Learning to fake it but not liking the outcome

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burtonguster
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13 Oct 2011, 1:37 am

I've finished university and now I've entered the workforce. I know that I lack many basic socializing skills but have managed to force myself to function properly in social settings. With friends it's not a real issue since they understand an I can let go, but the workplace is a different matter. I can fit in alright, and it's not even that stressful, but as soon as I walk in that door and flip a switch and just coast through the day. Nothing that happens matters, I take part in the necessary chit-chat and go about my day, but until I leave my mind is blank.

I know I should probably find a new job, but that's not always an option, at least not right now. Any suggestions? I'm new to this stuff, 22 and only been seriously aware of my HFA for the past year.



Ai_Ling
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13 Oct 2011, 2:16 am

No clue. You seem to be doing fine in comparisons to others on the spectrum. I'm sure your much closer to what we'd call a success story. Your doing fine at the job, you dont have problems, your educated.



CockneyRebel
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13 Oct 2011, 7:13 am

You should be very proud of yourself. I'm working 3 jobs cleaning parking lots for $200 a month, volunteering for $100 a month and collecting an average of $100 worth of pop cans each month. It seems like you were allowed to reach for the stars and follow your dreams. I had limitations placed upon me by my parents and high school teachers and staff. I think my life is worth as much as anybody else's life on WP and in the NT world. If I would have decided to prove those people in my life wrong, I'd be where you are today. I also see your story as a success story.

Welcome to WP! :)


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BTDT
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13 Oct 2011, 7:56 am

You should expect to take a few years getting up to speed on learning all the skills you need--just like someone who just got drafted by a major league baseball club--they sign a guy for $1,000,000 and then spend a few years training him to be a professional ballplayer!

It does get easier as you gain more experience. Also, full time workdays are longer than what you did in school, but you should adapt with time. Don't fall into the trap of working much harder than everyone else--yes, that is what your manager is suppose to get you to do, but in reality, in most workplaces it is better when everyone does the same amount of work. But, if you have extra time, I'd suggest working on your job skills, which includes things like dressing appropriately for work.



Paul123
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23 Oct 2011, 6:59 pm

"flip a switch and just coast through the day" - I can relate to that - its basically what I do too, and have been doing for the last 18 years.

But I'm changing things around now to see what happens - really just down to becoming self aware (was diagnosed / talked about being as aspie by a Doctor when small, but forgot about it till a few weeks ago).

Results have been odd. At home I've allowed myself to embrace my aspie instincts - hence I now have a spotless room though its taken a huge amount of time to do it. I'm pushing myself more the other way again (choosing to ignore OCD compulsions) but not completely (I suspect there's a happy medium somewhere).

At work its been much more interesting. I've now managed to fall out with my three colleagues. The thing I'm not happy about is fairly trivial and wouldn't normally have bothered me - but at the same time its to do with social events that I normally wouldn't even have considered being part of if I had continued to coast through the day (and I somehow managed to actually go to a night out with these three and their friends, even though it wasn't completely a works night out).

I think opting not to coast by means that I'm moving outside my comfort zone. Work is safe for me as the working environment has set rules on what you can and can't say / do - hence I can understand these and fit in nice. Outside of work I think that its often really apparent I don't really have a great deal in common with my peers (though this seemed a lot worse when I was a teenager / early 20s) - but that's far less obvious in a working environment.

Just now though I'm like "okay I'm an Aspie which means I won't always get it right" - thus really giving myself permission for trying things out even if I don't always get it right or succeed.

However it does mean going right back to basics and trying to fit in at a more social level - hence I'm going to need to be really careful until I start figuring out how to get by in work without going through the day in autopilot (using little real emotion to get by - really just running on the logical part of my brain). I'm going to need to be really careful not to get fired I reckon! Guess the best thing is probably to try for a middle ground between going on autopilot and being more 'myself' (whoever that is!)

One funny side effect was that I almost ended up in an accident while driving to work. At one point I drive really, really close to the curb/sidewalk - and usually find at the very last instant my aspie brain will waken up, jump in and steer me right just before I hit the curb. A few days ago while on my way to work I was approaching this same bit... thinking the same thing would happen. This time though my car mounted the curb (just a little!). Fortunately I wasn't going fast for once, and managed to steer it back to safety. What it basically meant though was that I was driving into work as 'myself' for once rather than turning on my autopilot mode.

P.S. For most of the last 18 years I've tended to 'come alive' / 'be myself' when I've left work.



MrEGuy
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23 Oct 2011, 10:38 pm

My advice on faking it is "don't".

The biggest thing you can do is work on developing an active interest in humanity and why they function the way the function. Frankly, even if you have to reduce socialization down to a Jane Goodall experiment, do so.

I've found socialization goes a lot easier when you're actively involved in deciphering people. People like it when others take an interest in their interests. I've taken to studying other people's interests just to decode what turns them on about those interests.

You can go the rote approach and it will work. But, the real fun is had in breaking people down and studying them and getting to know their interests. People will surprise you.



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01 Nov 2011, 9:31 pm

I wish I had that switch when I was starting out. Not being able to turn it off led to some pretty big personal problems for me. Good luck!