Need help- problems aspergers causes for me

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NicoleR
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13 Jul 2011, 6:51 am

There's a lot of things that cause so much hassle for me in day to day life. I was wondering if anyone would be able to help find solutions for me or just after reading this could tell me if they, as people who have been diagnosed think that I have aspergers. Do others have the same problems that I do? I know there are some things that I guess nobody can change but I'm sure going to try to change mine :lol: I'll number them to make it shorter for if anyone wants to reply.

1. When I'm in crowds I get very panicky; last time I was in a crowd I found it hard to think or breathe and I couldn't get my leg to stop shaking uncontrollably. I need help with this because I go to a school where there are 750 students and 50 teachers and will be going to college next year which is much bigger.

2. I find when someone tries to offer me a different way of doing things (I know, this is kind of ironic) I end up shutting down completely. This annoys friends, family and school friends a lot.

3. It is very difficult for me to talk about my emotions or anything to do with me. When I'm in a conversation I have a list of things in my head which I label "normal conversation" e.g. how's the weather, school subjects, a lot of observational things. This is okay but it makes it really difficult to make friends because after that period where this is no longer normal we have nothing else to talk about.

4. I can't describe what I'm trying to say or do and can't understand why they don't immediately understand me. I get very angry then and generally walk away.

5. I have problems with germs when someone walks by I start gasping for "clean" air, if a crumb from someone else’s food touches me I have to go and wash my hands. I don't like sharing because of the germs. Could anyone help me with this one because it makes me look very weird.

6. It's challenging for me when someone wants to hug me etc because of my problem with physical contact. I didn't hug my best friends for years and have made significant progress but it's still noticeable to others that I have problems with it.

7. When I think about the human race I use the word "they". I separate myself from them a lot which makes me bitter and untrusting.

8. As a child I preferred to play alone, I didn't notice other children and when they tried to play with me I panicked. I still have problems because I isolate myself which makes me sad but have made progress here too.

9. I didn't understand the phrases people used, when around a lot of people I find myself listening to all their conversations at once so I can't join in, in one because I'm so confused.

10. I don't notice time passing by/ find myself unable to stop myself from doing the activity that I'm doing e.g. reading a book, playing a video game. It's really bad for me because I don't get a lot of sleep and when people try and talk to me while I'm doing them I can't hear them.

11. I have obsessive interests and after a month or two they fade quickly. I have two or three persisting obsessive areas of interest.

12. I nearly get sick when I have to talk to new people. I worry that I won't have friends when I leave the school that I'm in next year.

13. I'm extremely sensitive to noise, light and texture. I can't study if there's even one person whispering so it effects my school work badly. When I was younger the sound of everyone talking scared me so much, it was like I could hear everything on a speaker in my head that I hid under a table, rocked backwards and forewords, cried and covered my ears. The light sensitivity doesn't effect me much now but I can't sleep without a black out blind so I'm in trouble for college accommodation. I'm afraid of certain foods e.g. baked beans, I hate when my food touches, I eat everything separately, I'm extremely afraid of cotton wool, oil, sponges when they're dry, when I was younger when I got new clothes I would cut all the tags off because of the itching.

14. I get upset very easily, a slight change in the pattern of my day makes me panic a lot. It happened once this year that my dentist appointment was cancelled without me knowing and I shut down for the entire day.

15. When I was younger and even sometimes now I find myself adopting personalities to try and make people like me, I know a lot of kids did this but I went to extremes.

16. I constantly try and figure out peoples motives for doing things, even friendships, doing nice things etc. It makes me cold to the human race. I learn a lot about people from books so I apply it to real life. I don't understand body language, I used to watch tv without the sound on to try and work it out which helped. Even now, however I have to ask people "what are they thinking" a lot.

17. I can't understand the concept of dancing, a load of sweaty people flailing their limbs about; boggles me! It socially isolates me because my friends go out a lot.

18. My short term memory is very weak but I find I can remember even the tiniest details about a place I have only been to once etc but when learning I fail to grasp the bigger picture because of my concentration on the smaller parts.

19. I just don't understand how the world works and it upsets me a lot sometimes.

20. I can’t make eye contact which makes people think that I’m not listening to them.

That's all I can think of at the moment, I'm just worried about what the future holds for me and I don't know much about aspergers because only recently due to an educational assement it can to light that it was highly probable that I do have aspergers; all my teachers thought that I had already been diagnosed with it before the assesment. I'm worried that I'll be isolated and alone in college.



