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AuntyCC
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14 Jul 2009, 4:20 pm

Hi, I thought I'd start a thread for sharing links to resources and tips for AS mothers and also for AS mothers to ask questions.



AuntyCC
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14 Jul 2009, 4:25 pm

For example a question I have is what exactly do you do with dolls, dollhouses, farms and so on? I never played with them myself.

I have got a great book called "Baby Talk" by Dr Sally Ward, which says that its really good for speech development, and that parents are supposed to show the children how to play. I would love to hear from NT mothers about what they would do with these toys.



DW_a_mom
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14 Jul 2009, 4:53 pm

Dolls, farmhouses and such are for role playing. You pretend to be the characters you are controlling and, basically, make them talk or move. The sheep go baahhh. The little girls asks mommy for some milk; the mommy reminds the little girl to say please and then pours the milk.

OK, honestly, I find it really boring myself - as do most parents, from what I hear. I have a terrible time coming up with decent conversations with my NT daughter. She always wants to play "talk." About WHAT, lol?!

It is much, much more fun, as a parent, to help decorate the doll house (arrange the furniture, etc) or build the city (Brio train tracks for my son were fun!) than to actually move around the characters and have them talk.

But the lesson is supposed to be in imitating the normal, dull, everyday interactions the child sees around them. Its part of how they practice it all, and process it all, and learn it all.


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Aimless
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14 Jul 2009, 5:07 pm

re: baby talk-My AS son never went through the "babbling" stage which I understood to be a critical part of speech development. He's diagnosed w/ Asperger's although he had a significant speech delay. Other things would point to HFA. But has anyone else here had a child who never went through the ba ba coo coo stage?



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14 Jul 2009, 5:43 pm

My younger son didn't do much in the way of babay talk etheir but he's one of those kids that even at 9 almost never talk and when he does you have to be on the ball to get what he's saying.
As for doll houses as a child I alway went off the deep end a little with them making little mellow drama mostly based on the soaps operas my mother didn't think I was watching. lol With my kid we've always used them as more creative way then the stander please pass the milk sort of way. Like one game my sons enjoy was having the play house take off in to space and land on a plant full of creatures they needed to learn how to get along with. We also had a pirate ship that has wheels and we'd take that on fun adventures. Never dull and I like to think it was a good learning tool.



midnightbast
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15 Jul 2009, 9:35 am

My son is three and he didn't babble. He still isn't talking in full sentences either. Mostly he repeats what he hears in the movies he likes such as "spinach, liver, and tripe" from the first Harry Potter movie. :)

As for the farms/doll homes my son would look at you as if you'd gone nuts. If he can't build with it, draw on it, destroy, or if it doesn't have wheels then it isn't a toy to him. For social interactions we've had to take the direct every day approach and let him see such things between people he knows and trusts. We can't get him to say full sentences but he says please and thank you more then anyone else in the family. lol


For useful things in getting the family to understand him I've passed these two around:

Ellen Notbohm - Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
Ellen Notbohm - Ten Things Your Student With Autism Wishes You Knew

Both can be found on her website and are small chunks of her books by the same names.

Also autism digest has some of the articles online and I've found them to be good reads. I'll be getting a subscription soon.



ImMelody
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15 Jul 2009, 2:04 pm

Perhaps my assumption is wrong here, but I thought she was looking for resources for mothers with AS, not for mothers of children with AS.

If that's the case. There is very little in literature for our group whether it be positive or negative. At least not specifically for us. I've got my website/blog for parents with ASDs that you're welcome to tryout.


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Saja
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22 Jul 2009, 9:51 am

There is indeed very little to be found on the Web for autistic parents--in fact, type in "autistic motherhood" or "autistic parenting," and all you get are links to things for NT parents of autistic kids. Which is also how I discovered that "autism parents" means parents of kids with autism. :?

Even here at WP you see it--this forum is described as

Quote:
"for discussing the various issues related to parenting children with Asperger's Syndrome and Autism."


Even here, there's no specific place for us autistic parents to discuss our issues...which is why we post in this forum, I guess. :-)


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AuntyCC
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02 Aug 2009, 3:57 pm

Okay, so I posted in a forum that is clearly intended for parents of AS children, not for parents who themselves are AS. And apparently I didn't make it quite clear that I meant parents who are themselves AS, wherever their children are on the spectrum.

I have found a thread in the Members Only area that is aimed at parents who are AS, which other people reading this thread might find useful.

BUT I'll keep this one here and just clarify:

This is a thread for parents who are autistic or have Aspergers and who want to exchange practical ideas or ask for specific advice on specific aspects of parenting. Parents who are neurotypical are very very welcome to answer questions.



