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bumble
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24 May 2012, 2:46 pm

Anyone else wallop themselves on the head (usually slapping in my case) when they get upset? If so how do you stop yourselves from doing it?

Can this be an NT thing? I am not officially diagnosed with an ASD as my diagnosis is social anxiety.

I really hate when I wallop myself on the head...but I am so upset over multiple things today...everything from the fact that I cannot keep up with my degree due to too many changes in my routine upsetting me combined with not feeling well in general combined with feeling isolated (oddly although I do not always like socialising and I don't always want to interact with people I do like being around other human beings...comfortably doing my own thing but around them all the same....I sometimes feel like the last human alive I spend so much time alone...its hard to explain to people as they expect interaction, but I don't always need to interact, sometimes just the company is nice...me indulging my hobbies them indulging theirs...) but when I do socialise its either a disaster or I cannot cope with the constant need for interaction which gives me a headache and because I get upset because I cannot concentrate on my hobbies (and thats another reason I can't deal with my degree, my focus has changed back to my cross stitching and now that is all my brain wants to do and it is refusing to study due to lack of interest in doing so...just want to stitch really)...,

Plus I don't know how to make friends and how to start conversations with strangers in real life. I can do it online because its text based and when I am not rambling in an upset state I am usually a fairly good writer.

I go to therapy they want to rid me of my routines...I miss them and my world does not feel like my world...its chaos and I don't like chaos.

Sorry rambling...I cannot really explain things in a way people understand though and that is part of my frustration so its does not really help to go talk to someone like my therapist. They don't understand why I need my oddities and routines and my hobby time and why I get so upset without it and why I can't cope with the socialising and yet I can be so lonely it's a nightmare.

I am stuck and I don't seem to be able to get the help I need from anywhere. The feeling ill most days does not help either.

How do you cope when you get upset? I have tried just writing stuff down, breathing exercises, relaxing, etc and nothing works once I go into super upset mode...its like I cannot stop it once it starts. I know I should be yelling at myself and hitting my head but I can't stop it as I seem to have limited control. Yet I cannot discuss this with anyone as they assume i must be dangerous...I am not dangerous. I will not hit anyone else and I may slap myself but do not do myself any last damage (or have not done so yet). Also I do not have a self harm thing going on...I do not like hurting myself and this only happens when I get so horribly upset I cannot deal with all the upsetting feelings not mention my frustration at not being able to get people to understand just how upset I am, why I am upset and why I am having an outburst like I am.

Good job I live alone really as if i had a partner they'd probably have me in the psych ward and that would kill me....I couldn't stand that.

I am all right once the outburst passes and I have recovered from it. I am quite rational, its just during that time I am uber upset yet people think I must have gone mad or lost my mind when really I am upset and having trouble processing that.

Yeah ok, I am rambling on and on here because I am still upset, but still...I'll shut up now and let anyone who is kind enough to reply do so.



Last edited by bumble on 24 May 2012, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rebbieh
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24 May 2012, 2:57 pm

Yes. I bang my head in walls/tables or hit my head with my hands when I'm really annoyed or really anxious. Unfortunately I don't know how to stop it so I can't really give you any advice.



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24 May 2012, 2:59 pm

Been a bit vague about "What caused you to be upset in the first place?".

I normally tap myself on my forehead, when I say something stupid.
& say "Think".
or "What was I thinking".

So you sure your upset.
or upset because of something you did not think about first, before saying?


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Tuttle
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24 May 2012, 3:02 pm

We've had some luck with pushing for hitting to be on legs instead of head.



bumble
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24 May 2012, 3:05 pm

TechnoDog wrote:
Been a bit vague about "What caused you to be upset in the first place?".

I normally tap myself on my forehead, when I say something stupid.
& say "Think".
or "What was I thinking".

So you sure your upset.
or upset because of something you did not think about first, before saying?


I edited!

God I hate having CBT therapy it always makes things worse! So much pressure to be normal, I can't do it....



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24 May 2012, 3:21 pm

I usually smack myself in the head when I'm angry with myself, not with other people. If someone upset me when it wasn't my fault, I wouldn't smack myself in the head. If if I had brought on somebody's negative reaction myself, I would smack myself in the head, even though I act cross with them I'm not really actual cross at them.

When I have outbursts I smack myself in the head too. That's also because I get angry with myself. I don't hit my head as some sort of stim or a habit or anything, I do it because I hate the way my brain is wired and I wish I was normal, so I smack myself to kind of punish my brain for being wired this way.


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2wheels4ever
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24 May 2012, 3:26 pm

OP may want to 'drag the waters' on social anxiety Dx, I see many aspie clues and traits I've recognized in myself.

