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A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman
Posted on Friday, September 14 @ 08:11:33 EDT by | 
Editorial Warning: Wrong Planet is a family-friendly site. However, the following article discusses adult topics involving sexuality and includes strong language. Parental discretion is advised.
queer – adj. – (kwir)
1: a: worthless, counterfeit
b: questionable, suspicious
2: a: differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal
b (1): eccentric, unconventional (2): mildly insane: touched
c: absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree: obsessed
d (1) often disparaging: homosexual (2) sometimes offensive
3: not quite well
I am queer. Forget, for a moment, Chick-fil-a or that lovable character from Modern Family; focus, instead, on the definition printed above. What does Mr. Webster have to say? How do you measure up? Queer behavior would appear to be startlingly common.
“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.” ~Alan Alda
Are you queer?
Do you ever feel awkward and phony while donning an uncomfortable social mask… at a funeral, perhaps, or on a first date? Do you secretly engage in harmless but potentially “abnormal” private behaviors? Have you ever believed the intensity of your interests to be a bit, well, intense, almost obsessive? Do attractive members of the same sex make you feel hot and restless within the denim confines of your new pair of skinny jeans?
Do you know the feeling of being an outsider, a misfit toy, playing the part of someone else, day after day? If you do, indeed, then you are not so remarkable – you’re as queer as the next human being! Humankind is a queer lot; sexuality is merely one reflection of our beautiful absurdity. Eccentricity and obsessive interests are characteristic of the autism diagnosis, yet in varying degrees, they are actually characteristic of homo sapiens in general.
While we’re on the subject of homo… er… sapiens, I should mention that I’m also queer in the popular and crude sense of the word – I’m a guy and I like guys. If that makes you uncomfortable, I can assure you that I understand. I’ve spent my entire life bombarded by a daily assault of heterosexuality imagery; a constant suggestion of my social irrelevance. Yeah, you’re sexual orientation makes me uncomfortable as well.
Though prejudice and social pressure inspired years of self-deception, self-loathing, and heterosexual mimicry (a: worthless, counterfeit), I can no longer deny it - I practically pranced out of the womb striking poses to the tune of Vogue. I may not be the biggest queen to ever purchase a Judy Garland album, but there’s no mistaking basic nature – I’m a queer (homosexual), a fruit, a flamer… whichever adjective is hurled across the bar by the drunken red-neck who will soon learn the meaning of “lanky strength.”
I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder one year ago. Six short months after my diagnosis I came out of the closet. After 25 years of claustrophobia, I no longer had the patience necessary to make my exit on quiet tip-toes, gently closing the closet door behind me. For many LGBT individuals, coming out is a process. Perhaps they tell a friend or trusted relative, then gradually the support of their confidantes brings greater courage, and they may begin to reveal their sexual orientation on a larger scale, and in a more casual manner.
Well, I’ve never respected conventional social protocol. Instead of enduring the typical, drawn out process, I chose to divulge my sexual orientation by writing an article… an article which drew… um… a decent amount of attention (gotta love the mass exposure available through social media). My family would doubtlessly have preferred a more private disclosure along with some time to come to terms with my little revelation, but hey, divas will be divas, and boys will be… appealing, with or without parental consent.
Aside from the gay, I’ve also got the Asperger’s. Unconventional? Governed by all-consuming interests (c: absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree: obsessed)? Unconcerned with social customs, trends, and events (a: differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal). Yep, autism is a mighty queer condition.
An enormous body of anecdotal evidence suggests an unusually high percentage of LGBT among the autistic population, though few studies have explored the implications of a possible link. Is there a correlation between the mysterious and unique neurological wiring of the autistic mind and alternative sexual orientation? Or could it be that autistics like us, equipped with our natural resistance to social expectations, are simply more comfortable exploring and locating our role along the sexual spectrum. Let’s face it, sexuality is nowhere near as cut and dry as many would care to believe.
