this life is starting to feel like a trap

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just tried to tell my mom i think i have aspergers and that i feel it might be the reason i cant connect and get a job. it turned out to be one of the most awkward conversation i have ever initiated. not only did she disregard what i said about apergers i think she gets the impression i making it up and that i dont have self confidence(when in actuality i think i have loads) and thats why i cant socialize i feel like im stuck in a trap how can a aspie even survive in a world make by and for NTs its so f****n unfair.

I don't really have any advice but I know how you feel (knowing somebody knows how you feel still may help). And life is difficult for anyone, so it's extra difficult for Aspies. I am fed up with living in a world that is built for NTs. Thousands of PEOPLE where ever you go, horrible loud noises where ever you go, it's a complete nightmare. And I can't cover my ears at noise because people have to then look at me and I don't like that either. It's a vicious circle. Why can't people just live and let live? Why do they have to look if you're harmlessly doing something a teeny bit different that's not even that weird? I'm fed up with it.

And I've been on job-seekers 3 years now and still can't find anywhere because employers don't want to pay someone who can't say boo to a goose. Every single job advertisement says ''must have excellent communication skills'', and I think putting things like that is offensive to shy people. I really wish - so much - that I was born with that social knack. I really do. Yes, life is hard for everyone, but having a social knack makes things a little easier when you're not bright enough to excel in life, like me. I just wish I was NT. Ohh, why wasn't I born NT?! What was going on in my mum's womb when my brain was forming?! Why didn't it just wire the ''NT way'' instead of the ''Aspie way''?! Why oh why oh why?! Why has it always got to be ME all the time! Why do people say how wonderful AS is when it clearly isn't wonderful?! What's so wonderful about struggling in social situations? What's so wonderful about noticing a few details? What's so wonderful about having your nerves shattered at loud noises? What's so wonderful about walking out in the street giving off this nasty vibes and having everyone laugh at you? What's so wonderful about being bullied through school? What's so wonderful about having kids who are going to go through exactly the same hell as you've been through? What's so wonderful about having anxiety and depression issues, plus lots and lots of other co-morbid disorders on top of a social disorder? What's so wonderful about having a big head? What's so wonderful about having stiffly and hunched? What's so wonderful about basing your whole life round a special interest 'cos it's the only thing to keep you going? What's so wonderful about having manic temper tantrums that wake the dead and worry the neighbours? What's so wonderful about doing and saying inappropriate things all the time? What's so wonderful about being different when there are too many NTs around us? Fine if you're not built to be aware, but when you're self-aware yet clueless of how to be normal, it's f*****g hard!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

What I find crazy are those people advertising that a job is on offer that might mean being stuck on your own in a back warehouse yet always claim to want a "team player"

When did actually having the ability to motivate yourself on your own become such a bad trait?

Next interview I am lucky to get, I might actually call them on that...

I know what you mean about being misunderstood.

Are you in school? There may be a counselor you can talk to.

And, Spearhawke, "team player" basically means "willing to bow and scrape to a micromanaging tyrant of a boss".

I am always told that I am a hypochondriac whenever I am sick because I suffer from allergies, lack of initiative, and get sinus infections often. When I came out as transsexual, my mother denied it and said that I feel feminine because my dad was too busy helping me keep my freedom in the navy... although I had 3 older brothers that would make me feel more masculine.