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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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14 Jan 2013, 9:18 am

I realized I have Asperger's Syndrome just recently and what's more - I realized I don't know normal world and I don't know normal(typical) people. My both parents and sister have it. Grandmother with whom I used to spend my summers had it. My husband and in-laws have it. My husband's father's family have it. My two girlfriends have it. All the people with whom I had weird interactions had it. All people that I liked and felt sympathetic towards had it. I lived my whole life among Aspies pretending to be normal!

How many people are there who pretend to be normal but actually are clearly not and won't admit it?

What hurts the most is that we all are the same and we could live nicely with each other, understanding each other. What we all actually did and do - pretend to be normal and request to be normal from each other. What a circus! I am so tired of this kind of life but I don't know how to tell them. Females won't react nicely. They all live in self-delusion that they are normal and would react in a hostile manner to the truth that they are actually not normal. Males seem to be comfortable of who they are but females like to fool themselves, deny reality and act hostile when you burst their perfect buble.

I am trying to get used to the idea myself. I lived in self-delusion that I am normal expressing sympathies to Aspies... Now I am one of them... I have a truly hard time accepting that I will never belong in this World....



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14 Jan 2013, 9:32 am

Were all those people diagnosed? I know that there is a genetic connection with autism, but that is remarkable. I'm not sure how many people have it and hide it, or simply don't realize they have it to begin with, but I imagine it's much fewer than in your experience.



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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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14 Jan 2013, 9:45 am

In the country where I come from and in the country from which my husband is Asperger's doesn't exist. There is no literature and no awareness about it. So they weren't diagnosed. But after reading articles, perasonal experiences, literature... now everything makes sense to me... all those people are explained to the T.

I was always obsessed with searching what is wrong with me, comparing myself with others and seeking out people who are like me. After reading a lot about Asperger's, I finally can understand what is it that I saw in myself and all these people around me but couldn't name it.



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14 Jan 2013, 10:05 am

Autistic traits are indeed common in all people. We just have more of them.



Chloe33
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14 Jan 2013, 10:09 am

Arrow wrote:
I realized I have Asperger's Syndrome just recently and what's more - I realized I don't know normal world and I don't know normal(typical) people. My both parents and sister have it. Grandmother with whom I used to spend my summers had it. My husband and in-laws have it. My husband's father's family have it. My two girlfriends have it. All the people with whom I had weird interactions had it. All people that I liked and felt sympathetic towards had it. I lived my whole life among Aspies pretending to be normal!

How many people are there who pretend to be normal but actually are clearly not and won't admit it?

What hurts the most is that we all are the same and we could live nicely with each other, understanding each other. What we all actually did and do - pretend to be normal and request to be normal from each other. What a circus! I am so tired of this kind of life but I don't know how to tell them. Females won't react nicely. They all live in self-delusion that they are normal and would react in a hostile manner to the truth that they are actually not normal. Males seem to be comfortable of who they are but females like to fool themselves, deny reality and act hostile when you burst their perfect buble.

I am trying to get used to the idea myself. I lived in self-delusion that I am normal expressing sympathies to Aspies... Now I am one of them... I have a truly hard time accepting that I will never belong in this World....


That is soooo many people with Aspergers, wow... it just seems like so many, with out a diagnosis....
I know of 1 diagnosed and 1 non-diagnosed.

It is unusual and sad that you know so many Aspies who fake being normal. There's no point to faking normal. It is sad if people feel the need to do so in fears of keeping a job, or losing friends. True friends do not judge other friends.

What if your family actually acts what is normal to them? and they aren't "faking" to hide their Aspergers?

What do you mean by the females denying reality and acting hostile? Do they have a diagnosis and are in denial of that? Are they in denial and won't even go to a doctor?
Sometimes we can't change people, they need to want to change themselves, even if it seems like the change would help them. They have to want it.

I would think at least your husband and your friends would be open about having Aspergers if they have it...



GhostsInTheWallpaper
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14 Jan 2013, 10:24 am

Autism of any kind is thought to affect about 1 in 100 people, but a larger percentage may belong to the so-called Broad Autistic Phenotype (BAP), which includes people with temperamental quirks or other neuro-psychological conditions that resemble the traits of autism but who do not have the full set of autistic challenges. Having had trouble learning social skills as a kid without any other autistic traits, I would be in this category. Perhaps some of the people around you whom you see as "Aspies" are on this broader autistic phenotype as well - my Aspie ex-boyfriend and many others in my life have wondered if I'm on the spectrum.