A friend once told me, “There’s a little bi in every guy.” Since becoming deeply familiar with the autism diagnosis, I’ve come to realize that there’s also a little autism in every person. I cannot think of anyone completely absent of at least one recognizably autistic characteristic. This never fails to bring a smile to my face. That’s right – like it or not, “normal” is a fading concept rooted in a dying social mythology. We’re all a little queer!
This was made abundantly clear to me several days ago when I went on the most unusual date of my life! A very sweet and sexy guy arrived on time to take me to dinner. Common enough, right? Not so much…
My date eyed me over, then nodded in approval and informed me that we would be eating at the buffet adjoining the casino. He then turned the volume knob and I was horrified to hear Weird Al Yancovic’s most recent CD. We listened to Yancovic until we reached the casino. Thankfully the drive was brief. Between songs, he spoke almost entirely of his most recent dental checkup.
Over our meal, which I struggled to select from the massive smorgasbord, my date informed me that he recently graduated from the most prestigious school of magic in the country. Yep, I was out at the casino with a professional magician on his third month of overbite treatments!
After staring awestruck as he consumed enough food to force Michael Moore into a mindless, apolitical stupor, we headed downtown and began strolling aimlessly beneath the twinkling city lights. Somehow our wanderings found us standing unexpectedly among the crowd at a Montgomery Gentry concert. Homo or not, I still shouted the words to every song and though surrounded by rednecks, there was not a single hateful word uttered. We only stayed for several songs before wading on back through the crowd and onto the city sidewalks of earlier.
“You know,” he said, “When I was a kid they thought I had something like you. Maybe I do. Either way, I like who I am and get along just fine.”
I dropped to my knees, shaking with laughter and more than a bit relieved. “Thank God, you said that!” I snorted. “I’ve been trying not to diagnose you all evening!”
Some people take comfort in labels. Some people do not. Gay? Straight? Autistic? Neurotypical? Caucasian? Disabled? ADHD? One thing is for certain; all labels will become utterly useless in the event of a zombie apocalypse, nuclear holocaust, the election of Mitt Romney, or some other global catastrophe of epic proportions. An education in the magical arts, however, might come in handy.
Dr. Seuss, that wisest of contemporary philosophers, once said, “We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Upon receiving my diagnosis I made a promise – I would be uncompromisingly true to myself no matter what the cost. I had no idea what an incredible journey this promise would take me on. Never could I have truly estimated the cost or the reward.
Though my life was fully transformed in under a year by the application of two simple labels, I do not wish to be defined by autism or homosexuality. I can credit only nature for my extra helping of quirkiness and would sooner be recognized for my personal and professional accomplishments, struggling to gain the gratification of genuine pride, a feeling which is earned rather than inheritted.
This does not mean I am hesitant to reveal any aspect of my identity. Unappologetically myself, I still strive to live by the golden rule, and demand nothing more than respect and common courtesy. Gays must set examples of self-respect, confidence, and self-advocasy at all times… because you never know who may be watching. Homosexual youth are four times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual peers. One act of fearlessness and integrity could unknowingly save a life. For that reason I am out and will never go back in. Besides, maybe someday I’ll fall in mutual weirdness…”
Anyway, I’ll stand by my man Seuss. Own your weirdness, embrace your inner oddball, and love without shame. If you fail to do so, you may unwittingly meet the simplest criteria within Webster’s definition of queer; not quite well.
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by TimT Friday, December 14 @ 21:51:34 EST
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) http://christheals.org | | I was always taken as strange and this made people suspect I was queer; drove me nuts. What was worse, I attracted homosexuals like flies; that positively enraged me. They could see I was lonely and tried to take advantage of that. But I wasn't THAT lonely! I've had people use gay love spells on me to try to force me to homosex, but I'm an exorcist, so I could drive off the demons they sent in less than a minute.
