Post 4145527 - (Cyclothymia is killing me)

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[quote="sunshower"][quote="TallyMan"][quote="sunshower"]I understand TallyMan. Am struggling with severe very very rapid cycling myself (as fast as 1 to 3 hours). I could relate to everything you said. So far I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 as I have had full blown diagnosed episodes of major depression in the past, and what we now suspect were episodes of hypomania. This is my first experience of very severe extreme rapid cycling and it's utterly crippling. Not only the emotional extremes, but the severity of the physical symptoms - from seizure type fits when on "fast forward", to being completely catatonic and physically unable to move when in a low.

It is also hard to understand why I was in the other state while I'm one way. It's like being on an out of control rollercoaster and being unable to get off, just barely surviving (eating, breathing, sleeping). I am an invalid living under constant supervision and care by my parents. I can't wait until we get the medication right, because it's got to be better than this.[/quote]

I am sorry you are going through this. I am free of the type of physical effects you describe. From what I've read cyclothymia can sometimes progress into bipolar with age; but I'm hoping I will be spared such a fate. The biggest external stress I face is financial at the moment. I sell a certain amount of bespoke software to a handful of established customers and some shareware software but am struggling to survive financially. I'm unable to secure full time employment and this adds stress to the situation and I don't qualify for any sort of financial support, so basically I'm barely surviving in abject poverty at the moment. At least the medication is free of charge for me. Finding work in today's economic climate is difficult, especially for a 51 year old in software development. I can't afford to be ill or basically I won't be able to pay the bills. The future looks very bleak at the moment.

Anyway, I'd better get working on my latest software project and hope that I will get some good sales from it.

I hope you find some medication that helps you to level out and hopefully that doesn't leave you feeling drowsy. I don't have much confidence though that medicines have reached a stage where they can resolve the problems without introducing other problems as side effects.[/quote]

I really hope it gets better. I used to study and do lots of creative activities, but I am in a bad way now and mostly can't even do basic things. At my best I am able to read old children's books. I am managing to hold onto my singing job, which is 2.5 hours a week and a little income. I am on the disability support pension. I would not survive without it.

I just want my old life back, more than anything. I'm just praying that stabilizers will be enough to get me on that path, at least so I am able to achieve some small amount of work/study/creativity during good periods.

It must be very hard for you to have to deal with all that AND support yourself. I couldn't, I would be on the street.[/quote]

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