i dont know what im doing

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blackjack89
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Age: 34
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21 Jan 2010, 9:51 pm

all my somewhat existent friendships have died, my life at home is complete chaos because my mom is HFA and my dad is an as*hole pothead and none of us get along.
i lost my job and i am having serious trouble finding a new one.
i am suspended from college because of my grades.
i decided to enlist into the military because it seems like the best one of my only options.
i have become overly conscious of my actions/thoughts lately no matter where i am or what im doing, and i can't shut off.

i never expected my life to be going in the direction it is going but i feel like i have never had control.
i have been seriously depressed on and off (manic) and converted the depression into anger then back and forth.
ive hit multiple suicidal points for 11 years.

the only times im actually happy are while drinking but after i experienced severe alcohol poisoning i decided to stop.

i can't get past the anger i experienced with old "friends".

so basically im just waiting to get shipped out into the navy but who knows where that will take me.

i feel like the most lost soul ever.



blackjack89
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21 Jan 2010, 10:07 pm

and one more thing...

now that im out of high school it seems like as much as i didnt fit in then now I REALLY don't fit in. does that make sense?
like in school i managed to fit in enough to have a girlfriend and enjoy fun things but now that im out i feel more lost than the definition itself.



puzzle62
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21 Jan 2010, 10:16 pm

Hey, been there, done that!! I joined the Navy too, it was the only thing that saved my life. Boot camp was a breeze, because I was so used to my screwed up family, it made boot camp seem like a picnic. Just don't volunteer for anything and don't open your mouth unless you are spoken too 1st!! Also, unless it's changed, if you can pass all of your inspections and PT ( exercises) a few weeks early, then you don't have to stand any more inspections. I ended up meeting my husband and my life has been better for it. I didn't like the Navy, but my life needed a change, just go into it with the idea that things can't get worse, also make sure you pick a school that will land you a job when you get out, don't settle for an easy school, you deserve the respect you will get from a good school, people will judge you by your school you choose for the rest of your navy career! Please don't give up, your whole life will be different from now on, I had to learn the hard way, that everyone didn't behave like my family, so if anyone criticizes you, listen to them, they are probably telling the truth!
Good luck, keep us posted.



leejosepho
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Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock

21 Jan 2010, 10:33 pm

blackjack89 wrote:
and one more thing...

now that im out of high school it seems like as much as i didnt fit in then now I REALLY don't fit in. does that make sense?


You bet. After I finished, I spent the summer working ... then fall came and I felt like I must have been tossed aside and forgotten like a pair of dirty socks or something.

I also joined the Navy, and I hope it serves you well!


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