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Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts?
Posted on Sunday, May 21 @ 20:39:44 EDT by | 
Dear Aspie:
“I am a social worker working with a 13-year-old-boy with Asperger's. He wants to learn martial arts, in part because he's in a rough school and gets bullied. His father is concerned that the boy's impulse control problems will result in him using his martial arts skills to seriously hurt or kill someone. The father, who is most likely an undiagnosed aspie himself, said he would have (literally) killed someone in high school if he'd had those skills. Do you have any knowledge or could you point me to any research on this topic?”
--Paula Soto MSW, LSW
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
I can see why you’d be concerned, since you’re NT, and the mindset of Asperger’s is to you completely foreign territory. What would an aspie think to do with such skills?
Here’s a place to start on this question: I got bullied occasionally when I was small. I got in a few fights. I then took martial arts for a couple of years.
I haven’t been in a fight since.
Any good martial arts instruction teaches the ability to handle force. That’s the goal. Whether the force is directed AT you or OUT from you, martial arts teaches you how to control, manipulate, generate, and nullify force.
Once you can handle force, you usually find out you don’t need to fight. Most people think of force as just the physical aspect, but really, force starts and ends in one’s thoughts. When you have experience and skill in the application of force, you can see it coming far away in an opponent. You can also see anger or frustration building in yourself as merely emotion that needn’t translate to physical action. Training in martial arts tends to promote self-confidence and responsibility in the area of force.
I recommend the boy try martial arts, and I would put the following reasoning before the boy’s father: self-confidence and ability to handle force are not dangerous; fear of force is. It’s the scared child who slaughters neighbors and schoolfellows with a shotgun, not the black belt. Thinking to make anyone less dangerous by taking away his ability to manage force is backwards logic. It’s the other way around: a person becomes irrational when finally confronted with things he feels he cannot face, and refusing the boy training denies him the chance to confront force in a constructive environment. If done properly, martial arts should instill a feeling that the boy can face any situation with his wits intact, and that’s a good, solid recipe for a sane and peaceful human being.
You can assuage your concern by monitoring the boy’s progress. Some martial arts centers are lax teaching self-control; and sometimes the training fails to stick with a child, either because of immaturity or premeditated aims to use whatever new skills he learns to hurt those that hurt him. However, the signs of poor training or immaturity show up immediately. The child will go around karate-chopping doors and slapping up dogs, for example. He won’t become Bruce Lee overnight, so you and the father can observe him and see how he responds to his new training. If he shows signs of increased self-confidence coupled with restraint, then you’re all set. If he karate-chops doors, well then …
Send your questions to “Dear Aspie”! Just PM your question to GroovyDruid or send an e-mail to dearaspie@wrongplanet.net. Questions of a personal nature may be submitted anonymously, though printing a user name is preferred. “Dear Aspie” reserves the privilege of editing for spelling, brevity, and clarity. Thanks for your submissions!
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Tanya Thursday, November 29 @ 02:00:19 EST
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | Hi! My Joshua is in Capoeria, Aikido, Shorei Kempo and Hue Long Kung Fu. He is 10 in a few weeks, and has learned A LOT from taking the classes. He can now read body language much better, his coordination skills have improved 50%, and he knows how far he can push Sensei (not too far, and he is well warned ahead of time). He is learning to focus, concentrate, and meditating on what Sensei says, not what Joshua wants to. Joshua had to use these skills when a child came up to him on the play ground and shook his shoulders and screamed as loud as he could in his ears. He used an Aikido move to get out of a choke hold that involved turning the kid around and sitting him on the ground. There was no visual hitting, so Joshua never got into trouble. You can ask the instructors if they have dealt with kids like this child before. We had to go with Joshua and all four of us are training. Right now he has to beg Sensei to let him back into Aikido, he pushed his limit and is "grounded". But when Joshua took Kung Fu in the summer he learned poison fingers, and how to poke out an eye, and pull a person down by dislocating his jaw, and he knows that it is taught in case it happens to him. When he gets into trouble he gets push ups, and he likes the strict enviroment. So it works for him. He is now learning 4 katas, and he is doing better than I am and I am a green belt, where he is 1/2 white 1/2 yellow. Sensei is putting him through 1/2 tests and seeing what he can do and he has to earn his belt in the dojo and at school plus home. So all paperwork from school goes to Sensei. Works wonders. We call class physical therapy. School doesn't like it, but he needs it. Now he wants to be a ninja. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Weapondragon92190 Monday, May 29 @ 15:40:54 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | i agree... my friend takes aikido, it would be suicide to attack him... or not aikido utilizes nonlethal yet very effective force, basically, he swings a punch at you you breakk his arm, so yep martial arts are a great way to go... |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by BeeBee Friday, May 26 @ 15:17:44 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I've studied both Aikido and Taekwondo. I think martial arts is a wonderful thing for children. As Groovy said, the better schools teach self control before punching. I'd suggest the father go to several schools to watch classes first, without his child. After he's been to few he will almost immediately be able to tell which emphasis control and which do not. As it seems many of us have martial arts experince, we could generate a list of questions for the parent to ask the school, if he would so like. The parent could even ask on martial arts boards for good schools for children in his area.