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13 Jul 2011, 8:15 am

I am not giving this as any medical advice, but I noticed that a lot of different things make you panic. And thus you are close to having an anxiety attack a lot of the time. I found that taking daily anti-anxiety medication lowered my overall anxiety down to a level where I had more energy to cope with scary things in a better way. I still couldn't cope with everything, but my coping skills went from 20% to 60%, a big difference even though not perfect. And it helped with total meltdowns, reducing them to merely hiding in the bathroom for 20 minutes, which was tolerable even though not perfect.

I can't fully reassure you that you'll be able to cope with college. Some of us can, some of us can't. Personally I went six weeks without even speaking a single word to anybody during that time, because I knew no one, and I felt weirdly like a ghost that was invisible to humans. Yet I got through the academics just fine and was on the Honour Roll & Dean's List; I just didn't know anybody or make any friends. But that's only me and everyone's different. You could have a look around those other threads in the College section of the forum and get stories of lots of different college experiences and suggestions.

From every symptom you listed, I would conclude it's fairly obvious you must have AS. You might have a touch of OCD too, with that unfortunate germ phobia thing and having to not breathe peoples' air. That is on the border of being an obsession. There is a type of therapy for OCD that involves reducing your level of anxiety triggered by your phobia. I think you'd find it helpful if you could find a good therapist to support you through this transition time, but I know that's unaffordable for the majority of people.



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13 Jul 2011, 8:53 am

Totally agree that a lot of this is anxiety based. I suffered OCD for years (very severe) and i am now fully recovered from it.
There is medication which you can use for anxiety/OCD. If you get these things under control then I reckon you could start to manage other issues better. I am NT, but my husband was diagosed aspergers and has a lot of depression, anxiety issues as well. Anxiety can be debilitating and makes everything else so much more difficult to handle.
Good luck



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13 Jul 2011, 10:30 am

Hi Nicole! Agreed with the other posters that anxiety medicine would help. As for the social concerns (thinking of the human race as "they", not wanting to discuss anything personal and therefore not getting close to anyone, etc.), these improved vastly for me from age 18 to the present (I'm 25 now) just through the passage of time. I exposed myself emotionally which was really uncomfortable for me at first but now it doesn't feel like I'm losing a part of myself when I do that. I feel much more a part of things now rather than an onlooker, and it really took no conscious effort on my part, just living through things and time passing.



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13 Jul 2011, 11:18 am

NicoleR wrote:
There's a lot of things that cause so much hassle for me in day to day life. I was wondering if anyone would be able to help find solutions for me or just after reading this could tell me if they, as people who have been diagnosed think that I have aspergers. Do others have the same problems that I do? I know there are some things that I guess nobody can change but I'm sure going to try to change mine :lol: I'll number them to make it shorter for if anyone wants to reply.

1. When I'm in crowds I get very panicky; last time I was in a crowd I found it hard to think or breathe and I couldn't get my leg to stop shaking uncontrollably. I need help with this because I go to a school where there are 750 students and 50 teachers and will be going to college next year which is much bigger.

Symptom of Anxiety. A common Aspie Co-morbid. Medication can help with this.

2. I find when someone tries to offer me a different way of doing things (I know, this is kind of ironic) I end up shutting down completely. This annoys friends, family and school friends a lot.

Likely an Aspie trait. If possible ask for time to process it and go somewhere you can think about it for a little while.

3. It is very difficult for me to talk about my emotions or anything to do with me. When I'm in a conversation I have a list of things in my head which I label "normal conversation" e.g. how's the weather, school subjects, a lot of observational things. This is okay but it makes it really difficult to make friends because after that period where this is no longer normal we have nothing else to talk about.

Likely an aspie trait. Make friends based on your interists if possible. College is usually good for this between clubs and degree based study groups, so you will likely have an easier time with this in the future.

4. I can't describe what I'm trying to say or do and can't understand why they don't immediately understand me. I get very angry then and generally walk away.

Possibly an Aspie trait.

5. I have problems with germs when someone walks by I start gasping for "clean" air, if a crumb from someone else’s food touches me I have to go and wash my hands. I don't like sharing because of the germs. Could anyone help me with this one because it makes me look very weird.

OCD. A common Aspie Co-Morbid. Look into OCD type treatments (some good cognitave methods are availible)

6. It's challenging for me when someone wants to hug me etc because of my problem with physical contact. I didn't hug my best friends for years and have made significant progress but it's still noticeable to others that I have problems with it.

Likely an Aspie trait. I don't have a problem with hugs with people I know well, but even hand shaking and high fives make me cringe with people I don't.

7. When I think about the human race I use the word "they". I separate myself from them a lot which makes me bitter and untrusting.

Not exactly an Aspie trait, though it could be an Aspie coping mech.

8. As a child I preferred to play alone, I didn't notice other children and when they tried to play with me I panicked. I still have problems because I isolate myself which makes me sad but have made progress here too.

