Just had an online meltdown...

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GreatSphinx
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23 Sep 2011, 3:43 pm

With someone on another forum. I thought I had all facts. I did not. Not only that, but I made accusations that were totally uncalled for but at the time made me feel better and seemed totally justified. I know that Meltdowns are not totally 100% stoppable, but I wish there was a way I could actually slap myself into reality because now this person thinks this is who I really am. If it was someone who I just knew online it wouldn't be so bad, but it is someone I know IRL. I hate meltdowns. I wish they were something that you would just grow out of as a child. WHY do adults have to have them too and WHY does society have to expect that since we are adults that we should not have them? I hate them I hate them I hate them. I made myself look like a complete and total fool. If people actually understood what they were, that would be one thing, but not only do people not understand them, they look like they are just an excuse for acting like an as*hole. If I could take back the things I said, believe me... I would. Those things are not me. Those things are the hurt and confusion that had been building inside of me all week from totally unrelated things and sadly, he was the one the meltdown happened on. And on my favorite thing too. That's what is really sad. I melted down at seeing my favorite quote in the entire world. He posted my favorite quote and it set me off. You would think it would make me happy. Now it is going to forever make me sad. I am pretty sure he is never going to talk to me again. He told me to respect him and not reply, but I did anyway and tried to explain a meltdown and told him that after that I would not reply. He has said nothing since. I don't think he will. It really makes me sad.



Aimless
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23 Sep 2011, 5:23 pm

Quote:
Those things are the hurt and confusion that had been building inside of me all week from totally unrelated things


I think this is the key. My "aspish" father had meltdowns and I grew up with a knot in my stomach never knowing what inconsequential thing was going to set him off. Probably also why I internalize all my anger and shut down rather than meltdown.I think the point is to find a way not to let all the little stuff build up. I don't think your friendship is necessarily ruined for good but I would give your friend some time.


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Greatsharkbite
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23 Sep 2011, 5:44 pm

Unfortunately it is a problem. Society on a general misinterprets a lot and some people are unforgiving. I always forgive if the apology has a sincere attempt to make up for the mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, even the person who made the quote.

I'd want people held accountable--and thats what an apology is--accountability. Apologizing is ALMOST inevitable imo, if you have any sort of decency--there is not one person who has or will live a life without offending or hurting others in some way. If the person doesn't realize they're not at fault, you ignore them and sometimes don't deal with them anymore. If they do.. whats the harm in giving them a chance to explain their actions as long as they realize they were in the wrong?

But yeah, i'd say him not talking to you anymore is more a problem with him than it is with you.



GreatSphinx
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24 Sep 2011, 1:12 pm

I read yesterday, but forgot to respond. Was exhausted. After he responded, I felt terrible, which was when I responded back to him and apologized to everything, accepted full responsibility for what I said, did tell him about meltdowns and told him they were an explanation, but not an excuse, and sent off this OP. He accepted the apology and said he holds no anomocity, but I still feel badly. He also said he does not like being told what I told him (I told him to go to hell - I was angry), but he would let that go too. It is a long story of how I strung everything together and related it all to him through a quote that he put that was a quote that I loved that had not a thing at all to do with me, but caused a cascade of "things" leading to the meltdown.

I have to be at a function with him in two weeks. He says all is well, but I do not know if I can look him in the eye. To make things worse, I came to a realization today. Part of the problem I am having is medication related. I was just started on a med for migraines and it (I am pretty sure) has set off a depression in me. It is bad. I have not thought of hurting myself, but I am doing the happy then crying out of the blue thing. That alone is exhausting. I am sure that played a part in yesterday too. And I am all alone this weekend. I do not want to be alone, but I have no gas in my car and can't get anywhere to be with anyone.


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