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poopylungstuffing
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29 Nov 2009, 2:22 am

It is the nature of my dumb business/special interest...being a female singer in bands...part of the point of my long rambling story was that the vast majority of guys I have been with knew me from my band....otherwise, I am fairly certain significantly fewer men would have paid attention to me...I intended the fact that I have dated so many drummers to be an element of humor. I never intended for it to be that way, it is just how it happened.
My secondary partner/very ASish friend is currently the drummer in my band...even though he does not have much experience...we just needed a drummer. The slu*ty NPD guy mentioned in my story went on to live at my place for a few years, during which time, he was the drummer of our band, and I could barely even bring myself to speak to him..and to this day, when he comes into town, I can barely manage to speak to him



Zane
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03 Dec 2009, 4:20 pm

Magnus wrote:
I am a saintly whore I guess. :lol:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pmce-wwmqQw[/youtube]


:For Magnus: :lmao: :shrug: :lmao: :hail: :shameonyou: :tongue: :heart: :hic: :lol: :wtg: :hail:

:lol: :roll:

"I'm a whore" :!:

"Yup Zane, according to Magnus and that youtube guy...you are."

"I'm a ... whore" :cry:

:wink:

:shrug: :lmao: :shrug: :lmao: :hail: :shameonyou: :tongue: :heart: :hic: :lol: :wtg: :hail:


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FaithHopeCheese
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06 Dec 2009, 12:40 am

My number is 6, but I think I only did it so they would keep me around. I fantasize, but I cannot enjoy a sexual relationship for the life of me....Hmm maybe sometimes in the beginning I did. Once I get to know a guy, a part of me always hates him.


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Aspiemama
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07 Dec 2009, 10:51 pm

The long story of my life as a woman who used sex for comfort, and then almost ruined my life in the process....this is just MY story, but it will probably make sense to some of you. Sorry so long, but I think that its important for us Aspies who do have more of a sex drive, or for those of us who struggle with their sexual lives....

I will tell you my own experience just because it has molded my own perception of myself, and I have struggled with it since I am a strong Christian as well. My actions have not followed my "beliefs" of how I should be. I have struggled with so many years of shame, not just because of sex alone and my "walk with God"...but because I have been married 11 years and the chemistry that I have felt with others, and the "friendships" that I have developed with men whom participate in the same action sports as I do seem to be attracted to me and we become close.

I started having sex with my first boyfriend at the age of 17. He was 28! I have had so much shame over the fact that he was more than 10 years older than me! I was so insecure, and was so unable to connect with my Aspie father, that I searched for someone to take care of me and to be emotionally intimate with. We didn't talk, hug, or anything close in my family. So for the next 5 years I would jump from a 3 year relationship (while cheating a few times), to the next, until I met my husband at the age of 21. We were married with LOTS of problems, and he was very manipulative to get what he wanted (to live seperate lives and party with his buddies and basically not grow up..but I know he didn't ever cheat) and we didn't know how to "do" marriage. I first cheated on him five years into the marriage. I begged him to take me back, and the guy was the type of guy (like every since) who would "work on me" for months at a time. Being friends with me and getting our kids together to play, etc. Under the influence of alcohol it happened the first time, and we ended it after two months of on / off. I was consumed with guilt and told my husband who left for 2 days and then came back, basically telling me that I'd better never complain about HIS behavior or issues ever again.

I begged him to go to counseling but never got him there, nor did I know of my Aspie / OCD diagnosis until the age of 32. Again, two years ago I was persued by a absolutely georgious man, everything he did was hot to me, and I immediately became obsessed. We had an affair for 3 months. I tried to end it for 3 months, actually was 4. He played the "reeling her in" game, and throw me back dozens of times. Finally I realized that he was a sex addict. He wouldn't let me go but wouldn't commit. I was sure I would leave my husband for him. I fell in love, I think, well not really, but felt something like that...and I realized that it is "new love" that gets me going. I get bored of people. My husband and I had no marriage, and I had the stress of two AS kids. It was my way to get away. It was also the way I escaped. Under fear of being alone I told my husband and he freaked out, scared me to death, but realized that he also played a part in pushing me away for so many years. We went to marriage counseling and I resolved to never do it again. I did everything I thought I had to do to make our marriage better, but my husband again used the infedelity to push me away and do whatever he wanted. I spent the next two years operating our business almost by myself and dealing with the kids on my own while my husband was on his own half the time, doing whatever he wanted, not growing up. I felt horrible and spent the last two years doing everything to make him happy and make it up to him.

