Do you wish you were never born? Do you think about suicide

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Do you wish you were never born and/or think about suicide?
yes, often. 58%  58%  [ 138 ]
no (or seldom) 42%  42%  [ 101 ]
Total votes : 239

Craig28
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29 Nov 2010, 10:44 am

My mind has been made up, I am going to go.

IF something does happen before I do myself then I'll stay around.



TheBicyclingGuitarist
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29 Nov 2010, 11:09 am

Actually yes, I have thought about it a lot my whole life. As far back as I can remember I have wanted my existence to end, because of the physical pain of the sensory overload issues and the psychological pain of social rejection, isolation and loneliness.

Knowing I will die someday actually cheers me and in some ways prevents me from suicide. Death is guaranteed and that is a comforting thought. But what then? In 1995 I wrote a song called Death (link) about watching my parents die that asks some of the most fundamental questions people have always asked about mortality.

I tend to think now that this particular pattern of energy that makes up my body will dissipate, but the energy is eternal, and there might be an awareness at my ground of being that is also eternal. Whether or not that awareness will retain any memories of this particular manifestation after the pattern fades is less certain, but on the other hand, every moment of one's life is now, forever, so in the infinite(?) field of potentialities and "now moments" everything I've ever been, experienced, thought felt and dreamed is forever (of course I could be wrong). I might not want to revisit some "now moments," but there are some that I wouldn't mind playing over again.

I wrote a song about twenty-five years ago that has not yet been recorded or posted anywhere until today. The song's title is "I want to die today" and the lyrics are:

I want to die today, don't want to live anymore.
I hope I die today. I wish I'd never been born.
I want eternal sleep, don't want a life after death.
I want no memories so there can be no regrets.


These lyrics are copyright ©1986 to The Bicycling Guitarist.

This song has the same verse music (fingerpicking in D) as another song I wrote about the same time called Entropy (link) that has lyrics but no audio file yet posted in the Philosophy section of my web site.


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lxuser
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01 Dec 2010, 10:19 pm

Most of the time I just want to commit suicide. But I have a feeling that something life changing is going to happen soon, I am going to hold on and see what its going to be. It does get better even though it seems there is no hope.



Kapey
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28 Dec 2012, 2:14 pm

I wish I had never been born. Second to that I wish I at least had the will-power to commit suicide.

I really can't stand life. I feel really angry towards my parents for having me, since having children is such a selfish act which spares no thought for how that child might suffer.


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Fnord
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28 Dec 2012, 2:17 pm

I know that I was not meant to be born, but that knowledge has not stopped me from applying myself to succeed.


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Joe90
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28 Dec 2012, 2:29 pm

I just wish I was born as somebody else, with natural social instinct. Yes, I know even NTs have problems, some have bigger problems than I do, but my problems are just unique, and wouldn't happen if I didn't have AS. I am not generalising here, like saying stupid things like ''oh I would have more empathy if I didn't have AS'' or ''oh I wouldn't be able to play the piano if I didn't have AS'' because that is just naive and I'm smart enough to know how ridiculous that sounds.

But there are a few things what probably (don't know for definate) would be a bit different if I didn't have AS. If I was still me, but just not with AS, (so if I was still brought up in the same family, etcetera), then I probably wouldn't have been lonely through school. I probably would have settled in properly like all the other children on my first day of school, without causing concern for the teachers or my parents. And even if I was a shy child, I still probably would still of had descent friends at school and would have at least been accepted. And now, as much as I love my friends, all my friends are of different ages and races, and if I were NT I probably would have a little group of friends of the same age, and just been able to make friends a little easier.

Oh, how I would LOVE a life like that! But, I suppose if I was born normal like everybody else, I would have took all my social skills for granted anyway, just like I take my familly for granted.


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Tyri0n
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28 Dec 2012, 2:56 pm

For those who are anti-cure, and think that autism is just a "difference," the results of this poll must be hard to explain.



OutlandMan
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28 Dec 2012, 4:13 pm

Not anymore. As a kid I used to think about suicide frequently. Once the other kids learned how short my fuse was, lighting it became their favorite sport. I'd get in trouble for fighting, and nobody ever seemed to be the least bit interested in what the other children had done to provoke me, even when it was extreme.

The only thing that stopped me from attempting suicide was the thought of how it would absolutely crush my mother. Typically of me, the idea of telling anyone about how I felt and getting help never occurred to me.

The first time I heard Bohemian Rhapsody, the line "I don't wanna die, but sometimes wish I'd never been born at all" seemed like it should be my motto or something.

But to quote John Astin, "I'm feeling much better now."



Pondering
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28 Dec 2012, 6:07 pm

I think about dying almost every single day


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28 Dec 2012, 6:32 pm

^^^me too, every day



SnowMaiden
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29 Dec 2012, 7:54 pm

My mother miscarried five times before I was born. I wish it could have happened when she was pregnant with me.



Paretozen
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29 Dec 2012, 7:59 pm

Considering how special it is to be alive on a planet. Considering how special it is to be a conscious brain. Considering how special it is to be in the top wealth % of this special life... No I never wished I was not born, I'm very thankful for it.

Would I like for my life to be a little easier and less complex sometimes? Sure thing!



Verdandi
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29 Dec 2012, 8:08 pm

I frequently experience suicidal ideation, which is one of the reasons I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

Regarding the results in this poll and not wanting a cure: It seems to me that often, for autistic people, depression and distress are due to other people and poor treatment, not necessarily specifically due to being autistic. I don't know how typical that is, and can't really speak for anyone else.



League_Girl
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29 Dec 2012, 8:30 pm

I felt this way in my preteens. I even thought about suicide in 6th grade and nearly got hospitalized for it when I said I was going to stab myself or jump in front of a car right when it comes close by so they won't have time to stop. Then when I was 16, I talked about doing it again and this time it was I was going to inject myself with my dad's insulin. He just kept his diabetic stuff up at his folks place and would go up there to take it.

I have felt suicidal over petty things like over having large breasts. Then I got over it when I was 15. Now they are smaller and I did it without surgery. Just have kids and breastfeed but it isn't guaranteed they will get smaller when you are done. They're still not small but they are smaller, a lot smaller.

I don't think about killing myself but I still feel suicidal sometimes. I feel there is no pointing in living and the only reason why I am here is because of my family and husband and child.


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ghoti
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29 Dec 2012, 8:37 pm

Yes, i was a mistake even in pre-birth and every day now i am wishing to not endure another day,



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29 Dec 2012, 8:44 pm

I have decided for myself that I will use heroine before I commit suicide. So in that sense, using heroine will be committing suicde.

This is also a very comforting thought, since it will mean I'll have a TOTAL BREAK-STATE of my mind since I've never ever come close to the opiod type stuff. Who knows what will happen to my thoughts then? Suicide always remains an option..