Extreme Obsession with University
I can't stop!
Everyday I'm obsessing about what university I'm going to, what program I'm going to, the residencies, the food plans, the reputation, the professers, the size of the schools, the size of the program, etc. It's interfering with my ability to concentrate (along with other anxieties), and I don't know if I'll even make it to University if this keeps up. I'll already had a number of meltdowns at school and I just am so worried!
Maybe this is in the wrong section, but I need some help as to what to do. I can't continue with this constant rattling of thoughts and worries!
I have the obsession I have to go to Grad School for my degree and its true anyway.
_________________
"You are the stars and the world is watching you. By your presence you send a message to every village, every city, every nation. A message of hope. A message of victory."- Eunice Kennedy Shriver
I have had this same obsession. Now, I take Zoloft for mild OCD and anxiety, and school is now much less a source of worry for me. My grades remain fine and I will graduate in a few months.
Try not to feel like you are on the verge of doom. Just do your part, fill out the necessary applications and financial aid forms, choose a major that will get you a good job, and sort of let things happen on their own.
Try not to feel like you are on the verge of doom. Just do your part, fill out the necessary applications and financial aid forms, choose a major that will get you a good job, and sort of let things happen on their own.
Nothing like AS obsessions huh?
From the lovely Judith Martin, otherwise known as Miss Manners...
Miss Manners Do and Don't List:
This is the (previously) unwritten code of manners I consider necessary for appropriate university interaction. Hopefully, most of these are obvious to you.
DON'T List
Don't get up and walk out during class. This disturbs the instructor and other students. If there is an unavoidable circumstance that makes it necessary for you to leave class early, sit near an exit. It is also considerate to inform the instructor at the beginning of class that you will be leaving early. No reasons needed.
(The "it's not over until it’s over" rule also holds for church, Jazz games, and good night kisses.)
Do NOT come to class late. You disrupt others. If your previous class is way across campus, speak to me about the situation.
Miss class only when absolutely necessary - and then only very rarely. When you do miss class, it is your responsibility to learn the material on your own. Your instructor cannot be expected to give a private lecture to anyone who missed class.
If this class is not full; there will be a number of empty seats. Do NOT take seats in the back of the room; it makes it very difficult to teach. Fill in seats from the front of the room instead of immediately taking seats in the back of the class. It makes discussion easier... and helps save the instructor's vocal chords! And studies have shown that those who sit near the front generally get better grades!
Sleeping or reading the newspaper in class is inappropriate. Your instructor may not notice if you are absent, but it is very likely that he/she knows everyone who sleeps or reads the newspaper in class even once. In Survival (a program to help freshman get acclimated to university life), these two things come up every year as being pet peeves of instructors university wide.
Sleeping in class irritates your instructor. Reading the newspaper in class irritates your instructor. If you don't want to be in class, physically and cognitively, then do us both a favor and stay home.
If you have an unusual situation (such as you work nights) which makes falling asleep in class more likely, you should inform your instructor that you aren't falling asleep to show your disinterest in the class, but you just can't help it. (The ban on dozing off and reading newspapers also holds for conversations with your mother-in-law and dinner appointments.)
Working on assignments for other classes is also discouraged, but the instructor will give you the benefit of the doubt - maybe you left your assignment home and have no way to get it, maybe you just had a wonderful idea that you will forget if you don't write it down. But, your instructor will never cut you any slack at all if you are reading the newspaper. There is no compelling reason why you must read the newspaper in class. It is just rude. It says, ``You are so boring and your class is so pathetic, my time is better spent reading the newspaper.''
Don't talk to your neighbors when material is being presented or questions are being asked, whether it is a video or someone addressing the class, student or instructor. It's not only rude , but it's distracting to the speaker, as well as to others who want to listen. If you have a question or need a repetition or clarification, ask the instructor
Never walk through a closed office door without knocking. If you are not invited in after you knock once, leave a message with the secretary. DO NOT KEEP KNOCKING. (The "never walk through a closed door" rule is relaxed for elevator doors, restroom doors, and classroom doors.)
Never interrupt conversations. If you must break in, wait to see if you are recognized OR say something like, "Please excuse me, but did you realize there are doughnuts in the lounge." You should never assume your time is more important than everyone else's. Though it may be appropriate for a faculty member of interrupt another conversation, it is almost never appropriate for a student to do so. It is a question of respect.
If an instructor interrupts a conversation he/she is having with someone else to ask you if you have a quick question, this means a 5 second question. Otherwise, just say you will wait.
Pacing in front of the office door or hanging in the doorway (when you haven't been invited in) while your instructor helps someone else is inappropriate. It is okay to stand so the instructor can see you. That is a gentle reminder that someone is waiting. Anything more aggressive is not appropriate.
Listening to another's phone conversation is generally inappropriate. Stay outside the office until the phone call is completed (unless directed otherwise).
Do not interrupt faculty members (who aren't your instructor) in their offices and ask for help. Your instructor or paid consultants are the only ones you should expect help from.
Sometimes students drop by the office to ask a question they really want to ask another faculty member, but ``don't want to bother him''. They are really saying, ``His time is too important for this interruption, but yours isn't.''
In our society, we treat people differently depending on how we view their status. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but it is the case. We treat a physician (of either gender) with more respect than we do the nurse (of either gender) or janitor. The respect takes many forms: not interrupting, valuing their opinion, controlling our temper, waiting for them, accommodating their schedule, wanting to please, etc. Because women are often associated with service positions like waitress, secretary, or stewardess, they are sometimes treated as ``infinitely interruptable'' even though their status would not place them in that class. It is a mixed message of ``I'd rather talk to you'' which is flattering with ``I would rather interrupt you than someone more important'' which is not flattering.