People still take me as strange, but my wife of 30 years can interpret for me. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by TrzkT Saturday, December 15 @ 06:38:52 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.4shared.com/audio/IIJv2eOl/I_play_this_in_my_sleep.html | | I am gay, and an aspie, (not diagnosed, my psychiatrist leans towards 'avoidant personality disorder', but she has no experience with adults who have AS)
Your article lightens my heart, thank you.
I've been out of the closet, about 6 years now, and I've been lucky enough to have a relationship, a good one even, though it didn't last.
I used to think sexuality should be kept to one's self, but I realized that straight people certainly don't keep it to themselves, and when one is in a relationship, everything changes...
I could never hide who I was after that point, I couldn't deny the love I felt for another just because he was the same gender as I.
I disclose about having AS to friends, family, and sometimes, coworkers, because it is the same thing, I cannot deny it because it is so central to who I am, and how I function. It helps people understand me better, gives them a new perspective. I'm bad at explaining it accurately, but I make sure they know that no two people on the spectrum are effected the same way, and I explain how it effects me.
Neither being gay, nor autistic, is ever going to go away. Embracing those differences, within myself and others, is the right thing to do.
These days I wear a puzzle piece pendant, and a rainbow bracelet. Just being myself can be scary, but I have to be strong and true to myself, because just doing that will change the world. I have to live my life, be myself, do the best I can, and just hope I can give someone else the courage to do the same.
When I see puzzle pieces, or when I see a rainbow,
on a bracelet or a bumper sticker, my heart soars, and I feel less alone, and that's why I just let it be known.
So that's where I'm coming from, and that's why your article spoke to me. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by wetsail Thursday, December 06 @ 14:27:56 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Very nice, love the quote from Suess, the doctor is 100% right on this one.
Also have to agree with the idea that everyone has a bit of autism (and bi) in them, as a "neurotypical" individual. We're all "weird" people, every one of us, and we all just need to live to learn with each others' weirdness. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by sophroniasphinx Thursday, February 07 @ 11:21:37 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I've noticed this before, there seemed to me to be a possible correlation and similarity between autism/AS and LGBT individuals. This was really a good read--it was even more amusing than the florid and slightly hysterical disclaimers attached to it. I'm bisexual, and dxed with AS/PDD/NOS, so this does personally hit home for me. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by QueerlyAspie Saturday, October 13 @ 23:09:11 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Can I ask why there's a disclaimer for this article? What exactly does this author talk about that is that "un-family friendly?" He says he's queer and Asperger's is queer. That's just a fact. If anyone is offended by this, they are an idiot. What if they're blessed with a queer Aspie kid? I'm sorry, Alex, but this AND the Autism Speaks connections really disappoint me. I have Autism and I can speak for myself. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by chessimprov Saturday, September 22 @ 23:36:18 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us John, and thank you Alex for posting this! Reading it makes me want to meet you and people like you and be inspired! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Diederick Friday, September 28 @ 14:19:29 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.facebook.com/diederick.a.becker | | A very nice read, and how amazing to come across all these similarities. I'm gay and have very recently been diagnosed with AS, due to a depressing I had been going in and out of for at least three years - and probably five. The lack of respect for "conventional social protocol", or, as I like to call it, 'social conventions', has been part of my life since I can remember. I've always hated the mundane things, like birthdays, giving and receiving presents - the most significant is probably the disregard for what topics are acceptable and which are taboo. Sex, parenting, euthanasia, are all subjects I think people should feel more free to criticise and discuss. Being bothered by the straight world is also something I find in myself, especially in popular media.
Embracing my differences happened fast. I came out when I was fourteen and was in no hurry. By eighteen I had told everyone whom I though significant enough to know about my sexuality, and after some troublesome years of depression, figured I couldn't care less about what people though at twenty-three. My AS diagnosis was last January, this was a bitter-sweet outcome of my visits to the psychologist and the psychiatrist, but I had already learned to live with it and started to view my illness as a mere different operating system of handling information.