Although I personal now perfer Aikido to Taekwondo or Karate, I'd recommend them before Aikido for children. They are simplier (not better or worse, just different) systems and progress is quicker. This is important with children. Even adults need to study Aikido for a long time before it has practice self defense applications. A child can see a difference after just a few months of Karate. There are also many Aikido techniques that are not suitable for children to learn as they stress growing bones.
BeeBee |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by irasnyd Monday, May 22 @ 15:25:23 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.irasnyder.com/ | | I've been practicing Aikido (it's a mostly defensive martial art; the name means (roughly) "The way of Love and Life Energy") for about a year and a half.
I'd say it's given me a set of personal goals that I can use to better myself, as well as more confidence to deal with uncomfortable or unusual situations. Knowing Aikido has definitely helped me to avoid confrontational situations at least a few times. I've never felt the need to harm people that bring these situations on me, in fact, knowing Aikido, I am more concerned for their safety if I am forced to do anything to defend myself.
Since you're worried about impulses, I'd follow GroovyDruid's advice, and just watch and make sure that the boy is learning self control, and not just ways to hurt other people. If so, then that's great, otherwise it's definitely a problem. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by jellynail Tuesday, May 23 @ 09:09:50 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://jellynail.vox.com/ | | He could study Aikido. It is designed for self-defense; you don't attack people with Aikido. Or maybe have him do some Tae Bo first, and see if he wants to learn enough to stick with it. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Remnant Saturday, June 10 @ 12:45:36 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I suffered a lot of pain because my mother was willing to risk my life and health to prevent me from harming other children. At the same time she could do nothing to stop them from harming me, which they did frequently.
The child who bullies another child should be at risk, not the person who he intends to victimize. The people who bullies pick on have a life that is worth defending, are developing a life that is worth defending, and that life should never be sacrificed or compromised to keep a bully from suffering inconvenience or harm. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Goofball Wednesday, June 07 @ 19:11:23 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I'd strongly recommend that he take martial arts. As mentioned, he's not going to turn into Bruce Lee overnight so you can quickly put his martial arts to a halt if there are any indications of a potential problem.
If your husband did have those skills in high school I seriously doubt he would have severely hurt anyone (unless he had/has other problems). As an impulsive Aspie who has skills in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu I'd say my training has mellowed me out rather than increased any likelihood of me hurting someone.
If your son takes up an MA I'd suggest a grappling art like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. BJJ is proven to be highly effective in no holds barred fights. The beautiful part is that you can win a fight without even punching your opponent by applying a submission hold or a choke. Another great thing about it is that it's a lot to do with leverage so if a larger/older kid picks a fight with your son he would have much better odds of being able to handle himself.
