Parents in denial

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My parents are absolutely convinced I don't have an ASD, although occasionally concede I might have extremely mild aspergers. This is not the case; I have at least moderate aspergers, possible more. I also have mild OCD and severe face blindness.

My symptoms are: social impairment: I can't read eyes or faces at all well, and can only read very obvious physical gestures and behaviours. I interpret everything literally as well, which can be an issue in conversation. I get frequently overwhelmed by sensory input. I have been obsessed with astrophysics and cosmology, and have a large capacity to store information about that subject, and also about other things that have interested me. I'm incredibly awkward in social situations, due to poor social skills and frequent sensory overload, and either get accused of staring or not looking. I pace, rock (yes I know its stereotypical, and I didn't even realise I had that trait until I just noticed one day it was an extremely common behaviour of mine) and several other traits. I'm really good at maths, prefer computers to humans, have an intense dislike of talking although my speech is fine. And I just feel incredibly different from others, uninterested in the small talk and casual world people seem to exist solely in, and interested in science and patterns, and I don't seem to have the 'friendship urge'.

How do they think I'm NT, and how to I explain things to them. I wish I'd never told them, and just looked for a diagnosis after leaving home...

Your symptoms are similar to mine though I have other symptoms as well and different stims and obsessions.
I knew my parents wouldnt see it (Ive got this far without them wondering if Im anything other than NT), and have experienced thier dislike of diagnosis' previosly so havnt brought it up with them. I think my parents have a fairly extreme view of ASD, that doesnt reflect reality. If they understood AS better there might be a chance they would see it in me. They dont see or experience the extent of the problems I have and being my parents have a biased opinion of my abilities and dont notice some things that others see. Even things such as sensory difficulties that I am very open about they struggle to accept or understand, like critical questioning when I where sunglasses indoors. Oddly, they accept other things like not wanting hugs and not liking being around people my age as if it were totally normal.

Good luck with your parents. I would be interested to know if/how you get through to them.

Hm... I don't mind hugs. Hate kisses. And towels.

I'll update if I do something that helps.

It's like that with my sister whom I now live with. My mum just got sick of me even though she believed I'm autistic. My sister doesn't like labels and might be on the spectrum herself. Her dislike of change and constant need to clean. She says it's OCD but I've never seen her do any rituals. Funny how she can deny one disorder and say she has another without being diagnosed.

I have severe sensory issues. I will become disorientated and start hallucinating (derealisation) just from walking outside my door and down my street. I have to wear sunglasses so I don't get migraines. My energy levels are really sparse too especially when it comes to being around people. I think it's because my medication makes me more social and have less sensory issues that she thinks I'm ok. It only delays my overload though.
I also make very few meals and panic if I try to make something different. I have a strong dislike of change and get angry at people for not knowing it. I get really emotionally unstable around the time and all I can do is blame others, I'm not thinking clearly.
I'm on disability too. I can't function without a routine.

But to others I just look normal. I've even been told by my psychiatrist I have slight Asperger's. Slight? I can get deeply into an interest that I forget that I live with three people. I forget about appointments and eating and the only thing at that moment that matters to me are my interests, which often includes astronomy but for the most part is about science fiction and I'm trying to write my own sci-fi series. Ia ctually only started to socialise again for research ("how would a group of young NT's have a conversation? Oh wait, I'll just hang out with them and pick up on the language.")

Honestly, I think you may have to wait the one year first until you're legal.

I can tell you this, they will probably not accept it until you force them to. People will concur only if they can bear to. (yes, this does include parents) The best advice I was given on this issue by an awesome lady was the following:

"If you make it clear that they don't get to have you unless that condition of yours is met (cause either it's you they accept or some non-existent version in their heads), THEN is when they'll roll over and play ball.

Some people only act if and when they really, really have to.

Of course, you don't have to be that drastic. You can do it in baby steps... e.g. every time they refuse to acknowledge your AS in relation to some issue/event, say, 'Right!... in that case, I'm off!' and leave immediately. And then keep it up even if thereafter, they decide to simply say nothing at all to play safe."

I would advise baby steps until you get out of the house. Then get yourself diagnosed. Then implement big steps if they still won't accept you on your terms.

Some time after I had found out about Asperger's and realized that was me, my older sister told me that she had come across some info about it, and thought that I had it. I told her about my own discoveries in that area, and we have been able to talk about it without problems. She took the same online test I had taken. Although she is not Aspy she tested as having some traits, without being on the spectrum.

I did at one point try to discuss my Asperger's with my father, but he didn't want to hear it, so I let it go at the time, but I may have to bring it up again, as it does effect my life. I live alone but we do visit during the warm months. In the cold months he and my step mom live in Florida. When my father does come over he gives me a hard time about how I keep the place up, but I am not good at keeping up with things, partly due to my Asperger's and partly due to my other health issues, so his visits tend to stress me out. On the other hand I don't want anyone coming over to help me to stuff I can technically do myself, and get stressed if anyone suggests it. That is definitely my Asperger's acting up. The thing is that my home is a haven from the world, and I can't stand other people fussing and cleaning up my own messes in my own home. It sends a strong signal of disapproval of me, and I had enough of that in my life. I certainly don't want to put up with that at home.

I do try to get some stuff done, but it is hard to keep up with stuff with my health problems, and my Asperger's tends to distract me from chores in favor of doing stuff of more importance to me. I really think I am going to have to get through to my father about my having Asperger's when he comes up in the spring, though, because I basically had to be rude to my older brother recently when he wanted to come for a visit from out of state. I don't like having people come over with the place so messy, and the only way I could convince my brother not to come over was to be very, very blunt. It hurt his feelings and he complained to our father, who then chewed me out.

I find living in an NT world very difficult.

I'm in my late 40s and probably about the same age as your parents. I grew up thinking someone who's autistic doesn't talk and engages in repetitive movements (I stim privately and also like to talk to myself, generally privately).

It took me maybe three years to move from hearing about Aspergers and thinking, Hey, that's pretty neat, to thinking, Hey, that explains me more than anything else I've ever read about.

Or, act like you're the head of a corporation. If you're thinking about selling a plant, out of courtesy, you might give the plant manager a heads up, but you still make the final decision.

So, once you turn 18, maybe tell your parents you're thinking about getting a diagnosis, or that you went ahead and got a diagnosis. You're making the decisions. You're just letting them know (some) of what's going on in your life.

I talked about it with my mum and she said that not being the norm doesn't mean "there's anything wrong with you" or something along those lines.

I don't think she meant it because she asked me about it again later...

But that is just it. People do not want the stigma. It's just the way people think.

I can understand why parents would be in denial... because there still is a great lack of knowledge.