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Moopants
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05 Apr 2011, 9:26 am

I know a common trait of children with asd can be what is considered as bad or naughty behaviour but are there any parent out there who have had experience of kids who didnt have bad behaviour or who were perhaps at the other end of the scale and had children whose behaviour was 'too good'?



YippySkippy
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05 Apr 2011, 12:28 pm

My son is always naughty and also always good. He has a heart of gold (figuratively, of course!). He offers to share anything he has without being asked. He says "please" and "thank you" even when it's not really necessary.
However, he is also stubborn and wildly inappropriate, which is obvious every time we leave the house. He is EXTREMELY outgoing and without fear of anything. Nothing said to him will get him to stop picking his nose and eating it, or asking the checkout girl to give him some money, or any one of a hundred other embarrassing things.
I continually wonder how someone can be so sweet and so cringe-inducing at the same time.



draelynn
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05 Apr 2011, 2:04 pm

My aspie is also the picture of perfect please/thank you manners too.

But she can be willful and stubborn and defiant - just like any other kid. My trick is learning how to keep it from turning into a meltdown. Figuring out why she is so determined in whatever it is she wants to do/say/have so badly. We negotiate quite a bit. I give her carefully selected choices to choose from instead of rigidly says no in a finite way. She is one smart cookie and will call anybody out if they are being unfair - to her especially. And I do not necessarily think that is a bad thing.

She will also walk right up to the girl manning the goldfish bowl game at the local fair and ask for a fish without playing the game... and get one!

We're still working on scratching our butt in public though...



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05 Apr 2011, 2:57 pm

I have to say, my aspie is very very good. (I actually find this post a little offensive, I assume it was never meant to offend anyone though :) )

If my son understands the rules, he will follow them. If he doesn't understand them....well it's usually not his fault, it's the person (including myself) giving out the directions/rules.

Due to my aspie's sensory issues, there are places and things that he just can't tolerate and if pushed to engage in these activities he will appear to either misbehave or just shut down. I am a quick learner and those things/places will not be pushed on him again. They will always be offered but never pushed.

I actually wish my aspie was more naughty sometimes, then he may have gotten school funding. Then his emotional/mental health and self esteem may be in better shape.


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League_Girl
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05 Apr 2011, 3:43 pm

I was too good in middle school and high school because I did my school work and didn't slack off school work. Lot of kids refused to do their school work so the resource room teacher and aids were always sending letters home to parents. In high school, my aid would be doing catch up with the other kids because they wouldn't do their school work so they were getting Fs for it. So my aid would make them do their work when we all be in the resource room. I also didn't skip school or cut class (well I did when it was at the end of the year because there was so school work, just kids hanging in the classroom talking and doing catch up on school work and chit chatting so I didn't think it mattered) and I didn't smoke or do drugs. I didn't go out and have sex and get pregnant. I was very good. Plus I didn't have peers anyway, you know what I mean. :wink:

Then other times I was bad. I had meltdowns and got anxious in class so I acted rude and displayed inappropriate behavior.

I don't see anything offensive about this post, just a curious question.



Moopants
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05 Apr 2011, 5:54 pm

aurea wrote:
I have to say, my aspie is very very good. (I actually find this post a little offensive, I assume it was never meant to offend anyone though :) )
.


Can someone please explain how the OP is offensive in any way?

What I do find offensive as an aspie myself is when parents refer to their child as "my aspie"

Aspergers is not an ownership thing and if it is, it's the person with aspergers who owns it, not their parents. What's wrong with defining their child by name, age or gender etc rather than their "disorder"? I never hear my asthmatic, my schizophrenic or my spoonie used to describe offspring. Why is this different.

I'm sure many NT parents will take offense at this tho.



draelynn
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05 Apr 2011, 6:08 pm

I'm an Aspie and I refer to my kidling as my aspie in print to clarify. I take no offence in it... others do?



League_Girl
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05 Apr 2011, 6:11 pm

I actually laughed because I thought it was funny. I don't refer my husband as "My brain damage" "my bad feet." "My bad feet goes to work and pays attention to detail so that's why he does such a good job at work." See how silly that sounds?

But yet I have seen parents go "my autistic" and on AS Partners, people go "My AH" or whatever for their AS partner. I had always found humor in it because it sounds like they are a dog or something.


But I find exceptions like if someone is talking about their kids and one of them has AS. Then it makes sense when they go "My aspie son" so people know which she is talking about and "my NT son" and if the forum is mixed with aspies and NTs, it makes sense when people go "My aspie husband" so people know same as if they go "My NT husband." It just makes it less confusing and people won't wonder if someone is AS or NT.



YippySkippy
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05 Apr 2011, 8:47 pm

What's a spoonie?



aurea
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06 Apr 2011, 1:10 am

Ok sorry all :oops: To clarify I never ever thought the original poster was being offensive. I worded my post all wrong. What I do take offense at is when some people (in fact a lot that I've come into contact with) call my child and other children I know (also on the spectrum) naughty.
When I personally don't believe they are being naughty or bad.