Aspie Trait 100%

9. I didn't understand the phrases people used, when around a lot of people I find myself listening to all their conversations at once so I can't join in, in one because I'm so confused.

Aspie Trait. Try to talk to people one at a time, even in groups. Can't suggest much else. The ability to zone in on a single conversation may improve with practice, if you stop thinking about the group.

10. I don't notice time passing by/ find myself unable to stop myself from doing the activity that I'm doing e.g. reading a book, playing a video game. It's really bad for me because I don't get a lot of sleep and when people try and talk to me while I'm doing them I can't hear them.

Aspie trait. Tell people in advance that you zone and don't let them take it personaly. Easier said than done, I know.

11. I have obsessive interests and after a month or two they fade quickly. I have two or three persisting obsessive areas of interest.

Aspie Trait. One of the perks of the condition, IMO. My interists generally fade if I feel that I mastered/perfected the information. More difficult/broad subjects tend to last longer for me.

12. I nearly get sick when I have to talk to new people. I worry that I won't have friends when I leave the school that I'm in next year.

Aspie trait. It takes me about two years in any new place before I get to know more than one, maybe two people. Artifical groups based on your interists are the best place to meet people I've found. Anywhere that you will recieve admiration or approval when you talk like a 'nerd'.

13. I'm extremely sensitive to noise, light and texture. I can't study if there's even one person whispering so it effects my school work badly. When I was younger the sound of everyone talking scared me so much, it was like I could hear everything on a speaker in my head that I hid under a table, rocked backwards and forewords, cried and covered my ears. The light sensitivity doesn't effect me much now but I can't sleep without a black out blind so I'm in trouble for college accommodation. I'm afraid of certain foods e.g. baked beans, I hate when my food touches, I eat everything separately, I'm extremely afraid of cotton wool, oil, sponges when they're dry, when I was younger when I got new clothes I would cut all the tags off because of the itching.

Sensory disorder, almost always present in Aspies. Sunglasses, high tech ear plugs - both can help even though they often stand out and mark you as different. Reduce sensitivities that you find harsh as much as possible and avoid the ones that you can. This isn't really something you 'fix' and it can stress you out to the point of breakdowns if you try to ignore it.

14. I get upset very easily, a slight change in the pattern of my day makes me panic a lot. It happened once this year that my dentist appointment was cancelled without me knowing and I shut down for the entire day.

OCD/Aspie trait. I've broken up with people for canceling dates and blasted Dr.s with legal code when they cancelled appointments. Try to take some time to calm down in a quiet, dark place - or spend a few hours with something that absorbs you (a special interist). This is a huge problem for me too.

15. When I was younger and even sometimes now I find myself adopting personalities to try and make people like me, I know a lot of kids did this but I went to extremes.

Aspie coping mech. When I was myself people thought I was annoying and insensitive. When I tried to act like everyone else they thought I was 'trying to be like' someone. Or a poser. You just can't win with people sometimes. You get a lot better at this as you get older, but through your teens/early twenties (before you have a chance to master it) people can be jerks - its, apparently, kind of obvious when you haven't had enough years to practice it.

16. I constantly try and figure out peoples motives for doing things, even friendships, doing nice things etc. It makes me cold to the human race. I learn a lot about people from books so I apply it to real life. I don't understand body language, I used to watch tv without the sound on to try and work it out which helped. Even now, however I have to ask people "what are they thinking" a lot.

Aspie Trait 100%. It's best to choose your friends/relationships who will actually tell you what they are thinking without being jerks about it. You can learn to be better with it if you read guides on body language and microexpressions (they have all the emotional states of facial expressions mapped out and it's helpfull just for reading regular expressions) - but you have to study it like an academic subject as we don't tend to understand otherwise.

17. I can't understand the concept of dancing, a load of sweaty people flailing their limbs about; boggles me! It socially isolates me because my friends go out a lot.

Aspie trait.

18. My short term memory is very weak but I find I can remember even the tiniest details about a place I have only been to once etc but when learning I fail to grasp the bigger picture because of my concentration on the smaller parts.

Aspie Trait 100%. My working Memory is waaaay below my actual IQ. I'm in the 16th percentile on short delay recall and the 86th percentile on long delay recall. Its often normal for us, I guess.

19. I just don't understand how the world works and it upsets me a lot sometimes.

20. I can’t make eye contact which makes people think that I’m not listening to them.

Aspie trait 100%. A lot of us learn to look at the lips or cheekbones instead.

That's all I can think of at the moment, I'm just worried about what the future holds for me and I don't know much about aspergers because only recently due to an educational assement it can to light that it was highly probable that I do have aspergers; all my teachers thought that I had already been diagnosed with it before the assesment. I'm worried that I'll be isolated and alone in college.