Let me know if you have any questions about BJJ. I'd be more than happy to answer them. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Captain_Brown Monday, July 24 @ 13:33:05 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | I don't think an Aspie should try martial arts because Aspies can get obsessed with things easily. They can end up hurting someone because they are obsessed and there was no reason to do it. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by OurChris Thursday, August 03 @ 12:17:09 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Chris (8 yrs) has been learning Tae Kwon Do for about a year and a half. He is still not as focused as he could be (even during the classes) and sometimes I have to drag him there (typical kiddo!) but both Steve and I have noticed that it has greatly improved his balance and just the way in which he carries himself. He has been a bit ackward and it appears that the exercises are helping him strengthen and tone as well as learning defense, focus and respect. In MA you need to be polite and follow the rules of the instructor. I think this is really good for Aspie kids. We spoke with our instructor and explained the situation before involving Chris and he has been nothing but wonderful to work with. He is very patient with Chris and understand his limitations. Mr. Oland also works with other children that have AS as well as some with special needs. We feel lucky to have found him. I believe in the long run it will be the best thing for Chris because it keeps him active, he interacts with others but it is an individual sport, he will know how to defend himself when the situation arises and he is learning focus and respect (especially self respect!).
Katherine :) |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by marbledog Monday, August 14 @ 16:54:42 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.forlackoftrying.com | | I've studied and several forms of martial arts and self-defense since high school. Like many aspies, I had trouble with other kids in school and was a regular target for bullies. I have not been in any kind of violent encounter since I began studying martial arts.
For me, learning self-defense was a major turning point in my life. It was the point at which I realized that I could control my environment, myself, and those who wished to harm me. I realized that I could be graceful and powerful and peaceful all at the same time. I realized that I had the ability to teach others. I can't speak for others or make predictions about this boy's behavior, but I can say for sure that I would be a completely different person if I had never studied self-defense.
The trick (for anyone) is in finding a good instructor. The teacher makes all the difference in whether a student's experiences in self-defense training will be beneficial or not. A parent should definitely observe the instruction and watch out for how the instructor teaches and responds to his students. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by raddude9 Wednesday, November 01 @ 13:06:22 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | As a former serious martial artist I would generally recommend trying martial arts to young aspies. I does take quite a while (2 years, give or take depending on the person) for somebody to become pro efficient and for it to make a difference in their ability to fight. But after a while the person who knows martial arts will be a much 'safer' fighter than one who doesn't know anything i.e. because I know karate if I did get in a fight I would most likely incapacitate my opponent without causing them any serious or lasting damage, whereas someone without martial arts training would be much more likely to do something unintentionally dangerous in a fight.
I don't think that martial arts are for everyone but they worked for me. It can also depend on the specific martial art involved, I learned karate in a very strict dojo which emphasised self-control and respect. Less restricted martial arts might be less suited to 'aspies' who are given to losing their tempers easily.
On a personal note, I trained in karate for 5 years back when I was in school and despite being in a number of fights before that, since starting training I was never in a single fight since. I have been in few 'situations' that have come close though, but I was able to avoid turning these situations into fights using the karate that I learned, usually by blocking that first punch thrown and then using a safe lock, hold or throw. This lets your opponent know that you can take care of yourself, which often leads to them looking for an excuse to back down, all you have to do then is give them that excuse and diffuse the situation.
On a side note, before I did martial arts I was fairly clumsy, karate helped massively with my coordination and balance.
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by taekwondoe Wednesday, December 05 @ 19:22:23 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Paula,
I am a 2nd degree black belt in taekwondo, an owner of a school, and mother of an 11 year old aspergers girl. I have students, including my daughter, with aspergers in my school. I can tell you that taekwondo has been a wonderful experience and tool for these students. They have gained confidence and each month we set goals for loyalty, respect, honor, self-control, as well as many other aspects. One of my students, 14 years old, just became a jr. instructor and the role has suited her well, moms are so pleased with the difference they see in their children.
I know what I personally have gained from martial arts and am over-joyed each day when one of my aspy students smiles just to be there. I trust everyone of them with the knowledge we teach them and know they make better choices for it!
Good luck in what ever martial art you may try, ask the instructors, many have 30 trial memberships for free, take a few classes and see what you think! you will not be disappointed!
