Inevitable loneliness due to AS

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So I spent last summer all alone, utterly. I suppose most people have at least a family, but I don't since I had to get away from them due to their immense dysfunctionality (would be effectively worse being with them) - that was a whole huge problem in itself for most of my life, but it left me incredibly lonely now. I've never really had friends either, just people I occasionally played video games with, but since I used to enjoy playing console RPGs I continued on gaming by myself after around 13. There's no one that really shares my interests, either (outside gaming), possibly because these kind of interests are usually pursued in university, but education is a whole other world of a problem for me, due to real life bureaucracy.

So is there a single reason I shouldn't commit suicide? I mean, I pride myself over my rationality, but sometimes I seriously think I'm simply insane *and* irrational for not doing something so logical as suicide in these circumstances (heck, many people kill themselves for much less).

That it's cowardly.

I say fight through the bureaucracy and go to university. I don't know what is holding you back, but I had all kinds of things holding me back from university and once I finally made it in, I saw that it's totally worth the struggle to get there.

Committing such an act is ALWAYS the wrong thing to do; try to get your thoughts away from that kind of feeling - it's a very depressing subject to think about.

I am sorry about the situation you have been finding difficult, but remember - life WILL get better in time man. ^^ *Hug*
So much of feeling better can DEFINITELY be a mental state of mind. ^^

I send a hug your way, Mootoo.
*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG*

I like RPG's, although my knowledge isn't very broad since I have Nintendo consoles that don't tend to specialize much in the genre.

I will send you a PM. ^^

*Hug* You have my support, Mootoo. ^^ *Hug*

Follow your dreams and life your life to the fullest.

if one offs themself, it is only putting-off the difficulties for a future incarnation. would it not be preferable to deal with one's troubles now rather than later?

The time you have to find out if this life is worth living is already limited. With time you will grow different. With time you might learn that you have placed value in things that need not impinge on your happiness.

How is it totally worth it? If it's an absolutely good thing then there's reason to strive to go to it, but considering it's still made of humans in the education system, I wonder if that could be true...


But I'm not at all religious to believe in that kind of karma (and why would a newborn child deserve to be punished for, say, what Hitler did?)

I would say, forget karma.

Why shouldn't you? That is for you to know. I can just tell you why I didn't - because I followed my own advice to a friend, do NOT do something irreversible without absolute certainty.

And I was NOT certain - and you cannot be certain of what perhaps great thing is coming at you.

Yes, it could be something terrible. Yes, it could cost time suffering waiting.

But when for me it DID come it was more than worth wait and pain.

I hope you will give it a chance.

Do the university thing for yourself and for the less bookish WP members like myself, who never had the chance to go to university.

Just make sure you don't go into debt for a degree for which there are no jobs.

a. Indulging in your special interest is no longer "something weird," it's your job

b. If you choose the right university to go to, there will be at least a couple of other people who are either completely focused on your special interest or completely focused on something so related to your special interest that they think what you study is really cool and want to have lots of deep conversations with you about it

c. The bullies have grown up a little which means they have had to get more subtle in order to get by. It's a lot easier to ignore their stupid comments and they're far less likely to do actually damaging things like throw rocks at you

d. reading books, researching, writing for hours -- these are no longer freakish activities that get you ostracized. They're what almost everyone in your community is doing

e. The farther along you get in your studies, the more your "quirks" are accepted. Once you get to graduate school, you're practically expected to be strange. If you continue on to professor status, your eccentricities can actually get you more respect because, just as there is a stereotype that intelligent people wear glasses, there is a stereotype that brilliant professors are eccentric.

None of this may be enough to make you decide to set aside your depression and decide that life just might be worth living after all. But hundreds of other people will come through here and read this thread and hopefully if I haven't encouraged you, I will have encouraged someone else who's less set in their decision to end their life.

Similarly, don't try to force yourself through a program that doesn't really interest you, just because the job prospects at the end are good. If you hate the program, you're almost guaranteed to hate the job as well.

(Or you could end up like my former landlord who studied physics because everyone came to his high school pushing physics as the "course of tomorrow" and promised them great jobs. He turned out to like physics but by the time he graduated the market was flooded so he doesn't actually end up getting to do physics at all. He's the guy who keeps the electron microscope running so that other people can use it to do physics. And he hates his job even though he loved physics.)

one cannot say that karma and reincarnation and god cannot exist, as only god knows these things positively. if you dismiss the concept of reincarnation and karma [they go together like maple trees and sap], then what alternative explanation do you have for why bad things happen to good people [and vice-versa]? did the devil do it?
there is a deeper meaning behind mundane things in our world, and ignoring it won't make it go away. we have all done less-than-good things in this world, in each of our lifetimes, and while "whistling past the graveyard" might be a common way of feeling better about our moral transgressions, that doesn't dismiss them anymore than ignoring a traffic ticket will absolve us of our legal responsibilities. one can either "pay" now [in this lifetime] or "later" [in a future lifetime] but with interest. for the most part, i think i'd rather pay now and get it over with, than dread a dark overdue bill in the future.

Great advise . Greetings to Sparrowrose. I think job of a teacher and researcher are among the bests jobs for an aspies. They provide environment where an aspie can indulge in his/her special interest and and doesn'thave to be social atleast to the point that requries one to ascertain social hierarchies of people (including their own !) and then determine the appropriate behaviour they should show towards these people according to their hierarchies.

At least you are rational, and have successfully moved away from your family, which I do consider accomplishments. And suicide is acutally quite irrational.