I'll never understand them...

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Curiotical
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27 Aug 2012, 6:57 pm

Sigh... this is exactly the kind of thing that makes me want to completely disassociate with Neurotypicals.

For the past five days, everyone in my year at school has been behaving strangely around me. People who are usually friendly to me now simply sit and glare. Everyone is talking about me behind my back. Someone has fabricated some kind of rumour about me and the worst part is that I don't even know what it is.

My insecure Neurotypical "friend" is very inconsistent. He's really nice to me when we're alone but when other people are around, he does nothing but show off and generally act like an arrogant prick. He hadn't spoken to me once since the day we returned to school from the Summer holiday but today, he suddenly offered to become my biology partner and began to treat me very nicely again. The thing I love most about my friendships with other Aspies is that I know where I stand with them. With my only Neurotypical friend, I can't tell if he even likes me at all.

For the past few days, people have been gossiping about me and I'm too scared to confront anyone. Part of me wants to break off my friendship but my "friend" is very emotionally fragile and if I upset him, I would feel terribly guilty.

I really don't know how much more of this sh*t I can take. Does anyone have any advice as to how I could proceed?


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redrobin62
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27 Aug 2012, 7:22 pm

This is why NT's make me nervous. It seems customary for them to not say what they mean and not mean what they say. I guess it's unwritten NT social rules. Aggravates me, though. They speak just to hear the sound of their own voice. Ridiculous.



aspiemike
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27 Aug 2012, 7:39 pm

When I was in grade 9, there was this rumour going around my school that I had a hit list and was going to shoot up the school. Hopefully your rumour is nowhere near as bad. I remember when I finally caught the person that spread the rumour (it was a she as well) and I confronted her and she was someone I got along with OK at that point in time. The rumour stopped after that because I made her feel embarrassed when she got caught.



outofplace
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27 Aug 2012, 8:21 pm

I hope this does not come off as insensitive but the problem is that at your age people are normally very flaky. Emotions and hormones are raging within everyone and this makes them very unpredictable. This won't really start to calm down until your mid to late twenties. Don't worry too much though because everyone is a little uneasy during this time of life. I would venture that even those who seem confident aren't really, once you get beneath the surface. Your mission will be to find others who you can actually trust and to be careful who you give your trust to. Don't give it easily as many people will betray you if they feel it will let them climb the social ladder. This is because higher social standing increases mating opportunities.


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aspiemike
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27 Aug 2012, 8:49 pm

outofplace wrote:
I hope this does not come off as insensitive but the problem is that at your age people are normally very flaky. Emotions and hormones are raging within everyone and this makes them very unpredictable. This won't really start to calm down until your mid to late twenties. Don't worry too much though because everyone is a little uneasy during this time of life. I would venture that even those who seem confident aren't really, once you get beneath the surface. Your mission will be to find others who you can actually trust and to be careful who you give your trust to. Don't give it easily as many people will betray you if they feel it will let them climb the social ladder. This is because higher social standing increases mating opportunities.


Oh yeah, to add to what he said. Don't assume that Aspies and Autistics are not guilty of this attitude either. I know I have done similar things.



again_with_this
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27 Aug 2012, 11:43 pm

outofplace wrote:
I hope this does not come off as insensitive but the problem is that at your age people are normally very flaky. Emotions and hormones are raging within everyone and this makes them very unpredictable. This won't really start to calm down until your mid to late twenties.

Yes and no. I think neurotypicalness is amplified in NT teenagers, so yes, things will get a little better with age.

But don't be disingenuous either, outofplace. When I was a teenager and saw how different I was from others, I believed that things would magically get better once I became an adult. At the time I'd never heard of Asperger's, but now, looking back, I've come to see that an NT is an NT is an NT whether they're teenagers or senior citizens. Some things will never change with them.

You're no longer a teenager, but do you still feel out of place?



outofplace
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28 Aug 2012, 11:11 am

again_with_this wrote:
outofplace wrote:
I hope this does not come off as insensitive but the problem is that at your age people are normally very flaky. Emotions and hormones are raging within everyone and this makes them very unpredictable. This won't really start to calm down until your mid to late twenties.

Yes and no. I think neurotypicalness is amplified in NT teenagers, so yes, things will get a little better with age.

But don't be disingenuous either, outofplace. When I was a teenager and saw how different I was from others, I believed that things would magically get better once I became an adult. At the time I'd never heard of Asperger's, but now, looking back, I've come to see that an NT is an NT is an NT whether they're teenagers or senior citizens. Some things will never change with them.

You're no longer a teenager, but do you still feel out of place?