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by JerryHatake Saturday, October 13 @ 13:03:06 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | Well I do Kendo and it is relaxing for me. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Prozium_Addict Monday, February 05 @ 16:49:09 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I, an Aspie, had a poor time in my public schooling, like I imagine many people here did. Amongst other reasons, I intentionally kept myself in physically weak condition to prevent myself from harming anyone.
I do -not- recommend this approach, because knowing some defensive martial art like Akido or Hapkido does not really incur any dangerous possibilities, next to what ignorance of them can cause.
The inability to effectively retaliate does not resolve the desire to retaliate. And anyone, even a child, who really wants to cause harm to another, can find a way. Removing the option of 'acceptable' force only leaves unacceptable force - which is what happened at every school shooting I can recall.
Excessive retaliatory force aside, he will not be immediately a significant threat, even if his tutor does not teach discipline (a martial arts teacher does not teach discipline is not a good teacher). Discipline, confidence, and inner focus are things that can do an Aspie plenty of good, and certainly not just in a fight.
Teach him, monitor him, and search for a more immediate solution to practical self defense (even if its proactive or non physical).
I am now studying Judo and go the gym regularly. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Squirrel Friday, February 16 @ 18:57:55 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I started taking Wing Chun when I was 9. I now have black belts in Wing Chun and Brazilian Jiu Jutsu, as well as certification to instruct in Jeet Kune Do concepts and Jun Fan Gung Fu. I also dabble in the Filipino and Indonesian martial arts. I'm 27 now, and have never once hurt anyone who wasn't trying to hurt me first. I have no children of my own, but I once taught basic JKD concepts to children, one of whom I'm pretty sure has Asperger's. I still see his parents occasionally, and have yet to hear about him hurting anyone. I think it comes down to good parenting and also the kid in question. Both my student and I have good parents who discourage violence unless there is no other way. So no, there is probably no danger in this kid learning martial arts provided his parents and instructors are not completely morally bankrupt and teach him how to be a good person as well as a good fighter. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Roxas_XIII Saturday, February 17 @ 19:16:35 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | GroovyDruid has a fair point. Me, i once trained in Pa Sa Ryu, which is a new style founded by Master Kang Rhee in South Korea and which is now taught in sereral dojos around Memphis, TN. The overlying theme behind most martial arts is not fighting, but knowing when it becomes necessary to fight. If a martial arts instructor is any good he will bash the words "self-control", "discipline", and "good judgement" deep into a trainee's brain long before they get their yellow belt. One of the first things that i learned was the ablilty to cast out negative emotions, such as anger, fear, and hatred, and to clear my mind and focus on what was required of me. This is the first step in solving a confrontation, yet it is a skill that most Aspies lack. Negative feelings have a tendency to cloud over wisdom and judgement, getting the unfocused mind into even greater trouble because rational thinking is almost completly obliterated. To compare, think about a drunken fistfight, then compare it to duel between two martial arts masters. See the difference? The masters have a lot more control of the situation and their own bodies than the drunkards, because they have abandoned thoughts of rage and fear and are simply concentrating on the task at hand.
Of course, one must know what the task is before it can be accomplished. I used to think that everyone who mistreated me had to be punished right then and there by me. You can probably guess what happened after that. After a while, i realized that pummeling the heck out of someone isnt a good solution. If you can gain control of your emotions and clear your mind, alternative options become availible, options which allow you to effectivly "defeat" an agressor without ever throwing a punch. If some random idiot comes and picks on me, i first clear my mind and assess the situation rationally, then plot every possible non-physical escape route. Only when none of these exist do i resort to my training.
All of the above i learned from martial arts, and more. Also, taking martial arts is a great way to boost self-confidence, providing you have a competent sensei. It may come to a point where you dont have to break someone's arm; the mere fact that you could break someone's arm pervades your aura and tells potential bullies "not to screw with you."
Anyways, hope this helps.
Roxas
Blue Belt in Pa Sa Ryu |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by norwegian_23 Sunday, March 04 @ 23:46:13 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I chopped doors and closets for a couple of years, accidently sending a door or two flying through the room and breaking through a few walls, and I turned out a very patient and peaceful well respected instructor.
