NT men hate me

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With all the discussions about other women - with no specific examples of said bad behaviour, I'd like to create a discussion for those of us who are not attractive and hence do not get treated well by men. Even being in the presence of a man makes me want to puke by now. If I go somewhere and there's a male salesperson, I walk right out. I switched topics at school just to have a female, rather than male teacher. They have no redeeming features, they are bullying, power-hungry, discriminating, superficial creatures. If you look under the rough exterior all you see inside is crap. I have been physically bullied, called names and called ugly, all by MEN, supposedly rational creatures:D Most men seem to HATE me, just because I exist and yet don't look like I'm f**kable. Boy does that bother them:D I wasn't bothering anyone, so why this behaviour? What a joke. You get more rational behaviour from a 5-year-old. Unless you look pretty and shiny, don't go anywhere near them. Anybody know what I'm talking about?

I'm sorry you haven't had the best experience with men before but please don't condemn an entire gender based on the actions of an infinitesimally small sample of them.

Some men told me that I was pretty just to have a brief fling with me and then lie about not really being ready for a relationship. Decent guys wanted nothing to do with me. Others would manipulate me into staying in a physically and/or mentally abusive situation. Then they would call me ugly and other nasty names. But I don't think that all NT men hate a woman just because she is a little strange and not their type, and I have NT guy friends that I can have an intelligent conversation with. I was just incredibly naive, I knew nothing about relationships because as a teenager I wasn't allowed to date.

THat isn't good. The fact is though is that about NT's most of them think the other gender is hard to understand at best and a***holes at worst. They just ignore theit antipathy. It can't be denied that NT menlook up to players (and I have had to adapt that lifestyle to get some enjoyment out of life, though I have tried relationships with what I thought were aspie women.)

bluerose, I can remember a while back you posted that you thought you were unattractive and I have to tell you that you are not unattractive. I think you used a photo of yourself as an avatar a while back.That shouldn't be the point, I know, but still. I've seen pretty women become "invisible" and plain women get a lot of attention and the difference is what they project. I've seen plain women load on the makeup and bleach their hair and wear provocative clothing and had men following them around like puppies. The point is I think some men are more attracted to the packaging than the contents. You might be inadvertently projecting something that men react to negatively, but it's not your looks, I think.

That's funny that some of you would say that, don't condemn the entire gender etc, when in the NT women thread I didn't see one person sticking up for them. Thing is, I've heard vile, cruel, sick things coming out of men's mouths I can't imagine any woman would say. Not even getting into what they've DONE to me - the only woman to lift a finger against me was a dyke. And I mean serious VIOLENCE meant to hurt, not the female pranks of ripping apart someone's dress or petty little BS like that. I thought it was a known (at least more widely) fact that men have zero sympathy, they also have zero sense as it's scientifically proven they become morons whenever a good-looking woman's around. And most women will never know how disgusting males are because the attractive ones only see the good side of them.

Aimless - you're confusing me with someone else, and I take more care of my physical appearance than most people, I even had eyelash extensions at one point, and my hair is blonde. Those women were plain, average, they were not ugly. Don't confuse the two, it's very different. I've been TOLD it's my looks, I'm not blind and I do own a mirror, and see photographs of myself next to normal-looking women. I've seen women that wear no makeup, stupid-looking clothes and look dirty most of the time - not to mention zero social skills, not to mention a basic smile - get compliments and whistled at and flirted with. Of course they never have to suffer the type of abuse I have to.

This isn't a minority of men, this is EVERY man I've EVER interacted with for a prolonged period of time. My enitre LIFE EXPERIENCE, oh the appalling, nauseating stories I could tell you. NONE of them have gotten past of my appearance. The best treatment I've ever gotten from them was when some were sensible enough to leave me alone.

I'm sorry to hear that you have had such bad luck with men. I've met terrible males and females, and I think it is more a personality thing than necessarily gender. Although I do agree that men seem to have less tact, women can be downright conniving and cruel and scary. I've experienced bullying from both genders, probably because I'm smack in the middle of the two and it makes people uncomfortable.