The only really queer thing about this page, is the 'parental guidance' warning. How is anything you wrote not 'family-friendly'? I personally think suggesting it isn't family-friendly, is rather family-unfriendly and offensive. Then again, this is probably a US-based forum, which would explain this generally warped view on family values. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by lostinthewoods Thursday, January 24 @ 10:29:17 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Actually, there is no need for the "Parental discretion is advised" warning. This is just true life. Thanks for sharing. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by myguy Tuesday, March 19 @ 08:46:58 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Scott.
I was very impressed with your Queer article and I applaud your bravery. I am not autistic, but I have spent many years working with individuals exhibiting many degrees of autism. I am, however gay and bipolar, so I had many confusing issues to deal with as I was 'figuring myself out.' It is not easy to deal with being gay under the best of circumstances. With other issues thrown into the mix however, it can be very difficult, indeed. I would like to learn more about your story. And, I wish you the best. You seem like a charming young man, Michael |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by AsIndsigt Friday, September 14 @ 09:29:45 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | This article was extremely well written, and a fun read.
Well done Author! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by 47x Friday, September 14 @ 12:21:30 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | This was very enjoyable and fun to read. Some really good tips as well. Thanks :) |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by MrDubya Friday, September 14 @ 14:51:32 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Oh the places you will go.... Bravo.
p.s. Keep writing, you're doing it right. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Aspinator Friday, September 14 @ 17:10:48 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | Openly gay people don't bother me. Although I am not gay, I seem to have the ability to pick up gaydar signals. Maybe this is an Aspie thing; or maybe it it just one outsider being able to recognize another outsider. I admire someone who has the strength of self to stand up and be who they are. What I have seen and experienced of society, I don't want to be any part of it anyway. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by SickInDaHead Saturday, September 15 @ 03:22:08 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | The term "queer" was commonly used, then considered an insult, and now it's back. They added Q to LGBT and I've been wondering what the Q was for.
Interesting article. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by dyingofpoetry Saturday, September 15 @ 05:22:57 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://facebook.com/sageorge.writer | | I'm a gay Aspie as well... and I'm a writer. So, thanks for your article!
I think that probably a majority of gay Aspies never get diagnosed because they attribute their strangeness and sense of isolation to being gay. In my case, I know that was the reason why I never saw my autism. All I knew was that it was painful enough to be gay in a straight world, but then to make things much worse, after I came out, nothing was any better.
It took a friend who was studying psychology to identify my autism and suddenly everything made sense. Now, it's just as hard to be autistic in a neurotypical world, but it gets better every day! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by MathGirl Saturday, September 15 @ 08:50:25 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) http://goo.gl/Z94yH | | Wait... but... I thought you had a girlfriend before! And I thought you were really upset by the breakup! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by PTSmorrow Saturday, September 15 @ 11:05:02 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I don't understand all that fuss about sex and sexual orientation. Sorry, but i consider it about as important as other physical functions and not worth talking about. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Thom_Fuleri Saturday, September 15 @ 18:42:14 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | It took me about seven years after diagnosis to come out, but I got there in the end...