Clubs based on your interists should help you get to know some people, depending on what your interists are. Socially, once I figured that out, I did waaaay better in college than I ever did before in my life. It takes some time, but I think this is one thing that you can have a lot of success with now where you might not have been able to before.

A lot of us make it through college, even when we have problems holding down actual jobs. It would therefore be wise to consider getting a degree in an area that you can survive working in (anything where you would have to work with people most of the time is probably a bad idea).

Don't think it's the end of the world that you probably have this. A lot of my Aspie traits are the things that I love the most about myself. Try to accept yourself for who you are and work on becoming the best Aspie that you can be (instead of trying to be an akward and flailing neurotyp.)



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13 Jul 2011, 11:32 am

NicoleR wrote:
. . . 3. It is very difficult for me to talk about my emotions or anything to do with me. When I'm in a conversation I have a list of things in my head which I label "normal conversation" e.g. how's the weather, school subjects, a lot of observational things. This is okay but it makes it really difficult to make friends because after that period where this is no longer normal we have nothing else to talk about. . .

I tell myself that it's ping-ponging back and forth in a series of medium steps. And I make mistakes both ways, too small a step, too big a step, and that's okay.

Maybe after the casual weather, etc, something you're planning to do later in the day or how you feel about a (generally optimistic, or just interesting) news item?

But still a light touch and not trying to hard. And a lot of it is up to the other person, too.



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13 Jul 2011, 11:44 am

When I was in college starting way back in 1982, I met people in the dorm. And what seemed to work well was walking down to the cafeteria with the people on the floor and maybe walking to a convenience store after dinner, all done with a light touch. Also billiards and ping pong in the game room. I might even recommend a few simple lessons before college, as being good at these kind of gives one a type of 'street cred.' And at college, you can even be a low-key leader and organize group lessons where you bring in a teacher and everyone kicks in a little money. And when playing, just be matter-of-fact and gracious if you happen to be better than someone (well, you already know that part).

The downside, there really was bullying. It can help if you make a conscious decision, a la Joel Osteen to be a builder, not a tearer-downer (I'm a good agnostic :D , but I still like Joel). So, if people are running down someone, you can first and foremost nonparticipate, and then perhaps experiment with saying 'She seems okay to me' and/or changing the topic.

There was even some physical bullying. I wrote an essay entitled "Tight, defensive boxing to a draw. One week." http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt134616.html The point being that it gives a baseline of confidence, and in zen paradoxical fashion makes a fight less likely and makes it easier to walk away from a potential fight. (And during training, please do not take a bunch of blows to the head as all that stuff about post-concussion syndrome, even lesser blows, really is true. And neither helmets in football nor boxing headgear really protects. Instead, mainly a few private lessons and then practicing on your own.)



Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 13 Jul 2011, 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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13 Jul 2011, 11:58 am

Ping pong and such are generally known to be male-bonding activities. Judging by the name "Nicole" this may need to apply to a different activity. Plus some of us (me) are clumsy and hate the noise that usually goes with such activities, so that may not always be an option based on that either.

And I hope that she doesn't need to know how to win a fist fight.

I was thinking more "Gaming" "Movie club" "Anime" (sexist, but being a girl is all the street cred you need to make friends with these). There are also Philosophy and Math based groups usually, as well as various activist groups to include those dealing with animals.



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13 Jul 2011, 1:40 pm

Watch out! Start asking some serious questions about ADHD as well as Asperger's. I'm not a doctor, but have studied AS for twelve years. I think you most certainly are at least on the Autistic spectrum.

But, AS and ADD can so often be "co-morbid" I think you ought to spend some time investigating ADD too. It can be tricky figuring out if you have ADD, if you are an Aspie, because some of the symptoms are the same. Look for ADD symptoms that don't fall into AS, and ask yourself if you have enough of them to believe you probably have ADD as well.

I say this because living both AS and/or ADD can have anxiety causing side effects, and some of what you're describing here sounds like ADD could also be part of the picture. If the anxiety is a symptom of either AS or ADD or both, treating it alone may only mask the problem. Like putting a big band-aid over a serious wound. You don't see the wound anymore, but it's there, and getting worse.

Not that AS or ADD can "get worse." But other symptoms that can arise from having either or both can get worse if you don't learn to deal with them. Treatment for anxiety, when the real problem is not understanding how to deal and adapt to life with AS and/or ADD, can actually cause other problems to become far worse. This is because anxiety is a natural thing we are supposed to experience when something is wrong.

I know somebody is bound to disagree with me on this point, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one, because it's true. Most of the anxiety people with either AS or ADD or both experience is not the disorder. Most of it is natural anxiety coming from the non-stop real stress of living with AS or ADD.