I think you'd be better off paying attention to what kind of attitudes he picks up from his instructor. For example, "You've got to have no mercy in real life situations!" or "The key thing is to strike first!" would be bad..
"We're talking life and death, this is really serious stuff" would actually very probably be good. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by Mark5 Tuesday, April 24 @ 15:51:16 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | My 8 year old son is in Tae Kwon Do and loves it. It has been so good for him on so many different levels. I would definately encourage it.
Mark |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by squatterandtheant Tuesday, May 01 @ 00:43:55 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Just get him to watch 'The Karate Kid' a few times. Everything he needs to know is there! |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by jaydog Thursday, August 30 @ 20:05:55 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) http://powerful-individuals.com/ | | Paula Soto this a very interesting article and I recently was diagnosed with asperger syndrome without knowing what it was for nearly 20+ years. I am now 27 and out of school. I also took martial arts for several years (taekwondo) was actually almost a red belt and probably could of easily been a black belt if I stayed with it. of course best thing I can ask you is did this boy have any violent behavior in the past such as a police record? or do you see any violent behavior just being with him? such as the eye glare contact? getting in fights? (it's not the same as being bullied) some people like us just do not like some kids cause they remind us of bad experiences.
I'm just curious cause not everyone with aspergers is violent (there might be some who has a violent nature) but in my view, I was one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Anyways I took taekwondo in jr high and I never wanted to even get involved in fights. however I did practice some of my martial art tg in the school field during lunch (and believe me when people saw what I could do) they were scared of me and stoped entirely calling me names and bullying me) and pretty much went back to normal (unless it was a new student) who was a trouble maker, but most of the students told him to back off.)
since they new what I could do, and I was a good basketball player too.
Anyways the cool thing about martial arts is most good places will tg you based on control, self defense and they would constantly tell you to only use it for self defense. and my teachers told me that if you get in a fight tell the person loadly with witnesses around that I have tg in martial arts and if you really want to get involved into this it's your choice, if you say something like that, they will mainly avoid you, cause #1 there are witnesses (maybe adults) who heard you say that. so if any confrontation happens that boy would have statements that he told him to back off.
Anyway I would thing it would be a good Idea for him to the tg, it helped me in my school... |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by AspiDave Saturday, August 23 @ 15:28:03 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Im a first dan black belt in tae kwon do, a green belt in ju-jitsu and have started a course in extreme martial arts.
In my life i have been bullied through 13 years of school, mugged out in town. I have been in fights, won and lost. I have medals and trophies.
But i have confidence, self control, i have lessend the extent of my innate clumsyness and i havnt yet killed anyone.
Martial arts are fun, promote good health and you can bond with your team/group/club like nothing else. Its true you dont know people until you fight them...
It made me a stronger person mentally, i suggest he goes for it. Martial arts may not give him the physical strength to stop the bullying, but it will give him the mental strength to deal with it.
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by mrliammm Saturday, May 24 @ 22:24:20 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I am a 29 year old man. I practice Tai chi and Chi Gung. The softer, internal side of martial arts. It does so much for me I cannot begin to tell you. Having always been fairly useless at most sport, It is incredible to find a physical discipline which I appear to be naturally suited to with the potential to excel at.
If martial arts are taught with the proper patience and respect no harm can come from it. Go for it but make sure it is with the right teacher. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by PunkRockNinja Monday, February 25 @ 21:46:49 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Hey,
I've been diagnosed with Asperger's (as well as a whole pile of other things...) and I've practiced Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu/Ninjutsu for about 4 years and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Both the art itself and the friends I have made in class have helped TREMENDOUSLY with my confidence, social skills, angry outbursts, self control, etc. When I first started training I worried that it might make me more prone to violence but the opposite happened. I haven't been in a fight since the day I started. (exactly the day I started. I beat a guy up the day before I showed up to class the first time. don't worry. he attacked me unprovoked. ;^)) I would encourage anyone with Asperger's (or anything else in my pile) to take up martial arts. Besides, if it's not your thing you can always just quit and do something else. |
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Re: Dear Aspie: Should Aspies Take Martial Arts? (Score: 1)
by al7orya Thursday, September 03 @ 19:52:10 EDT
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