I personally know more redeeming men than women. I know that there are lots of great females out there, but I just haven't met that many. My idea of great probably differs extremely from the next person though. Have you lived in various regions? It can make a big difference in the types of people you can meet and associate with...maybe you just haven't met the right type of people yet.

I was bullied at school and the main culprits were boys and that really knocks your femininity. As an older teenager, I felt that I wasn't even good enough to be used and immediately dumped (which is probably a good thing). Yesterday, I witnessed my daughter being picked on by a crowd of boys. She's just 5yrs and it breaks my heart. They were calling her a boy and making fun of the fact that she doesn't play with traditionally female toys. A couple of them pushed her and didn't stop even when I approached them. She's actually a very attractive girl, in every sense, and I hope she continues to believe me when I tell her that.

Quite often, I feel uncomfortable around NT men, especially if I know their partner spends a great deal of time on looking attractive. My thinking is: he finds the opposite of me attractive, so he's going to think I'm less of a woman, even if I have a lot of interesting things to say. Although I'm not unattractive, just natural. Strangely, one couple who spring to mind also have an Aspie daughter. They are embarrassed and have decided not to have her officially diagnosed, because of the stigma, even though she's quite obvious (strange, I would have thought there was more stigma attached to being just weird than to having AS.)

I speak to the men in the playground, but it's usually the ones with wives a bit like me (make-up free and dressed appropriately for the inclement weather, etc), but I suspect they are NT. Not that I'm trying to attract any men (I'm happily married to a very desirable man with lots of AS traits). It might not be a bad thing to try to find a guy who also has AS, or at least significant traits, that you can relate to.

Just remember.. that a lot of people can see through false acts of "respectful" treatment. I sure do and I have zero time for lap dogs.

It sucks that you've had all this horrible stuff happen to you at the hands of guys, it's actually quite sick really. I don't know what you look like so I can't comment on that.

There is one thing my mother told me and I will always remember it "Men are basic". They perve at women, they drool over hot chicks so they can bed them. They fantasise about good looking women, they're BASIC. Even Nerdy guys fantasise about "hot" women.

Most of my bullies have been guys too. But there are decent guys out there who are actually respectful.

I'm trying to think of something that could help you.. have you been to any aspergers support groups?

being "attractive" doesn't mean getting treated well by men either.

i am wary of 99.9% of men because of how they've treated me.
but i try not to close myself to them completely, but the whole gender is not the same.
saying that, the majority do seem to be. but, the same goes for women.
i don't trust people in general. men & women seem to hate me in real life.

She's confusing you with your plural form.

Oh, I guess I am. Sorry. Also sorry you are subjected to such mindless cruelty.

mb1984 -

I do know both genders can bully for their separate, very different reasons. But I disagree that women can be scary. Nothing is scarier than some senseless gorilla that you know is taller and physically stronger than you, and knowing said gorilla thinks you are worthless as a human being and will feel free to do whatever he wants to you, which are some very sadistic things. Women's cattyness can't and won't ever compare to that.

Unfortunately I don't really have the opportunity to move. I've lived in the same region of the same city my whole life, but it's a big city, the capital, and biggest in my country by far. From my encounters with foreigners, they definitely have a lot more tact and class and I can't recall any bullying from them, though the worst behaviour comes from the people living here that are from a certain large eastern country very near here. But from the west, yeah, people are a lot nicer, can't imagine them having the same kind of spitefulness. Someday I plan on moving, if not for hope of better people than definitely to escape bad memories, though I don't know if those will ever fade from my mind. I hope they will.

Mummy_of_Peanut - It does, it makes you feel like you're not a woman, which can be devastating if you feel like one inside. I hope your daughter realizes she's better than those who feel the need to bully her and pays no mind to those boys. It's sad that kids that age already have gender roles placed on them.

The stigma of AS comes with having a label people can conveniently place you under, and the stereotypes associated with said label. Weird can be a label, too, but it can mean a lot of different things to be weird. So, no stereotypes about "weird" people like there are about AS people.

