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KingExplosionMurder
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11 Jul 2018, 10:10 pm

I suspect that i am autistic, and have for a while now. I am a 15 year old female (turning 16 next week) and recently, I have been looking back at the struggles I have faced all my life and really believe it may be autism/aspergers.

As a child, I’d say I was pretty friendly, but very loud and did not stop talking. I liked girly things, but loved nagure, bugs, and animals and would always go outside to observe nature. At a young age I was VERY interesting in surgeries and would watch them with my mom. I was (and still am) very straightforward, opinionated, and talked incessantly about my interests. And this is the way I tried making friends, since I did not know how to otherwise. I had some friends growing up since I was friendly, but they would often make fun of and take advantage of me. Later on in childhood and adolescence this lead people to bully and taking advantage of me for being “annoying” and “stupid” because I couldn’t tell when people were being mean or sarcastic (or why) and I can’t tell when people are not interested in what I’m taking about. It became very apparent as I got older that something was different, that I wasn’t communicating like everyone else was. And despite these problems, it went unnoticed because I mimicked the behavior of other girls to try and fit in. And it worked for a while: I gained some friends, every though most of them were really mean. I always relates more to the misunderstood kids.
Growing up, I remember having a lot of sensory problems. I would scream and cry and flail my arms when I would wear certain fabrics. (I COULD NOT WEAR JEANS, it was that bad.) loud noises overwhelm me, and I had a very acute sense of smell (still do. It’s kind of a gift and a curse.) I have had these issues my whole life and thought they were normal until recently. Sorry if I don’t make much sense as I have trouble putting my thoughts into words. I can recall having episodes that may have been shutdowns and meltdowns since I was young, as well as experiencing sensory overload. I pace a lot, and as a kid I would walk on my top toes and bounce on my feet. I would rub my hands, jiggle my leg, bite my lips and hands and rock when I was upset and swing my hair and shake my hands as well. I echo people (which was mistook for mocking and still is) and randomly quote my interests from word association, even if what I heard or saw doesn’t have anything to do with my interest. I still do these things. But it seemed to be subtle enough to not draw any attention from teachers and adults.
Fast forward to middle school. I was very angry and confused and overwhelmed, and traumatized from bullying. I started to develop selective mutism as well as more serious anxiety issues. I would have a lot of episodes where I would scream and throw things and hit myself and bite myself when I was alone. This was a very low point for me. I also struggled with an abusive relationship and mentally abusive mother. Throughout middle school i dealt with self harm. despite all of this I had a small circle of friends I met that later grew quite big and a bit overwhelming. Most of us don’t talk anymore though.
As of current, I still have selective mutism, I have friends who understand and accept me, and I am tryin to not pretend to be normal anymore. the more I look into autism the more sense it makes. There is a lot more that I have experienced but this is already too long. If you had the patience to read this, do you think it is worth pursuing an evaluation? It is something I am able to do but I am still unsure.



LoneLoyalWolf
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12 Jul 2018, 12:05 am

What you share sounds like ASD to me. The self-harm part raises alarms for me though. When getting a diagnosis often when you talk about self-harm, they think of borderline instead of ASD. With females this happens a lot unfortunately. A few females I knew had this happen.

Hopefully, they look further and see the other details you mention because those are not borderline related at all. A good psychiatrist should easily spot it.

I firmly believe that the details you share have to do with ASD and I would go further with it. Some people don't mention the self-harm. If you don't do it often, maybe that's a good thing, but it's good to be honest of course.

Good luck!


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Aavikkorotta
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12 Jul 2018, 1:02 am

I agree that your description fits the autism spectrum well.

Welcome.


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ASPartOfMe
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12 Jul 2018, 4:39 am

Based on what you have written you probably should persue a diagnosis. Autistic people often have cooccuring conditions such as depression which is a very common.


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KingExplosionMurder
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12 Jul 2018, 7:49 pm

I don’t know how to or if I can reply to comments, but thank you. I have heard it is more difficult for females to be correctly diagnosed, so I will probably leave out my struggle with self harm (I don’t do it anymore, so it’s not really an issue currently) thank you for replying to my post, it’s helpful to get an outside opinion.