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CockneyRebel
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15 Jun 2012, 12:44 am

Sweet Pea hugsImage


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kirayng
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15 Jun 2012, 9:30 am

Joe90 wrote:
I hate the f***ing disability. Can't get a job. Can't go out clubbing. Can't go out anywhere without judgemental c**** staring at me. Can't be part of a group of friends my age. Can't be normal. Can't have normal emotions and react to things normally. Can't enjoy holidays because the people I go with always get fancied by some twat who has the gift of the gab. Can't, can't, can't, can't, can't. That is all my life is.

I just want to be NT. Why couldn't I just be a NEUROTYPICAL like everybody else? I am not the person I wanted to be. I am not the daughter my mum wanted. I am not the sister my brother wanted. I am just a troubled, screwed up wreck who is so mental and insecure inside that I f**k up everybody else's lives aswell. I can't stop being jealous, I am constantly jealous of everyone and I just wish I could rule everyone's life in order for me to fit in and not feel left out any more, but I can't, people have to do what they want, and whatever people want always seems to be against me. And yes, for once in my life I am being selfish. I am fed up with always running around after other people all the time, having to impress them and do what they want and being careful not to hurt their feelings and disappoint them, before I can even get to think of my own feelings. For once I want people to live MY way, which means

NO FLIRTING ABOUT WITH THE f***ing TARTY SLUT BEHIND THE BAR

AND

NO FLIRTING ABOUT WITH THE f***ing LOFTY s**thead BEHIND THE BAR

I hope David Cameron does me a favour and axes every bar in the country, then where will these poor dears go to meet their beloved little lovers?

I wish I could be dead. Maybe I will just jump in front of the train and it'd put me out of my misery. And I'm not doing this just for myself, I'm doing it for other people because nobody likes me, including me.

f**k Asperger's. What's life if you don't have high intelligence or descent social skills? You tell me.


:cheers:



Mxzysptlik
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24 Aug 2012, 8:26 pm

I think you guys are being defeatist. Did I suck at socializing? Heck yes I did. I nearly lost my "social life" in high school. But then I turned my pain into art., and I began to express how I felt. And finally, I stopped trying to be like most people. Most people are cowards, heavily insecure, and plenty of them feel the same feelings you guys feel. They may have all these friends but deep down they hate their lives because they're frauds. Do I have many friends? No I don't but the friends I do have are f*****g CLOSE to me. At 22 I've probably had the same social life as most people my age, because I didn't throw in the towel. Did I get all the p**** or ass I could have possibly gotten? Probably not but that's not how I measure my life. The problem you guys have is that you're trying to be someone that you absolutely cannot be. You're trying to evaluate your lives based upon the standards of others. Trust me, it's no more special to be surrounded by a bunch of people than it is to be pining away your time playing WOW or something. As much as AS may suck sometimes, and yes sometimes I f*****g hate it, it doesn't mean you have to give up on life entirely. I didn't think I was smart when I was young. I got terrible grades and "envied" the smart kids. Well what I did was figure out what they were doing. I figured out their "formula" so to speak and about 5 years later suddenly I was to "gifted" one. I kept pushing myself and pushing myself and suddenly I was a "genius". Will I ever be as good at socializing as most people? Heck no, but if you stop trying, if you give up then you thrown away any chance that you might get what you want. The greatest benefit of having AS is being able to think for yourself, being totally unhinged from the social expectations and blazing new trails for others to follow. At the end of the day, once you have attained all that is holy with respect to NT's, I bet you won't think it's that special after all. I find NT's to be very repressed, desperate people.



kirayng
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24 Aug 2012, 10:46 pm

Hey.. now... I do this....

Mxzysptlik wrote:
pining away your time playing WOW or something."


Does that make me a sad person? No. It's the only damn thing that I do right in this stupid world and the only place that I can actually talk to people who don't hate on me.

