Page 2 of 4 [ 55 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

MEATGRINDER
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 50

26 Mar 2010, 12:08 pm

Friskeygirl wrote:
I seem to be a creep magnet


:lol:

Just about EVERY woman I've met says this, I guess that's just the way people are.

MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P . Since men for the most part are bigger and stronger than women and women are far less violent then men on average, there's no rational reason for men to be fearful and apprehensive of women. I mean when you say someone is *creepy* you're implying that there is something threatening about them. I think many women, especially when they're young(teens through 20s), are always worried that a guy they find unattractive who shows interest in them might try to rape them and rape certainly IS a big risk for younger women.



Rose_in_Winter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 741
Location: Kansas City, MO

27 Mar 2010, 6:48 am

MEATGRINDER wrote:
MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P .


Because there are not effete, passive-agressive heterosexual men. I really hope this was a joke, or sarcasm. Hard to tell online.

MEATGRINDER wrote:
Since men for the most part are bigger and stronger than women and women are far less violent then men on average, there's no rational reason for men to be fearful and apprehensive of women.


There is such a thing as intellectual intimidation. It is normal to feel a little intimidated entering into conversation with someone much smarter than you. I mean, what do you say to Hawking that doesn't sound like drivel? I do think a man can talk to a woman, find she is far his intellectual superior, and feel intimidated by her intelligence. This can also happen to a woman talking to a man, of course. I think the same could occur with a woman who had life experience the man did not (or vice-versa). There are many traits besides physical size and strength that can be intimidating!

MEATGRINDER wrote:
always worried that a guy they find unattractive who shows interest in them might try to rape them and rape certainly IS a big risk for younger women.


There is so much to this statement....

1. The vast majority of rape is date rape; stranger rape is comparatively rare. Statistically, a woman should worry more about the attractive man she agreed to date than the unattractive man she did not. Of course, most dates do not end in rape.

2. Most men aren't rapists! That doesn't mean a woman should not be careful, but I think the majority of us know that not every man whom we reject is going to come after us. They are far more likely to move on to another woman until they find one who is attracted to them. We are not "always worried."

3. Rape is about power and rage, not sex, so a woman's age isn't necessarily a factor. While more young women report rape or other forms of sexual assault than other groups (although the elderly and children are also far too often victimized), any woman can be at risk of rape.

I am not trying to attack you, but there were some assumptions in your original post that bothered me. I just wanted to express alternate views on the subjects. For the record, I do not think I am a creep magnet. I am attracted to powerfully built men, and some of them have been creeps. Some of them -- like my husband -- have not.



PLA
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,929
Location: Sweden

27 Mar 2010, 6:55 am

Rose_in_Winter wrote:
MEATGRINDER wrote:
MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P .


Because there are not effete, passive-agressive heterosexual men. I really hope this was a joke, or sarcasm. Hard to tell online.

I read the specification of sexuality as implying that mutual attraction would be a crucial factor. I'm still not sure of how accurate that statement is, but it sounds better.


_________________
I can make a statement true by placing it first in this signature.

"Everyone loves the dolphin. A bitter shark - emerging from it's cold depths - doesn't stand a chance." This is hyperbol.

"Run, Jump, Fall, Limp off, Try Harder."


caissa
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 130

27 Mar 2010, 7:01 am

I was actually told once that it was "creepy" how much I loved someone (the person I loved told me this).

It felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

I then asked him, "Do you want me to leave you alone?" and he backpedaled and apologized and said it was "a bad choice of words..." but I knew he had meant exactly what he said. :(



Rose_in_Winter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 741
Location: Kansas City, MO

27 Mar 2010, 7:25 am

PLA wrote:
Rose_in_Winter wrote:
MEATGRINDER wrote:
MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P .


Because there are not effete, passive-agressive heterosexual men. I really hope this was a joke, or sarcasm. Hard to tell online.

I read the specification of sexuality as implying that mutual attraction would be a crucial factor. I'm still not sure of how accurate that statement is, but it sounds better.