If you treat the AS and/or ADD by learning adaptation strategies, and with meds that can help with ADD, anxiety can, and naturally, lower on its own.

If you read up a bit on the meds used to treat ADD, then look at the meds used to treat Anxiety, the approach used for each is almost the opposite. Common anxiety meds include Xanax, Valium, Ativan, etc. which are all aimed solely at lowering anxious feelings. Meds for ADD on the other hand, are usually in the stimulant category. Caffeine is actually recommended by some doctors even for kids with ADD, because the stimulant effect helps with focusing and keeping oneself from randomly becoming distracted too easily. Stimulants are highly discouraged for treatment of Anxiety. Almost every doctor, if they are treating solely for Anxiety, will tell you to either quit drinking coffee and caffeinated beverages, and switch to decaf (which I think is really stupid considering that decaf still contains caffeine (half what regular coffee contains, so two cups is same as one normal cup of coffee. Have you ever seen how much coffee decaf drinkers usually drink?).

My point is, I don't think it's a good idea at all to focus on the anxiety issues until, and unless you know for sure the anxiety is truly a co-morbidity. In most cases, it isn't. In most cases, the anxiety that either Aspies or ADDers experience is just a natural consequence of not knowing how to deal with the real problem.

For example, I don't participate in group activities as much as NT's tend to, sometime due to the fact that I'm anxious about the very real things that could happen during these activities. I do it anyway, on occasion, partly so I can put to use certain skills and strategies I've learned over the years in social situations. That anxiety though, isn't founded on unrealistic imaginary things that have never happened. That anxiety is coming from real experiences that actually have happened as a result of AS and ADD. I can tend to be blunt sometimes, and that is often misinterpreted by others as deliberate rudeness. I'm not imagining it when it happens. As a result (a natural consequence) I am always aware that these things can and often do happen. That's not Anxiety disorder. That's natural anxiety, the same as might be experienced by someone walking through a forest and who once before encountered an angry bear in the forest.

We're supposed to feel anxious about real things that actually can and do happen. It's a different story if we're constantly feeling anxious about things that have never actually happened, and aren't likely to happen.

The anxiety I experience comes also from the actual and very real stress from the intense processing it takes for me to implement coping strategies I've learned. The coping itself takes a lot of effort, is tiring, and if I have to do it too much, causes real and natural anxiety.

Instead of viewing the anxiety as "the problem" I view AS and ADD as the problem, and the anxiety as a consequence of the problem. A natural consequence that should happen.

If I'm late for work because I lost my car keys, and it took me an hour to find them, the anxiety from being late isn't the problem. Why and how I lost my car keys is the problem, and that's what I need to deal with.

Make sense?


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13 Jul 2011, 1:49 pm

You sound a LOT like me. Well when I was younger. I used to suffer from severe OCD that rendered me unable to leave the house for three years. I too had that thought of the air being 'dirty' when someone walked past. I would say there is at least some indication of AS in there as well and possibly ADHD. I'm not a doctor though! As other posters have said OCD and anxiety is quite a common co-morbid of AS.


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13 Jul 2011, 1:59 pm

MrXxx wrote:
For example, I don't participate in group activities as much as NT's tend to, sometime due to the fact that I'm anxious about the very real things that could happen during these activities. I do it anyway, on occasion, partly so I can put to use certain skills and strategies I've learned over the years in social situations. That anxiety though, isn't founded on unrealistic imaginary things that have never happened. That anxiety is coming from real experiences that actually have happened as a result of AS and ADD. I can tend to be blunt sometimes, and that is often misinterpreted by others as deliberate rudeness. I'm not imagining it when it happens. As a result (a natural consequence) I am always aware that these things can and often do happen. That's not Anxiety disorder. That's natural anxiety, the same as might be experienced by someone walking through a forest and who once before encountered an angry bear in the forest.

We're supposed to feel anxious about real things that actually can and do happen. It's a different story if we're constantly feeling anxious about things that have never actually happened, and aren't likely to happen.

The anxiety I experience comes also from the actual and very real stress from the intense processing it takes for me to implement coping strategies I've learned. The coping itself takes a lot of effort, is tiring, and if I have to do it too much, causes real and natural anxiety.

Instead of viewing the anxiety as "the problem" I view AS and ADD as the problem, and the anxiety as a consequence of the problem. A natural consequence that should happen.

If I'm late for work because I lost my car keys, and it took me an hour to find them, the anxiety from being late isn't the problem. Why and how I lost my car keys is the problem, and that's what I need to deal with.

Make sense?


This, IMO was an ingenious way to put it. Very well said.