My search for why I was doing this led me to meltdowns, which led me to Asperger, which led me here

Since I'm currently in a different environment I've noticed the meltdowns for me have diminished. I still get stressed but not to the intensity I was, although that may just be the current depression that is prevailing. But the pattern I can make out so far is triggers+expectations+pressure to perform+frustration and disappointment+no options+1 insignificant failure=meltdown. The last time I had a notable one I went for the abdominal area instead of the head. But yeah these things can be like body surfing at the beach when out of nowhere a rip current hits you and it takes extra time and energy away just to restabilize



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24 May 2012, 3:34 pm

Joe90 wrote:
If I had brought on somebody's negative reaction myself, I would smack myself in the head, even though I act cross with them I'm not really actual cross at them.


Just apologies to them.
& say " I am sorry, I did not mean it in a negative way".
No need to hit yourself.

Joe90 wrote:
When I have outbursts I smack myself in the head too. That's also because I get angry with myself. I don't hit my head as some sort of stim or a habit or anything, I do it because I hate the way my brain is wired and I wish I was normal, so I smack myself to kind of punish my brain for being wired this way.


I am in control of my own thinking.
Stop listening to people, tell you what normal is.
Bet they could not even define normal.
Also bet you could find faults in them, that would make them not normal as they think they are.
say " I don't want to listen to you, if your just going to be negative to me".
Put your hand out in the stop position, at they face.
say "Talk to the hand because the face isn't listening".
Your unique in your own way, embrace it.
Be true to yourself.


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24 May 2012, 3:41 pm

bumble wrote:
How do you cope when you get upset? I have tried just writing stuff down, breathing exercises, relaxing, etc and nothing works once I go into super upset mode...its like I cannot stop it once it starts. I know I should be yelling at myself and hitting my head but I can't stop it as I seem to have limited control.


The only way (that I know of) is not to let yourself get so heavily loaded in the first place and therefore not to start super upset mode. Stop before you are really close to entering that state as the reason why you enter it is because what is going on is cauing too much of a toll on you.

If you feel as if you cannot avoid entering that state of being under too much pressure to be able control yourself any further, there's something going wrong. Sure, you are free to attempt trying to learn to control yourself when you are pushed well beyond your limits (I'm an avid fan of this and it's proving difficult to unlearn this ridiculous conviction) but that's doomed to fail in most cases.

Really, if you figure out a way to recover by will from suffering from something that, with time and "enduring the many smaller things" this build up to this, has gotten massively huge and way more powerful than you, tell me, you'll be like some super-human creature thingy and we might try to copy your awesome super human ways, kay? Okay, seriously, I'm trying to find the most serious and to-the-point way of saying: it isn't possible. It's human (note: other animals are the same) to break down under pressure too heavy to endure.

The loss of control is your body's (including your mind's, of course) way of telling you: okay, you exerted so much control or were forced to exert so much control to cope with what's impossible to cope with for too long, now we ran out of it so no more composure, control and peace for the moment. Like a car running out of fuel, perhaps, albeit I'm not sure about the accuracy of such a simplified comparison because I don't own a car.

We all come with limits attached to our existence as awesome human people and those limits can only be stretched so far but no further, no matter how insistent we are on controlling ourselves and enduring what we were never (by chance, God or what-/whoever) made up to endure. Think of it, conditions like cardiac arrhythmia, strokes and other such (ironically) nice things can be one of the last signals that point out that the body and mind only have as much energy and one has been overdoing it for too long. So better not to let it get to such extremes and accidentally kill yourself off.

Relocating efforts rather than trying to endure everything and pretending one is without limits is the good and non-killing way to go. Which things you do or feel you have to do (perhaps thanks to someone indicating so) are not worth tearing yourself down mentally, causing yourself pain, maybe making yourself ill or "just" feel much worse? Surely, you already have some idea and from your posts on WP, I am fairly confident that you will figure out the rest little by little over the course of the following days, months and/or years. I just don't know whether you can do something about your findings. I always find that to be the most difficult thing, especially if trying to be "normal" has anything to do with the inhumane amount of pressure that doesn't exactly keep one healthy and relaxed day in, day out. Do you think you can change some of whatever stuff is contributing to super upset mode?


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rebbieh
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24 May 2012, 3:45 pm

Joe90 wrote:
When I have outbursts I smack myself in the head too. That's also because I get angry with myself. I don't hit my head as some sort of stim or a habit or anything, I do it because I hate the way my brain is wired and I wish I was normal, so I smack myself to kind of punish my brain for being wired this way.


