Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

wblastyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 533
Location: UK

12 Feb 2011, 3:35 pm

So I finally figured out what has been making me depressed lately - I've been forcing myself to do something that I don't think I really want to do.

Basically, I have suffered and struggled through university for years now with excruciating depression and anxiety, and I just feel like my heart isn't in it anymore. I'm studying part-time, and it will take me 3-4 more years to finish. But I feel like my will to finish it is gone. I'm tired of my depression/anxiety being triggered year after year, and having to repeat semesters because I wasn't well enough to do the exams.

The reason I have struggled on in the past is because I have done really well in the exams, that I have managed to actually do. Now it feels like the cost of getting results like that is too high, in that it's costing me my mental health and happiness.

So I think I have decided that I am going to give up for now and do something that makes me happy. I'm just worried that I will regret not finishing, but forcing myself to complete it is making me depressed again. I can always go back later to finish it, but I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that happiness can be found without a degree. I think I would be happy with a job that pays enough for me to live on and enjoy my special interests (computer games, etc). I have been considering working in a dog kennels, as I love animals.

Although, I thought if I had a degree, and got a career in science, it would prove to me that having AS isn't that bad, and people would respect me for being intelligent. I'm afraid tha without a degree people will think I am stupid and worthless, and I don't contribute much to society. I'm afraid I will get depressed for not using my intellect in my job.



greenturtle74
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 495
Location: Greater Philadelphia

12 Feb 2011, 4:29 pm

I think you've made the decision that's right for you. It's a very tough choice, but you've weighed both options and gone with the one that should bring you the most happiness.

I had to abandon my graduate degree because my heart wasn't in it. I didn't know where I would end up. It turned out I changed fields completely from scientific to human services, something my heart was in. I've been lucky to make a living in that for a number of years.

Now I'm dealing with more uncertainty about my job and the future, but I still wouldn't change the decision I made. Many people respect the work I do in spite of how I came to it, so I have faith that I'll continue to find opportunities.

Happiness matters more than being seen as intelligent. That much I know. Good luck to you.



wblastyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 533
Location: UK

13 Feb 2011, 5:47 am

Well at least one person replied. Thank you :)

I was sure this was what I wanted to do a few days ago, but now I'm having second thoughts. I am afraid I'll be stuck in a job I hate without a degree. I'm afraid I'll never be happy no matter what I do. On the other hand, I know the pressure of doing a degree has made me uphappy, even to the point of attempted suicide. So maybe I am making the right decision. I just need to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile in my life. I volunteer at the local hospice, which I suppose is worthwhile.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,289
Location: Stalag 13

13 Feb 2011, 6:43 am

You don't have to be successful to be happy. :)


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


Sam2001
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 5 Aug 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 222

13 Feb 2011, 7:57 am

If you feel that university is making you unwell I reckon that you have made the right decesion. No point
in making yourself miserable. Working with animals is worthy of respect, if that is what you decide to do.



greenturtle74
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 495
Location: Greater Philadelphia

13 Feb 2011, 8:38 pm

wblastyn wrote:
I was sure this was what I wanted to do a few days ago, but now I'm having second thoughts. I am afraid I'll be stuck in a job I hate without a degree. I'm afraid I'll never be happy no matter what I do. On the other hand, I know the pressure of doing a degree has made me uphappy, even to the point of attempted suicide. So maybe I am making the right decision. I just need to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile in my life. I volunteer at the local hospice, which I suppose is worthwhile.

Volunteering is absolutely worthwhile, and is a great way to do something you enjoy while exploring career options and building experience. I was volunteering as a mentor and a hospital assistant while I was figuring out my next move. That experience was essential in telling me I wanted to work in human services and not engineering, and it helped me make that leap as experience on my resume.

Your situation is different from mine in that I did have my bachelor's and abandoned my graduate degree. Having a bachelor's or associates can make a big difference, regardless of what field it's in, so you may want to take a break and go back at a later time. If it's really making you unhappy right now, then you shouldn't force yourself through it.

As far as never being happy whatever you do, very few of us are completely happy with what we do. I was happy for a time, and now I'm less happy, but still more happy than I was when I was in the wrong field. Just look for as much happiness in your work as you can, and outside of work as well. That's the best any of us can do.



kat_ross
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Oct 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 205

13 Feb 2011, 8:54 pm

Do what makes you happy!! !