Social obligations got a lot easier when I realised that I'm not the only one wearing uncomfortable masks. With the exception of a few lucky people, pretty much everyone puts on an act, and when you realise that you find your own mask much easier to wear. And that you can decorate your own however you please. |
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Bravo. (Score: 1)
by houseofpanda Friday, September 14 @ 23:00:49 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Great story. And you tell it so well. I appreciate your honesty and your skill in the craft. Thanks. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Meistersinger Saturday, September 15 @ 22:43:35 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | While I don't agree with the lifestyle, I have learned long ago, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." How you live your life is your business, and none of mine. Just don't force your lifestyle on me, and I'll do the same. If this sounds like someone with Asperger's or even a "normal" person, then so be it! The word normal really can't be defined, so I'm not even going to try. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Virginiarw Saturday, September 15 @ 23:50:18 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I am so happy for you! I am an undiagnosed Aspie... and I believe I am bi or pan but for the most part I've had attraction to the opposite gender... so I guess I haven't seriously come out to anyone or felt the need to. Is that weird? haha... Is that queer? I have to say though it might be a little less stressful if people knew. I am lucky to know I would be accepted in my community and in my immediate family... but I feel like things might become awkward... and gosh am I used to awkward as an Aspie... so I guess I do put on a mask sometimes to avoid more awkwardness then I can handle. Which I can usually handle fine, unless I feel judged by the other for my awkwardness... even if they aren't judging me I feel anxious about it because of the past. Thanks for your post! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by godslittlerainbow Sunday, September 16 @ 12:05:17 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | love gays, accepting them and I am a christian! I even have a gay pride flag! :) Just be happy with who you are! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by BobinPgh Sunday, September 16 @ 15:44:04 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | For who asked above, the Q in GLBTQ is for Questioning - I guess now the people who wonder if they are GLBT are in that too.
At another board I go to where there are a lot of gay men, there are an inordinate number of guys on "the spectrum" and those are just the ones who know about it. Meanwhile here, Jeffrey Deutch and John Elder Robinson - Definitely straight! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by thoughtcrimes Friday, September 28 @ 23:13:51 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Very well written article - respect! While I've personally moved beyond the identity politics phase in my life and simply recognize the bisexual component that exists amongst most higher animal species, I am hopeful that in future decades such distinctions will become less and less necessary to emphasize as society as a whole becomes increasingly sexually and socially sophisticated. Until then, take care & keep up the faith! |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by the_beautiful_mess Tuesday, September 18 @ 11:31:10 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I love people who are happy to be a bit weird. It's just great really. =]
Great writing too, but this one little thing... 'Yeah, you’re sexual orientation makes me uncomfortable as well. '
It's a *your moment. Sorry. I like grammar. ;)
Anyway, I loved reading this, and Dr Seuss was most definitely right. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by jojobean Wednesday, September 19 @ 10:30:10 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Scott,
I loved this article. You give me inspiration as I am still sorting out my orentation, gender identity duo.
So far I have learned that I am asexual, but panromatic asexual (which basicly means that I am romanticly attracted to people based on their personality, not gender, but I am not sexually attracted to anyone. I also feel as if I am both genders at the same time, so I often dress in a combination of femine and masculine clothes to keep myself "balanced".
I was also diagnosed on the autism spectrum when I was 8 years old.
When I came out to my family this was their responces:
Mom: "Well that makes my new fountain I bought pale in comparaison, also dont tell anyone this." So what does she do? She tells everyone in my family and comes out for me. gee thanks mom.
Dad: "This is my fault" Being that he was very abusive, I wont relieve him of any guilt, real or imagined.
Sister: "Well you know what the bible says about all that." Which I didnt take seriously, since she is not very religious.
Brother" This is just a phase in your newest way to be weird"
However a good friend of mine who is an ex-minister and the most spiritually pure person I know said one word that made it all worth it. "congratulations"
And to you, Scott, I say the same, congratulations.
Jojo
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Hecaebe Thursday, September 20 @ 02:57:09 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | You're a godsend. This is surely one of my favorite articles I've read in a long time. Funnily enough, last year I had a psychology professor who wouldn't even accept one girl's request to do her final paper on how everyone's on the autism spectrum because - (twist!) the teacher thought it was too obvious to be a good subject for a pioneering paper. The class was a bit confused, but hey, you've gotta love the fact that psychiatry's still a pretty inexperienced field (and also that maybe everything's just relative...and sexuality is fluid)! Loved hearing your journey, and may you find someone who shares your brand of weirdness! Or maybe the sleight of hand of the Magic Man still has a place in your heart? Heh! (Now if only I could come out as...whatever the hell I am. Still figuring it out!) |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Australia Thursday, September 20 @ 08:44:23 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | If god really does exist (i personally think he is of a much higher intelligence with so much technology we wouldnt understand it) then pretty much people who are gay will be going to some type of hell. im not saying this to troll but i just think people overlook the bible alot. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by rondeau Thursday, September 20 @ 11:48:58 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Congratulations on accepting your unique weirdness and letting the world know how much better life is by doing so and even better it will become with every layer you discover and explore. There’s no stopping you now. Have fun. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Natalya Sunday, September 30 @ 10:34:18 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | "An enormous body of anecdotal evidence suggests an unusually high percentage of LGBT among the autistic population, though few studies have explored the implications of a possible link. Is there a correlation between the mysterious and unique neurological wiring of the autistic mind and alternative sexual orientation?"