Two months ago I started competitively mt. biking and got closer to a guy friend whom raced also. We were neighbors and he asked me out one night, and we hung out. He flirted and I told him NEVER, ever, would I ever cheat on my husband again. Well, 2 months later, the guy kissed me, and this was after we became close friends mt. biking and walking etc. He was again my escape. We had sex, it was great, I felt the chemistry, but again, the guilt, pain, fear of abandonment, and my husband saw us together. He says "YOU have a boyfriend, I can't believe it!" He told me to get out, and screamed at me for two nights. I moved out, we seperated, for 3 months, and we still communicated. I told him we made out several times and that I fell for him. My husband begged me to come back and to work on the marriage. He has started reading books on marriage and working on himself. I have spent the last two months with a psychologist and understanding myself.

So, in a nutshell...I can't control myself once I become close to a guy, we become buddies and reach some type of emotional intimacy. Sex outside of marriage, or adultry is everything I don't believe in. I still believe in God and know that I need to put my kids and husband first. My husband has forgiven me so many times, yet he still doesn't know I slept with the 3rd guy. I think he knows but would rather not believe it or "go there". He has told me "lets look forward". He has put a huge effort into the relationship and the sex has been getting better. I am trying to become a better person, but I know my weaknesses. A man can get into my head and mess me up big time. Situations that I thought that I would never get myself into, I would allow. I moved away from the town where the last 2 flings happened, and I am now living with my parents to save money and focus on my kids and marriage. I can't escape anymore. I have made a rule that I will not have conversations with guys alone, or anywhere for that matter, for longer than "in passing" amount. I can't be friends with men. Doesn't work.



AnimeGirl
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10 Dec 2009, 11:44 am

In my younger years (late teens to early twenties) I went through a slut phase as my friends called it. My number is 13 with almost all but three of them being in a one year time frame. I think a lot of that came from me thinking that it was what everyone was doing so I should do it also. I was also trying to "catch-up" with my friends. I was a late bloomer and actually date no interest in dating untill I was around seven-teen.



pandd
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10 Dec 2009, 10:54 pm

FaithHopeCheese wrote:
My number is 6, but I think I only did it so they would keep me around. I fantasize, but I cannot enjoy a sexual relationship for the life of me....Hmm maybe sometimes in the beginning I did. Once I get to know a guy, a part of me always hates him.

I am the opposite. I prefer sex with someone I know well and have previously had sex with on enough occassions to feel very familiar with and to have imparted my many sensitivities and quirks to. Initially I have sex more out of a feeling of obligation and knowledge that I cannot progress to properly enjoyable sexual intimacy without going through the yucky stuff of sexual interaction with someone I do not already have a history of sexual intimacy with. Hopefully I will not ever have to put a "novel partner" through the preliminary paces again.



FaithHopeCheese
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10 Dec 2009, 11:25 pm

pandd wrote:
FaithHopeCheese wrote:
My number is 6, but I think I only did it so they would keep me around. I fantasize, but I cannot enjoy a sexual relationship for the life of me....Hmm maybe sometimes in the beginning I did. Once I get to know a guy, a part of me always hates him.

I am the opposite. I prefer sex with someone I know well and have previously had sex with on enough occassions to feel very familiar with and to have imparted my many sensitivities and quirks to. Initially I have sex more out of a feeling of obligation and knowledge that I cannot progress to properly enjoyable sexual intimacy without going through the yucky stuff of sexual interaction with someone I do not already have a history of sexual intimacy with. Hopefully I will not ever have to put a "novel partner" through the preliminary paces again.


I think I've spent too many years fantasizing and the guys never live up to what they present to me initially. After I'm with him a while, I become too conscious of the experience and can't relax. I need the fantasy, but I'm not interested in one night stands. It's a conundrum. :( I probably need therapy :?

I wish I felt like you do about it, because the longer I'm with my boyfriend the less familiar it seems, if that makes any sense.


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Boomshika
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08 Mar 2010, 8:17 pm

i've always been seen as physically attractive to the opposite sex, but terribly naive (at least at first), and have always struggled with self esteem as a result of endless teasing by my peers in school. so now, since i'm so sexually experienced, i'm just good at sex, but bad at relationships. basically, that's the problem. my relationships don't last once guys get to know the real me, so they scram. the problem is, i've slept with them because when they say they won't leave me, i take them literally. this is me.

Aspie and the City, u might as well call me Carrie.