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14 Jul 2011, 1:48 am

5. Germs are a natural and normal thing. Your entire body is covered in germs inside and out. Generally it is not the EXPOSURE to germs that is the problem, it is the temporary or long-term weaking of the immune system that allows the germs that are already present to overtake your white blood cells and make you sick. Instead of concentrating on the avoidance of germs, you need to focus your attention on the strengthening of your immune system - eat healthy, exercise, take a multi-vitatmin, drink more water, get boosters for vaccinations, flu shots, and read up on what else it takes to strengthen your immune system.

There are certain things/places with high concentrations of germs/filth which are completely normal to avoid, hold your breath, use hand sanitizer, a paper towel to avoid touching, or wipe down with an antibacterial wipe before contact. People sneezeing around you, using public restrooms, public sinks, and door-handles in restrooms all require caution. Sanitation rituals for using public restrooms or other filthy areas are normal and practical - crabs, feces particals, blood-borne pathogens, urine, coughing, and sneezing are what you need to watch out for - not germs. Germs are normal, always present, and can be shut down by an adequate immune system. Filth and disease (pink eye, hepatitis, flu, cold, TB, Herpes, crabs, AIDS, etc.) are all easily avoidable without appearing crazy.

As long as you take steps to strengthen your immune system, develope a sanitary public bathroom ritual, wash your hands after touching filthy things, and hold your breath a few seconds or turn away when people cough/sneeze around you, you will be good to go. After touching, hugging, shaking hands with people that may not be as sanitary as you, just make sure you remember to wash your hands or use a hand sanitizer before you eat, rub your eyes, use the restroom, or put your hands in your mouth.

Hope that helps. Working in the medical industry, I've had to learn to deal with blood which has pretty much relieved any concerns I had about germs in general.



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14 Jul 2011, 7:06 am

NicoleR wrote:
1. When I'm in crowds I get very panicky
I don't get panicky so much, but i do have a twinge of this. I call it my "crowd-o-phobia". On city busses I will only sit down if one of the seven seats by the exit doors is available, in shopping malls I will walk VERY fast, and hug the walls, going from store I know to store I know - if it's a new mall, I try and go first thing in the morning (before shops open) and learn the layout and the exits before it gets all noisy and crowding.
Conclusion: Try learning your building very well (while its empty) and always have an escape plan available. Stick to the edges of crowds, and have "safe places" to go to (the book store!) when it gets to be too much.

2. I find when someone tries to offer me a different way of doing things I end up shutting down completely.
I know this one too. Too many options to compute. The problem is that the mind keeps saying "omg I need to decide now, they're waiting on me!" and can't focus on the decision making. Try and say "too many choices" or "Too much input" and stick to the first option - friends and family will see this as improvement - and so will you.
Conclusion: Try and ignore any other options, stick with the first. If you decide the first won't work, tell them so, and ask them to repeat option 2 for your consideration.

3. It is very difficult for me to talk about my emotions or anything to do with me.
I often can't identify my emotional state either. I usually answer "success, failure or bored" when people ask me my primary emotions. Then they tell me those aren't emotions.
it makes it really difficult to make friends because after that period where this is no longer normal we have nothing else to talk about.
I have this problem too. I have recently been in a "partial hospital" program that taught the basics of assertive communication - I'm thinking it might help me in this regard, and might have the tips for you too, since we both deal with this.
Conclusion: Research "assertiveness"+"conversation"+"free information"+"self disclosure"

4. I can't describe what I'm trying to say or do and can't understand why they don't immediately understand me. I get very angry then and generally walk away.
Been there, done that
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

5. I have problems with germs
The other posters might be on to something - this does sound like OCD.
I have a touch of these concerns too. I don't share food or drinks with other people either. I never will. Anyone who can't deal with that can rot in their own private hell. As for more common concerns regarding germs, I usually try and logic out my situation: What is the percent probability that this crumb that touched my food is contaminated, did it contaminate my food in the short time before I moved my sandwich and how likely is it to make me sick?
Conclusion: Depending on severity, see about OCD. In the meanwhile, try and make logical limits for given situations: I will not drink from X's glass. After shaking hands I will not touch anything until I wash or purell (in back pocket at all times!). I will hover when forced to use public toilets. I believe in the "5 second rule", Etc.

6. It's challenging for me when someone wants to hug me etc because of my problem with physical contact.
The only people who should be hugging you are those close enough to understand your physical contact issues anyways. As for these people, suggest they give you a common indicator that they wish to hug you. In any situation, make sure you place YOUR hands in a position where you can politely control the end-of-hug-moment with a gentle tap or push. Having that control may help a great deal.
Conclusion: When we are warned, it's often easier for us to accept the oncoming hug.

