not the type to talk 'just because'.
I strongly suspect my dad is Asperger's and I know my mother is a flaming extrovert NT and their marriage lasted a miserable 3 years (from what I've been told). My mom has actually been married and divorced three times and her last husband of 20 years I also suspect was Asperger's. My first husband/daughter's father was much like my mom (extroverted, liked to party/drink too much) and he and I were only married a couple of years before I left him - his partying and other facets of his life drove me crazy. I should have known better but we were both pretty young.
My father claims he was so 'traumatized' by being married to my mom and he has only been in one LTR since that time, and that was a long time ago. I suspect my dad uses this excuse to explain his hermit-like existence to others who he deems are judgmental of his lifestyle. Which is fine with me, either way really, because I can also see how someone like my mom would drive my dad crazy. LOL, she tends to drive me nuts too and I limit my contact with her for that and other reasons. Pretty easy to do since she lives 2500 miles away from me and mostly interested in just herself (bordering on narcissism). My mother and I have huge issues with one another and we don't communicate beyond the occasional email.
When I met my now husband I immediately felt 'at home'. I really can't imagine being married to anyone who is NT, or anyone else for that matter. We don't have a ton of friends and our social life has happily dwindled over the years - I think people grew tired of trying to get us to do things with them, LOL. I wouldn't change the way things are, that's for sure - I just have a hard time coping in other areas, such as work. |
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Geek38
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 21, 2009
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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| c3po wrote: | Welcome, Geek38, from another emu egg (now there's a nickname I haven't heard before!)
You sound a lot like me. The things a lot of women do to socially connect are like a foreign language to me (for instance, a group of friends can't seem to make a trip to Walmart without all calling each other to discuss their plans, coordinate their outfits, and go in a gaggle.)
I've been accused of being "stuck up" many times but the truth of the matter is that - if I can't think of something to say--I don't say it! Hubby knows all about my social difficulties but the discussion of AS pretty much goes along the lines of, "You're telling me you have...ass burgers?"
Glad you found the forum here and hope to hear more from you. |
Hi c3po,
I can definitely get a good snicker over typical women needing to go everywhere in a gaggle !! I cannot imagine doing that and it honestly makes me feel tired imagining what that might be like. I just think about all the time wasted on a scenario like that - by the time they got done with their phone calls about their trip to Wal-mart, I'd already be back home and irritated I had to go to Wal-mart in the first place.
I've had friends over the years but I generally prefer to be alone or with my husband. I have an 18 year old daughter from my first marriage and she is 'more NT' but we get along pretty well. She's young and has a lot of friends, a boyfriend, and is in college an hour north of here, so we don't see her too often. I think she wishes I was more social because she says people get the wrong impression of me. Apparently her boyfriend's mother, whom I've met only once a few months back, thinks I'm stuck-up and that I seem "cold." Generally speaking, I believe this is the impression I leave on most people, especially NT women so I'm used to it. However, what does tend to bother me about these judgments is that the people making these statements never seem to examine their own personality for flaws, but I've come to realize over the years that this is the way of the world for the most part. Such is life.
Additionally - thanks to everyone else for the nice welcome to WP!  |
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superboyian
Dynasty Warriors Kid!!
Joined: Sep 10, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 8891
Location: London
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richie
Ye Olde Bookwyrme
Joined: Jan 10, 2007
Age: 51
Posts: 20171
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
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Oisin
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 24, 2009
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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| hi, Geek, I identify with you. I don't like that women gossip either. If you don't have anything constructive to say why can't they ne quiet? My cat Missy is protesting and staring at me now. All those giggling girls? |
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xalepax
Random Videomaker
Joined: Feb 25, 2009
Posts: 1850
Location: YouTube
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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Hiya Geek and warmly welcome to the forum!
I also recognise myself a lot in your into text concerning social life and about Facebook!!
I hope you will like this place and feel yourself at home with us
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I am female and 35, these are My words: *be yourself and try your best*
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