I never refer to my child as "my aspie" any where else, I do it here only to clarify that I am talking about my child that has asperger's, not my neurotypical child. The child I was referring to is a minor I am uncomfortable giving out his name. If I simply said my son or my 12 year old, would the person know that that child had asperger's or low/high functioning autism or even something else?

If I was in an asthma forum then, sorry to say I would probably refer to my other son as my asthmatic!


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liloleme
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06 Apr 2011, 2:07 am

Im a Spoonie and an Aspie....Look up the Spoon Theory. Its a way a woman with Lupus found to explain her disease to a friend. So a Spoonie is someone with a auto immune or chronic illness/pain. I have Ankylosing Spondylitis which is an auto immune disease that causes my joints to fuse and also causes deterioration of my bones and joints due to inflammation (my body attacking itself).
I also refer to my kids as "my aspie son" and "my autie daughter" online because I also have three other kids. I have used my kids names before and I use my daughters name in some of her videos but sometimes it feels too personal on other web sites. I do it more here and I do on Facebook.

I dont like the word bad but even Autistics can be naughty :wink: . Sometimes I think people let their kids get away with being rude and disrespectful because they have Autism and this can be just as destructive to a childs development as not recognizing when it is sensory overload.



Moopants
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06 Apr 2011, 3:51 am

I think there is a large difference between "My aspie son/daughter" or "my NT Partner" and just "my aspie"

The former is applying an adjective to describe the specific person, the latter turns the PERSON into a noun and reads as if a possession, as if that is all there is to them and that is where my objection arises.

If I discuss my child, I will refer to my child as an individual not a possession and any conditions the child may have is not necessarily what defines them. It may be a method of additional distinction but I PERSONALLY dont like how it is THE method of distinction.



liloleme
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06 Apr 2011, 4:38 am

Well...my children are mine so in a sense they are my possession. Im sorry I just think more logically than emotionally. I know a lot of people get all upset and gasp when you call yourself or your children an aspie and you are supposed to say that my child HAS autism and not that my child is Autistic and bla bla bla! We know that our children are more than just Aspies or Auties or Autistic and that they have their own identity and I dont introduce my child as my Aspie son, in conversation. I would say "this is MY son Luc" (as he still is mine). How do you introduce your kids to people? "this is George a child I conceived and gave birth to"? When explaining things online when talking about autistic children it makes a distinction between them and my typical children.
I have a series of videos of my daughter on youtube all labeled Autistic Princess because she is very girly and loves princesses...I could call them Princess Girl but that would take away from their purpose, they are made to show a positive image of an Autistic child.

Ok, so I just got what you are trying to say, which my post still addresses. You dont agree with it appearing that Autism is in "possession" of your child. Still this is all just jargon and it doesnt really mean that you think of your child as "autism", its just a way to communicate when you are discussing your aspie, autie or bi polar child.



azurecrayon
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06 Apr 2011, 6:42 am

its simply shorthand. "my child with autism" is a lot longer to type than "my autie" or "my aspie". they also help identify specific children. if i say "my son", since i have 3 of them, you have no idea whether i mean the autie, the NT, or the aspie. i sometimes use their first initials but that assumes someone realizes they are listed below in my sig, which most people dont since thats way down there at the bottom and they are reading up here. i also sometimes say "my teen" or "my 5 yo", doesnt mean i am being ageist, thats simply a way to identify who i am speaking of.

another recent post of mine, someone took issue when i referred to my SO as "the autistic" when identifying him from the other person in a conflict. well frankly, thats what he is. the conflict existed because the child is a child and the autistic is an autistic and sometimes the behaviors of the two are at odds, and they are at odds directly because one is a child and one is autistic. therefore i will refer to the child as "the child" and the autistic as "the autistic", because thats how you tell the two participants apart.

for myself, i will continue to speak this way because its shorthand, its logical, and there is no way to not offend someone on the internet when you start typing. someone somewhere is going to be offended, and as long as you arent intentionally trying to offend, and you are speaking honestly and ethically (ie not using highly objectionable words), then it should be a non-issue. if someone else takes issue with a word or phrase ive used, that is for the most part their issue and not mine. cant expect the entire internet to pander to our own personal objections.

as for behavior, "the 5 yo child with autism that i gave birth to" is pretty well behaved for the most part. problems that arise usually come from autistic issues or comorbids and are not actual bad behavior but sensory related. things like spinning or wandering off, hitting people with a swinging nerf sword (doesnt know where he is in space), etc. like many auties, he is very rule bound, so that keeps him from acting out too badly. 1-2-3 works wonders with him too, even if you never say what happens at 3 =P simply using the numbers is enough to stop whatever he is doing.


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06 Apr 2011, 8:03 am

I feel like I'm reading fortune cookies in this thread.



YippySkippy
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06 Apr 2011, 10:12 am

A WP thread about behavior turns into a semantics debate. Shocking. :lol:
Now we just need someone to spell a word wrong...