Do you have homicidal thoughts?

Post Reply New Topic

Here's that episode I mentioned above. It has two stories going back and forth though. I didn't watch it again, I just found it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq8QALxVhSU

I have gotten violent thoughts before. I tend to get them when I get frustrated or upset. I used to have them all the time. Now I sometimes get them.

So, today while riding on the bus towards school, I was pretty calm and as a way of keeping myself entertained, I'd imagine rotating blades of various sizes cutting the edges and center of the grassy lawns and fields the bus passed by as a way of keeping the grass trimmed (My current job is a lawn mower person, so my imagination leans in that way). Then, my thoughts turned to the idea of what if we made a really huge, quickly rotating blade and put it in a field with a large group of people and then proceeded to "mow" down the group of humans? I realized that the group would start to disperse, so I thought of a particular mowing pattern that would sweep from side to side that would kill them all.

A cat then came within view and I imagined the cat becoming instantly decapitated and its limbs being disconnected from its body, with fountains of blood gushing from each opening.

Are these homicidal thoughts or are they just simply a dark imagination? Note, I'm not actually planning on taking a rotating blade and send it careening through a group of people, it's just something my imagination thinks up for self-entertainment.

Back when I was in high school, my shrink blamed all this on AS and he blamed other things on it too like my thoughts of wanting to shop lift because I don't like the price of the item and I want it. But what stops me from doing them is knowing the consequences for my actions.

Sometimes I wonder if he actually knew much about AS.

I am horrified by all violent crimes, and when I read about a violent crime in a novel I have to spend a long time convincing myself it's not real so I can get over it. Still, I have constant visions of myself doing terrible things to other people, and they horrify me. I love target shooting, but I get scared to hold the gun because I'm terrified I might hurt someone, and I don't want to because I love. I never have these thoughts when I'm angry, and a lot of times, I am positive I won't lose control, but sometimes I get really scared. I also sometimes have visions of myself kissing people who I find repulsive. Also, I get scared of other people doing bad things to me. I'm afraid to tell my psychiatrist about these thoughts because I'm scared he'll put me in an institution for a long time or put me on a bunch of new medicine with bad side effects.

I also have a problem where I always have to check several times before I turn on the washing machine, dryer, or dishwasher to make sure there's no cat in it. I have a hard time stopping myself. I won't even go into the complex system I have regarding my breathing, because it would take too long. Basically, I can only breathe under certain circumstances, and if those circumstances are not met, I can't breathe, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes, the world starts to go black when this happens for too long. A lot of times, I have to run to an area where these circumstances are met so I can breathe.

Could I have OCD? Should I tell my psychiatrist about it, or is it too dangerous?

Occasional thoughts along those lines may be typical responses to being bullied, but obsessing over them is not typical of AS at all. That is more OCD, not AS.

@ The OP: Yes, random thoughts like that have passed through my mind on occasion, even toward people I have liked and loved. Random flashes like that can happen to almost anyone. It's what you do with them that matters, no so much that they happen. As you say, "it doesn't make sense at all because you like the person and you'd never hurt anyone." That tells me you're perfectly fine, because you know it's nonsense, and you wouldn't do it.

Just leave the thought behind and move on. The brain is a funny organ, and often does things that surprise and even frighten us. It's what you DO with the thoughts that matters most. Not the thoughts themselves.

Kicking myself for not thinking of this in my last post.

What are you "feeding your brain" lately? What kind of movies have you been watching, or books have you been reading? The brain does tend to flash things back that you've been feeding it. You might want to think about feeding it something different. Something healthier than you have been.

I only have homicidal thoughts when they are reasonable because someone is being a complete jerk. I do sometimes get random thoughts that don't relate to what I was thinking about, but they are random thoughts, not random compulsions to act illogically.

Thanks to all who responded! I'm eager to hear more insights or opinions!

The mind of an Aspie is a cold dark world. An Aspie may experience unfulfilled life missing out on the normal steps of a normal vanilla life. He/she will find it hard to fit in this world because they have suffered humiliation, embarrassment through out their entire life.
Aspies are part Autistic and part of a variety of disorders including: anti-social personality disorder, schizoids/schizophrenia, depression, social anxiety disorder.