7. When I think about the human race I use the word "they". I separate myself from them a lot which makes me bitter and untrusting.
Hmm.. I often use "Idiots" "jerks" "morons" and a few other choice words. So you're doing better than me.
Conclusion: Just remember there are some "smarties" and "decents" mixed into that crowd; they just didn't put on their "I know how you feel" badges today.

8. As a child I preferred to play alone.
I still do this. Much easier to set your own rules, duration, involvement, escape, etc when playing alone. And you don't have to worry about what's in the other kids' heads. I say go with it if you're satisfied with your own company (a blessing!) and reach out to organized mental health/ college/ etc groups that share your interests if you aren't totally satisfied by yourself.
Conclusion: Try board games as a social tool. Your college may have some "geek" groups. Rules are all set out before play, allowing you to focus on the game, and when comfortable to join in the "jocularity" around the table once you're comfortable.

9. I can't join in (multiple conversations) because I'm so confused.
Been there, done that
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

10. I don't notice time passing by/ find myself unable to stop myself from doing the activity that I'm doing e.g. reading a book, playing a video game. It's really bad for me because I don't get a lot of sleep and when people try and talk to me while I'm doing them I can't hear them.
Been there, done that.
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

11. I have obsessive interests and after a month or two they fade quickly. I have two or three persisting obsessive areas of interest.
There's nothing wrong with this. I assume the shorter interests fade when you've come to some sort of reasonable conclusion or satisfactory knowledge? I do the same thing. I don't see this as a disadvantage, I see it as a skillset. If you can turn those interests into a job - or find a job (or course) that you can turn into an interest, you'll ace it. JUST make sure your job interest is not the only interest you maintain: If it were to falter, you'll need an interest to fall back on in order to save your sanity.
Conclusion: Revel in your interests when you have them. They are a beacon of stability in an ever changing and sometimes hostile world. Cling to them like friends - because that's what they are.

12. I nearly get sick when I have to talk to new people. I worry that I won't have friends when I leave the school that I'm in next year.
Been there, done that
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

13. I'm extremely sensitive to noise, light and texture.
Get ear plugs and an eyemask/sleepmask for college. Get a jogging suit (or whatever covers your body and feels comfortable) for studying in. Buy a huge marble, or a pocketwatch, or something tactile and comforting to focus on when it all becomes too much. And buy a
handheld tape recorder for those times you need/might blank out in class.
Conclusion: When you have identified specific challenges, sit down and figure out how to deal with them, or ask others (here) how they have dealt with them. Don't fret, there's usually an answer.

14. I get upset very easily, a slight change in the pattern of my day makes me panic a lot. It happened once this year that my dentist appointment was cancelled without me knowing and I shut down for the entire day.
Been there, done that. I often shut down when I'm waiting for a reply or update to a message I left for someone (phone or email) too. I call it my "stasis" mode. Hard to focus on anything else because I'm too busy playing out the possible responses.
Conclusion: Other posters have mentioned anxiety.

15. When I was younger and even sometimes now I find myself adopting personalities to try and make people like me, I know a lot of kids did this but I went to extremes.
I do this when I'm nervous. And I often quote movie lines at these times too. From what i understand it is natural for humans to adapt somewhat to the group surrounding them - a person can be good, warm, and softspoken with their fellow churchgoers, and a well of darkness and misery at home with family. Now, if you are acting like Joe Pechi (spelling?) every time you go to the grocery store, there might be something to ask a shrink about.
Conclusion: It might still be normal, even if it feels extreme. I seem to have seen this "adopting personalities" comment alot around here, so you certainly aren't the only one - don't worry about it unless your "peers" make fun of it - or think you're making fun of them.

16. I constantly try and figure out peoples motives for doing things, even friendships, doing nice things etc. It makes me cold to the human race. I learn a lot about people from books so I apply it to real life. I don't understand body language, I used to watch tv without the sound on to try and work it out which helped. Even now, however I have to ask people "what are they thinking" a lot.
Ditto. Also takes up a lot of energy and attention-paying and causes exhaustion.
Conclusion: I don't think there's a full solution to this. What you have been doing matches the best advice I've seen. Sadly I think this is one we're stuck with for eternity.

17. I can't understand the concept of dancing, a load of sweaty people flailing their limbs about; boggles me! It socially isolates me because my friends go out a lot.
Been there, done that
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

18. My short term memory is very weak but I find I can remember even the tiniest details about a place I have only been to once etc but when learning I fail to grasp the bigger picture because of my concentration on the smaller parts.
Been there, done that
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

19. I just don't understand how the world works and it upsets me a lot sometimes.
Been there, done that
Conclusion: sorry I'm stumped too.