...That does sound really interesting.
I like you article. :) |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Maerlyn138 Tuesday, October 09 @ 07:44:14 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) | | First off, I dislike articles that begin with the established definition of a word. Like in "Malcolm X" where he's reading the definition of "black" as "an absence of color", blah blah. You should focus more on how the word came to be applied to homosexuals, rather than what the dictionary says. Seems really silly. Anyway, the rest of the article is good. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Female Wednesday, October 10 @ 13:47:19 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | How do I get myself un-banned. I'm really sorry for the way I acted, and I want another chance. Please tell me what to do, I'm lost. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Female Wednesday, October 10 @ 14:05:02 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. Please forgive me. |
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: Thank You (Score: 1)
by RomanBernabel Thursday, February 21 @ 14:34:36 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | : I needed to hear that. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by RonE Tuesday, February 19 @ 02:20:53 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | John Scott, thank you for posting your article. This is my first time at this site. I found it mentioned in a Huffington Post piece earlier today. Before I get to your post, let me say that I take offense at the disclaimer that prefaces your post. "This is a family oriented website." So what, exactly, is not family oriented by talking about being gay and being on the spectrum? It makes me highly suspect of the site owners. Certainly, there are many posts here that talk about heterosexual relationships. I am miffed that a support site that would seek to gain understanding and acceptance for autism and Asperger's people through education and discussion, would marginalize people for a different sexual orientation.
I, too, am a lover of Seuss, who breaks it down in the most easiest of terms to grasp. The man has done wonders for childhood development.
I'm 61 years into it, and I'm just now beginning to find the freedom to embrace all my quirkiness. I've been called eccentric, odd, strange, weird ad naseum my entire life. Ironically enough, because of severe pain I experience in my back and now being deemed disabled by the SSA, I have finally reached the point of nirvana, where I can be whatever I've always been, without the fear of perpetual reprisal coming from the workplace. For as long as I can remember, people have gotten upset over things I have said, where after searching my brain and my soul, I have been at a total loss to account for their reaction.
As for being gay, it was a real disappointment in my life when I became old enough to go to bars (18), that the community I sought for so long during my childhood turned me away. Even into my 40s, I was always a nervous wreck going into a gay bar. At around the same time, I was in a local Gay Men's Chorus, not just because I love to sing, but I was also seeking an alternative way of meeting guys. I was just as much of an outcast there as I was anywhere else in my life. In closing, we'll see how it goes here. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by WolfieBoi Friday, October 26 @ 02:12:36 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Ha. I'm definitely definition #3; not quite well. Please don't red flag me or whatever, I'm just sharing my story.
When I was six, I was diagnosed with Asperger's.
When I was nineteen years old I had my first sexual encounter with another boy.
When I was twenty years old I had my first actual boyfriend, whom I dated largely because he got me a job at a film studio.
Two years later, I tried to kill myself.
I hated myself so much the doctors had to put in almost 100 stitches. The scars will stay with me for the rest of my life. I was diagnosed first with Borderline Personality Disorder, then later Schizophrenia.
For about a year, I was in and out of mental hospitals. I had no real friends.
Again in a mental hospital I tried to hang myself. I was put on more antipsychotics than they give your typical serial killer.