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RightGalaxy
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11 Mar 2010, 9:49 am

Why worry? I had an acquaintance that made it with 50 men over a period of 2 years. (She never had an orgasm, so you'd think, why do it?) She wasn't a whore. She had serious self-esteem issues and depression. Her mother was bipolar and acted more like a roommate to her instead of a mom. She had no "comfort" like a nice, warm Granny to tell her she was loved and was a good kid. No father. She was deparate to get married because she wanted a "family" away from what she had. She was very attractive and thought that if she gave these guys her body, at least one would want to stay. One eventually did but she took a lot of risks. The one that stayed was # 59. It's terrible to be used. Maybe she felt sex was all she had to give. She met these selfish men in clubs and bars. Now she's still married to the same guy (20 years), real heavy, and has two adult daughters who are quite emotionally stable. Interestingly, she was turned down a few times!
So, the myth that a man will never turn down sex is not true. It happened to a lot of my more "forward" female friends. LOL!! It bees that way sometimes, weezie. ADVICE: Never tell people the number, NEVER EVER. That's your business. Keep it private. If you're asked, lie.
Don't even tell other girls. To tell you the truth, even though I understood the girl in the post. My initial response to her was (in my head) that she was a downright slutmobile. But once I got to know her, I thought differently. If a girl is "easy" it means she's "trickable". It no slur to her morality. Those that trick her are immoral.



KarBaum
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11 Mar 2010, 12:36 pm

I had sex with lots of people, too, because I didn't know I wasn't supposed to. I was 15 when I did it the first time, and I told him that I did not want to because I didn't like what was happening. He told me that all girlfriends and boyfriends did it and to just lay there until he was finished. I told him I didn't want to, but he just did it anyway. Lots of times. I kept telling him I didn't want to do that anymore and that I didn't like it, but he just kept doing it anyway and saying all boyfriends and girlfriends do it. A year later, I told a friend at church camp that that had happened, and she told a camp counselor. They told me I was raped. I had no idea that I had even had sex. My mom made me go get an exam and go to the police station. So, I now knew that sex was stuff that boyfriend and girlfriends did, and if you said "no" then it was called rape, and then you had to break up with your boyfriend and go to the doctor and the police station. Still, no one ever told me that I wasn't SUPPOSED to be doing it. So from then on, I just said "yes" because I thought that I was supposed to be doing it, as a girlfriend, and because I didn't want to go to the police station again, and that's what happened if I said "no". I did not realize that this was not how it was supposed to go until I met my boyfriend 2-1/2 years ago. He explained that there are feelings and things involved. I was so confused. He waited for me to go see a counselor and get it all sorted out before getting intimate with me. So, even though my number is very high (somewhere in 3 digits), now that I know what I'm supposed to be doing, I think I'll just stick with 1 for the rest of my life.



starygrrl
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11 Mar 2010, 1:31 pm

First off, there is NOTHING wrong with having sex. There is no such thing as supposed to be doing it, or not supposed to be doing it. It is a personal choice, but it is a personal choice that should be done with consenting adults. There is nothing wrong with having sex (in a healthy way) with multiple partners. But one should do so well aware of the consequences and do it safely. I am not going to argue it has to be with someone you love, I have had sex just because I needed to get laid. There is nothing wrong with it.

I think a big part of the problem is the fact that society perpetuates a puritanical view or sexuality, especially women's sexuality, at the same time sends all sorts of contradictory messages.

1. Its okay to have sex
2. Its okay to have sex with multiple partners during ones life.
3. There is nothing wrong with being sexually active, it is not something you should be ashamed of.
4. Sexual activity should ALWAYS be consensual in nature. If its not between two consenting partners, its rape, plain and simple.

Maybe I have a different viewpoint because I do not have the conservative christian puritanical BS baggage. Instead I have my sex-positive third wave feminist attitudes. I think sex is fine, as long as its consensual (and doesn't involve an adult and a child).

But its FINE that you had sex with 10 partners, honestly speaking, for younger women, that is closer to the low end these days. But you should not feel guilty about it, nobody here should. Honestly speaking, I only had sex with 4 or 5 partners and I am 31, but at least I have a positive attitude about my sexuality. I am not sexual because of low self esteem, I am sexual because I like it, and that is about it.

By the way, I know somebody who is very sexual. She does it because she likes sex. Its not because she is easily trickable, its not because she has low self esteem, and its not because she is being used. Its just because she likes sex. Complex motives for finding a permanent partner do not have to come into play, nor does guilt (or anything else).



KarBaum
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11 Mar 2010, 1:41 pm

Oh, I didn't mean "wasn't supposed to" as in "sex is bad and wrong and don't do it". I just worded it wrong. I meant that no one told me that I wasn't supposed to do it if I didn't want to. I had sex with all of those people even though I didn't want to. I would feel differently if I had sex with all of those people because I WANTED to. Being a sexual being is a perfectly fine way to be.



starygrrl
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11 Mar 2010, 1:51 pm

KarBaum wrote:
Oh, I didn't mean "wasn't supposed to" as in "sex is bad and wrong and don't do it". I just worded it wrong. I meant that no one told me that I wasn't supposed to do it if I didn't want to. I had sex with all of those people even though I didn't want to. I would feel differently if I had sex with all of those people because I WANTED to. Being a sexual being is a perfectly fine way to be.