20. I can’t make eye contact which makes people think that I’m not listening to them.
I can make eye contact when dealing with topics I am comfortable with. When someone asks me a difficult or "thinking required" question, I duck my head and close my eyes. And if someone asks me to describe an emotional scene, I will often duck head and my description will take on the tone - I recently had someone tell me I was yelling AT them while describing the events that got me fired from my last job. I've been told I'm scary when I describe the surgery injury to my eyes.... All these realizations have been in the last year or so, so I can't offer much more than sympathy.
Conclusion: Step one: Knowing. Step two: ? Step Three: Success. Some people on this site suggest looking at the bridge of the nose, or the cheekbone. Doesn't work for me, but maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones.

I'm just worried about what the future holds for me and I don't know much about aspergers because only recently due to an educational assement it can to light that it was highly probable that I do have aspergers; all my teachers thought that I had already been diagnosed with it before the assesment. I'm worried that I'll be isolated and alone in college.


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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14 Jul 2011, 1:28 pm

K-R-X wrote:
Ping pong and such are generally known to be male-bonding activities. Judging by the name "Nicole" this may need to apply to a different activity. Plus some of us (me) are clumsy and hate the noise that usually goes with such activities, so that may not always be an option based on that either.

And I hope that she doesn't need to know how to win a fist fight.

I was thinking more "Gaming" "Movie club" "Anime" (sexist, but being a girl is all the street cred you need to make friends with these). There are also Philosophy and Math based groups usually, as well as various activist groups to include those dealing with animals.

I hope so, too.

And I recommend walking away from a fight if one reasonably can.

I myself have not been in a fist fight since age 13 or 14 when I was in 8th grade. And I am now 48 years old. Although there have been some threatening incidents.

And knowing a little boxing or other self-defense can give a person a baseline of confidence. That's kind of my point. And girls can be mean, too, straight up. Maybe less often, maybe not.

And I like the idea of tight, defensive boxing to a draw. I almost think this can be applied to foreign policy. For one is not trying to embarrass or humiliate a person, esp someone you are likely to see again. Instead, a lot of good blocks, and some short hard and medium blows to the rib cage. I might wish it was different, but it isn't.



NicoleR
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14 Jul 2011, 3:59 pm

As the above says thank you so much for all the replies I have received, they have all been very helpful indeed! The best thing about this website is the fact that people are so open and honest here. The time and effort people must have spent replying to me also means a lot to me :) When I joined here I suspected that I had aspergers but the replies from here have solidified it and I'm also now researching OCD because after looking into everything that was suggested here it fit the best. I have dyspraxia and when I asked questions to my physiologist whether or not I could have more than one disability when I was younger she said that because I have dyspraxia I could have traits of other disabilities but I think there are too many traits for me not to have the others too.

I do know a little self defence- I did kickboxing for a year and a half when I was younger which was good fun but had to quit because of low muscle tone problems. I agree that bullying is a huge issue facing everyone but especially my age bracket. I get bullied a lot. This year I was shoved into a locker once and there was a lot of verbal abuse but I told a teacher and it is kind of sorted out. The year before I had the same kind of trouble with different people while waiting at the bus stop.
The year before that a girl in my year took my phone, isolated me from my friends and made me feel bad about myself but she moved schools after that year.

The years before that people took advantage of how trusting I was and borrowed money from me and never gave it back. Whatever I do at school I seem to have problems with this and I don't make myself a target or anything, I'm pretty well liked at school, I was a prefect last year when that happened. I have never hit anyone who has made fun of me though because that would get me into huge trouble but I would if I had to.

I suffer from a lot of stress and I came here looking for answers but one of the best things that I have received from everyone on this website is understanding. I am a new member and I am intending to stick around now. :) My next question would be is does anyone know what the health services can do for me because I'll be 18 next month if I ever get an official diagnosis of aspergers? Do people 18 or over get offered any sort of help for disabilities? (I live in Ireland)

This last question might seem a little random but I was wondering if it was anything to do with aspergers; when someone is physically talking behind my back or is anywhere near my back my spine starts to tingle and hurt a lot. It can make me hunch over or sit down.



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15 Jul 2011, 3:41 pm

NicoleR wrote:
. . . This last question might seem a little random but I was wondering if it was anything to do with aspergers; when someone is physically talking behind my back or is anywhere near my back my spine starts to tingle and hurt a lot. It can make me hunch over or sit down.

I know parts of my body such as my shoulder, side, abdomen can become "sensitized" either in a bad way through worrying about them or in a good way if there's been a good and respectful touch.

Too many conversations at once, past a certain point both time and quantity, can overwhelm me. And it bothers me if it is a mean-spirited conversation, even if I'm not the recipient. And often (usually) there's nothing I can do. That part bothers me, too.