Just Diagnosed!

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Help! My 18 year old has just been diagnosed with ASD PPD-NOS. Will she ever grow up??

of course. there is no end to development (s. greenspan). adults can get necessary interventions,too. my son is a 4.5 year old pdd-nos

Yes she will. Just not on the same timeline as her neurotypical peers. She needs your support and, if your community has it, the support of professionals experienced with helping autistic individuals make the transition from the high school setting to the to college/training/job setting. There are so many basic life skills that public school doesn't bother to teach kids that must be learned in other ways. I think one of the biggest things you need to keep in mind is that she must be explicitly taught many things that you and other people might think she should just "get" or should have "gotten" by now, organizational skills, how to look for a job, interview etiquette, etc. Don't assume she knows how to do something, find out if she knows or not and if not just teach it to her or find someone else who can.

Thanks for your prompt replies. We have been teaching her many skills. How do we stop sounding like tape recorders? A lot of her actions seems like they don't get completed because of laziness or pure rebellion. Is this all part of ASD? Should we force her to grow up/ take on more grown up roles? or should we continue to allow her to act like a 7/8 yr old and raise her from that age?

The rule of thumb is to expect a 30% delay in maturity, in some kids it's more, so many of her organization and self-help skills may be more like that of a 10-12 year old. I don't think you have any choice but to figure out where she is currently and work from there. What appears to be laziness may be executive function deficits (ie inability to organize, plan, and follow through). What seems to be rebellion might be attitude that you wouldn't be surprised at from a younger teen. I've heard an assessment called the Vineland can be helpful in figuring out what skills she needs help with. The book Smart But Scattered might also be helpful. (My kid is only 7, so feel free to take my opinions with a large grain of salt.)

My son is about half his chronological age, emotionally, so it does vary. I start with where he is, and try to make progress from there. Some skills go faster than others. If I get stuck on something I will work on something else that may be a bit easier. There is so much to work on, so I try not to get bogged down unless it is a very important (urgent, and usually school related, behavior kind of stuff.) Sometimes after a break of not working on something aggressively, I can think of workarounds or new strategies.

My son is 7, so I probably won't have much concrete advice, but if you give us more info about what your child specifically needs help with, it will give everyone more specifics to work with.

Thank you Zette, this info is very helpful. I feel like we need the counselling more than her to learn how to assist her. Are there support groups for parents?

okay, so more specifically, yesterday when instructed to sweep and mop the floor in writing, she proceeded to mop first, then told her dad that she was going to sweep afterwards???? What is the proper way to make her understand this simple chore? It really appeared as though she was going to attempt do both tasks at the same time, (laziness?).

One of my favorite writer's on this topic is Dr. Ross Greene. His basic theory is that kids (that includes teenagers and the verge of adulthood) will do well if they can. If they are not doing well it is most often due to lagging skills. The perception that AS teens are lazy and rebellious, evidently more so than other teens, seems to be common. A common problem for AS people seems to be lack of specificity in directions. Instructions like "clean up the kitchen" are often far too vague and the autistic person doesn't know where to begin so they don't begin and this looks like laziness to the person who gave the instruction. In this example, the instructions need to be broken down into smaller steps, depending upon the individual it may need to be MUCH smaller steps. So you break this down by saying, e.g., "Stack all the dishes that are on the table by the sink. Rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. When all the dirty dished are in the dishwasher, use the sponge to wipe off the table and the counters."

I don't think the answer is forcing her to grow up or treating her like a child. You need to meet her where she is right now and figure out what she needs to get to where she wants to go. The concept of where she wants to go may be difficult to define right now but you can set a goal such as her taking a few college classes or finding a job training program that interests her or helping her find an entry level job that she can do. I do think it is reasonable for her to help around the house. Just make sure she knows what to do and how to do it. Such responsibilities are good for most people.

One piece of advice I have heard many times in regards to autistic kids is to work on one thing at a time. Focusing on one concrete goal might be helpful for you right now.

Your child might not understand the reason for the rule. I would make sure, first, that what you have in writing is very clear. Something like this:*

1) Sweep the floor to get loose dirt off the floor. You need to do this step first or the dirt will mix with the mopping water and make it harder to clean. Use broom to sweep dirt into pan and then empty pan into trash. Repeat until loose dirt is removed from entire floor.

2)Mop floor. Put a capful (or however much) of cleaning liquid into bucket. Fill remainder of bucket with warm water. Mop floor, occasionally squeezing dirty water into the sink.

*Use as much detail as your child needs.

Hi there, I'm an adult with asperger's (and a parent). Off the top of my head, I thought of 4 reasons that I avoid self-help tasks:

1) The task seems pointless to me. This doesn't mean that the task actually IS pointless, it just means that in my mind it is. As I approached my late teens, I was able to make the "point" of a task simply to make my parents happy/keep them off my back - if that helps you at all.

2) I strongly prefer to do something else instead and lack the motivation to do the task "correctly". So, for example, every single morning I wake up and know that I should eat breakfast. But instead I immediately have a cup of coffee and end up with jitters and brain fog until I finally eat at least an hour later (the coffee makes me feel full).

3) The task is so unbelievably boring or unpleasant that I cannot bring myself to do it. I find that a routine (habit) and some music helps with this. A good example would be how I just joined the YMCA (mostly for the childcare lol), Even though I know working out is healthy and it will make me feel good, I cannot bring myself to do it because I HATE it. I have to trick myself into getting into a routine by focusing on the fact that it'll give me a break from my son for 2 hours

4) Sensory issues. Who want's to shower when they're FREEZING the whole time (unless it's 90+ degree's)? Not me!

Lady katie, this sounds totally like her which is such a challenge to us. Thanks for sharing, We will work on ways to help her understand why tasks we assign her are important and if she is still not complying because of the other reason you stated, then we will continue to "ring her neck"