Yes and no. People are far less cruel to me now and I have adapted better to the world around me with time, but I don't fit anywhere. I feel like a person who is between the two worlds-AS and NT- because I can now pick up on many things but my responses are still somewhat odd at times. No one really picks on me at this point in my life but then again I am not someone they want around either. I wonder if that is because of AS or because I am a non-drinker and dislike large scale social events, sports, popular culture and have a fairly strict moral code based upon my faith in Jesus Christ. However, I am fairly accepting of people as they are and try not to make a big deal of their differences with me on a moral level unless they bring it up. If you ask my opinion, I will give it to you and as I am usually right about most things I see no reason not to tell someone the truth even if it hurts. Some people like this about me though and tell me that they like coming to me about their problems because I can be logical and analytical instead of emotional. Plus, I am not fond of lying and am rarely ever good at it.


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Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic


Curiotical
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28 Aug 2012, 4:46 pm

Today, my NT friend was mocking me "behind my back" although I was clearly within earshot. Everyone is still behaving strangely around me and that horrible, mean, evil Aspie I'm always complaining about deliberately blanked me when I tried to be nice to him. He is less severely Autistic than I am and he is perfectly aware of my social anxiety yet, he still takes advantage of me, blanks me, tries to make me feel guilty and upsets me. :cry:

The vermin of the already pathetic human race -namely chavs- began calling me offensive names and pushing me around in the corridors yet again

I am sick and tired of almost every repulsive member of this stupid, disgusting race treating me like a Goomba. I have done nothing to deserve this. Why should I tolerate this kind of treatment from these vermin? Sometimes, I seriously contemplate killing them all. They are evil, and what repulses me even more is that even a fellow Autistic contributes to this.

I am utterly enraged and if this continues, I am going to permanently injure someone. If they're lucky. :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:


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outofplace
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28 Aug 2012, 4:51 pm

Killing them all is not a good option. Right now, you face a 4 year prison sentence (seeing that you are 14, I assume graduation will be around 18) that you have to complete and only have to serve for 8 hours a day. Kill them all, and you will be thrown in prison and bullied 24/7 for the rest of your life by people far more cruel than your classmates. Trust me. You are not alone in thinking this way. I thought that way in high school too but logic dictated that it was not a proper course of action and so I pushed through it.


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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic


Last edited by outofplace on 28 Aug 2012, 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Curiotical
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28 Aug 2012, 5:42 pm

outofplace wrote:
Killing them all is not a good option. Right now, you face a 4 year prison sentence (seeing that you are 14, I assume graduation will be around 18) that you have to complete and only have to serve for 8 hours a day. Kill them all, and you will be thrown in prison and bullied 24/7 for the rest of your life by people far more cruel than your classmates. Trust me. You are not alone in thinking this way. I thought that way in high school too but logic dictated that it was not a proper course of action and so I pushed through it.


Sigh... I know. Even if I set out to harm someone, I wouldn't have the guts to do so. Maybe I really am just the Goomba of the human race. Because of this, I've been even more depressed than I usually am.

I can't stand those filthy bullies and/or chavs though. If I became Prime Minister of this country, I'd proclaim a new law immediately: "If you happen to be a bully or a chav, your implied consent to live is hereby revoked. Expect to be visited by armed police later today."

The thing I'm upset most by isn't my friend's betrayal, it's the fact that another Autistic kid has become one of them. I'm certain he's the one who fabricated the rumour. I feel horrendously betrayed by him as he is one of only two people to whom I told about my AS. I trusted him and it turns out that he's just a pretentious little horror.

I apologize for unloading all this onto you. I'm meeting my friends tomorrow so, hopefully I'll feel a little better by then.


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28 Aug 2012, 5:46 pm

I always used the knowledge of social group workings against it. You don't have to be part of any of them to not be a target, and keep that idea on your mind.

What I mean is that talking to someone isn't only successful when they like you more after, and not completing this doesn't mean they there for must like you less. People talking about you behind your back is people trying to fill in information they don't know, and with the childish hateful brains they have, only something negative can be thought up most of the times. If they ask where, when, what, who questions about you, they'll fill it in with something nasty, to socially raise themselves. (If you make everyone else look bad, you yourself must be good, huh?) Just start talking casually to people you sit or walk next to during your school hours with the goal to stay completely neutral, and only share if you hear someone else say they like something you happen to like too.

You have to remember they are all as scared of social life on school as you are, you just have a harder time hiding it. If you ever find yourself with one or two people, honestly just start talking about, "hey guys, I don't know if you ever noticed, but I sometimes have a hard time socially" You can even add in. "I have autism, so I try to do the best I can, but it's hard you know."

I understand it can be really hard, but people have a tendency to hate the unknown, hell they'll hate the unknown even if they have a perfect example and will actually use that as a "but not our guy/girl in that exact same situation, he's/she's "different". You have to become that exclusion to the stereotype and that requires correcting the blank ideas they filled in with stereotypical ideas.



