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<table border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1" width="100%" class="forumline"> <tr> <th class="thCornerL" width="22%" height="26">Author</th> <th class="thCornerR">Message</th> </tr> <tr> <td width="22%" align="left" valign="top" class="row1"><span class="name"><a name=""></a><b>SillyEnigma</b></span></td> <td class="row1" height="28" valign="top"><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td width="100%"><img src="http://cdn.wrongplanet.net/modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/icon_minipost.gif" width="12" height="9" alt="Post" title="Post" border="0" /><span class="postdetails">Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:35 pm<span class="gen"> </span> Post subject: </span></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><hr /></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><span class="postbody">I think i ccontrol everything, too.</span></td> </tr> </table></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2" height="1" class="spaceRow"><img src="modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/spacer.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="22%" align="left" valign="top" class="row2"><span class="name"><a name=""></a><b>caveman2</b></span></td> <td class="row2" height="28" valign="top"><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td width="100%"><img src="http://cdn.wrongplanet.net/modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/icon_minipost.gif" width="12" height="9" alt="Post" title="Post" border="0" /><span class="postdetails">Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:14 am<span class="gen"> </span> Post subject: Agency</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><hr /></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><span class="postbody">I love that word, just became aware of it the past couple of years listening to the atheist folks. <br /> <br />Most people in this world are firmly convinced that some agent (call it ...) is responsibile for everything. <br /> <br />A person I know thinks someone should "pay" for pain from a vehicle crash. <br /> <br />I heard somewhere today that perhaps wisdom begins with the abandonment of seeking wisdom. <br /> <br />Hmmmm</span></td> </tr> </table></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2" height="1" class="spaceRow"><img src="modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/spacer.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="22%" align="left" valign="top" class="row1"><span class="name"><a name=""></a><b>ialdabaoth</b></span></td> <td class="row1" height="28" valign="top"><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td width="100%"><img src="http://cdn.wrongplanet.net/modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/icon_minipost.gif" width="12" height="9" alt="Post" title="Post" border="0" /><span class="postdetails">Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:42 pm<span class="gen"> </span> Post subject: Re: Things you can change vs those you can't.</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><hr /></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><span class="postbody"></span><table width="90%" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3" border="0" align="center"><tr> <td><span class="genmed"><b>questor wrote:</b></span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="quote">I had a problem with this growing up and as a young adult. With the perspective of time, and life experience I've gotten better at dealing with the things I can't change. Granted, they still bother me, but I can handle it better. I think in your case, you are probably sabotaging your efforts to cope with them. You want to fix things that are wrong--who doesn't--and aren't willing to just let go when it is something beyond your control. But remember, you do have control over how you react to things you can't change. You get to choose your behavior in those matters. Time to start making better choices in that department.</td> </tr></table><span class="postbody"> <br /> <br />How? And I don't mean, "what practical choices are better", I mean, "knowing that certain choices are practically better, how do you will to <span style="font-style: italic">make</span> them?"</span></td> </tr> </table></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2" height="1" class="spaceRow"><img src="modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/spacer.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="22%" align="left" valign="top" class="row2"><span class="name"><a name=""></a><b>questor</b></span></td> <td class="row2" height="28" valign="top"><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td width="100%"><img src="http://cdn.wrongplanet.net/modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/icon_minipost.gif" width="12" height="9" alt="Post" title="Post" border="0" /><span class="postdetails">Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:36 pm<span class="gen"> </span> Post subject: Things you can change vs those you can't.</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><hr /></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><span class="postbody">I had a problem with this growing up and as a young adult. With the perspective of time, and life experience I've gotten better at dealing with the things I can't change. Granted, they still bother me, but I can handle it better. I think in your case, you are probably sabotaging your efforts to cope with them. You want to fix things that are wrong--who doesn't--and aren't willing to just let go when it is something beyond your control. But remember, you do have control over how you react to things you can't change. You get to choose your behavior in those matters. Time to start making better choices in that department.</span></td> </tr> </table></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2" height="1" class="spaceRow"><img src="modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/spacer.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="22%" align="left" valign="top" class="row1"><span class="name"><a name=""></a><b>ialdabaoth</b></span></td> <td class="row1" height="28" valign="top"><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td width="100%"><img src="http://cdn.wrongplanet.net/modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/icon_minipost.gif" width="12" height="9" alt="Post" title="Post" border="0" /><span class="postdetails">Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:03 pm<span class="gen"> </span> Post subject: Are there "Things you can change" vs "things </span></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><hr /></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><span class="postbody">I seem to have an utter inability to distinguish between 'things I can change' and 'things I cannot change'. <br /> <br />I believe that this inability to distinguish between things that I can change and things that I cannot change is something that I can't change, but how would I know? And even though I don't believe I can change it, I still try to. <br /> <br />I keep winding up in situations where I feel horrible about myself for things that I believe are out of my control, and wind up blaming myself - literally - for the weather, or other people's decisions, or incidents of international politics, or my physiology. <br /> <br />My criteria for blame has NOTHING to do with agency; it has everything to do with "did this affect something that matters to me?" <br /> <br />If an event affects something that matters to me, than I am to blame for that event. <br /> <br />"But there's nothing I could do!" is NOT an excuse. <br /> <br />I do not believe that I can change this attitude, even though I try. I have strong evidence that I cannot change this attitude, given the decades of time I've spent trying to change it. Then again, I could easily have been sabotaging all my attempts to change it.</span></td> </tr> </table></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2" height="1" class="spaceRow"><img src="modules/Forums/templates/subSilver/images/spacer.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /></td> </tr> </table>
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