I don't punish myself for not being "normal", I hit my head because I want the anxiety and all the thoughts to stop. I know hitting doesn't help but I do it anyway. Especially when having a meltdown.



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24 May 2012, 4:02 pm

I smack/slap my head often - palm open - when I'm anxious usually, or annoyed with myself.

Sometimes I go to scratch an itch on my face and end up smacking my face before I deal with the itch. I have no idea why I do this. It's weird and outside my control.

If I am frustrated because I can't get the words out that I want to say I end up hitting my heads with a closed fist (usually palm side facing towards head). This happens a lot at the psychiatrist even when I'm typing.


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bumble
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24 May 2012, 4:30 pm

Sora wrote:
bumble wrote:
How do you cope when you get upset? I have tried just writing stuff down, breathing exercises, relaxing, etc and nothing works once I go into super upset mode...its like I cannot stop it once it starts. I know I should be yelling at myself and hitting my head but I can't stop it as I seem to have limited control.


The only way (that I know of) is not to let yourself get so heavily loaded in the first place and therefore not to start super upset mode. Stop before you are really close to entering that state as the reason why you enter it is because what is going on is cauing too much of a toll on you.

If you feel as if you cannot avoid entering that state of being under too much pressure to be able control yourself any further, there's something going wrong. Sure, you are free to attempt trying to learn to control yourself when you are pushed well beyond your limits (I'm an avid fan of this and it's proving difficult to unlearn this ridiculous conviction) but that's doomed to fail in most cases.

Really, if you figure out a way to recover by will from suffering from something that, with time and "enduring the many smaller things" this build up to this, has gotten massively huge and way more powerful than you, tell me, you'll be like some super-human creature thingy and we might try to copy your awesome super human ways, kay? Okay, seriously, I'm trying to find the most serious and to-the-point way of saying: it isn't possible. It's human (note: other animals are the same) to break down under pressure too heavy to endure.

The loss of control is your body's (including your mind's, of course) way of telling you: okay, you exerted so much control or were forced to exert so much control to cope with what's impossible to cope with for too long, now we ran out of it so no more composure, control and peace for the moment. Like a car running out of fuel, perhaps, albeit I'm not sure about the accuracy of such a simplified comparison because I don't own a car.

We all come with limits attached to our existence as awesome human people and those limits can only be stretched so far but no further, no matter how insistent we are on controlling ourselves and enduring what we were never (by chance, God or what-/whoever) made up to endure. Think of it, conditions like cardiac arrhythmia, strokes and other such (ironically) nice things can be one of the last signals that point out that the body and mind only have as much energy and one has been overdoing it for too long. So better not to let it get to such extremes and accidentally kill yourself off.

Relocating efforts rather than trying to endure everything and pretending one is without limits is the good and non-killing way to go. Which things you do or feel you have to do (perhaps thanks to someone indicating so) are not worth tearing yourself down mentally, causing yourself pain, maybe making yourself ill or "just" feel much worse? Surely, you already have some idea and from your posts on WP, I am fairly confident that you will figure out the rest little by little over the course of the following days, months and/or years. I just don't know whether you can do something about your findings. I always find that to be the most difficult thing, especially if trying to be "normal" has anything to do with the inhumane amount of pressure that doesn't exactly keep one healthy and relaxed day in, day out. Do you think you can change some of whatever stuff is contributing to super upset mode?


It is difficult to change things at the moment although I am trying and that might be contributing to my frustration (slow results).

1 I am on disability at the moment because I don't cope with social interaction and change very well (or rather certain types of change) so I am being kind of pressured to have CBT therapy which I have never gotten along with all that well. Also I asked the job centre about doing some flexible work from home (that way I can fit it into my routines and things) but they want me to 'get over my social problems' and get a regular job. Personally I'd rather work for myself...I do things best when I can do them my way often at unsociable hours because off medication I have a very wonky circadian rhythm. So I don't know what I am going to do about that as I don't want to be on meds (in many ways they make things worse and I am over sensitive to the effects they have and chemicals in general), therapy always fails as it seems to fixate on some imaginary embarrassment I am meant to feel but don't and does not address my actual social issues because apparently these are supposed to come to me naturally (they don't, and they are a struggle to either learn or maintain).

2 I have been having problems with feeling unwell and although I have gotten rid of my IBS problems and dizziness by weaning off of meds, giving up smoking and going on the paleo diet (if people do not know what that is its basically no grains, no dairy, no legumes and no processed foods), but I am still getting issues with being overly drowsy during the day and being unable to stay awake at times. My drs put this down to depression but it's not that I want to go to sleep, I don't I want to stitch or something but I can't because it's like my brain won't function and process things and I have an overwhelming need to sleep. Yet I getting roughly 8 hours sleep per 24 hours regularly even if my sleeping times are odd so I should not be drowsy/needing to sleep in the day!

