I just dont see a way out...

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lightening020
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17 Jun 2010, 3:36 pm

I am un-confident and depressed. This has been built up from my whole life. I have almost no relationship with my parents or my sisters and I live away from. It really pains me how I cant communicate how I feel to them. They really have no idea because I never made the effort when I was growing up. But why would you have to make an effort to communicate with your parents, especialy growing up? They really dont have a clue what Im feeling or going through.....

Life just keeps drifting me farther away with nothing but emptiness

to make it worse now I owe money dont have transportation dont have any female conpanionship or even a single idea what that feels like.

of course all of this is ultimately my fault.....and my responsibility to take charge of my life.

I just know. I know that is just something F*CKING WRONG with me. AS or something else I dont know. But I know the that its quite obvious. There is no possible way that I just turned out this way for no reason. I need to know what that is.

I just wish.....I wish so much things had been different. Anything...anything at all. Everything had to be exactly the way it was. I could have grown up in a different area, different circumstances.

I would change it all in a second If I could press "RESET"



conundrum
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17 Jun 2010, 4:08 pm

lightening020 wrote:
of course all of this is ultimately my fault.....and my responsibility to take charge of my life.

I just know. I know that is just something F*CKING WRONG with me. AS or something else I dont know. But I know the that its quite obvious. There is no possible way that I just turned out this way for no reason. I need to know what that is.

I just wish.....I wish so much things had been different. Anything...anything at all. Everything had to be exactly the way it was. I could have grown up in a different area, different circumstances.

I would change it all in a second If I could press "RESET"


Your "fault," no--you did not choose to have the problems that you do. Your "responsibility," yes, because only you can change your own life.

I would suggest finding a therapist or counselor, but you mentioned financial difficulties--maybe there are free/reduced rate mental health services in your area?

You say that you don't know how to express how you feel. Maybe trying to get it across to your family is too difficult for now (I don't know if they've been judgmental, etc., in the past) but on this forum we are all willing to listen.

For starters, what exactly do you wish had been "different?" Not to sound obtuse, but specifics about a problem sometimes help to solve them.

Please keep posting. Take care.


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17


lightening020
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17 Jun 2010, 5:19 pm

yes money problems I owe money for tickets. I need money for a car, need money so I can get out of the place I hate and maybe start over again somewhere else....

and....yet thousands of problems like wtf can I do?

where is my RESET button?

what have I done right in my life so far? in social/romantic area has been non-existant . Self-confidence is at an all time low. What do I have going for me? Am I in school...no. Did I grow at all in school? no Should I be 15 right now...yes

I feel disconnected, my life feels like revolving chamber.........



DarthMetaKnight
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17 Jun 2010, 6:10 pm

lightening020 wrote:
I have almost no relationship with my parents or my sisters and I live away from. It really pains me how I cant communicate how I feel to them. They really have no idea because I never made the effort when I was growing up. But why would you have to make an effort to communicate with your parents, especialy growing up? They really dont have a clue what Im feeling or going through.....

My family doesn't really have a clue either. I can barely communicate with them, the keep misinterpreting everything I say.