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bumble
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29 Apr 2011, 6:41 pm

Does anyone else lack confidence in therapists?

For example I have long been trying to explain to my therapists (every one I have seen since the age of 13) that I can't mix with people and that I really struggle with socialising because I don't really know what I am doing but they will always insist that it's just lack of confidence and if I don't worry it will come to me naturally. They also seem to think my on and off depression is responsible for all of my social problems and clearing that up will solve all of my other issues.

I get incredibly frustrated with them and so, at the grand old age of 35, I can't say that I am a fan of therapy or that I find it helpful. I don't find it helpful most of the time.

If I talk to people about this they seem to think I should have more belief in the therapists, but their experience with therapy has been very different to mine, so then I start to get frustrated with them because they don't seem to be able to understand that for some people, therapy does not always go smoothly. They actually found the therapist listened to them and were helpful. Therapists really don't listen to me. I can talk to them until I am blue in the face but because I am not good at getting my words out they seem to just think that I have a low IQ (even though I was an A average at University) and insist on either telling me the obvious or stuff that I already know whilst completely ignoring or passing over what I am trying to tell them.

I mean it does not take Einstein to figure out the basic principles of CBT or how to do a relaxation exercise so why do they keep sending for classes for the same damned thing all the time when I have already tried it multiple times and it has not worked? Not that CBT has never worked for anything, it was wonderful when I used it on myself to overcome my OCD...but I did that on my own, not with a therapist.
It does nothing to help me learn to socialise though. Its useless for that lol.

Am I the only one with this problem?



Dots
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29 Apr 2011, 6:52 pm

I've had mixed results with therapists. Some I never get comfortable with. Some are just no help at all. But I had one therapist that I saw for 9 months and she helped me so much. We just clicked, and she helped me regain my self esteem.

The jury's out on my current therapist, though so far I like her enough.

As for help with socializing, have you ever tried to see an occupational therapist? I saw one, and she helped me build social skills and practice social skills and it did help, more than just talking to a therapist did.


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pensieve
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29 Apr 2011, 7:01 pm

It seems to be very common that people with ASD's have a lack of faith in therapists, especially those ones that know some much about their own symptoms. My poor social skills are usually about apathy toward people and I know that I know only put focus on one thing at a time (and that one time could be a whole week or weeks) and my focus is usually on my interests.

What type of CBT did you do? I just bought a book and did some exercises to deal with anxiety and did worked, although my sensoey issues are now pretty severe that I barely look at people anymore.


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Verdandi
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29 Apr 2011, 8:11 pm

Even though my therapist accepts that I am autistic and got me the referral for diagnosis, she minimizes it enough while making it clear she's not so familiar with autism that many things I do right in front of her go right over her head. So I find it a bit frustrating to try to talk to her about some of these things.

She also seems to feel that when I describe certain things regarding life skills, self-help, and independence that for some reason I need to be able to reframe these things as positive (which are typically neutral facts to me - sometimes frustrating and I don't love them, but I don't need to reframe my life experience to feel better about myself).

So I have mostly positive interactions with my therapist, although I think she's trying to establish an emotional connection and often indicates she feels such a connection and I am kind of wondering what's going on there.



Jeffrey228
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29 Apr 2011, 11:46 pm

Well my Speech Therapists of my 7th through 11th grade years gave me the best Confidence in what disorder I had and well I made good use of my skills I had, well I guess the only snag I had was when a replacement I had and well this person seemed to have less caring throughts and did not work with me much at all during my 12 grade year, and well I guess many of the staff became disgruntled knowing that this new Therapist was not helping much, let alone the one I had when I was down in my last Therapist who said I had Mental Retardation, well lets say it is not good on that front, and thus I dropped out of school, a month later I got banned permanently from an Anime Convention, and well that was that.



bee33
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30 Apr 2011, 12:58 am

bumble wrote:
For example I have long been trying to explain to my therapists (every one I have seen since the age of 13) that I can't mix with people and that I really struggle with socialising because I don't really know what I am doing but they will always insist that it's just lack of confidence and if I don't worry it will come to me naturally. They also seem to think my on and off depression is responsible for all of my social problems and clearing that up will solve all of my other issues.

I get incredibly frustrated with them
Yes. Everything you wrote, and especially the part I bolded, has been my exact experience with therapists over the last 20+ years. There were only about 4 therapists with whom I spent an extended amount of time (14 in all), and that was exactly what they said to me. They thought I just needed reassurance, when what I actually needed was information and skills in dealing with people. I actually listened to one of them and tried to be more social, and the amount of stress I placed on myself to try to accomplish it was disastrous. I left therapy after one and half years much worse than I was going in.

I also have had the problem with them not listening, or outright not believing what I said. It was so frustrating that I was tempted to say, "How about I leave so you can believe whatever you want without having to listen to me speak?"



mikey1138
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30 Apr 2011, 1:41 am

I've just recently finished reading a book called The Trouble With Therapy. It is very eye-opening and, I think, pertinent to your issue with therapists. The main viewpoint of the book is from a sociologist's perspective but the history and lack of solid, dependable, certifications and regulations in the field of psychotherapy is very interesting. This link is to the book's introduction: http://www.therapytoday.net/article/15/1/categories/



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30 Apr 2011, 5:45 am

meh, i don't trust therapists. i mean i don't trust anybody but i'd be more likely to tell a random stranger off the street my problems and life story. i would find it more comfortable. therapists always will be out to find something wrong with me and want to fix it. plus all the doctors i've been taken to were me being forced to go by my parents except for when it was the school who forced me to go... anyway they would have been influenced by my parents agenda. i know they are judging me. the funny thing is i know people who are studying psychology and i feel easy about them. didn't meet them in a therapudic context though.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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30 Apr 2011, 9:05 am

I haven't felt a connection with therapists I have talked to.



kfisherx
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30 Apr 2011, 10:08 am

In the US, if one has insurance they can "shop" for a therapist. I have done this and am very happy with mine. Of course they are going to find out what is wrong and "fix" it. That is their job. :D :D :D



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30 Apr 2011, 10:13 am

Some therapists have been completely wrong about me, I'm sitting there in their office and they're talking as if they understand - and I hate it when they claim to understand what's going on in my head, I find it insulting for someone whose only known me a short time and met me three times, ugh.