Oh, okay that makes more sense.



Rose_in_Winter
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12 Mar 2010, 1:09 pm

Call me average, but I've had 4 sexual partners including my husband. All of these were LT relationships; the first was when I was 19. I definitely had self-esteem issues, but that is not why I chose to become sexually active. Right after my first year of college, I fell in love for the first time. He was 5 years older and really pressured me for sex and preyed on my insecurities and low self-esteem. (It took me a very long time to repair my self-confidence, and he was no help.)

I don't think I have a high or low sex drive. I read that the average person in the US has sex or some other form of sexual intimacy 3 times a week, which sounds about perfect to me. (I'm assuming that doesn't include cuddling, or giving my husband a kiss and hug when he leaves for and gets home from work, because that happens all the time.)

It drives me crazy that a woman would ever consider herself a "slut" based on the number of sexual partners she's had. A woman is entitled to as much sex with as many partners as she wants, and should not feel bad about it! (She should of course use protection and let her partners know her sexual practices ahead of time; that's just good sense and common courtesy.) The choice of having many flings is just as valid as choosing only to have sex with long-term partners -- heck, I even have friends who have waited for marriage, and that's fine too. However, it also bothers me that young women are pressured into sex with random partners because otherwise they are thought to be a prude, or prissy. My younger cousins found that once they got to college, there was a lot of pressure to have casual sex. While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with casual sex, pressuring people (especially, OMHO, women in their teens) to have it if they aren't comfortable with it is a bad thing. Sex has such a stigma here -- don't do it and you're called "prissy b***h", do it too much and you're called a "slut." I really wish women could just make a decision in a vacuum, no pressure one way or the other!



Morgana
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12 Mar 2010, 3:17 pm

Wow, how have you women managed to get so much sex??? I have always enjoyed sex, and one of my biggest laments in life is that I feel like I´ve had too little of it! I guess my biggest problem was that I just didn´t socialize very well with men. If a man happened to approach me, all I wanted to do was run away. And I have to take new people in small doses, I just can´t talk to them for very long (I hate meeting new people, usually). This meant rather short dates. I think NT men thought I was really weird....


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DirkWillems
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15 Mar 2010, 11:32 pm

ouinon wrote:
When I was 26 I had had sex with 20 people, ( and I've had sex with another 14 or 15 people since ).

From age 18 to 29 I got drunk a lot, because it helped me socially, and I spent a lot of energy on a socially successful performance, ( without even realising that I did ), had studied painstakingly how to dress, the gestures and smiles etc that worked, was attractive, and used to go to bed with almost anyone who had the nerve to ask me, because I actually had almost no sex drive at all, and didn't know what sexual attraction, ( as opposed to attraction to someone's conversation/ideas etc ), felt like.

A supposed friend warned me at uni that if I wasn't careful I'd make a name for myself, but I realised long afterwards that she was jealous. I wasn't showing off, or "whoring", ( which is doing it for money ), but just doing what I thought I was supposed to do. And yes, it may have had something to do with the fact I went to bed with guys as soon as they wanted to, and relationships rarely lasted more than a few weeks, or even days, after that.

I have since discovered what sexual excitement and attraction feels like, and it has actually made me less inclined to go to bed with people. The last 11 years I've been to bed with only one person, and that was only for a year or so.

Am curious; do you find that you tend to ( first ) go to bed with people when you have been drinking or when completely sober?

.


Just out of curiosity, I really have a hard time understanding this perspective people have of going through with having sex with 40 people. Maybe you can explain that to me. I am a male and cannot understand this perspective at all. If I had even had numerous opportunities to have sex, the vast majority I would have rejected as a matter of moral turpitude. There are only 5 or so women I would have ever seriously considered having sex with in my entire life. I am more wrapped up in the day-to-day events in life than having sex in relationships. I would be happy just reading the morning paper or having a beer. I was huge pothead in school and did everything I got my hands on. Women are useless when sex is being offered. I'd rather have a cool woman friend who enjoys going to the bar and drinking until we're stumbling around than anyone to have sex with. I think Dave Chapelle was talking about black and white potheads and how the blacks get uppity and do whatever they do and the whites just sit back and talk about times they smoked weed before. I'd rather look back on life and instead of saying "yeah i [] this one chick" I'd rather be like, "Remember that time we got so drunk and then got arrested? Yeah I just passed out in my cell and took a nap."

What do you call this if anything?

EDIT: Basically I'd like a woman who acts like a man and is content with sitting around drinking and blowing stuff up.