That was partly what upset me today, this inability to stay awake when I want to do things and I just can't wake my brain up...

3 I feel a bit pressured to stay on my degree course and I am not sure I want to. Because all but one of my grades has been over 90% people seem to expect me to get a degree as well as maintain that kind of grading. My ability in that area though is accidental...I just seem to accidentally get good grades, rather than it being some hard earned ability that I have honed or something. Plus the work was kind of easy so I don't read into those grades too much. I am bored with it though as although it seemed the best fit for my area of interest there are a lot of areas on the course that don't interest me. I am really only fascinated by palaeolithic lifestyles and nutrition right now and not enough of that is covered on the course. My other interest is cross stitching and with all the studying of stuff I don't have an interest in right now I never get time to indulge it. I am getting frustrated and am wondering if I would be better off researching the palaeolithic era in my own time rather than doing any formal study. That way I can learn what I need to know and focus on the areas that really fascinate me.

4 I am a bit lonely for a life mate but my issues make it impossible to meet one. Firstly I cannot meet one by going out and flirting with men as I cannot read that kind of thing..ie I have no idea if someone is flirting with me or finds me attractive, not unless they tell me. Then if I do meet someone and it gets serious I am impossible to live with due to my oddities and do not adapt well to sharing my living space. I also have slightly unusual sexual tastes and a stupidly high sex drive that makes it difficult in relationships and is not something I can really discuss with a therapist. Plus it is rare that I meet anyone due to my being somewhat natural compared to what men prefer these days (ie I have hair in places men seem to want shaved...which I don't like as I don't like looking prepubescent) and the whole palaeo obsession is not helping with that as I have grown my arm pit hair back too (which frankly I don't mind, I kind of like natural, but I know that men in this society don't and I don't want to drop my palaeolithic fascination either as I seem to enjoy it). So that makes things difficult as well. All the same I get lonely (and horny) and it frustrates me.

I have made as many changes as I can cope with and know how to make, now I am stuck...I do not really know what to do next. I do know I want to get away from the support services and therapy and earn my own income so I can be independent though as that gives me more freedom to be myself but I don't know what the hell to do next to change stuff that is frustrating me...



Last edited by bumble on 24 May 2012, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Apple_in_my_Eye
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24 May 2012, 4:35 pm

Yeah, but not as much now as when I was younger (teens-twenties). I'd pound my fists into the sides of my head or sometimes would use an object. No headbanging on concrete or walls or tables, though.

bumble wrote:
I have tried just writing stuff down, breathing exercises, relaxing, etc and nothing works once I go into super upset mode...its like I cannot stop it once it starts.

Sounds like a meltdown; like literal ones once it starts it's very hard to stop.

AFAIK, NT's can also be pushed into cranial-abuse but it takes a severely abnormal amount of stress.

As for how to stop it? I don't know, but I tend to agree with Sora that maybe it's better to figure out how not to get that stressed out in the first place. Otherwise, it seems like trying to figure of how to suppress screaming when your hand is in a running garbage disposal. Admittedly, that's easier said than done (especially when the opinions of NT people in your life are a factor). And it can be hard not to feel like a failure when you can't do as much as normal people do.

bumble wrote:
...comfortably doing my own thing but around them all the same....I sometimes feel like the last human alive I spend so much time alone...its hard to explain to people as they expect interaction, but I don't always need to interact, sometimes just the company is nice...me indulging my hobbies them indulging theirs...) but when I do socialise its either a disaster or I cannot cope with the constant need for interaction which gives me a headache

Totally relate. I think with kids that's called "parallel play." I've only once gotten to do that (as an adult), but it was nice half from of knowing the other person understood and could appreciate/enjoy that way of relating.



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24 May 2012, 4:38 pm

"Would you let someone else do that to you? Then why would you do it to yourself?"

I happened to say this to one of my students who had this habit. Within the week he was not doing it any more.



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24 May 2012, 5:58 pm

I have occasionally hit my head in frustration, but I suggest the thighs instead. It won't look so weird, and if you hit hard enough to bruise, it's not likely to be seen on the thighs.

Better than hitting yourself though, take some deep breathes, and if you still feel self violent, take a break from what you are doing and get some vigorous exercise, or a punching bag.


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24 May 2012, 6:02 pm

I do head whacking, but I also will punch my knees/thighs hard, or slam my fists down on them, or on hard objects, or punch walls or chairs or even punch hard corners, which has given me some very sore hands with raw skin. I try to avoid situations that will get me to that level of meltdown though.