Carry on.



kirayng
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24 Aug 2012, 10:48 pm

** there I go again... :oops:



DiscardedWhisper
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25 Aug 2012, 12:25 am

Mxzysptlik wrote:
I think you guys are being defeatist. Did I suck at socializing? Heck yes I did. I nearly lost my "social life" in high school. But then I turned my pain into art., and I began to express how I felt. And finally, I stopped trying to be like most people. Most people are cowards, heavily insecure, and plenty of them feel the same feelings you guys feel. They may have all these friends but deep down they hate their lives because they're frauds. Do I have many friends? No I don't but the friends I do have are f***ing CLOSE to me. At 22 I've probably had the same social life as most people my age, because I didn't throw in the towel. Did I get all the p**** or ass I could have possibly gotten? Probably not but that's not how I measure my life. The problem you guys have is that you're trying to be someone that you absolutely cannot be. You're trying to evaluate your lives based upon the standards of others. Trust me, it's no more special to be surrounded by a bunch of people than it is to be pining away your time playing WOW or something. As much as AS may suck sometimes, and yes sometimes I f***ing hate it, it doesn't mean you have to give up on life entirely. I didn't think I was smart when I was young. I got terrible grades and "envied" the smart kids. Well what I did was figure out what they were doing. I figured out their "formula" so to speak and about 5 years later suddenly I was to "gifted" one. I kept pushing myself and pushing myself and suddenly I was a "genius". Will I ever be as good at socializing as most people? Heck no, but if you stop trying, if you give up then you thrown away any chance that you might get what you want. The greatest benefit of having AS is being able to think for yourself, being totally unhinged from the social expectations and blazing new trails for others to follow. At the end of the day, once you have attained all that is holy with respect to NT's, I bet you won't think it's that special after all. I find NT's to be very repressed, desperate people.


You know you misspelled "Mxyzptlk". :P

Seriously though, why are you raging at these people? Congratulations on finding something that works for you and that you've found your groove in society, but there's no need to denigrate others who are having difficulties coming to terms with something that defines your life. And Asperger's Syndrome, most certainly does do that. Aspies are often prone to depression and telling depressed people to just shake it off and get back in the game, usually just makes them more depressed.

For a general response to this topic: Asperger's does kind of suck. Many times the way Aspies tend to paints a bulls-eye on our heads for bullies and other ne'er do wells. My belief though is that AS isn't really to blame, there are two people you blame for bullying in any situation. The bully himself and the person(s) who could stop said bully but choose not to. I think a lot of NT's don't understand that we have it hard enough and there's a lot of fear in trying to come out of our shell. It doesn't help when people kick us back into the shell when we try to emerge. I mean, for me it's gotten to the point where, it's just not worth it to come out anymore. I know what's waiting for me out there and it's got it's "kicking boots" on.

The upside is that Aspies are often capable of creating vibrant beautiful worlds and works with their overactive, overly focused minds. It almost sometimes serves as a surrogate for those friends you don't have. I don't think most people would understand something like that and they'd just shred what we create as garbage. Another reason to keep everything we are in that metaphoric shell.



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27 Dec 2012, 10:39 am

im 54 and just recently put the puzzle together on why my life didnt go as planned... and realised I am an aspie.. yes it messed up my social life, yes ive struggled all those years, BUT,, because i DIDNT have all the trappings and ties that NTs wind up in, ie,, marriage, kids, spouses,, etc.. I have a freedom,, Ive been places and done things a lot of normals dream about,, I have time to induldge in continued learning,, Ive learned now to be normal enough to hold down a job..there IS life after an aspergers diagnosis,, it just wont be a typical life but after looking and chatting with NTs on the web and in real life, I far prefer my aspies life, MUCH more interesting and free... look at the positive sides of this,, you young ones. Im at peace now about who I am and what I am,, and excited about making a future compatable with being an aspie and NOT trying to be something Im not all the time.