Saja
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02 Aug 2009, 5:35 pm

AuntyCC wrote:
Okay, so I posted in a forum that is clearly intended for parents of AS children, not for parents who themselves are AS. And apparently I didn't make it quite clear that I meant parents who are themselves AS, wherever their children are on the spectrum.

I think you made it quite clear. And my point was that it's kind of really odd--and frustrating--that even here at WP, the bias on combining the words "autism" and "parent" immediately runs to parents whose kids are autistic, with no thought for parents who are themselves autistic.

This forum may be described as intended for parents of AS children, but I think we should definitely extend that descriptor. This is the parenting forum on a site that caters to people with autism. It's only, and perfectly, logical that we autists who are parents would post our parenting issues here.


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03 Aug 2009, 8:17 am

I don't remember doing a lot of role-playing play as a child and I was at a complete loss as to what I was supposed to do with Barbies. I mean, I could play like I was taking care of a baby doll feeding it, changing it, etc but Barbie? Meh. I liked blocks and dirt and toads and dumpsters and art stuff. (I was a messy kid.)

I don't remember ever teaching my children how to play when they were little. I pretty much just let them lead the play and went along with what they were doing. If they brought me a book, I read it. If they brought me blocks, I built something.

As far as baby talk is concerned, I think you can get by with just raising the pitch of your voice and exaggerating your facial expressions and being kind of repetitive. With little ones it is more about how you say it than what you say, I think. If you can find some songs or poems for children that you like you can sing them to your baby, like at bedtime or bath time, etc.

Other than that we never really talked down to our kids and oversimplified things unless they seemed to need an explanation and they all have pretty great vocabularies now.



AuntyCC
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03 Aug 2009, 4:49 pm

Saja, I've been wondering about the lack of forums for parents who are themselves AS. I was also intrigued by the lack of discussion about parental influence. Then I realised what a touchy subject it all is. There are almost no discussions among parents who are AS because, apparently, most do not want to talk about it. It's one thing to talk about being AS, about coping with an AS child or partner. But as soon as you start to talk about parenting with AS you raise all these thorny issues about parental influence.

I really do not want to go there with this thread. I'm sure I'm not the only mum who wants to ask questions like, how do you deal with your children's friends and their parents?

So, how do you deal with your children's friends? My dd already seems to have a complicated social life and I have decided to limit the number of children she can have over to two. I haven't yet had to talk to more than one parent at once, although in this respect I feel like a complete slacker, I'm avoiding all those toddler groups and so on.



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03 Aug 2009, 5:11 pm

One or two extra little kids in your house at one time is more then fine. As a toddler one or two is all she can deal with at one time. As for the mommy groups they suck it's all my little jonny is better then your little mikey blahh, blahh, blahh. Just do what you feel your able to cope with a happy mom and/or dad is important for a happy young child. :)



Saja
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04 Aug 2009, 5:48 am

AuntyCC, how old is your daughter? Mine is now 8, and we have learned that three is a terrible number of girls together. Boys seem to do fine, but with girls, it's all two-against-one, however much all three girls like each other. So maybe go with one friend, or three if you feel really adventurous :-), but not two.

I am much better with my children's friends now that they're older (8 and 10) and they pretty much direct their own play, can play in the playground without my supervision, and so on. When they were little, friends over was anxiety-producing for me, mostly, because of the added safety issue with someone else's child. (I have over-the-top safety anxiety with my kids; it'd be comical if it weren't so stressful.) Plus I've never been much of a hands-on kid person, so I am definitely not a "now let's fingerpaint! now let's bake cookies!" type mom. I hope my kids feel my other good qualities compensate for this.


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AuntyCC
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04 Aug 2009, 8:12 am

Saja, that's a good point about the numbers. My daughter is only two, so her interaction is a bit random anyway, but now you mention it that's one of the things that I notice about the 6-year-olds who play in our little neighbourhood park. There are usually three of them and it does tend to be two and a one.

I had been inviting them all three over for painting or splashing in the paddling pool but they tend to invite their brothers, sisters and friends and my house and garden ends up full of children. It seemed like a good idea and lots of socialisation for DD but I find it hard to set boundaries. When you have six kids running around you need to be able to be the voice of authority so I'll have to keep it a bit smaller.



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05 Aug 2009, 9:46 am

This is a great thread as I can follow and make posts that many understand. When speaking to NTs they don't get my statements or questions :?

One of my worst problems is socializing my daughter as I've all but given up for myself. She usually goes to church with her grandparents and plays with her cousins a few times a week and that works as she is 3. Im really dreading lessons and events as I have problems with eyecontact, stuttering when nervous err panic attacks and have gotten worse as I age instead of better. And it seems like I'm often embarassing myself or some other social faux pas :roll:

The only people we've had in our house for years are family and service guys and my husband hates that. Anyone else having SAD problems and know where Im coming from?