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28 Aug 2012, 5:57 pm

When I was 11, someone in school started a rumor that I was stealing things from his desk. (I sat at his regular desk for math class.) I was lucky to find out about it although it upset me for some time. Finally one day I was in a store with my mom, saw another girl from school. She stared at me, then pointed to me and whispered to her mother. I burst into tears and my mom finally got out of me what was going on. My mom advised me to change seats in math class. I did that immediately, started sitting at a table that wasn't anyone's regular desk, and I just hoped the rumors would stop. I had never stolen anything. Eventually things got a little better, but I never did really fit in at that school and thankfully I was only there for a year.

All I can suggest, if you can't get someone to open up to you about what's going on, is to talk to an adult you trust about it, see if they have any suggestions. I hope this situation improves.



Curiotical
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28 Aug 2012, 6:13 pm

Autinger wrote:
Just start talking casually to people you sit or walk next to during your school hours


I would like to but I become extremely aprehensive around too many other adolescents.

Symptoms:

* Persistent stuttering

* Watering eyes

* Trembling

* Brief, blunt conversations filled with awkward silences

I'd love to be the fantastic person you describe in your post, but in reality, I'm not. I'm a f***ing Goomba. That's all I'll ever be.


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Curiotical
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28 Aug 2012, 6:25 pm

SpiritBlooms wrote:
All I can suggest, if you can't get someone to open up to you about what's going on, is to talk to an adult you trust about it, see if they have any suggestions. I hope this situation improves.


Here's the thing; because this is a public forum and even the "Members Only" forum is relatively easy to access, I have had to miss out a vital piece of information in this story. A piece of information I cannot trust [i]anyone[i/] with. Not even my parents who probably know my user-name.

The only advice I can seek is from Wrong Planet and I can only supply you all with a fairly limited version of this story.


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28 Aug 2012, 6:34 pm

Curiotical wrote:
SpiritBlooms wrote:
All I can suggest, if you can't get someone to open up to you about what's going on, is to talk to an adult you trust about it, see if they have any suggestions. I hope this situation improves.


Here's the thing; because this is a public forum and even the "Members Only" forum is relatively easy to access, I have had to miss out a vital piece of information in this story. A piece of information I cannot trust [i]anyone[i/] with. Not even my parents who probably know my user-name.

The only advice I can seek is from Wrong Planet and I can only supply you all with a fairly limited version of this story.

Well then you have to accept that we can't help with specifics. But in human society it seems that people group together to form opinions about others. I've seen this happen in workplaces, where someone became a scapegoat. It could be that's the position you're in.

However... Are you saying there is something true about you that you are pretty sure they're aware of? (No need to answer with any specifics - or at all.) If so I think all you can do is endure the situation or try to get into a different school. Growing up is tough at times, and sometimes all we can do is keep in mind that this will all pass in a few years and then we can get on with our lives. School was rather agonizing for me, so I had to develop that attitude and just be glad when it was time to move on. Do your best school work and don't worry about the social aspects so much. Learning is what you're there for. The rest is not as important as we tend to think when we're teenagers. At my age I barely remember most of the people from my schools.



Curiotical
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28 Aug 2012, 6:42 pm

SpiritBlooms wrote:
Curiotical wrote:
SpiritBlooms wrote:
All I can suggest, if you can't get someone to open up to you about what's going on, is to talk to an adult you trust about it, see if they have any suggestions. I hope this situation improves.


Here's the thing; because this is a public forum and even the "Members Only" forum is relatively easy to access, I have had to miss out a vital piece of information in this story. A piece of information I cannot trust [i]anyone[i/] with. Not even my parents who probably know my user-name.

The only advice I can seek is from Wrong Planet and I can only supply you all with a fairly limited version of this story.

Well then you have to accept that we can't help with specifics. But in human society it seems that people group together to form opinions about others. I've seen this happen in workplaces, where someone became a scapegoat. It could be that's the position you're in.

However... Are you saying there is something true about you that you are pretty sure they're aware of? (No need to answer with any specifics - or at all.) If so I think all you can do is endure the situation or try to get into a different school. Growing up is tough at times, and sometimes all we can do is keep in mind that this will all pass in a few years and then we can get on with our lives. School was rather agonizing for me, so I had to develop that attitude and just be glad when it was time to move on. Do your best school work and don't worry about the social aspects so much. Learning is what you're there for. The rest is not as important as we tend to think when we're teenagers. At my age I barely remember most of the people from my schools.


Thank you for the advice, but moving to a different school is absolutely out of the question. Things are so much worse in other schools in the city.

I'll either have to endure the situation or somehow, convince them that they're wrong.


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