Bataar
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27 Dec 2012, 12:16 pm

restlesspirit wrote:
im 54 and just recently put the puzzle together on why my life didnt go as planned... and realised I am an aspie.. yes it messed up my social life, yes ive struggled all those years, BUT,, because i DIDNT have all the trappings and ties that NTs wind up in, ie,, marriage, kids, spouses,, etc.. I have a freedom,, Ive been places and done things a lot of normals dream about,, I have time to induldge in continued learning,, Ive learned now to be normal enough to hold down a job..there IS life after an aspergers diagnosis,, it just wont be a typical life but after looking and chatting with NTs on the web and in real life, I far prefer my aspies life, MUCH more interesting and free... look at the positive sides of this,, you young ones. Im at peace now about who I am and what I am,, and excited about making a future compatable with being an aspie and NOT trying to be something Im not all the time.

It's only "free" if you manage to land a job that allows you to afford to be. I'd much rather be an NT. Even if I'm struggling financially the same as an NT as I am now, at least the likely hood that I'd have a wife or someone to talk to and share things with would help. Being completely alone with nothing to look forward to or realistically hope for isn't a good life.



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27 Dec 2012, 3:14 pm

Wow! You've said exactly how I feel about my life with AS! Yes, AS is such a miserable thing to have, it really does spoil things in life, and it prevents us from enjoying ourselves, unless you are a type of Aspie who doesn't mind not fitting in, etcetera.

It makes me feel miserable because I am not that good at socialising, yet I want to do it at the same time. I can't even enjoy vacations because I feel obliged to socialise. None of my friends will go away on holiday with me, and all my cousins are into going out to bars and drinking except me, and my older relatives say they have social phobia but then the next minute they're off engaging in conversations with strangers, whether they drink or not. So all that makes me feel miserable. Plus no matter how much I smile, make eye contact, and try to make small talk and do all the other right social moves, I still seem to give off this vibe saying ''f**k off, I'm unsociable''. People say I should join clubs where I can meet other Aspies and then I can do things with them like going on vacations, but I don't think it's as simple as that. I've been to clubs before where I was supposed to meet different people similar to myself, and it didn't really work out. I was too shy to talk to people, nobody really talked to me, and I just gave up in the end, and found I made more friends at work than I did anywhere else, and the people are work are NTs.

Quote:
My final breath will be a sigh of relief. When I am laying on my death bed, I will know that my once in eternity chance to be here and my one chance to be young was squandered because I was born with some stupid syndrome which makes me socially ret*d... fantastic.

That's how I feel. I really wish Autism didn't exist. I would give anything to have natural social instincts and be able to make friends easier.

Quote:
Another thing that bothers me is the fact that I never experienced the good traits of aspergers syndrome.
Apparently people with aspergers usually have good memories... why don't I? I have an appalling memory!
Apparently people with aspergers are quite creative and artistic, but I'm not, I have tried, I don't even understand art, a painting is just a painting to me and unless its something like a portrait of somebody where I can think "That's a picture of somebody who exists or existed at some point", but if its no straight forward then you will have to explain it and usually I still don't understand after people explain.
Whenever I read up on anything about aspergers syndrome, it always praises the intelligence of aspies (I hate the word "aspie" it haunts me) and points to some of the greatest artistic and scientific minds in history (Darwin, Edison, Mozart, Newton, Allen, Gates, Orwell) and it always states that aspies are usually above average in intelligence and all that, but I never was... Where is my intelligence? I can barely pass an entry level college course, I will never share my GCSE results with anybody. So basically I have some kind of mental problem I was born with and have no hope of ever getting rid of, and I seem to be one of the few people who have it who not don't have the usual high intelligence, but happen to be the complete opposite who can't even do basic school work. What the f**k!?


That's what it's like with me too. I've been drawing practically all my life, and I enjoyed it too, but I never got brilliant at it. I was just an average drawer. And it's not always great to be creative. In my art exam at school, I failed it because I was ''too creative''. My art work apparently didn't relate to any artists like it was meant to (although I was never told), and I don't think that's fair, I think I still should have got the grade for being original.

Quote:
I can't seem to accept it because I hate it so much. My youth is gone and aspergers has basically ruined my life.

When I was diagnosed with it, pretty much every answer I was looking for fell into place. Its like I never even had a chance.
I'm 22 in November which means that what are said to be the greatest years of my life are coming to an end and I haven't enjoyed a second of it.