DO LIST
Attempt to see your instructor during office hours. If you feel you need to see your instructor outside of office hours, send Email to set up an appointment. If that is not possible, at least preface your interruption with, "Do you have time to talk to me now?"
Limit the number of times you see your instructor in a single day, especially if it is not during his/her office hours. It is hard for your instructor to accomplish anything if he/she receives dozens of interruptions all day long. That is the reason for office hours. If you ask frequent questions when it is not office hours, your instructor may be forced to go into seclusion, refusing to answer the phone, door, or Email. This hurts everyone.
Come for help prepared: current listing, copy of output, error messages written down, informative debug printed, having tried several alternatives. Your instructor may NOT want to run your code as it is slower than just reading it.
Ask the consultants before coming to your instructor for help.
It is easy to focus on the negative, but if you offer sincere praise now and again, your complaints will be taken much more seriously.
Take time to be polite to secretaries, technicians, and consultants. It makes their job much easier. When they are happier, everyone benefits.
Participate. Participation is necessary for learning. Participation includes attending class regularly (90% of the time), coming on time, remaining focused until class is dismissed, taking notes (This is helpful even if you never read them. Listening to get the main point is good discipline.), trying problems at your seats when directed to do so, answering questions when called upon, asking timely questions, being prepared for class, paying attention during lecture, and having an attitude of learning.
If you are having a rough time, seek individual help from your instructor. You will learn much more from the one to one interaction and it serves as a reality check for your instructor so he/she understands why students are having trouble.
Do set yourself up to receive the benefit of the doubt. Be a model student, then when you space out the final, bomb an assignment, or lose the only copy of your program, you have some chance of being listened to and accommodated. If you have been a creep, you will probably be treated that way.
If you question, disagree with or are unhappy about something related to the class, by all means, come see me so we can discuss it... but not battle over it! We're collaborators in the learning process, not adversaries; you don't have to "confront" me or anyone else associated with the class. The Responsibilities of Students (Article II, Section1 of the Code of Policies and Procedures for Students at Utah State University, states that "All interactions with faculty members, staff members, and other students should be conducted with courtesy, civility, decency and a concern for personal dignity." I have the same responsibility with respect to my interactions with you and will never intentionally embarrass or demean you.
Create a positive impression. Most of the time companies never call for a recommendation, but students should still ask themselves, "What would my professors say of me if asked for a letter of recommendation, security clearance, or graduate school admittance?" I try to be as positive as possible in letters of recommendation, but sometimes I have to simply say, "This person was not impressive." "He works far below his abilities." "She is really negative and has a hard time working in groups." Even if I have had no bad experiences with a person, it is doubtful I can give a glowing recommendation of a student who always came to class late or slept half the time. Sometimes I can honestly say, "His grades aren't the greatest, but he is just wonderful to work with. I'm sure you will be very pleased with him." "Her grades don't reflect what she can do. She is much better than her GPA indicates." "I have been so impressed with his questions in class. He thinks deeply and is motivated to find the answers on his own." I do try to point out just the positive as I realize no one will hire you if I write, "Loser", but I can't write wonderful things that just didn't happen.
In most cases, the respect you show others is returned to you. It is good practice for the work place. You treat your boss with more respect than you may treat a peer. You try to please him/her so he/she will think well of you. Then when you need a special consideration or benefit of the doubt, it will normally be extended to you.
I actually got worried later that that information would just add to the overwhelm. But I found reading Miss. Manners helpful at one time of life, and learning the basic etiquette of the place. But all that aside, I think people are a lot more relaxed and forgiving than you might think, especially in undergrad so I wouldn't worry too much. Some profs. can be very indignant over stupid things but its more their problem than anything and they will have by then had to deal with it a lot.
I think if I could go back in time and change one think about my undergrad years it would be to listen more and think less for myself. Not be so scared of the profs and take advantage of their office hours.
I picked a university very close to me so it was less terrifying. I would just limit the overwhelm which comes from too many possibilities by just going with the best rated version of everything. Also try to find a friend going to the same school. If you don't know someone from your school try to find someone who is planning on going to the same school, through your counselor or networking sites. Then plan together.
Start writing it down every time you start obsessing about it - let yourself obsess for a short time, writing the whole time you do. When the time is up, tell yourself you need to stop and try to relax.
If your school has a councellor, you might want to meet with them and start planning out a strategy to get where you want to go.
I kinda bailed on the whole university thing by getting college paid for and going to it instead.
I obsessed over university also. I thought I would not get in anywhere because I got a C in trigonometry, which at my school, is considered an "easy" math class (My school is a math/science magnet school, many students have finished Calc BC by junior year)
Fortunately, my SAT scores were good and I got into the college I wanted to go to (UGA).
I'm barely passing science at the moment (not important as it's my last year, and I don't want to go into sciences), but I get 80's and 90's in all other subjects.
I know I can get into the school I want to get into (it's the "lower" university, but it suits my spec. ed needs better and I like the courses better), it's a matter of choosing the major.
I guess as long as you don't FAIL your science class. But, you DO have to have a certain GPA in order to get into certain colleges.
_________________
Joshua
We all deal with problems and strife, but it's how we deal with them that makes all the difference in the world.
"You are no accident!"
-Rick Warren