devoting life to being an arse

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raisedbyignorance
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06 Jul 2010, 9:06 pm

This is the best course of action I have chosen for to live out the rest my life for numerous reasons. One big reason being I've been too easy on people who give me crap and deserve it. 2nd reason being it seems to be the only way society deals with the problems of people anyway.

Most people think I'm a jerk and a mean person even when it's unitentional and I'm just talking. I actually feel about myself when I am doing all of these things and it is intentional.

We currently live in a society that doesnt like to see things any other way and would rather be stubborn and unforgiving. I'm just playing their game. I might as well play to their assumptions as they have no reason to think otherwise about me.

There's also a lack of concern for consequences because I've reached the point where I could care less about my goals. Even if I do have a job and a stupid family who seems to have their heads up their own butts. why should I care if I start my criminal record tomorrow? I feel like even my dream job wouldnt even satisfy me. I hate people and nothing is going to change that. And the stupid family will not let me seek therapy. So I have to finish to stupid work school and b.s. my way into a job I couldnt care less for just to afford to seek therapy for myself behind their backs. Yup that's pretty much the only goal I can hope to strive for.

Until then, I'm sticking with being what I cant help being even when it's unintentional...a jerk.

Hopefully you see where I'm getting at. Mind the rants.



i_wanna_blue
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07 Jul 2010, 4:21 am

Well I can understand what you're getting at, but from personal experience I can tell you that trying to make your life, your experience go down a certain path is really difficult, especially if you are trying to swim against the current. Being the way you describe is probably following the path of least resistance but for me anyway, it never really work. If you feel it makes your life less complicated than do it. For me however just accepting all the nonsense life has thrown at me is best. Trying to change anything, again for me anyway, just made things harder. Sometimes paying too much attention to things is of no benefit. I guess you know best what that is in your life.



Pistonhead
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07 Jul 2010, 4:48 am

I like the way you think. I myself am often compared to a character in "The Boondocks" known as Stinkmeaner, highly recommended that you watch season 1 episode 4 if you want to devote your life to making other people miserable. You might also want to watch The Dark Knight (if you haven't already), great quote in it "Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It’s fair!". Maybe watch Fight Club for some additional thought provoking material. Just think things over before you develop a criminal record.

You also probably would not like therapy if you got into it. Believe me, I spent 5 years dealing with it and it changed absolutely nothing. One of my shrinks actually preferred to not try to get all therapy obsessed with me and we'd just talk about cars and random stuff for our hour a week. Like it or not your therapists are not supposed to give a sh*t about you. Anyone who works with psychologically unfit people is trained to not develop attachment for their patients, if they did they'd probably be very overwhelmed by all their patients that did commit suicide, mess themselves up on drugs, end up in prison, etc. What are you accomplishing by paying someone to listen to you but not care? Netzero is $10 a month for DSL from what I've heard, people on forums will listen to you for free, some will care.


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raisedbyignorance
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10 Jul 2010, 7:29 pm

Yeah the first time I got therapy my family gave me ZERO support and when my mom picked me up she would force me to tell her what I told the therapist even though this defied patient-doctor confidentiality.

Then my college therapy was just plain lousy. Never rely on college therapist/psychologists for complex problems. They're only fit to help those who are pregnant or are suffering from an eating disorder or alcoholism or whatever. But depression, suidical thoughts, and Asperger Syndrome is definitly not in their expertise. Took me three years to learn that unfortunatly.

I'm thinking about giving therapy one last shot but this time by a real professional without my parents knowing before I call it quits altogether. If it doesnt work out, I will know right away.

BTW. I love The Boondocks!