Do parents of autistic children get disability SSI?
16 Dec 2012, 11:37 am
I'm sorry if I've appeared judgemental. I realize this is a sensitive topic and this is my first attempt to get answers on the net. I didn't mean to ruffle any feathers but when I originally posted the question, everybody assumed I didn't spend enough time with the child to understand how her true behavior...but I know I have spent considerable time as a second parent to have a valid observation. Really didn't mean to sound like I'm bashing my gf or the SS system, but just to enquire if autistic parents typically collect SS disability for their child, THAT'S ALL. Then I felt I had to defend myself by clarifying which looked like I'm bashing my girlfriend...truth is I'm glad she's getting SS because it helps me indirectly as I keep a roof over our heads, regardless of what te money is spent on.
16 Dec 2012, 12:36 pm
Are you saying that if a non-verbal child advances to talking and more, that it is possible for that child to become disqualified for SSI? Or that the child continues to be eligible for SSI until 18 regardless of how much progress she makes? Does the parent need to requalify every so often to maintain eligibility? And how often would that be?
16 Dec 2012, 1:16 pm
Are you saying that if a non-verbal child advances to talking and more, that it is possible for that child to become disqualified for SSI? Or that the child continues to be eligible for SSI until 18 regardless of how much progress she makes? Does the parent need to requalify every so often to maintain eligibility? And how often would that be?
Those are details I do not know the answers to, but since ASD is a condition in which regression is common, I would hope there is a lot of caution in removing a benefit once qualified for.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
16 Dec 2012, 1:49 pm
Just because you supposedly spend enough time with her doesn't mean you know everything about the needs of the girl. There are some things you'll never see.
Only 3 people have ever seen me have a meltdown of some sort - none of these people are relatives. Just because you don't see it, it doesn't mean the needs aren't there.
16 Dec 2012, 2:44 pm
Ok I will clarify: this single mom is my girlfriend that I have been living with for almost two years, and she is divorced from her daughter's father. This mom will not work, but lives off child support from the girls dad, the SSI for her daughter's autism, and I pay the entire rent on the house and all bills. She uses her child support/SSI on food, car payments, and credit card payments, and whatever needs her daughter requires when you take away the rent/electricity that I supply (yes there are therapy copays and such but not too expensive).
Your daughter may be a career wrecker as you say, but this girl is not. She is on the spectrum, and she does have meldowns with her mom, but never with me. I babysit this kid all the time when the mother is out and she is fine...not normal, as she is obviously on the spectrum...but she gives me little problem other than the fact that she has obsessions and does not gravitate towards activities that normal girls do, so I always have to keep an eye out for her to not get into trouble, whereas normal girls can be trusted much easier when they are playing with Barbies or video games. My secret is I made the house rules clear to her and I don't let her get away with anything and for some reason it works like a charm.
But as soon as the mom comes home, that kid starts giving her an immensely hard time, as the mom lets her get away with everything. I tell her mom I will stay and watch the child after school hours so that she can work, but for the past couple years she has the excuse that she can't find a job. The daughter's father is very active in her life and has her about 40% of the time, but does not get any of the SSI benefit since it was the mother who did all the work to get the daughter accepted for benefits...and the girl is fine with her dad...but not other members of his family "who let her get away with things" (to quote him)
I'm sorry if my post sounds judgemental to you but I'm simply telling exactly what I and several others have observed. The particular little girl is truly autistic so no fraud there, but I don't understand why she's no problem with strict people. Or maybe her dad and I just have a high tolerance and patience for her special needs and know to make her understand.
Okay so you left out a LOT of pretty important information.
Your original post appeared to be an indictment of parents of spectrum kids collecting SSI. The responses were not surprising at all.
What you've outlined here with a lot of clarification is a very specific situation.
Honestly though, the clarification isn't much of a defense of your original post. It isn't because now it looks as though you may have judged all who collect benefits to help them take care of their kids on the spectrum, based only on what you've observed in this ONE situation.
I gave you the benefit of the doubt with my first reply, but what you posted here is nothing but a justification for your original post, with no indication that you now, from what we've explained, understand how it is that anyone might need SSI to raise a kid on the spectrum.
IOW: you seemed to want to know whether anyone would really need SSI to raise an ASD child, and why. We've explained it, but all you're doing is justifying yourself.
If all you really wanted was validation for thinking she doesn't deserve it, you should have said so. it doesn't seem to me that you really wanted to know what real reasons there are for needing SSI.
I can't tell you whether she deserves it or not. I'm not there. I would now ask you a question.
If you think so lowly of her, what on earth are you doing with her?
_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...
16 Dec 2012, 5:49 pm
OP:
You still have not clarified who you are in reference to this mom and her daughter.
You keep calling the "single mom" your gf, so does this mean you are saying you are her live-in romantic partner gf or a platonic friend gf?
1)If you are a platonic room-mate, her parenting style is none of your business. If you are unhappy with her not pulling her weight financially, then that certainly is relevant to you.
2)If you are a romantic gf of bio mom and you are babysitting, then I can see you having an interest in the parenting. (If your relationship is a partnership and if you are acting in a parentlike way.) That said one of your complaints in that you have offered to babysit said child after school if she goes back to work and she has apparently said "no." So if you are her live in partner, she does not trust your parenting. You also apparently do not trust hers, so you obviously having some serious issues with each other. You apparently can't even ask her about eligibility conditions for SSI or trust her answers about why she has to stay home for her child.
3) I still think you are really the daughter's step mom, but even if you are not being disingenuous, why do you seem to be more empathetic to the child's dad than the child herself (not to mention your own "gf"?) I also wonder about why you keep fixating on SSI. I seriously hope you are not trying to get help taken away from this little girl for whom you show no affection whatsoever.
You say you are just "curious," but registering on this site to ask only about SSI,(and tangentially complain about lax parenting) when a lot of these questions could be answered by asking your own "gf" (who has filed for it and knows what it entails) seems a lot of effort for someone who is just curious. I would think someone who has been living 2 years with an autistic girl and her single mom would have many more important questions to ask us.
So I ask you again, what is your true objective?
17 Dec 2012, 4:28 pm
OP,
A few things strike me as rather odd about your story:
1. Your original post just seems to ooze bitterness and resentment, why would you be in a relationship with her if things are that bad?
2. Why do you keep defending her ex? What do you get out of it?
3. You talk about this child in such a cold and detached manner - you sound like the last person who should be involved in her life!
4. You claim to live with this child and her mother, yet you seem completely clueless about the autism spectrum!
5. Like others in this group, I don't think you're the mother's bf at all, there are so many holes in your story I don't know where to begin, and you sound more like a jealous stepmother - so what is your real motive?
17 Dec 2012, 6:49 pm
I'm not convinced it is helpful to anyone to challenge a person who comes here seeking answers, even if one could be suspicious of their reasons for seeking those answers.
No one has to invest time working with someone they don't feel is genuine; you just skip the post.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
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