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[quote="Daneeka"]I hate being male. Always wished for technology from Ghost in the Shell. Swapping bodies at nearly a whim would be great.[/quote]
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TDT
Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 7:07 am
Post subject:
I'll try to respond to you both directly, at first was going to do it each at a time but you hit similar points - although Khyrean's post made more sense to me out of the two.
First, I appreciate the responses from both of you, and forming a reply is a bit difficult.
"He just felt it wasn't the right way he was born." - this is very tricky for me, and maybe is a personality flaw (or my AS) kinda rearing its ugly head. In general, I tend to have reasons for doing stuff I do - and all decisions I make usually are based in some kind of logic, although not all. In this case, and thfy you're right, that he/she does not need to justify his/her answer to me - but the same goes for me when it comes to acceptance. Being comfortable or uncomfortable without a reason also is generally harder for me to understand, as well. So the problem really comes into is the idea of "...but he just felt it wasn't right the way he was born." without a little more concrete reasons than that. I'm not totally logical myself, and part of my feelings about this person aren't entirely logical either - but most of my solutions of sorts have been fairly logical. In short, this isn't as much of a problem as it was.
I wanted to touch on the part of saying "...is probably similar to repeatedly telling someone with AS to not behave so stupidly when talking to other people." It's true that people with AS do make social mistakes...I've made a heck of a lot of them. This is one, very divergent topic, but I also believe in self improvement a lot. Meaning...I learn from my mistakes after I make them. If someone was teo tell me not to behave so stupidly, I'd ask them for clarification and may change my behavior as a result. Of course, if the reason make sense. Totally not relevant to the topic at hand, but I thought it was an interesting tangent.
In regard to the listening to the friend. Largely, this has already been resolved so that's really OK at this point, a few weeks ago in fact. I mostly came back to see if anyone responded. Overall, I really do appreciate the opinions, and this is something I may read up more about - but as I was saying, the issue has been resolved.
Khyrean
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 6:30 am
Post subject:
I agree with Thfy.
A friend of mine has recently undergone a gender adaption - I use adaption because technically you adapt the physical gender to the individual's perceived gender - and it has to do nothing whatsoever with any personality traits or preferences. In this case it's even quite the contrary, he is not overly masculine, gay and likes many things that would be socially more accepted if he had remained female but he just felt it wasn't right the way he was born.
Gender dysphoria is a psychological syndrome not unlike AS, you just have it; it's a way the brain works which results in a discrepancy of biological and psychological gender. The reasons, causes and neurological mechanisms are largely unknown. They are most likely a combination of social and biological factors.
Also, the correlation between AS and GD is not yet understood but it might be that AS facilitates the reception of social factors triggering GD.
Mislabelling someone who feels the need to adapt their physical/outward gender is probably similar to repeatedly telling someone with AS to not behave so stupidly when talking to other people. You're punishing them for something they cannot change. If gender is not important to you, it shouldn't be too hard to do them the favour of addressing them with the right pronouns.
Before questioning their decision, try to explain to your friend, why you feel male (or female) without referring to your physical gender or stereotyped preferences. It is hard to justify gender identity as it is, without the additional complication that it might not match your chromosomes.
Of course you don't notice the suffering this discrepancy can cause if you do not experience it; usually gender is never questioned, just the expectancies and roles in a particular society, maybe. Someone experiencing this path needs emotional support because they're confronted with more than enough doubt, criticism and ignorance by society and their own psyche. You'll help your friend the most with listening, honest concern about their well-being and solace.
thfy
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:56 am
Post subject:
Duuude no. Okay. This type of thinking, that "having male traits" is what makes you trans, is why I didn't think I was trans for a very long time and I nearly killed myself and LET'S NOT DO THAT, OKAY. Your friend is changing his body and his pronouns because the way he was previously referred to is
unbearable
. People like you make sure that this is not something that most people would do if they could do without it. Don't even. You are completely worthless friend, and you need to apologize.