I was under so much stress my senior year of college that I burned out, felt physically ill, etc...

When I went home after graduation I literally laid in bed for 6 months and was unable to do anything other than make my parents mad at me.

If I hadn't been a second-semester senior, I wouldn't have finished the degree. It's not worth it if it is making you unhappy. Spend a few months really thinking about what job you might like and pursuing activities that truly interest you. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter if you like animals.



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

13 Feb 2011, 9:49 pm

You made the right decision. I didn't know I had a choice, and was catapulted too far too fast too, and didn't stop until I attempted suicide. It's not worth letting it go that far.


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams


wblastyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 533
Location: UK

13 Feb 2011, 10:41 pm

anbuend wrote:
You made the right decision. I didn't know I had a choice, and was catapulted too far too fast too, and didn't stop until I attempted suicide. It's not worth letting it go that far.

Unfortunately, it did go that far. During my second year I overdosed on blood pressure tablets and ended up in hospital. The pressure to succeed just got too much, plus I found out I had AS and my dog died. I wish I had given up before it got that far, but having done so well during my first year (I won a scholarship for coming top of the class), and everyone insisting that I keep going, made me try to push myself to overcome the anxiety. But the more I pushed, the more anxious I became, and eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I ODed and was too unwell to sit the exams.

I decided to give it another go, because the university said they would provide me with support, and they would let me to repeat the course. But even with the support I still had severe anxiety and depression during the exam period. I think I had to repeat about four times before I said enough is enough. One time I loaded up on diazepam/Valium and wondered off somewhere and my parents were worried sick. The occupational health doctor said it was as if someone was throwing me against a brick wall over and over again to see if I would stick this time. He advised me to leave and find an alternate path to the type of job I would like.

I decided to try to do my final year, on a part time basis, at a distance learning college (The Open University). But here I am again, depressed and anxious, despite the support, etc they have provided. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I think after everything I've been through I just wanna give up. I don't feel lime I have the mental energy to go through 3-4 more years of torture. Maybe after some time away I will feel more motivated to finish.



Aspieallien
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 190
Location: NSW, Australia

13 Feb 2011, 11:45 pm

Follow your heart!

If your heart isn't in what you are doing and you no longer have that passion then it seems you are pushing on with it for the wrong reasons. I believe that the truest motivation in life comes from passion, passion can make incredible things happen. If you aren't passionate about what you are doing then everything about it will become an even greater effort with little satisfaction.

Perhaps you just need a break, as you said you can always go back, perhaps then you may have a renewed enthusiasm.

No one is worthless, it doesn't really matter that much what we do so long as we are fulfilled with what we do-and not trying to fulfill someone else's idea or expectations of what we should or shouldn't be. I think people can contribute the most when what they do contributes to them.


_________________
Reality is wrong,
Dreams are for real.


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,146

14 Feb 2011, 5:46 am

wblastyn wrote:

So I think I have decided that I am going to give up for now and do something that makes me happy. I'm just worried that I will regret not finishing, but forcing myself to complete it is making me depressed again. I can always go back later to finish it, but I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that happiness can be found without a degree. I think I would be happy with a job that pays enough for me to live on and enjoy my special interests (computer games, etc). I have been considering working in a dog kennels, as I love animals.

That's pretty much how I felt when I decided to stop doing courses. I can pass exams but the process takes over my whole life, and I worry and get preoccupied with it, until I can't socialise or create any art, or do anything else that requires much focus. I got my basic qualifications by shutting out everything else but my studies. It was quite a rewarding experience but by the end of it I didn't want to do it again.

People at work said I was insane to do that, even though they couldn't tell me what benefit the course I was on would give me (there was no qualification requirement for promotion, the material was irrelevent to my job, and I had no wish to join the profession that the course would have qualified me for. I got the impression that the management weren't happy unless they were sending everybody on courses, but they couldn't be bothered to find suitable subjects for people, so they'd just send them on something that looked vaguely related.

But it was a difficult decision to drop out. Especially university - I never went, I realised the pressure would be too much for me. I envied the uneducated kids who'd never seen a degree as being even vaguely feasible.....a fool does what he likes, but a wise man can only do what he must.

