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PinkRangerV
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03 Jun 2011, 5:11 pm

I pretty much parent my sister (she's six and I'm nineteen), and I just discovered I have Asperger's. My sister is a sweet, outgoing, clearly NT kid who loves spending as much time with her friends as possible, pretending to be a Rainbow Fairy (I'm buying her the Jewel Princess books so she can pretend to be something I actually understand :p), and not doing her schoolwork.

So far, things have gone pretty well, and she doesn't seem irreparably damaged by having an Aspie 'mom'. The circumstances that led to me parenting her are over, and we both live with our biological mother, so that might have helped.

My question is how much I should tell her. Our mom doesn't like having a diagnosis (she actually figured out my diagnosis quite a while ago, but refrained from having me officially diagnosed because she's...well, one of those people who thinks doctors are secret agents for Big Pharm), but I think the kid should know why her 'mom' doesn't always look her in the eye or never tells a joke.

I've already told her that I've got something a bit different, and I'm going to a 'special doctor' (she's six, so psychiatrist is a bit beyond her) to get a diagnosis. She's pretty okay with it, as is Mom, but I'm not sure what to do after the diagnosis.

Should I tell her the word? Should I just ignore it? Should I pretend nothing's wrong with me?

Any advice?


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Bombaloo
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03 Jun 2011, 9:35 pm

I think you should tell her about it. Kids can be very accepting when it comes to their loved ones.
Check out this blog from MOM- Not Otherwise Specified
http://momnos.blogspot.com/2010/03/on-being-hair-dryer-kid-in-toaster.html

This is about a mom explaining autism to her son's classmates at school but it might help you find some words to use with your little sister.



PinkRangerV
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07 Jun 2011, 6:29 pm

Wow. That's a huge help. Thank you sooo much! XD


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tmd63
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12 Jun 2011, 2:27 pm

Also, Pink.
You are still the same person that she has always known. It is just that you are different to other parents.
It does not detract from the fact you are still the same person.
She will understand that you are still you and have not changed.



Chronos
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15 Jun 2011, 2:53 pm

In the absence of any explanation she is just going to accept your oddities as part of who you are.



momsparky
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15 Jun 2011, 5:23 pm

I agree with the above: I don't know that you need to be too specific with a child this young. You've been open about the stuff that she might question (the doctor) and you've said you are "different," that might be sufficient for now.

In general, the most common rule of thumb for discussing difficult topics with young children: answer their questions, no more, no less.Be very careful that you know what she means when she asks questions, though: most often kids want a simple answer, rather than a detailed breakdown of exactly what's going on. It's up to you whether or not to use the word Asperger's Syndrome, but be aware that six-year-olds are not good at respecting privacy, especially when it comes to big fancy titles and high-stakes information. :D

For instance:

Kid "How are you different?"
You: "Well, I think a little differently than other people."
Kid: "What do you mean?"
You: "Because of the way I think, sometimes it's hard for me to understand people or for people to understand me."
Kid: "Are you OK?"
You: "Sure, I'm fine! I'm seeing a doctor to help me learn ways to make it easier for me to communicate."

Also, congratulations on caring for your sister, I'm very sorry it had to happen, but I'm always grateful to hear about siblings stepping up and doing the right thing.