Your friend
does not need
to justify his gender identity to you. If you don't think gender is "that big of a deal", it should be really easy for you to refer to him correctly, shouldn't it?! You don't understand this because
you identify with the gender you've been assigned
. You don't care about your gender
because
feel comfortable in your own body and with your current prounouns,
because
you identify as male. You don't experience gender dysphoria. I'd wager a guess that your friend
does
, and your continuing to misgender him is basically equivalent to repeatedly slapping him in the face because you don't understand why people who get slapped in the face all the time make such a big deal of it. What the hell.
Personally, I don't always hate being "female"... sometimes it's like drag. It's amusing, I put on a show. Other times, not so much.
TDT
Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2012 12:23 pm
Post subject:
AspieGeekGirl wrote:
I think that a lot of aspie girls wanting to be boys has to do with that we hate the way society is and what is "expected for a girl".
I used to wish that I was a boy but I think the reality is that I just wish that society should accept girls who like "male interests or clothes" and not be looked down upon if they do. For me I used to and still sometimes do think of it this way: I am physically female but mentally male. I think I like both guys and girls and I dream sometimes that I am in another reality where I was just born a boy. I like "boy things" which are: sports, video games, skateboarding (though I can't ride a skateboard I play the tony hawk games. I wish I could ride one but because of my mild Cerebral Palsy I can't) science, and comic books. I also like music which is more male dominated as well which is heavy metal, punk rock, and grunge and I wear more loose fitted clothes.
Now as my friend helped me I think I see it this way. I am happy to be a girl I just want society to accept me for liking the same things that guys do and not be judged by it.
I honestly wish my friend saw things like you do on this...she's running into this issue right at the moment. She recently told me that she just "feels like a guy" and wants people to see her as a guy. She went to far as to request that her name name is Dylin or something like that. I kinda...maybe overreacted to the sudden shock she decided to give me on this, but for more reasons than just the transgender comment.
I guess my largest problem in understanding while reading this thread comes down to "why" people hate being female, or male, or whatever. I'll be honest, I couldn't give a crap less about my being male, or female, or whatever. I have some male traits, and some female traits. Do I really care about what society really sees me as? No..I really don't. I'm technically competent in my skills needed for work, I am always trying to "self improve", and the like. Does it matter that I have a small plush doll that hangs up in my bedroom, or that I have watched and enjoy MYP and other cartoons? Sure, some of these are feminine traits..and sure, I tend to like to talk about problems and solve them rather than throw them under the carpet. What that means for me, though, is that I don't care what's feminine or masculine - and in general, that holds true to those I associate with. Unless I'm more romantically interested in someone, I don't care if they are male or female, act as male or female or what age they decide to act like.
*shrug* I don't know. I may just be far less sensitive to the whole "gender identity" need thing than others are.
soutthpaw
Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 8:08 pm
Post subject:
AspieGeekGirl wrote:
I think that a lot of aspie girls wanting to be boys has to do with that we hate the way society is and what is "expected for a girl".
I used to wish that I was a boy but I think the reality is that I just wish that society should accept girls who like "male interests or clothes" and not be looked down upon if they do. For me I used to and still sometimes do think of it this way: I am physically female but mentally male. I think I like both guys and girls and I dream sometimes that I am in another reality where I was just born a boy. I like "boy things" which are: sports, video games, skateboarding (though I can't ride a skateboard I play the tony hawk games. I wish I could ride one but because of my mild Cerebral Palsy I can't) science, and comic books. I also like music which is more male dominated as well which is heavy metal, punk rock, and grunge and I wear more loose fitted clothes.
Now as my friend helped me I think I see it this way. I am happy to be a girl I just want society to accept me for liking the same things that guys do and not be judged by it.