I'm 22 now and I feel like I might aswell be 80 like my grandmother.

Quote:
People say "aspergers makes me who I am and make you who you are", so you are telling me I wouldn't have a personality if I didn't have it?
Aspergers plays a big part is making me who I am, but what if I hate myself? then what?


I HATE it when people say ''AS is part of who you are''. I also hate who I am, I hate the way I am, nothing good comes out of my AS, I hate myself, I feel that I am just cursed with this s**t and I can't do anything about it except endure a boring, lonely life with it and that's that. What's the point in being human if I can't socialise properly? Fancy being a human (aka, a social creature) if you find your main purpose as a human difficult?

:cry: :cry:


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27 Dec 2012, 9:06 pm

Dude.

I can sympathize with you on most of that.

But the best years of your life are NOT coming to an end. I'm 34; though with a spouse and 4 kids I sometimes miss my freedom, I DO NOT miss my adolescent years. I wouldn't do 'em again if someone paid me to go back and make different choices, knowing then what I know now.

Adolescence blows. Adulthood is better.


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27 Dec 2012, 9:47 pm

I don't hate Asperger's. I just wish I didn't have it... :roll:



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09 Jan 2013, 5:59 am

ictus75 wrote:
"My youth is gone and aspergers has basically ruined my life."

22 and you are saying stuff like that. Just be glad you found out about Aspergers at a young age. Now you know what you are dealing with and can work with it. I wish I had known I had Aspergers and what it was when I was 22, it would have saved me a lifetime of wondering why I was the way I am.

Your life is just beginning, so go do something with it…


I know! I didn't know about it until I was 27... but you know, even then, that didn't make things easier.



genly
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09 Jan 2013, 6:23 am

OP, are you my twin?! I feel the same way, especially about not having any of the positive traits of asperger.



Android7
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09 Jan 2013, 5:21 pm

Hughey wrote:
I went out looking for an answer to why I'm so unconfident, why I'm so bad with people and why I can't seem to get my life in order. I hated school and I hate job interviews, I have never had any good friends and I always wandered why I'm such an insufferable person, I know people can't stand to be around me, but why? Why can't I make eye contact?... Why can't I just have regular social skills and interests, why doesn't the usual stuff interest me at all? Why can't I seem to understand people?
Why am I so damn clumsy? I was portrayed as a weirdo whenever I tried to talk and be friends with people and people used to tell me that they hated me to my face and used to give me crap, so I avoid it because I'm still the same person.

I can't seem to accept it because I hate it so much. My youth is gone and aspergers has basically ruined my life.
When I was diagnosed with it, pretty much every answer I was looking for fell into place. Its like I never even had a chance.
I'm 22 in November which means that what are said to be the greatest years of my life are coming to an end and I haven't enjoyed a second of it.

People say "aspergers makes me who I am and make you who you are", so you are telling me I wouldn't have a personality if I didn't have it?
Aspergers plays a big part is making me who I am, but what if I hate myself? then what?
I tell myself that I need to accept myself and my... disability *grimaces* and realize there is nothing I can do about it. I have to learn to like it and realize its part of who I am. But then when I try my best to do it, I still think that if I got the chance to get rid of it and not be like this, then I would think twice about getting rid of it. Its still something that I don't want.

Another thing that bothers me is the fact that I never experienced the good traits of aspergers syndrome.
Apparently people with aspergers usually have good memories... why don't I? I have an appalling memory!
Apparently people with aspergers are quite creative and artistic, but I'm not, I have tried, I don't even understand art, a painting is just a painting to me and unless its something like a portrait of somebody where I can think "That's a picture of somebody who exists or existed at some point", but if its no straight forward then you will have to explain it and usually I still don't understand after people explain.
Whenever I read up on anything about aspergers syndrome, it always praises the intelligence of aspies (I hate the word "aspie" it haunts me) and points to some of the greatest artistic and scientific minds in history (Darwin, Edison, Mozart, Newton, Allen, Gates, Orwell) and it always states that aspies are usually above average in intelligence and all that, but I never was... Where is my intelligence? I can barely pass an entry level college course, I will never share my GCSE results with anybody. So basically I have some kind of mental problem I was born with and have no hope of ever getting rid of, and I seem to be one of the few people who have it who not don't have the usual high intelligence, but happen to be the complete opposite who can't even do basic school work. What the f**k!?

