Do we live by principles of fairness?

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Callista said something interesting in another thread that caught my eye.

This is 100% true of me. Do you believe that this is true for you, and that it's more common for an autistic person to live by fairness principles than others? Why do you think that is?

Hi Fiddlerpianist.

I absolutely believe this is true for me too.

One thing that I note from the traits listed about AS/autism is a rigid adherence to rules. Those rules could include the rules of being fair. I make every effort to be fair with people. Having taught in a public school system for around 23 years, I have had to learn how to treat students fairly.

Callista's comment also involves the loyalty to the people we love. And I think that is true of me too. I feel very loyal to my family, and I am very concerned when I feel my family is being treated unjustly.

I have found from my experience in life that not only do I try to treat people with respect/fairness, but I expect to be treated with respect/fairness in return. And this is another trait of autistic people. We not only expect to adhere to the rules we find important, but also expect those around us to follow these rules too. As you know I have AS. And I expect people to follow the rules I follow. I get upset with drivers on the road that do things like run stop signs, speed, etc., (because I follow those rules). My youngest son, who also has AS, gets upset when kids in his class don't follow the rules.

As for why I think this is? I am not real sure. I do know that I feel I have OCD, but others have told me my traits with OCD also sound like the attention to detail that is common in we autistics. I do pay great attention to details in those things important to me. And I suppose it could make sense that I expect others to pay attention to those details too---which could be the rules that I follow.

A personal example of this for me is defending someone I didn't like because he had been unjustly accused of something.

This is also true for me, as well.

fairness is only an illousion. focus on sutff that is real

Sometimes my notion of fair does not match up to other people's notion of fair...or it might seem quite latent to the people subjected to it...But i do think along those terms

Yes, I think so.

My parents are both a little cognitively impaired from strokes. They aren't actually all that impaired; the biggest problem is that people pick up on it and start trying to take advantage of them. It's never been very hard to defend them since seeing people mislead them gets my adrenaline/outrage/sense-of-injustice flowing immediately.

On another note, I've been burned very badly by having that sense of loyalty and devotion (not in regards to my parents). It's hard to imagine trusting anyone that much again.

There is downside to being built that way in a world where most people aren't. And worse, even if someone is, it may not matter. If a bond is broken, and it meant that much, you're stuck with that much more damage forever. It's probably better sometimes not to care too much.

One of my mother's BIG principles was fairness, absolutely even treatment of [among others] her children. Which is why in olden times if I got a plad shirt the girls got plaid skirts. AND is somehow why some of us got massive bailouts and others did not, and some of us got to hear what she knew and felt about things and others did not.

Me - well, if you took my class and I hated your guts, I would not be sad if you failed. But I would grade you absolutely on the same basis as my favorite. I won't name names, but that's how I operate.

Yes, that's true of me.

What makes it difficult is that we expect fairness from others as well. When someone is manipulative or does something underhanded to gain some advantage, I am always shocked, even though I should expect it by now. I'm especially galled if I get accused of being unfair, or of having been manipulative myself, when I have bent over backwards to do what I think is the right thing.

We Kiwis are proud of our fair go attitude, and support for the underdog, fairness is (was) in our national psyche. It can be real, Sweden has a lot to be proud of, and many cool cities have many fair and just people.

But for how long who knows.

i would call it subjective. what is fair to some is not to others. so i dont care about it, and ia m not from new zealand

I'm very fair when the situation in question does not involve me directly. When it does, I often give myself the short end of the stick.

A little OT, but I've wondered if this is part of what has driven my fascination with certain dark subjects, like police/authoritarian abuse, torture, etc. -- Trying to grasp what goes on in a person's mind when they're doing something horrendous to another person, and it's not an accident or a misunderstanding, but deliberate harm (without anger, since I can understand that) with no thought of fairness at all.

I've seen some ASC people having serial killers or sociopaths as a special interest; I've often wondered if it's the same motivation: "wow, how can they do that?"

It is in my personal beliefs that being loyal to someone we love just because we love them is the exact opposite of being fair.

If you love someone set them free?