I think today's society is much more accepting of the Tomboy than the Janegirl ( just made that name up) but guys wearing makeup and dresses/skirts, doing arts and crafts that have been labeled feminine will stand out and be frowned upon buy much of the mainstream, yet girls wearing guy clothes, doing guy stuff is pretty much mainstream for a while now.
for the guy I am also referring to straight guys that just have what would be traditionally labeled female interests
mb1984
Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 12:14 pm
Post subject:
If you want to get testosterone, it depends where you are. You can start by talking to your family doctor. They will probably recommend you go to a gender clinic, if there is one in your area. Or start seeing a gender therapist. You can reach out to your local LGBT center and they would also be able to direct you where you need to go.
Scottinoz
Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 4:49 am
Post subject:
How do you get testosterone, I wanted natural testosterone boost and it's really hard to get.
AspieGeekGirl
Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 1:03 am
Post subject:
I think that a lot of aspie girls wanting to be boys has to do with that we hate the way society is and what is "expected for a girl".
I used to wish that I was a boy but I think the reality is that I just wish that society should accept girls who like "male interests or clothes" and not be looked down upon if they do. For me I used to and still sometimes do think of it this way: I am physically female but mentally male. I think I like both guys and girls and I dream sometimes that I am in another reality where I was just born a boy. I like "boy things" which are: sports, video games, skateboarding (though I can't ride a skateboard I play the tony hawk games. I wish I could ride one but because of my mild Cerebral Palsy I can't) science, and comic books. I also like music which is more male dominated as well which is heavy metal, punk rock, and grunge and I wear more loose fitted clothes.
Now as my friend helped me I think I see it this way. I am happy to be a girl I just want society to accept me for liking the same things that guys do and not be judged by it.
Albirea
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 11:52 pm
Post subject: Re: I wish I was a boy.
Sparx wrote:
I hate being female and I always have.
Huh. I thought you were male, too.
CockneyRebel
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 11:39 pm
Post subject:
Let's keep the conversation going. It's important that we keep talking about this. This has nothing to do with both genders having it hard. This has more to do with the emotional turmoil that comes along with strongly feeling that you're the wrong gender and hating everything about your gender.
Khyrean
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 7:43 pm
Post subject:
I consider myself... neutral... at least my personality. I feel more comfortable being seen as male but if it was possible, I'd like to be able to switch now and then. Just for fun. Sometimes I look through clothing catalogues and wonder what I would wear if I was female.
Interestingly, a friend of my mother recently told me that she sees me as neutral, even though we've never talked about that before. She said I radiate something like comfortable neutrality and that describes it pretty well, really. Of course, it helps that I see myself as being bisexual with a higher tendency to men; gay men have less strict social boundaries in looking feminine.
Here - in Germany - it is rather easy to pursue a gender change, you just have to undergo a lengthy psychological diagnosis program but then public healthcare carries the costs for surgeries and hormone therapy (and the preceding diagnosis).
emmyy
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 11:43 am
Post subject:
i don't feel comfortable as a girl but i wouldn't be a guy either. I don't actually know what i am. I do like to look like a guy, use guys clothes, do boyish things.. I don't want to have boobs, or that once-a-month thing, don't feel comfortable in girls clothes and with most girls but still i don't want to have a penis. Hmmh.
thehandmedown
Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:27 pm
Post subject:
I have always felt like I was in the wrong body and have always felt like a boy. I had a mind like a boy, and felt that when I hit puberty I would of course grow a beard, but instead I grew boobs. I never knew what trans was as a kid though, only hermaphrodite, and I was for sure my parents just never told me they snipped me at birth. I thought I was an experiment or being watched like the truman show. Well now I know what trans is, and hopefully I will start hormones in October. But yes, many of you are right. I will never, with the medical technology today, be able to have a realistic, fully functionable penis like a cis man does,... or dosnt haha. which makes me sad.
Mainichi
Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 11:42 pm
Post subject:
AnotherKind wrote:
I hate being female too
Same here with me, I always wanted to be a male. Some people thing I'm male, I dress like a guy, have short hair, etc... My whole life people have mistaken for being a male.
Sparx
Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:53 pm
Post subject:
LookingLost wrote:
I'd settle for at least just not having breasts...
Ahah, yeah. Boobs ruined my life.
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