As for why it was always like that, well it's got a lot to do with the way they teach stuff. They set the pace (which is always too fast for me), and they expect people to be able to follow spoken lectures in big lecture theatres. And they expect the student to approach them with questions and problems ( :lol: ). I might have done a lot better with an Open University degree - the way they used to do those was without lectures and without deadlines. But of course it wasn't as well recognised, although its advocates used to say that it was just as much work and that it demonstrated a stronger internal motivation than a conventional course does, because nobody's laying deadlines and demands on you.

It's impossible to know whether I'd have been happier with a degree than without one. But there are people here at work with degrees doing the same kind of work I'm doing, for the same pay, so don't imagine a degree is necessarily your ticket to more money for less work. The ones here who do get paid more seem to be steeped in their work. And I've not been unhappy without one. I think I had to let it go so that I could develop as a human being, with an emotional, social and artistic education instead of nothing-but-science 24/7.



alone
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 297

14 Feb 2011, 10:33 am

The sooner you can find out what you like, what makes you happy, the sooner you will start living a life you enjoy. If I had to do it over I might get my degree, because it is nice to fall back on, but I would have picked a different profession. I have a good job, it is a good fit, but I would have picked something I EXTRA love, even though what I EXTRA love is not a profession considered by most as 'successful'. I'd of spent my days being greasy dirty and given odd looks in the shops but I'd be in heaven. Don't let the pressure of society influence you to shape how you find your way in this world. They will not be there to hold your hand or make your daily life any different. That will always be your responsibilty and what they think of you won't help or hurt how well you like you.

:)



scubasteve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,001
Location: San Francisco

14 Feb 2011, 12:01 pm

Well, I had the same feeling a few years into college. I ended up spending 6 years getting a degree that I used for only 6 months before changing careers entirely. On the other hand, I wouldn't have been able to get into grad school to pursue my new career without finishing undergrad in the old one. And if you're thinking there's no way you'd go to grad school, well, so did I. Interests sometimes change, even for us. Priorities change too. But experiences do vary.



wblastyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 533
Location: UK

14 Feb 2011, 1:51 pm

The truth is, I have no idea what I want to be. I'm interested in science, but do I want a career in it? I dunno. The problem is I think I have a glamorised view of careers in medicine and science, because of the shows I watch on TV. The glamorised view and status associated with these careers are attractive, but the reality is it might be quite boring.

Being bullied in school made me feel worthless, and I guess a career in these "high status" jobs might prove to myself and those bullies (if I ever saw them again) that I am worth something. I know it probably sounds silly, because school was so many years ago, but I don't think I've really gotten over it. I get really depressed if I go on facebook and see one of my bullies being happy and successful, it just doesn't seem fair.

I saw "The Black Swan" yesterday and I could really relate to the main character. The pressure to give the perfect performance made her go insane (literally). I think a similar thing has happened to me at university.

So, basically, I put myself under so much pressure to succeed because the alternative isn't just failure, it's my entire self-worth that's at stake.

Maybe time away from the course will allow me to reflect on what this all means. I think I have to find out what I want to do with my life. I think I need counselling or something to get over this.



scubasteve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,001
Location: San Francisco

14 Feb 2011, 4:37 pm

wblastyn wrote:
Being bullied in school made me feel worthless, and I guess a career in these "high status" jobs might prove to myself and those bullies (if I ever saw them again) that I am worth something. I know it probably sounds silly, because school was so many years ago, but I don't think I've really gotten over it. I get really depressed if I go on facebook and see one of my bullies being happy and successful, it just doesn't seem fair.


If these bullies didn't care about you then, they're not going to care about you now. If they didn't respect you then, they're not going to respect you now. I very much doubt you matter to them, so why do you let them matter to you?

Think about what "Success" means to you... Is it Money? Power? Importance? Accomplishment? Something else?... Some people feel successful with an expensive suit and a blackberry. Some feel successful at a dinner table, surrounded by people who care about them. Some feel successful when they set a goal for themselves, work hard and reach it. But forget about everyone else. What about you? What makes you feel successful?



wblastyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 533
Location: UK

14 Feb 2011, 5:05 pm

I have no idea tbh. I suppose doing a good job at whatever I'm doing makes me feel successful. Perhaps having job satisfaction = success?