Women, Aspergers and Sex Drive
I don't think my AS has resulted in a low sex drive. If my sex drive is low, then I would hate to experience a "normal" sex drive. Sex gives me a chance to block everything else in the world out and just have an orgasm while being held tightly. It's a pleasant and calming experience for me.
I have been affected by medications, but that situation had as much to do with being in a bad relationship as it did with my medications. I blame my lack of a sex life on the lack of people I'm attracted to and my poor social skills. I'm not good at flirting or coquettish behavior and according to some, I'm intimidating. I also don't usually find anyone I'm interested enough in to just be blunt about my feelings.
Most people don't know much about oxytocin, but it and other lesser known hormones are key factors in a woman's mental development, whether NT or ASD.
I have experienced a feeling of men trying to force a bond with me, unlike a rape, sexual assault, or a coerced molestation, but like a "Me male, ME want YOU"! sort of bond with guys who've tried to date me. Sometimes they aren't all that cave-like, but sometimes they are. Scary?- Yes. Does my panic button override my natural bonding function- YES, and I don't give in to it. However, a typical scenario with me is a guy who is interested in me sexually to date, giving me a hug in which I am lifeless, and unresponsive. Could it be that I'm just not interested in him as a boyfriend? YES. I don't like relationships at all. And guys who are promiscuous make me balk at the question of sex, which has been offered many many times. I think I just figured out today that I had been sending the "I'm ready to get pregnant" signal to every guy that I've come in contact with for the last, oh, probably three years. I know I refused to take anyone's word for it, that I was the one who was interested in sex. I wasn't interested in having it, at all. But everyone acted like I was, so degrading.
I would like to argue your point. Although I strongly agree that reproduction and securing the success of the species is an extremely strong drive it is still located in the brain and if the brain is not sending signals for the body to create the chemicals it needs for sexual arousal then no, someone could lack that drive altogether.
Sir_Beefy
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Age: 36
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*You know*, for the longest time I thought AS kids had lower sex drives, but then I realized that it was actually the fact that Aspies tend to be more aware of the potential consequences of having sex, and more reluctant to jump in with two feet into a sexually active lifestyle. As for myself, do I have a lower sex drive? The answer is simple: Yes, I have a sex drive, but I'm not going to pork some random chick I don't have immense feelings for. Not to mention the consequences of doing it wrong. So there's your definitive answer. Sure, you are going to have those with lower sex drives and higher sex drives, just like any group study. But generally speaking, Aspies are more responsible, since they aren't as much a part of society as NTs are, a society which teaches absitinence in school yet has sex symbols in the media.
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Yeah, when I was young I was very aware of these things, and very responsible, as you say. I guess my emotions didn´t have the tendency to overtake my common sense, unlike many people I knew.
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ford_prefects_kid
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I have a very healthy sex drive, myself! I am NLD, not necessarily AS. Not sure if that accounts for much... But I did notice that when I was younger (high school age), I was very depressed and had no interest in boys at all. It makes me think that sex drive has less to do with AS or an ASD per se, but the emotional trouble associated with having poor social skills and experiencing rejection...
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Same here but I do not experience rejection in regards to sex. I don't think most women do. Men perv and want it all the time.
Depression & emotional frustration in general. It stiffles libido.
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Last edited by JennaStraznik on 24 Jan 2009, 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I usually have the opposite problem...constantly thinking about sex, until I started taking SSRIs/SNRIs a couple of years ago.
The drive is revved up if I meet someone who is interested in me. If there are no prospects, then I just get used to not having any and lose interest.
I am also extremely cautious of any sexual involvement; becoming physically intimate with someone intensifies my desire for emotional intimacy as well. If the latter is not reciprocated, then I feel very depressed and disappointed. Not something I want in my life right now.
Catwoman
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I keep seing posts hinting at: "women dont really want sex and dont like it, they just use it as a currency" which is Totally UNTRUE when it comes to most NT women but aspie women are another story.....
i think this is a rather simplistic summation of a complex issue for AS people - both men and women.
my sex drive is perectly fine. it is definitely dulled when i am on antisepressants and i suspect a lot of the medications prescribed for As people actually affect sexual functioning and appetite.
the other issue is that many people with AS actually crave the physical contact but cannot cope with the arbitrary touch and the sensory dysfuntion problems that are often a part of life with AS.
SO the sex drive may indeed be there, but he ability and capaicty to consummate it with another human being may be very very difficult.
and then of course there is the social aspect ---- how does one actually navigate through the dating minefield if you have AS? i've never successfully mangaed that one and every parnter i have ever had has commented on how weird i have been in this regard.
i am starting to believe that virtual sex is about as good as it can get for me.
I did watch "Lars and the Real GIrl" the other day., and an anatomically correct doll seems to be the answer for some. at least it could listen to my monlogues and i would e uninterrupted and then not expect me to listen in return when they want to do the social chit chat thing.
I also wouldn;t get balled out for being a complete fruitcake and failure on a daily basis.
I keep seing posts hinting at: "women dont really want sex and dont like it, they just use it as a currency" which is Totally UNTRUE when it comes to most NT women but aspie women are another story.....
i think this is a rather simplistic summation of a complex issue for AS people - both men and women.
my sex drive is perectly fine. it is definitely dulled when i am on antisepressants and i suspect a lot of the medications prescribed for As people actually affect sexual functioning and appetite.
the other issue is that many people with AS actually crave the physical contact but cannot cope with the arbitrary touch and the sensory dysfuntion problems that are often a part of life with AS.
SO the sex drive may indeed be there, but he ability and capaicty to consummate it with another human being may be very very difficult.
and then of course there is the social aspect ---- how does one actually navigate through the dating minefield if you have AS? i've never successfully mangaed that one and every parnter i have ever had has commented on how weird i have been in this regard.
i am starting to believe that virtual sex is about as good as it can get for me.
I did watch "Lars and the Real GIrl" the other day., and an anatomically correct doll seems to be the answer for some. at least it could listen to my monlogues and i would e uninterrupted and then not expect me to listen in return when they want to do the social chit chat thing.
I also wouldn;t get balled out for being a complete fruitcake and failure on a daily basis.
No, I thought you put it is definetly not dulled.
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