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Kjas
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18 Apr 2012, 11:30 am

Actually I think this is somewhat common.

Perhaps they are applying a rule you have taught them previously, but applying it to the wrong situation? It's important you find out the "rule" they are applying that is leading them to this behaviour, otherwise you can tell them off and they won't understand and will be likely to do it again.

I had a similar problem when I was younger. I would "redistribute" things. If someone had an unfair amount of something and another person had very little or none, I would "redistribute", otherwise known as taking something and giving it to someone else, which is technically stealing, although I mainly did that with people in my peer group, I never shoplifted or anything.

I have the same tendency now but I confine it to myself. If I have more than I need of something (like a spare bed) and someone I know or someone I meet needs a bed, I just give it to them. Same goes with food or whatever else really. I have been told off multiple times for this behaviour by older adults and told not to "just give my stuff away" or "give away food for no good reason" even though it doesn't hurt anyone and doesn't break any rules.


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MotherKnowsBest
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18 Apr 2012, 4:44 pm

The specialist who diagnosed my daughter said it was pretty common. He said an NT youngster knows it wrong to steal but more importantly they FEEL it's wrong to steal. AS children often have a disconnect between what they know and what they feel. So my daughter knows it's wrong to steal but she doesn't feel it. And like I said previously, the stealing was what led to AS investigation and diagnosis in her case.



Alien_Papa
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21 Apr 2012, 11:41 pm

I did it,but so far as I know, my daughter has not.

Why did I do it? Can't really explain it. Seemed exciting to lift 20 dollars out of my Moms wallet. But I didn't spend it on drugs or anything exciting at all, it just seemed exciting to have it. Eventually I got caught. I guess I hadn't anticipated my Mom's feelings.

Would my daughter do it? I believe not since she is intensely concerned about honesty and loyalty. But 20 dollars isn't what it used to be. I probably wouldn't notice if it was missing.



DW_a_mom
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21 Apr 2012, 11:51 pm

eurostarhero wrote:
I can't believe that someone said kids with autism don't steal. A quick google search would show that show its pretty common


I would suggest that it is less common in kids with autism, but also more difficult to deal with when it does occur. Most NT kids will steal at some point to test the waters, see how it feels, figure out what they can get away with ... or just because a friend goaded them into it. I think that when AS kids steal, the reasons and motivations are often different.

My ASD son is such a strong rules kid, he would never steal. He'll hide things from people, but he won't take things. But I realize there is no universality among everyone who shares the AS label.


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Bifford
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09 Nov 2012, 10:38 am

curlyfry wrote:
This is what should have happened. Have the object taken away immediately and be forced to write a letter saying I was sorry for my actions and mail the item back because it was not right for me to have it. Also, explaining that if something of mine was taken, how would I feel and so on, making it more clear and concrete.

If you commit a theft and it ever goes to the police you should never write an apology letter because that can be used as evidence. You were very young then, but now you should be more careful when trying to reconcile with your victims.



League_Girl
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09 Nov 2012, 1:50 pm

Old thread.


I stole in my childhood. I stole a pack of gum once and mom took me back and made me pay for it and she threw it out. I also once stole two prizes from the fake treasure chest in speech therapy when I was only supposed to take two. I showed it to my two classmates who also came to speech therapy too. They got upset by it and I was taken back and I felt guilty over it and never did it again. I had to return two of the prizes of course. I remember stealing other things from stores but they were little things and sometimes it was an accident because I would forget I had them in my pocket.


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daydreamer84
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09 Nov 2012, 7:43 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Old thread.


I stole in my childhood. I stole a pack of gum once and mom took me back and made me pay for it and she threw it out. I also once stole two prizes from the fake treasure chest in speech therapy when I was only supposed to take two. I showed it to my two classmates who also came to speech therapy too. They got upset by it and I was taken back and I felt guilty over it and never did it again. I had to return two of the prizes of course. I remember stealing other things from stores but they were little things and sometimes it was an accident because I would forget I had them in my pocket.


