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Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 22 Sep 2011
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 382
Location: Central Europe

24 Nov 2011, 5:18 pm

When I was a child and young person I had an exceptionally delicious visual stim using tissue paper cut into a particular shape. I used to spend hours doing it but I stopped doing this stim in my mid-teens because I felt I shouldn't just sit in my room stimming the whole time as I thought it probably wasn't too good for my psychosocial development and because the older I got the more I felt like a ret*d for doing it. So at about age 16 I ended up replacing it with other, less satisfying stims with running water, pacing and flicking the pages of books, which were easier stims to keep under control because they weren't so deeply satisfying. Anyway, now, over 40 years later I have been told I have to wait 15 months for my test for ASD. Somehow this whole process of waiting 15 months for some kind of verdict by someone else on myself felt as though someone was questioning my identity so I cut up some tissue paper and tried stimming in the same way as I did as a child. For the first few minutes it just felt odd but then it started to feel really cool. Now I do my childhood stim every day again as I get on with other things at home. I don't do my other, less apparent stims at all any more. Luckily my partner and I have separate apartments. I also have the same guilt feelings at 57 about stimming as I did at 14.



OJani
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Joined: 23 Feb 2011
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,505
Location: Hungary

25 Nov 2011, 4:09 am

I think I can understand how waiting that long for an evaluation can make you feel anxious. Many of us went through this. I can only say, try to be patient. As for the stimming, never mind, some folks (including me) do just as weird things at home as you do.


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pensieve
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Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

25 Nov 2011, 4:26 am

I do this choppy motion with my arm (not quite a hand flap - too rigid) when I feel a little hyper and what I describe as child-like because I'm tired both mental and physically, and I'm stressed by my week and I just want to make choppy army movements, squirm in my seat and make animal noises.


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