Save me the cost of a therapy session

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KevinLA
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09 Jan 2013, 9:30 pm

A couple of years ago, there was this incident with our neighbor.

She is head of our home owners association. I know she is a sociopath. I told my mother this one month after we moved in and to stay away from her.

I was putting up some artwork outdoors. Our home is made of stucco. When I was hitting the nail, stucco from the wall was flying in my face.
I was concerned because I know stucco from homes built during the early 1980s when our home was built can contain asbestos which is
a carcinogen.

I asked the head of our HOA whether the stucco in our home contains asbestos. She said that she did not know.

Fast forward two months later. My mother invites her over. We did not know she was drunk. I am on the coach watching television minding my own business.
She comes over to me and starts yelling literally at the top of her lungs. Here is the dialogue:

Her : Stucco does not contain asbestos.
Her: You idiot!

I have never in my life seen someone that angry or yell that loud. It was something that would occur in a mental institution.

I ignore her.
When I ignore her. She pushes me with both hands while I am still sitting on the couch.
I look at her in disgust. She has a big smile on her face thinking it is funny. I turn away.

Her: You idiot!

Same as above.
I ignore her.
When I ignore her. She pushes me with both hands while I am still sitting on the couch.
I look at her in disgust. She has a big smile on her face thinking it is funny. I turn away.

Her sister who lives next door comes into our home uninvited and makes her sister leave.
As the head of the HOA is leaving, she screams as loud as possible "You idiot". Her sister says some insults out the door as well.
She never saw what happened. She is sticking up for her pos sister.

She does all this in front of my mother. Not only is is disrespectful to me, it is disrespectful to her.
My mother is a pacifist so she accepts an apology from the woman. She never apologizes to me or admits she did anything wrong.

The next time she comes over she says the following.

Her: I know you don't want me to say hi to you, but I am going to any way.

I ignore her.

My mother laughs. It wasn't necessarily laughing with her. She is a nervous person with a lot of anxiety. It was more out of nervousness.
However, the woman thinks this means she is taking her side in the issue. Still, it disgusted me.

After the incident she used to try and talk to me like nothing happened. I ignored her. I have made it 100% clear I do not want to talk to her any more. Regardless, when I walk I by her she says "Hello Kevin". When I drive by she waves at me. I tell my mother these things but it does change her stance that I am obsessing over the incident
and should get over it.

Before the incident, the woman would bring us vegetables about once a month. After the incident, the woman continued to do so.
I told my mother that she should turn down the vegetables. Any other person would. No one would want anything to do with a person that was disrespectul the way she was in our home. My mother thought this would be disrespectful to her to turn down the vegetables.

I told my mother, if she came in anyone else's home and acted that they, they would not talk to her again or allow her in their home.

My mother was the treasurer for the HOA. The woman needed to come over to have checks signed once a month. I told my mother that
she should show her disgust by resigning as treasurer and never allowing her in our home again. She should stick up for me. Any other
mother would. At the time she refused to do so. The woman is a sociopath and has some sort of control over her. She might be even a little scared of her.
My mother did stop being treasurer a year later. My mother still says hello to her and makes small talk.
I am disgusted that my mother does not stick up for me. Any other mother would.

Nothing the woman has done really bothers me. My response to the incident is one of a sane person. Ignoring her like she is crazy which she is. She is a disgusting woman who possibly has had gender issues, could not have children, and could not keep a man in her life. It is laughable how dumb and annoying she is. Her own sister that lives next door to us barely respects her. Her adopted daughter is overweight and her adopted son is gay. She is angry about these things. Her own sister does not like her daughter, son or her granddaughter. So much show that she literally can not be in the same room with the daughter and granddaughter. She has a lot of anger in her life and it is clear she took it out on me.

My whole issue is with my mother. She has her own mental issues and I can not reason with her on any level.



Ann2011
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09 Jan 2013, 10:07 pm

I would be curious as to your age, but I'm going to assume you are in your late teens. If this is not the case, disregard my answer.

Your mother does not have any culpability in this. It was up to you to defend yourself. You decided to ignore her; I think I more aggressive response was in order. For example "get your hands off me." She sounds like a bully and as long as she can get away with it, she will continue to try to get under your skin.

It isn't up to your Mom to fight this battle. I'm sure she has her reasons for continuing as if nothing has happened. Don't hold her responsible for your anger - direct it at the cause.



danmac
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09 Jan 2013, 10:23 pm

i would say late 20's early 30's.......your mom as you know has learned to both live life away from fear and respecting it. i belive her view is she has seen a lot of crazys in her life and to live w/ the harmless and run from the dangerous?
the women is only a old scared drunk, over-reacting then trying to belive it wasn't a big deal. i've known too many people like that......some people truely never leave adulesance(SP).

just keep in mind she is living w/ it, she choices you ofcourse, and that means take the bit#$% veggees!(i wouldn't, i'd do the same as you)


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KevinLA
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09 Jan 2013, 10:29 pm

I am acting like the sane person here.

This woman is a white trash hillbilly who doesn't know her a**hole from her mouth.

Could I have said something that day? Probably. I still insist that I acted how a sane person would.

I just need to know how to deal with my mother.



Ann2011
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09 Jan 2013, 10:46 pm

KevinLA wrote:
I am disgusted that my mother does not stick up for me. Any other mother would.

I just don't get this. Why should your mother change her behaviour because of your feelings? This is your issue.

Really she is already behaving in a similar way to the way you are behaving - she's ignoring the incident.

I think both you and your Mom are behaving in a sane manner. That's not in question. But I think your issue with your mother is unfounded. It's not that she doesn't care about you; she probably just doesn't think this is a big enough issue to cause friction with the neighbour over.