You are right; that is a valid reading. I didn't see it that way, but I should have given MEATGRINDER the benefit of the doubt. Fair enough; perhaps he meant gay as in sexually incompatible. (It's interesting to me the sexual connotation "creepy" has taken on in this thread; I don't think of creepy that way, which may be why I missed what PLA didn't.)



PLA
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,929
Location: Sweden

28 Mar 2010, 7:00 am

Rose_in_Winter wrote:
PLA wrote:
Rose_in_Winter wrote:
MEATGRINDER wrote:
MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P .


Because there are not effete, passive-agressive heterosexual men. I really hope this was a joke, or sarcasm. Hard to tell online.

I read the specification of sexuality as implying that mutual attraction would be a crucial factor. I'm still not sure of how accurate that statement is, but it sounds better.


You are right; that is a valid reading. I didn't see it that way, but I should have given MEATGRINDER the benefit of the doubt. Fair enough; perhaps he meant gay as in sexually incompatible. (It's interesting to me the sexual connotation "creepy" has taken on in this thread; I don't think of creepy that way, which may be why I missed what PLA didn't.)

It seems that sexuality can often override what would otherwise be considered creepy.


_________________
I can make a statement true by placing it first in this signature.

"Everyone loves the dolphin. A bitter shark - emerging from it's cold depths - doesn't stand a chance." This is hyperbol.

"Run, Jump, Fall, Limp off, Try Harder."


MEATGRINDER
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 50

31 Mar 2010, 1:49 pm

Rose_in_Winter wrote:

MEATGRINDER wrote:
always worried that a guy they find unattractive who shows interest in them might try to rape them and rape certainly IS a big risk for younger women.


There is so much to this statement....

1. The vast majority of rape is date rape; stranger rape is comparatively rare. Statistically, a woman should worry more about the attractive man she agreed to date than the unattractive man she did not. Of course, most dates do not end in rape.

2. Most men aren't rapists! That doesn't mean a woman should not be careful, but I think the majority of us know that not every man whom we reject is going to come after us. They are far more likely to move on to another woman until they find one who is attracted to them. We are not "always worried."

3. Rape is about power and rage, not sex, so a woman's age isn't necessarily a factor. While more young women report rape or other forms of sexual assault than other groups (although the elderly and children are also far too often victimized), any woman can be at risk of rape.

I am not trying to attack you, but there were some assumptions in your original post that bothered me. I just wanted to express alternate views on the subjects. For the record, I do not think I am a creep magnet. I am attracted to powerfully built men, and some of them have been creeps. Some of them -- like my husband -- have not.



First of all, do you have any STATS to back up statements 1 and 3???

Regarding statement 2, I agree that most men aren't rapists but that Does Not Mean that rape, even by strangers, is uncommon!! ! I have known several women who have been STALKED by male suitors whom these women rejected romantically, including my younger sister. There are plenty of men out there who won't take no for answer, perhaps because being rejected is a blow to their ego. I can't even count the number of women who have told me stories about being followed by male strangers while they were out by themselves and many other situations where they felt they were in danger of being raped(along with having known 7 women who told me themselves that they were sexually assaulted). I once asked an NT woman about why so many women get creeped out by men with odd mannerisms and behaviors(especially if they're loners) and she replied by saying "because men rape women". She then added "I'm not saying that YOU personally are a rapist but the fact that these guys are out there means that women have to be careful".



spunkykitty
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

02 Apr 2010, 5:32 am

i'm in my mid 40s, had several relationships before, no trouble attracting the men initially but always totally freaked them out later on... except for one wonderful chap who became my best friend in the world... but i didn't end up with this gem... now more or less given up on finding a lifelong companion... best friends so far? gay men... one in particular is a darling... and my younger sister who's quirky too...

i think the freaky factor comes from (in my case) too much intensity to the point of obsession and the (still at this age!) inability to regulate this... eg. if i am obsessed abt a certain topic or project, i have been known to bombard whomever i am communicating with at the moment (that includes just platonic male friends or boyfriends at the time) with my entire collection of thoughts... been misconstrued several times as having a crush on a male friend - i guess because of the intensity of my communications - sadly, even though i tried to explain abt the aspie thing, they don't understand and just think it's me being a typical NT woman denying everything... too bad i guess...

it's definitely a part of my life that is lacking, but i have a full enough life to compensate so it's not a big big deal really... having said that, i would be curious to know if i could hit it off with an aspie male in a sort of connection that is a bit more than casual friendship but not really yet lovers?

any middle aged aspie males here interested in connecting with a female counterpart for this experiment in aspie socialisation?



MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,052
Location: MO

02 Apr 2010, 12:18 pm

Whoa spunkykitty, I really relate what you just said in the middle paragraph. I tend to go from distant and shy to overly intense or obsessed about them. Though it seems I go from one extreme to the next. I too cannot get away from my projects or anything that holds a great interest to me not even with a guy.

The very few guys that approached me I think misconstrued me in a totally different light. The moment I reveal my true nature, it tends to get uncomfortable from there. I've always been aware this and tried really hard not to act "atypical" but as they say, a leopard can't change it's spots. This is where I have trouble in being comfortable or getting to express the real me without being judged. If I become comfortable and interact naturally, I sound like someone with a brain injury. I repeat certain words, can't speak with fluidity, and have trouble going with the flow. In other words, I can't even pretend to reciprocate an emotional response to something they found funny or exciting. My feelings come off flat but whenever it gets into a subject I'm interested in, my excitement becomes too intense and overly exaggerated.

I still struggle with my self esteem and feel totally self conscious about the way I look and behave. So I'm not sure how much of this is them and how much of this is me. I'm still self-conscious when it comes to my flaws and quirks and sometimes I wonder if I'm letting this get in the way of perspective relationships or not. I never really identified with gals around my age which made me feel even more uncomfortable around guys. I never felt "feminine", pretty or normal enough for a guy to take any interest.


_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan


spunkykitty
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

02 Apr 2010, 6:07 pm

caissa wrote:
I was actually told once that it was "creepy" how much I loved someone (the person I loved told me this).

It felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

I then asked him, "Do you want me to leave you alone?" and he backpedaled and apologized and said it was "a bad choice of words..." but I knew he had meant exactly what he said. :(


caissa, i absolutely understand what you expressed. my ex-bf of 10 years did tell me i was extremely intense, but he was my best friend in the world and did not find me creepy - however all the rest of my short lived romances all had one complexion in common, some said it as your lover did, that i freaked them, and others just ran away scared out of their minds...

i guess 90% of humanity are unable to step outside of their own mental realms to accommodate another so different from theirs... and even just simple acceptance without understanding is high nigh impossible to find... the closer we get the more it becomes lonely...



spunkykitty
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

02 Apr 2010, 6:24 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
Whoa spunkykitty, I really relate what you just said in the middle paragraph. I tend to go from distant and shy to overly intense or obsessed about them. Though it seems I go from one extreme to the next. I too cannot get away from my projects or anything that holds a great interest to me not even with a guy.

The very few guys that approached me I think misconstrued me in a totally different light. The moment I reveal my true nature, it tends to get uncomfortable from there. I've always been aware this and tried really hard not to act "atypical" but as they say, a leopard can't change it's spots. This is where I have trouble in being comfortable or getting to express the real me without being judged. If I become comfortable and interact naturally, I sound like someone with a brain injury. I repeat certain words, can't speak with fluidity, and have trouble going with the flow. In other words, I can't even pretend to reciprocate an emotional response to something they found funny or exciting. My feelings come off flat but whenever it gets into a subject I'm interested in, my excitement becomes too intense and overly exaggerated.

I still struggle with my self esteem and feel totally self conscious about the way I look and behave. So I'm not sure how much of this is them and how much of this is me. I'm still self-conscious when it comes to my flaws and quirks and sometimes I wonder if I'm letting this get in the way of perspective relationships or not. I never really identified with gals around my age which made me feel even more uncomfortable around guys. I never felt "feminine", pretty or normal enough for a guy to take any interest.