My final breath will be a sigh of relief. When I am laying on my death bed, I will know that my once in eternity chance to be here and my one chance to be young was squandered because I was born with some stupid syndrome which makes me socially ret*d... fantastic.





NEVER compare yourself to others, there are people in this world who will NEVER get to do the things that you still have the opportunity to do. There are people stuck in wheelchairs-paralyzed forever who will never get to do the things, that you WILL eventually get to do. I don't say this in a judgmental way and I know its easier said than done. Its not easy for a young person with AS to live in a society and culture where everywhere you look- whether on TV etc every young person seems to be living a life of sex, drugs and rock n roll but even then not all young people AS or NT will experience the same things growing up, for some its not all one night stands and parties, some young people have disabilities that mean that they will never see 21!

I like to take the view that you should be grateful that you have your health and that you have your 20s, 30s etc ahead of you. Don't worry about precocious adolescence-f**ck it :shrug you have your whole life ahead of you, theirs no point sitting around worrying about your adolescence when you're still young, its not like you're 70 years old. Most people recall their adolescence being fraught with awkwardness, insecurity etc anyway.

As a person with AS you've had to overcome certain challenges but I like to keep hope that things will eventually get better. worrying about the 1% of your time on this earth instead of focusing on the forthcoming 99.9% of life....now THAT is truly a waste.



Quinntilda
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11 Jan 2013, 3:24 pm

I know i hate it too. My family even hates it too. I remember growing up thinking it was cool to be different and accept myself and stand out or I was above the rest no matter what everyone else said. My father told me otherwise though. He was fedup with having to repeat things, give me step by step directions, or bend over backwards and get nothing in return and usally saying ret*d or freakazoid under his breath when he walked away. I wanted to be him so badly (still do) i started acting like him and got better results and comments about myself. I hate it when people say "Aspergers makes me who I am" Does that mean I would have no soul with out it? I am always under so much stress because im so afraid people will find out. I cant accept myself. I had no self confidence. I will always have a good run and then something comes and kills it. Even worse my biggest fear is being That guy in the back by himself who only is friends who isn't even worthy to hang out with the freaks and queers. I could see myself everyday going down the other road becoming smart and not caring about other people's thoughts of me and possibly succeeding but that would not be me. Then I have the path I chose which was fitting in no matter how miserable i felt. I have to lie to feel good about myself and so I will be accepted in public. I haven't met the real me and I dont think im ready to any time soon. Infact I want to keep the real me far away from me as possible.



Last edited by Quinntilda on 11 Jan 2013, 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

pezar
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11 Jan 2013, 3:52 pm

I hate that I can't support myself, I am stuck on disability payments despite having worked for years trying to find some way of earning money, but I can't earn money. Can't hold down a job because of aspergers. Can't use my college degree. That's what sucks the most about it. It also sucks that I can't have a girlfriend, but most women aren't worth dating anyway. Basically, if a woman is still looking for a date at 38 she's damaged goods. Or she's cheating, and I don't like cheaters. But I decided long ago that most NTs are pricks who will tell you one thing to your face, act all nice, then tell their friends something else behind your back. Socializing isn't worth it. I'm happy having no friends. I wish there was a job where I could just come in, do it well, then leave, and not have to worry about office politics, but most jobs they want you to "fit in" which means playing their stupid NT social games that not only can't I play but that I have no desire to play. Americans just play social games at work all day instead of WORKING. And the bosses LIKE it! No wonder we're headed for third world status. If work was about work instead of pissing contests, I might have a chance. But no, you have to "fit in". I wish America was still an industrial powerhouse, I'd love to work in an old style factory, do one thing all day and not have to socialize and get paid well. That's what sucks the worst about AS, the fact that I can't work.