And I don't think evolution toward "normalcy" (which is really just a behavior code) is always tragic "pretending," or rather, in a way everyone is pretending because normalcy is little more than a behavior code in the end, but many people try and succeed to varying degrees to learn this behavior code to make their social lives easier.

And it may be true that women in many cases will try harder to achieve the "normal" behavior code, but that's because we experience a lot of pressure from the outside to have good social skills. It's not about denying reality, it's about trying to meet the demands placed on us by our gender role.

As for you knowing so many people with Aspie-like traits, I think people on the broader autistic phenotype, including actual autistic people, tend to be drawn to each other because they know they're different in a similar way. The rest of my family has relatively few autistic-like traits, but I made a relatively good friend with NLD (an Asperger's like syndrome with social problems plus visual-spatial and motor problems) in college, and my serious boyfriends have been an Aspie and an OCDer, respectively.


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Arrow
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14 Jan 2013, 11:22 am

Chloe33 wrote:
What if your family actually acts what is normal to them? and they aren't "faking" to hide their Aspergers?

What do you mean by the females denying reality and acting hostile? Do they have a diagnosis and are in denial of that? Are they in denial and won't even go to a doctor?
I would think at least your husband and your friends would be open about having Aspergers if they have it...


In my country Asperger's does not exist as a diagnosis. There is no literature or any awareness about it. A lot of aspies struggle to survive without knowing what's wrong or why they feel like strangers in this world... So the act of pretending is the only option here...

GhostsInTheWallpaper wrote:
but a larger percentage may belong to the so-called Broad Autistic Phenotype (BAP), which includes people with temperamental quirks or other neuro-psychological conditions that resemble the traits of autism but who do not have the full set of autistic challenges.

And it may be true that women in many cases will try harder to achieve the "normal" behavior code, but that's because we experience a lot of pressure from the outside to have good social skills. It's not about denying reality, it's about trying to meet the demands placed on us by our gender role.


Now I wonder if I can tell the difference between the phenotype and the real problem :S I don't know what's normal or not normal anymore.
Yes, females are certainly much more pressured... I noticed this in every day life and gave myself a promise I will rebel those expectations.



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14 Jan 2013, 2:37 pm

Arrow wrote:
How many people are there who pretend to be normal but actually are clearly not and won't admit it?

If someone actually had Asperger's, it would be hard for them hiding it. Even if they will put much effort in it, their quirks are going to come out every now and then.

Arrow wrote:
Females won't react nicely. They all live in self-delusion that they are normal and would react in a hostile manner to the truth that they are actually not normal. Males seem to be comfortable of who they are but females like to fool themselves, deny reality and act hostile when you burst their perfect buble.

You shouldn't generalize. I am a female, have Asperger's and ADHD, and I'm not frustrated from it. Sure, my life is difficult at times, but I don't feel worse than others, I don't have a low self-esteem, and I accept those two conditions. Even if I didn't accept it, what would be the point of it? It wouldn't change anything. This is the thing I understand less of other females.



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14 Jan 2013, 2:45 pm

It depends on where you live
aspies migrate and shift to aspie friendly countries and/or suburbs

San Francisco in the 70's would have aspies flocking there
The beach community I have recently befriended is highly NT
And full of young families.....

We dont like your type around here



Arathor
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14 Jan 2013, 3:23 pm

I think that mild forms of Autism are much much more common than we think, but don't get picked up on for obvious reasons.



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14 Jan 2013, 10:02 pm

I dont believe the original post.

That anyone, even a young person, could have a grandparent who was offically diagnosed with aspergers is simply not credible (unless MAYBE if they lived in Austria). Okay people may age, who are old enough to be grandparents, do get dx'd late in life. But there is no way that you had grandparents who knew they were aspies while you were growing up because it was not recognized as a disorder in most countries until the turn of the 21st centurey.

That you have family members with some aspie traits, and few other full blown aspies in your extended family is plausible. But its not believeable that every single parent/sibling/cousin etc in your family is a full blown officially diagnosed aspie.