When I was speaking to the therapist in question I decided enough was enough and I said something like "everything you're saying about me is so wrong, everytime" and instead of apologising for presuming to understand she implied it was my fault that she didn't understand me.


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bumble
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30 Apr 2011, 10:32 am

kfisherx wrote:
In the US, if one has insurance they can "shop" for a therapist. I have done this and am very happy with mine. Of course they are going to find out what is wrong and "fix" it. That is their job. :D :D :D


In the UK, unless you can afford to pay privately for a therapist, you are doomed to National Health waiting lists which are normally a few years long and then when you do get to see someone you end up feeling like you would have been better off seeking therapy from your front room light bulb instead. UK therapists are obsessed with depression being the cause of everything and handing out medication whilst telling you to ignore your life experience and have more confidence in your ability to socialise. It's all about breathing and once you relax it will all come naturally to you.

They actually seem to be incapable of understanding that someone does not know how to socialise or that they struggle to understand aspects of it.

So you waste 2 years on a waiting list for a few sessions of how to relax and breathe and think positively (and if you are really lucky you get another 3 lectures on the fight or flight system and how the symptoms of anxiety manifest to add to the other 26 you have already had even though you stopped responding to panic attacks ages ago and have not hyperventilated etc for 10 years or so) only to end up back on disability again or on the dole queue because you are so inept at socialising and so exhausted by it that holding down a job becomes impossible especially when they insist on pushing you into jobs that require a lot of people interaction because they insist it will help you over come your 'anxiety' and all will be right with the world.

Oh yes and you need to drop your routines and be more flexible as well, even those you enjoy at home because then you are considered to be Obsessive Compulsive if you don't. I mean it's one thing to compromise a bit for working but in my own private life it's my choice surely? And god forbid if you also happen to be passionate about a hobby or two and would rather spend time doing those rather than chatting around the watercooler because then you must be suffering from some kind of personality disorder as well. If you don't find small talk and gossip fascinating you are abnormal so then you are encouraged to spend hours out of your day listening to it instead of being able to do something that is actually interesting.

They also talk to you really slowly and simplify everything and add statements like "and I know that's complicated" on to the end of it because you have trouble getting your words out around people and they assume you have the IQ of a baboon as a result. Although I have no idea how intelligent baboons actually are but still...

Please excuse my rant...I just find therapists annoying!



bee33
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30 Apr 2011, 11:29 am

bumble wrote:
UK therapists are obsessed with depression being the cause of everything and handing out medication whilst telling you to ignore your life experience and have more confidence in your ability to socialise. It's all about breathing and once you relax it will all come naturally to you.

They actually seem to be incapable of understanding that someone does not know how to socialise or that they struggle to understand aspects of it.

Therapists in the US are no different in my experience.

kfisherx wrote:
Of course they are going to find out what is wrong and "fix" it. That is their job.

I think that's exactly what many people here are saying their therapist is not doing for them.

And as far as shopping for a therapist, it's not like it's a process that builds on itself, so that each subsequent therapist you try is going to be somewhat more appropriate to your needs than the previous one. Every time it's just a shot in the dark. All you know about a therapist before meeting them is their name and whether they are a psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker. If one doesn't work out, you have to start from scratch again.

Perhaps having good insurance helps. The one time I went to see a very expensive therapist he told me that I was too smart for therapy, because I could see through the game. And I thought, well, this kind of flattery must be what I am paying for! :D (It was like going to an expensive restaurant and having the waiters kiss your ass.)



TTRSage
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30 Apr 2011, 11:37 am

You must take what therapists say and do with a grain of salt. After all they are getting paid to do this and like corporate crooks everywhere, money is their true underlying interest. I'll bet that most of them would not be doing it if they did not get paid for it... just like all the blood sucking lawyers and marketing moguls. However I am sure there are some who have a genuine interest in their field and in the people they see. If you could find an Aspie therapist it might be an entirely different story.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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30 Apr 2011, 5:34 pm

I had the feeling, with my therapists, they were saying stuff because they don't know what else to say and they often didn't have a clue how to treat me or what I struggled with. It was like they had this handbook they referenced "what to do when client is anxious - suggest biofeedback, give directions and discourage SSRIs." While another one would be totally for chemotherapy and want to mix it with CBT. Another one thought I needed to get in the yellow pages to find places to put job applications, then I would miraculously experience the elusive cure to all my ills.
Maybe they really were clueless about what to do with me so they were grasping at straws.



alessi
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01 May 2011, 7:08 pm

I don't have much confidence in them. I saw a so called psychologist hoping to get some help. Spent a lot of money on appointments that only ever made things worse. I didn't want to go back but after each appointment when I went to pay they would book me another appointment and I was too intimidated to refuse. In the end I phoned up one time when I knew there would be no one there and left a message on their answering machine saying I had moved away from the state :).