Inside every human being is the primitive urge to kill or to commit violence. Maybe Aspies are more prone to violence due to the suffering they have endured during their childhood. Aspies are usually passive-aggressive- they can be quiet most of the time but they may explode by a triggering crisis/event.

It would be interesting to know whether Aspies are more prone to homicidal or suicidal acts than the non-Aspie population.

Yeah unfortunatly I do....I doubt I would act on any of them, unless it was nessisary in the case of self defense but it still bothers me.

We have Good Aspies and we have Bad Aspies.

Child killers, serial killers and most of the terrorists possibly Bad Aspies who acted upon their primitive violent impulses. Bad Aspies are cold calculating ruthless individuals who show no empathy or remorse for their criminal behaviour.

Thankfully there are a majority of Good Aspies who do not act upon homicidal thoughts. The minority of Bad Aspies who act upon their violent impulses are monsters..

Actually never. Even when I was being bullied, I internalized the anger and turned it into self-hatred. I'm the kind of person who apologizes to roaches after I kill them.

It's been studied. We are more likely to die by suicide, more likely to die by homicide, and less likely to commit murder than NTs.

Can you stop being emo, though? Who says we want a normal life? Who says we care about what people think of us? Yes, we have problems related to autism; but why are our problems so much worse than everybody else's just because they're disability-related? I mean... seriously. Autism IS my normal. Maybe you're going through a tough time right now, but "cold dark world" is just a little... uhmm.... overdramatic. It's a totally sweeping statement, and it's untrue because it implies everybody rejects us, everybody hates us, we can't ever be happy... and that's utter BS. (Besides, it's more of a noisy, hot, chaotic, overwhelming world than a cold, dark one.)

Aspies are all, not just partly, autistic. Antisocial personality disorder, schiozphrenia, depression, and social anxiety disorder are all unrelated to autism.

As for humans naturally having the urge to kill... I doubt it. I mean, if cornered, every human is probably capable of hitting somebody or biting to get away; but actually being seriously capable of killing another human being is pretty rare. Apparently, they have to teach soldiers that it's okay to fire at the enemy during training. It used to be even worse in the past when combat was more up-close and personal; when a guy could clearly see that he was shooting at another human being, he often couldn't pull the trigger.

Yeah, human beings can kill. We do have that choice. But the vast majority of us would have to be in very specific circumstances--defending our families, defending ourselves, usually--to break down the very strong barriers that lead us to instinctively not want to kill anyone. I'm sure almost everybody on the planet has daydreamed about killing someone; but it's a huge step between that and the action, and it's a step very few people take. Strange but true: Thinking about killing somebody is normal.

The Aspies I know will generally tell you straight if they are annoyed with you, and don't tend to be very passive-aggressive at all. They just can't hide their annoyance and pretend everything is okay. If they don't like you, you know about it. I have heard of a few who will try not to retaliate for a while, and then when they've had enough their self-control breaks and they start hitting people--but that is exclusively in situations where they're being bullied or mistreated. I think an NT would do the same.

Everyone has intrusive or unwanted thoughts of some kind. fact !, they only become OCD when they become so significant that you do a compusion to try and relieve the anxiety caused by the thoughts and this becomes cyclical and the compulsions make the anxiety worse and so you need to do the compusion more and more (Mental or physical) more which in turn increases the prevelence of the thought OCD is defined by these signifantly effecting your quality of life... People with aspergers are a lot more prone to OCD because of obsessive thinking patterns and i have been diognosed and have done CBT to rid me of it which worked really well ... its a terrifying disorder ...

I used to imagine a unicorn running next to the bus when I was in grade school and maybe a bit older. I don't do that now.

That lawnmower thing sounds like a good idea for Saw 8 if they ever make one.



I'd say a dark imagination. I think all kinds of weird twisted things but that doesn't mean I'd ever do any of them. It's just entertaining to think about. I think a lot of nts seem to think that thinking automatically lead to doing which is why so many thoughts are so disturbing to them.