sounds like we're twins here :-)

in my childhood, i was told by my own mother that i was unattractive as a girl (i was a tomboy) and far too horridly "oddball" to be considered a pleasant kid at all, and in my early adulthood she said i would never find a mate if i did not marry my then bf, no other man would want me the way he did - well she was right on the second count, so far anyway... so moms do get it right and wrong as we all humans do... self esteem? it's up and down... i wld rate my current self esteem abt 85% pretty high, i am attractive and youthful for a middle aged aunty, i even had date propositions from a number of very good looking young men between 28 - 35 (who thought i was within that age range too), and when i told them my real age (because i see no point in hiding age, i am proud of being my age) their one vehement answer to continuing with their pursuit was "but you don't look it!" - how shallow indeed, that a man wants to date a woman based purely on her physical appearance alone,,, needless to say i have declined every one of those advances but that scenario is a double edged thing, a boost to the superficial ego that yeah, this ugly duckling did grow up to be a swan indeed, but a sad forlorn dent to the overall prognosis for any quest for real intimacy and companion aye? yet, i count my many blessings and my successful relationships are trophies to me because they show me i CAN indeed hold a deep real relationship and be a great friend to some really wonderful people after all - my best friend is a gay man whom i met in high school, my closest sister loves me unconditionally, and i do have closer friends who will do a lot for me if i ever needed them to... lucky me... so each time a romance completely crumbled, i counted off my real friends and that always kept my self esteem alive...

nah, no more romantic notions for me... the most recent 'break up' was with just a platonic male friend, who misconstrued that i was developing a crush on him... sad... because of my intensity... and i that saddens me... but it also shows me that love (even the friendship kind of love) takes a long long time to really grow, and the bigger the tree, the longer the time it takes for the roots to go deep and the less it may show on the surface at the beginning... people just don't know how to take the kind of time to get to know us super intense aspies the way we long for...

tony attwood did say something abt the aspie having a lot more mental and emotional anguish in the relational area than the kanner's autist, because we are so acutely aware of our 'inadequacies' and yet we desire so much for connection... the truth is why are we labelled inadequate at all? from the successful friendships i have at hand, they all tell me i am far more than adequate as a friend, i give more, love more, accept more and generally AM a better friend than the neurotypicals they know out there... i guess it all depends on which part of the waters you choose to stand in... and 90% of the world stand in the shallows, so looking into the bottomless ocean is too too scary for them... but for some who are able to do a bit of adventurous diving, the bottom of the ocean is a fascinating place... i know one or two neurotypical friends who come to me when they need some respite away from the NT shallow world ! !! !

and i have rambled on and on again... i apologise y'all... time to stop



MONKEY
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)

02 Apr 2010, 6:52 pm

IdahoRose wrote:

However, that same vibe seems to illicit other women's maternal instincts, because it seems like a lot of women around my age or (especially) older are kind to me and are even willing to be my friends; probably out of pity for me.


This! I once was friends with 2 girls my own age a couple years ago and they treated me in a motherly or atleast aunty-ish way, they even called me "son" (even though I'm a girl, I used to look like a boy so I got called that). I always feel younger around girls my age/older anyway, I tend to find myself under their wing almost, or atleast wanting to be, some of the more mature girls in my age group make me feel really childlike and I want them to mentor me and look after me. Which seems odd I know, but that's what it's like.
I DON'T like being pitied though, 2 of the plastics at school used to patronise me and talk down to me which I hated, there's a difference between being looked after and being pitied/patronised.

About the creepy thing:
I used to be a bit creepy around boys when I was a lot younger, I used to chase them and ask them to kiss me and I'd scare them off. I am not subtle as you can see.
I used to get people at school saying I was a witch and dark and all that.


_________________
What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.


pumibel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,477

03 Apr 2010, 9:23 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
I am not creepy as long as I don't talk to people...once soemthing happens that makes me start talking...it is then that I might become "creepy"....However...I am "scary" all the time...there are tons of people who are "scared" of me....like all the people who work for me...they all think I am some sort of monster....their diminutive boss on her hand flapping on tiptoes with head lowered...like some sort of ghoul out of a horror novel...


Yesssssss how delightfully creepy. With a name like "poopylungstuffing" I would expect no less. Do you often flit about with your head down flapping your hands on your tippy toes? Please say you emit a steady tone like the Emergency Broadcast System too!