We only make up like one percent of the population.

I tended to bond with deviant individuals as friends growing up. But rarely meet fellow aspies. And people I bond with tend to be very opposite of aspie- out going and very NT, or ADHD. Even if an aspie meets the rare other aspie- they both tend to not go out of their way to make friends with the other.



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15 Jan 2013, 1:31 pm

naturalplastic wrote:

I tended to bond with deviant individuals as friends growing up. But rarely meet fellow aspies. And people I bond with tend to be very opposite of aspie- out going and very NT, or ADHD. Even if an aspie meets the rare other aspie- they both tend to not go out of their way to make friends with the other.


its odd that PDDers and us do match up, yet a direct aspie/aspie meeting falls flat
I suppose just like with NT's, initially like can repel like, and attract the opposite types too.....

I think 1% is too conservative now, officially its 1/88 but I believe it to be less than 1/40 in most Caucasian societies



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15 Jan 2013, 1:35 pm

Surfman wrote:
its odd that PDDers and us do match up, yet a direct aspie/aspie meeting falls flat
I suppose just like with NT's, initially like can repel like, and attract the opposite types too.....


I suspect the percieved "Aspie/Aspie" issue has more to do with the usual meeting circumstances of two open Aspies....either at a "meet-up", where there is already a social awkwardness, or in some form of forced meeting.

Silicon Valley does'nt seem to have a problem with the idea.


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15 Jan 2013, 1:48 pm

Arrow wrote:
I realized I have Asperger's Syndrome just recently and what's more - I realized I don't know normal world and I don't know normal(typical) people. My both parents and sister have it. Grandmother with whom I used to spend my summers had it. My husband and in-laws have it. My husband's father's family have it. My two girlfriends have it. All the people with whom I had weird interactions had it. All people that I liked and felt sympathetic towards had it. I lived my whole life among Aspies pretending to be normal!

How many people are there who pretend to be normal but actually are clearly not and won't admit it?

What hurts the most is that we all are the same and we could live nicely with each other, understanding each other. What we all actually did and do - pretend to be normal and request to be normal from each other. What a circus! I am so tired of this kind of life but I don't know how to tell them. Females won't react nicely. They all live in self-delusion that they are normal and would react in a hostile manner to the truth that they are actually not normal. Males seem to be comfortable of who they are but females like to fool themselves, deny reality and act hostile when you burst their perfect buble.

I am trying to get used to the idea myself. I lived in self-delusion that I am normal expressing sympathies to Aspies... Now I am one of them... I have a truly hard time accepting that I will never belong in this World....


Hmm not sure that actually does apply to all females, I certainly don't think I'm normal that would actaully make me pretty oblivious...and what perfect bubble I wouldn't want a bubble since it would end up more like a wall. Also you belong in the world just fine its more society that would make the differences autism causes an issue.


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15 Jan 2013, 1:48 pm

AgentPalpatine wrote:
Surfman wrote:
its odd that PDDers and us do match up, yet a direct aspie/aspie meeting falls flat
I suppose just like with NT's, initially like can repel like, and attract the opposite types too.....


I suspect the percieved "Aspie/Aspie" issue has more to do with the usual meeting circumstances of two open Aspies....either at a "meet-up", where there is already a social awkwardness, or in some form of forced meeting.

Silicon Valley does'nt seem to have a problem with the idea.


The perception may have have reason in that:
2 aspies dual lack of recipricatary behaviours may stimy a relationship at possible conception or prevent adequate maintenance of a possible viable bond



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15 Jan 2013, 2:25 pm

I can't hide my autism. I just can't. I'm not capable. I never have been capable of hiding it, even if i thought i might appear NT, people
actually realize that "something is off" about me. I am not "all there" and other types of ways they put it.

This is why it is hard for me when people say they hide it.
I understand that the individuals or people may actually believe that they really are hiding it, however NTs notice that there is something
different about them. Some NTs may make a comment, others will not comment. It's rude of strangers to comment on individuals who are "different" so they usually don't. (i am referring to adult).

When i was a child other children noticed i was "different, weird, odd" and made fun of me. They couldn't explain why they just knew i was different.

To myself, i have always been me, my "normal self. I am who i am... no point in hiding it. :D