...Now I'm in college and working on my Bachelor of Science.
I have loads more to share, but I'll keep this brief like Polonius:
Not everyone will love you for being yourself. If you're queer and autistic you've got quite a challenge ahead of you if you want to be happy. John is the first person I've ever heard of brave enough to come out as both gay AND autistic. He's also very funny.
My point is, this article really speaks to me and if this speaks to you as well, hit me up.
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by tinkershelby Tuesday, October 30 @ 01:05:31 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | questionable, yes. worthless, no. people do not understand what is different and want to label it. for their own insecurity they label it negative because they do not understand and therefor cannot accept. xoxoxo everyone has a meaning |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by EmpressJess Thursday, February 14 @ 11:05:43 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Great article, ridiculous disclaimer. Some of us queers have children and families for god's sake. I'm new to the autism world, recently self-diagnosed, and very happy to meet so many queer people here. |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by Partisian Friday, February 15 @ 03:04:11 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I'd like to say: Although noone will probably ever read this, with the exception of a few people (Honestly, I'm not sure; I haven't checked the sitetraffic, and I'm feeling to lazy to.) I'd like to say that I Identify as asexual, and that I find nothing wrong with gay people. Oddly enough, approximately 25% of my friends are homo/bi/pansexual, despite the average 10% of people who are. I am, in every sense of the words, and oddball, lunatic (Only on mondays and day's I've had coffee), an oxymoron, queer, off, creepy, etc. I may well be the most know person in my school that isn't on a sports team. The saddest part for me though, is that while I improve with my social skills and make new friends, I'll never be able to remember the names of all the people that remember mine.
Sorry to WallOfText |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by ibtiamat Thursday, November 08 @ 16:10:13 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.facebook.com/ibtiamat | | Great article. Although I don't think everyone has a bit of bi in them. I do know that everyone is a bit "queer" as in weird or "not normal". Normal should be an insult and queer should be a compliment.
Also, how is the election of Mitt Romney gunna be SO bad. Do you want this nation to be ran by a Socialist? Well too late to say NO idiot! |
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Thank you! (Score: 1)
by CftxP Monday, November 12 @ 02:02:02 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) http://cftxp.net | | I guess there are other gay autistics after all. I mean seriously, at 19 I've already had to personally deal with 4 labels in my life: Deist, Asian, Gay, and Autistic. But for some reason, people would probably see me as quite "conventional" since I was diagnosed with ASD due to my social deficits. If only I could be comfortable with who I am since at this moment, I have three proverbial closets to break out of (the Asian thing isn't too big a deal with me but it gets annoying when people think you should have bigger eyes) and I have due reason to fear that time will only give me more.
I know I have to face it one day that I am, in fact, unconventional in terms of thinking and built and a higher than average IQ doesn't help too much with that. If only I could be comfortable in my own skin (the fact that it's acne prone makes that hard already) inside and out, but it does take time, hopefully it won't take me too much. For God's sake I'm an empath too, so it probably will, though I hope not.
As for the Romney thing.... I'm glad that didn't happen. And for anyone who thinks that a Romney victory would've have meant anything would be terribly mistaken since DOMA and equal rights make all the difference and honestly, if your religion puts you against gays, who do you think will benefit if you're President? Exactly. The United Church of God, Obama's faith, is highly supportive of gays, so yeah.... And if you think Obama's a socialist, you haven't looked at his Political Compass before since he's almost as conservative (in action though not in politics) as Mitt Romney. Look it up, Politicalcompass.org.
That's all! ;) |
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Re: A Rather Queer Year - By John Scott Holman (Score: 1)
by NTbadMEgood Tuesday, April 09 @ 02:46:38 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | My name is JOHN SCOTT too! :)
It's interesting, I am often mistaken for gay because of my interests and manner of talking. Some of those traits are Aspie-related. It has been frustrating at times. I was born with a very clear sexual identity - straight, but women are an incredible mystery to say the least.
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