how do you fix things with others after meltdowns?

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langers
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01 Mar 2012, 6:48 pm

Today I walked into a class in college and the teacher gave a bonus quiz but started it before class (before I even got there). as I was writing the answer he called out "This is the last one I am accepting" so I could not turn mine in. I was already quite flustered by the hundred mile an hour, unexpected start to the class, I was shaking and things were not making sense. this last insult was too much!! !! !! !! ! My brain left the scene of the crime so to speak. I could not speak or stand or understand, the world imploded on me. As a last ditch effort to retain something I crumpled up the paper and through it down as if I could put this feeling in that paper and rid myself of it. I saw the professor come to me, he said something I could not quite make sense of, I think it was something like you cannot express anger in the class room. I could not form words except "I can't do it" I think I meant I could not do ANYTHING, If he had asked me to leave I would not have been capable. The person next to me said something I could not understand and I went in and out of a kind of state of catatonia and crying. I also remember pushing my hat down tight to my face and covering my ears when the professor tried to talk to me. The class went on around me and I think everyone did the best they could to ignore me or I was so close to catatonic that they could not see that I was completely losing it. For the rest of the day I was confused and crying off and on. I am totally mortified!! ! I bet that the professor thinks I am insane and disruptive. I am so sorry, If I could make it not have happened I would. This is really the first time I have had a melt down public and in college, I have had this happen before but it was never so public. How do I make it right? How do I make sure that the people I respect don't misinterpret what happened as something I did on purpose or as some indication as how I feel about them?


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ghostar
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01 Mar 2012, 6:57 pm

Go talk to that professor about what caused the meltdown as soon as he will meet with you. He might be pretty understanding or he might be a dick but you have to try.

With regard to the students, just continue to be a good student and keep going to your same study groups and pretend nothing happened unless someone expresses interest. Then I would tell them the truth.

You would be surprised how many college students that aren't Aspie like us experience meltdowns i.e. panic attacks and have to have medications on hand to deal with them.



langers
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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01 Mar 2012, 7:17 pm

thanks that is helpful, luckily there is a girl in the class who saw that I was in trouble and seemed to sense that I could not be talked to or touched, she kind of looked out for me, I found out afterwards. She even took notes for me so that I did not miss out on as much as I might have. People like that really make the world go round, NT or Aspie we all need people like that. Even if things aren't fixed or the prof. seriously has a problem with me at least I know somebody who cares and is willing to help :)



MrXxx
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01 Mar 2012, 7:33 pm

What ghostar said.

Also, in the future you may want to keep in mind that quizzes don't usually count for much of your grade. You could skip an entire quiz and not affect your grade much at all. The trade off of ignoring it versus having a meltdown might be worth it.

It may help to keep something in mind one of my college instructors asked me when I started getting concerned about my grade in his class:

Question "What do you call a doctor who got a C average in college?"

Answer: "Doctor."


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ghostar
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01 Mar 2012, 9:48 pm

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! !! ! Earlier I saw your age was 30 and just now noticed that it is 31. Too bad this happened during your bday week but make the best of it anyway. :D



Callista
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01 Mar 2012, 9:55 pm

Yeah, the prof probably deserves an explanation. You won't get to re-take the quiz, most likely, because you have already seen the question; but it is just a quiz and they're not usually worth much.

Do you get help from the disability office at school? Maybe they would have advice for you on what to do when your brain "checks out" during class.


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mglosenger
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01 Mar 2012, 10:56 pm

You could apologize for the anger.. you don't have to apologize for not enjoying his early quiz, just the part where you got overly angry



langers
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02 Mar 2012, 7:55 am

Thanks! I forgot it was my b-day at least that is something good to think about and to the other response, it was not really anger at all it was more of a terrifying attempt to hide the fact that the sudden stop to the rushed activity made my brain kind of skip a gear and I lost most if not all cognitive function. Coming out of something like that is exactly the same feeling I have had after gran-Mal seizures, so I don't really feel like it is in exactly the same category as a bad temper moment but I still feel remorse that it happened at all.

And ha,ha I love the doc remark how perfect! Thanks!