:lol: My sister once stole a pack of gum and showed it to me, then I said it wasn't fair that she had gum and I didn't so she stole a pack of gum for me and told me not to tell mummy. Well I didn't tell mummy, but I did chew the ill gotten gum in front of my mummy which resulted in my sister being screamed at and also having to take it back, return it and apologize. She couldn't pay for it....she was too young for that. So I had no problem with my sister stealing as long as she stole for me too. I thought it was horrible to steal from my mom though. My mom made a rule that if I found under a dollar worth of change in the house I could take it (like if I found a quarter) but if I found a dollar or more I had to give it to her. I always followed that rule and even recently (at 27) when I found $2 out on a counter and needed money for bus fair since I hadn't bought a metro pass for the next month I didn't take the money but walked to a bank and got out $20, then bought something small so I had change for bus fair. Later I realized that I could have just taken it and told her about it and paid her back and that would have been okay.......but it still didn't feel right to take over a dollar that I found around the house.



League_Girl
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10 Nov 2012, 12:40 am

You could have taken a dollar only. :lol:


Mom made me take some coins out of my piggy bank and she took me back to the store and had me pay for it.


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Bifford
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06 Apr 2013, 2:14 am

Autistic kids steal, particularly the more severe cases. I've met a couple. If they saw something that fascinated them, they just took it. They never lied about their thefts and when the items were taken back they became confused and upset, so they're not like your typical anti-social thief who understands what he does but does not care.



Callista
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06 Apr 2013, 10:33 am

I used to steal food as a child. I stopped around age ten, when I realized that if I ate the food, the other person wouldn't be able to. But I have a somewhat complicated childhood...

I think it can be possible for autistic kids to walk off with things they find interesting, without realizing that the other person will be distressed to lose the item. From what I remember, it was never the sort of stealing that you expect from people who are doing it for profit. It was more like, "Oooh, shiny..." and then you forget about the social rules that say things are "mine" or "yours". I didn't have much concept of things belonging to me, either; I would leave things behind, someone would borrow them and I'd never bother to get them back. If I didn't have it in my hands right then, I didn't really fell like I owned it. The only exception I remember was a small stuffed cat--and that I had in my hands most of the time anyhow.

So maybe it has something to do with not really understanding the concept of property?


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mikassyna
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06 Apr 2013, 1:40 pm

I stole something from a classmate's desk I think it was in 1st grade, probably a pencil eraser or something. I got busted and was extremely embarrassed. I just had a need to hold the objects, to feel them. I stole some old coins from my parents' dresser drawer. I liked the fact that they were old and different, and liked to just hold them and feel them. I also stole objects from home to sell on the playground to give the money to anyone who would be nice to me.



MiahClone
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07 Apr 2013, 1:43 am

daydreamer84 wrote:

My mom made a rule that if I found under a dollar worth of change in the house I could take it (like if I found a quarter) but if I found a dollar or more I had to give it to her.


I have exactly the same rule with my kids, LOL!

My ASD child, I do not believe has ever stolen anything. I don't know that I count getting into candy around the house as stealing. It's more of a, "Well, now you don't have any for later." kind of thing. I do sometimes keep special candy in my room, like if I got a box for Valentine's. Well, they got a box, too, and quickly ate theirs. He won't get into mine in my room (because he's not allowed in my room), so I don't think he has ever stolen anything.

My middle child with ODD and ADHD has gotten into serious trouble for stealing. If he had been 10 instead of 9, he would have been arrested. But when it all came down to it, I don't think he really understood what he was really doing. He really wanted the books and toys he was taking, we'd never really had much in the way of clear boundaries at home of this is yours and this is mine (they are 15 months apart, and with the oldest's developmental delays, they were more like twins in interests and activities after the middle one could walk. They literally shared everything.) It was like someone up thread was saying. He /knew/ on a logical level that it was wrong, but he didn't really /feel/ it. Combine that with the extreme impulsiveness of his ADHD, and he had picked up $50 worth of books from the book fair. It was three books, but all hardbacks, so they added up quickly. He'd also taken some little stuffed animals from his classroom and hoarded them into his desk. I still couldn't tell you exactly why he did it. I don't think he knows why he did, and he did lie at first. It's a pretty awful feeling as a parent when you realize your child has been stealing. We had a lot of discussion with him, he got to meet the school police officer to kind of scare him, and the thing that really made the biggest difference for him is that he got to see how upset and hurt his teachers were, especially when the main teacher found out that he had been stealing her beanie baby sized stuffed animals and keeping them hidden in his desk and backpack, and how disappointed we were in him. That kind of thing really matters to him.