My husband looks at young girls 24/7 ! !!

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buryuntime
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31 Aug 2010, 4:48 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
Willard wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
Might I remind you that this is the HAVEN? The OP doesn't need misogyny right now.


How dare you toss an epithet like misogyny at ME, when this woman has come here for the specific purpose of bashing a MAN who is not here to defend himself.

My intention was not to "toss" anything at you, Willard. Just to point out that even if we feel that we must disagree with what the OP is saying, we can at least be gentle about, seeing it has been posted in The Haven, and not General discussion.

I don't understand why everything is supposed to be lovey-dovey here. I've always seen it just as a place to vent. Not everyone that's going to do it is deserving of sympathy. I think the description of the forum really needs reworked, I don't see an announcement/sticky thread that points to rules here. This just seems like some unspoken rule (until someone brings it up.)



vikingsteve
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31 Aug 2010, 5:10 pm

There's nothing unusual going on. He's not shy about telling you the truth... he probably respects you enough to do it. You don't know how hard it is for someone with AS to just tell someone the truth. They don't go around telling just anyone.



blahblah123
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31 Aug 2010, 6:07 pm

sgrannel wrote:
Well, it could be that many of the NT men also look at the young women, but they're better at disguising it.


Not many... all. Or 99.99% anyway. And IMO there's nothing wrong with it. I remember a few years back this was a topic on the Dr. Phil show. A women was angry at her husband for constantly looking at young, attractive women and Dr. Phil sided with the husband. As long as he's just looking and not acting on his desires it's okay.



MXH
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31 Aug 2010, 6:18 pm

Thanks for the excuse! Now if i do get caught looking at young girls ill just blame AS. Not that i have ever been caught before 8)



CockneyRebel
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31 Aug 2010, 11:59 pm

That's one of the reasons, that I'm not in a relationship.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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01 Sep 2010, 12:50 am

Hrm...

I'm not even sure I should reply to this but here I go anyway...

Looking at other women and watching porn is not cheating. You cannot force someone to stop being distracted by a nice pair of tits. Believe me, I've tried to stop looking. It doesn't work.

OP, I'm sorry it hurts you when he does this, but his AS has nothing to do with it. It's just a normal thing for many people. (not just men...) Maybe you should be wondering why you married someone that is so obviously incompatible with you instead of going to some website he's never been to to bash him and whine about your 'feelings'.

Your husband is right... you are too sensitive.


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takemitsu
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01 Sep 2010, 2:20 am

Guys can't help it, give him credit that he doesn't act out.



Mutate
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01 Sep 2010, 2:42 am

xxx



Last edited by Mutate on 01 Sep 2010, 2:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mutate
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01 Sep 2010, 2:42 am

I felt sorry for the OP at first, but the logical Aspie arguements here have made me see the light. The OP needs to just keep her head down and realise years of love and support can never compete with the bouncing boobs of a 15 girl. It is silly over-emotional and NT to imagine otherwise. Or so they tell me.



Kati
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01 Sep 2010, 6:27 am

Maxine Aston writes in her book "The Other Half Of Asperger Syndrom" on page 61:
When a special interest is anacceptabl
................, sometimes the partner´s special interest is something the other partner feels total unaceptable....................
For instance, if he is obsessed in sex , pornographie (on the internet) or ather women, men in a sexual way........
.............. If your partner will not change and is also aware that this behaviour is unacceptable to you, than you have
to make a choice: do or do not want you the realationship to continue.

Tony Attwood wirtes in "The Complete Guide To Asperger Syndrom":
Men with asperger syndrom may consider pornogarphie as an authritativ guide book for sexuell activities.........
Page 308



Meow101
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01 Sep 2010, 6:33 am

Kati wrote:
Maxine Aston writes in her book "The Other Half Of Asperger Syndrom" on page 61:
When a special interest is anacceptabl
................, sometimes the partner´s special interest is something the other partner feels total unaceptable....................
For instance, if he is obsessed in sex , pornographie (on the internet) or ather women, men in a sexual way........
.............. If your partner will not change and is also aware that this behaviour is unacceptable to you, than you have
to make a choice: do or do not want you the realationship to continue.

Tony Attwood wirtes in "The Complete Guide To Asperger Syndrom":
Men with asperger syndrom may consider pornogarphie as an authritativ guide book for sexuell activities.........
Page 308


I don't know...as a person with AS, I have generally found the books for partners of people with AS to be frighteningly negative toward the AS partner, so I would be skeptical of anything someone like that wrote. OTOH, AS or not, if his behavior is unacceptable and he won't or can't change it, you need to make decisions, just as I have to about my NT husband who won't accept my AS traits and insists that I change them.

~Kate


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ShadesOfMe
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01 Sep 2010, 7:20 am

Willard wrote:
Here we go again - my husband has AS and he's a pig! Men with AS suck! Everything bad is the AS male's fault! I have no responsibility for anything unpleasant that happens in my life, it's all that damned AS male's fault! Men with Autism suck! :roll:
No. It looks like she needs help, and she's come to an AS forum to find it.



luvsterriers
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01 Sep 2010, 7:30 am

I got this from a site on emotional adultery.

When a married man (or woman) ogles and flirts, it begins to form an attitude within him that this way of behaving is ok. The truth is carrying this attitude around is what leads up to adultery. Eyeing other women may seem innocent enough, but one day it will go further than just ogling. What is in a man's heart will come out in his actions. "But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28) Christ calls it emotional adultery and that's what it is.


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alex
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01 Sep 2010, 7:35 am

If you're worried about a man cheating just because he looks at another woman, I think there's a major trust problem more than a possibility of cheating.


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ShadesOfMe
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01 Sep 2010, 7:45 am

alex wrote:
If you're worried about a man cheating just because he looks at another woman, I think there's a major trust problem more than a possibility of cheating.


I disagree. On some level she seems to have a trust issue. But her husband is looking at young girls rather often. and she mentioned he would rather look at pornography than get intimate with her. He seems to have some issues going on as well.



spooky13
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01 Sep 2010, 8:08 am

Is sex his special interest? Looking at girls is normal, everyone looks at the opposite sex now and then. But has he acted on it and cheated?

Anyways, you said you moved out, it's obvious you don't trust him, but have you talked to him about it? Ranting about it here is fine, we all need an outlet, but you really should talk with your husband about it.


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