I am artsy and "witchy" according to many, I don't know if I creep others out and I don't really care.I don't become obsessed with people or stalk anyone. If they don't act interested I just don't bother with them. The problem with that is many times men play aloof, and I don't understand the game, so I just pass on the opportunity. Another problem is that some men think I am playing aloof and stalk me. I have had to move and change my number at times. There is a teenager in Texas who has been cyber-stalking me for over a year. I think he is losing interest, but I still have to block him on many of my accounts sometimes.



Shebakoby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

07 Apr 2010, 12:16 am

MEATGRINDER wrote:
Friskeygirl wrote:
I seem to be a creep magnet


:lol:

Just about EVERY woman I've met says this, I guess that's just the way people are.

MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P . Since men for the most part are bigger and stronger than women and women are far less violent then men on average, there's no rational reason for men to be fearful and apprehensive of women. I mean when you say someone is *creepy* you're implying that there is something threatening about them. I think many women, especially when they're young(teens through 20s), are always worried that a guy they find unattractive who shows interest in them might try to rape them and rape certainly IS a big risk for younger women.


I think guys who find some women creepy are worried that said women will turn crazy and stalk the HELL out of them. After all hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or so it is said, and guy has NO reason to believe that ANY woman won't follow through on that.

You don't need to be big and strong to call a person 100 times a day and sent a gajillion emails.



PLA
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,929
Location: Sweden

07 Apr 2010, 6:54 am

Shebakoby wrote:
MEATGRINDER wrote:
Friskeygirl wrote:
I seem to be a creep magnet


:lol:

Just about EVERY woman I've met says this, I guess that's just the way people are.

MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P . Since men for the most part are bigger and stronger than women and women are far less violent then men on average, there's no rational reason for men to be fearful and apprehensive of women. I mean when you say someone is *creepy* you're implying that there is something threatening about them. I think many women, especially when they're young(teens through 20s), are always worried that a guy they find unattractive who shows interest in them might try to rape them and rape certainly IS a big risk for younger women.


I think guys who find some women creepy are worried that said women will turn crazy and stalk the HELL out of them. After all hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or so it is said, and guy has NO reason to believe that ANY woman won't follow through on that.

You don't need to be big and strong to call a person 100 times a day and sent a gajillion emails.


He also has no reason to believe that she won't wear a funny hat made of bacon.


_________________
I can make a statement true by placing it first in this signature.

"Everyone loves the dolphin. A bitter shark - emerging from it's cold depths - doesn't stand a chance." This is hyperbol.

"Run, Jump, Fall, Limp off, Try Harder."


kelly7898
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

28 Apr 2010, 5:07 am

MissConstrue wrote:
IdahoRose wrote:
I definitely come across as "creepy" to other people. It has nothing to do with my special interests - it's all about this certain vibe I give off. I think I may as well be wearing a neon sign that says "HEY! I'm mentally ill!" (Keep in mind I have other mental issues besides AS, so I'm not implying all people with AS are mentally ill.)

Anyway, I seem to really give men and children the creeps - the majority of guys I meet avoid eye contact and conversation with me, and my nieces and nephews are reluctant to play with me and even more reluctant to get hugs and kisses from me. :(

However, that same vibe seems to illicit other women's maternal instincts, because it seems like a lot of women around my age or (especially) older are kind to me and are even willing to be my friends; probably out of pity for me.


Huh that's interesting.

I seem to attract children and old people. I think most guys are more comfortable being in the friend zone with me. As for women, I don't seem to get along too well with many. Some of them seem overly sensative or tend to take me the wrong way. I will say though that most of the elderly women seem to understand me better than most people it seems.

As for feeling mentally ill, I've been in enough psych wards to know that maybe I am mentally ill or don't function in the same way "average" people do. I remember making more friends in psych wards than in clubs, classes, and social gatherings all together. I sort of wonder if normal is more or less a facade or front.

I think another issue I have is communication. It's not easy for me to respond or converse with people in the same way most people do. My conversations come off one-sided like I'm trying to find something to say or reciprocate but it ends up being revolved around me or a discussion that they're not interested in.

I also think so. Thank you for the post.