Post 4471752 - (People who let their sexuality define their personality.)

Post a reply

Username

Subject

Message body

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

[quote="Magdalena"][quote="ReindeerRoger"][quote="Magdalena"]Just be yourself.[/quote]

Re: ‘Just be Yourself.’

1. I can be anyone I want to be. Why restrict myself to ‘being myself’?

2. What is ‘myself’? Wouldn’t I just be creating that anyways?

3. How can I be anything but myself?

You finding something annoying is your own problem, that you should come to terms with. People seem to all want gay people to make them an easily digestible version of gayness they don't have to work too hard to tolerate, likely because gayness has some negative associations people are still uncomfortable with and havn't gotten over.

I guess that an openly flamboyant personality is [i]mutable[/i], like normally gay people have their own reasons for either embracing it or not avoiding it. But it isn't irrational. There's no good reasons why they shouldn't, and therefore no-one has to spend much time justifying why they like the persona.

The pros for playing up the personality is a readily available social niche that comes with opportunities to date, be social, have friends, and a template for self-depreciating humour, a community, and political causes, as well as confidence, and a voice. Basically having gay associations next to your name makes people aware that you are unapologetic and will make a space for yourself, it allows you to demand and assure respect from those who are willing to hang around you.

The only cons are stigma, harassment, negative associations, discrimination etc. Those aren't really our problem, and they'd probably follow us around whether we were excessively flamboyant or not.

There are pros for being indifferent/averting the personality, but really what it comes down to is a personal choice. It's no-one else's place to tell us what to do then suggest it's because they want us to be some preferred version of 'ourself'. It's one of those scenarios where compassion is indiscernible from judgmentalism.[/quote]

My criticism was directed at those who behaved in a given way (and not just when it comes to gays) because they felt as though they *had* to. Not because they genuinely wanted to. If someone wants to behave in a stereotypically gay way because they genuinely *want* to, then I totally welcome it! I am fully tolerant and accepting of such people, and I embrace them on a regular basis because they inspire me! I actually feel *cheerful* and encouraged when I encounter such people!

I understand that I did not articulate that idea in the post of mine to which you refer. My mistake. But I made the comment because I had noticed a very strong sense among many gay guys I've met (and again, many people other than gay people) who acted in ways and followed certain trends, etc. because they felt like they had to, as if they weren't acceptable among gay people (or "cool enough" or whatever) unless they acted and dressed in a certain way. The "flamboyant" dress and behavior in these people I met was not authentic, and I can tell by the stiffness they exhibit. In other people I've met who were flamboyant, the behavior seemed authentic, and I am not irritated at such people.

I am not irritated at people acting the way they want to (for example, flamboyantly gay), but rather, at people doing things because they feel like they *have* to do them when they don't! And I think that many people would be in strong agreement! How many times do you hear people express irritation at "following the crowd?" That's where my irritation is directed- at people following the crowd out of fear- NOT at unconventional behaviors and notions that, say, right-wing-minded people would find uncomfortable.

Again, my irritation is directed at the lack of authenticity in behaviors and actions. Not the genuine embrace of, to use the example mentioned previously, flamboyant homosexuality. That's what "be yourself" means. Doing things because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.[/quote]

Options
HTML is OFF
BBCode is ON
Smilies are ON

	Disable BBCode in this post
	Disable Smilies in this post