Sadly, it seems like AS men are worse in the bluntness and superficiality. Not caring about makeup or clothes doesn't make someone less superficial when it comes to physical features. If I ever end up with anyone, it'd probably be a very mild-mannered, cheerful, emotionally sensitive NT guy.

hale_bopp - There are many women that keep men that are attracted to them as their emotional tampons/manservants at their back and call, I certainly see no shame in that, in fact, that's all their good for:D Your mother gave you some good wisdom there, I've learned that the hard way:D There are no asperger's support groups where I live, I only know like 3 diagnosed people that I've talked to over the internet, though 2 of them - the guys, stopped talking to me after seeing my pic. That ALWAYS happens when I meet guys online, I have zero male contacts on my MSN list I actually talk to. One of the AS guys also thought it necessary to insult me with a very vile word about my facial features before blocking me - we had a very long, meaningful conversation before that, which kind of sucks cause it's like hey, I could get along with you if you weren't such a sex-crazed animal. It's the same with NT guys but I no longer seek guys out online. I had nothing in common with the girl, though she was my age.

emlion - It's sad you haven't had positive experiences with either gender. It can be hard to find someone you connect with but it only takes one good person in your life to make it so much easier, specially if you're a naturally introverted aspie, you won't need that much communication, just one person would do, and everyone has good odds of finding that, so don't lose hope.

Ooh I should have said.
I did find that one person.
I still trust no-one else though.

Hope is always good to keep, if dangerous. (:

I've had female bullies & male bullies both all through my life. When I was younger (back in elementary school), most of the bullying was physical right along side the emotional torment. I was even attacked by a large group of kids. No one intervened on my behalf. They got me down on the ground & hit & kicked me & called me names until they got tired, & vanished. Most of the physical bullying later (jr. high & high school) was from boys, but they also called me names.

I can't make blanket statements saying I hate all men. Nor can I blame one gender when really it's been both who love tormenting me. However, not everyone of either gender is horrible. I've also met some nice men & women. As I get older, I meet more nice people. Who knows? Maybe they're nice because they've been bullied too. IDK. But am glad to have at least the pleasure to meet some people who are genuinely kind.

That said, my last bullies were men (boss & co-workers). I'd been threatened with being fired, humiliated in front of co-workers, & other less than pleasant things. At least it wasn't physical, but the emotional stress caused me many terrible physical symptoms. I don't work there anymore, & am glad of that. But peace of mind comes at a high price, since now I am not earning an income.

It's sad that people bully. So much energy wasted on trying to eradicate someone. I'll never understand why. But one thing I do know...I refuse to become one of them. People can bully me & beat me down, but they'll never turn me into one of them.

Tomboy

Edit: forgot to mention the names I've been called (by both genders). I've heard them all: b!tch, c**t, whore, ugly, POS, homo...that's not all, but you get the idea, I'm sure.

Also, I never had a date in jr. high or high school. No boy would ever ask me out...I was ugly & repulsive. So when all the other teenaged girls my age were excitely picking out dresses for their dates, I sat at home wondering what that could possibly be like. I still don't know, I never experienced it.

This song could have been written about me:

Janis Ian: At Seventeen

i learned the truth at seventeen
that love was meant for beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired
the valentines i never knew
the Friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
at seventeen i learned the truth

and those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in the social graces
desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say "come dance with me"
and murmured vague obscenities
it isn't all it seems at seventeen

a brown eyed girl in hand me downs
whose name I never could pronounce
said: "pity please the ones who serve
they only get what they deserve"
the rich relationed hometown queen
marries into what she needs
with a guarantee of company
and haven for the elderly

so remember those who win the game
lose the love they sought to gain
in debitures of quality and dubious integrity
their small-town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
exceeds accounts received at seventeen

to those of us who knew the pain
of valentines that never came
and those whose names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball
it was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me...

we all play the game, and when we dare
we cheat ourselves at solitaire
inventing lovers on the phone
repenting other lives unknown
that call and say: "come on, dance with me"
and murmur vague obscenities
at ugly girls like me, at seventeen

Last edited by tomboy4good on 26 Aug 2011, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Aimmore?