Ever get told 'it has to be all about you'?

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2wheels4ever
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21 Jun 2012, 7:50 pm

Does someone always feel the need to invalidate you and accuse you of being intransigent whenever you try to assert yourself? Do you see any patterns where they are kind toward you but turn against you after they can't use you anymore? Ever tell them STFU and live to tell about it? Ever flash their pea brain like a cheap thumb drive and rewrite better code? If anybody has that manual, I'm looking for it, I'm so tired of my interests and routines being derailed over their drama


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unduki
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21 Jun 2012, 8:03 pm

Yes. In which case I just walk away as soon as politely possible - and sometimes not so politely.

The person who says this can't think of any better way to manipulate you to either concede the point or, as you say, be of further use to them. It's really all about them and they'd like you to stop interfering in their them-ness.

This is similar to the young man who tells a woman she needs to get laid because he can't win an argument. He needs to cause injury to save face - in his mind...


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Rascal77s
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21 Jun 2012, 8:19 pm

2wheels4ever wrote:
Does someone always feel the need to invalidate you and accuse you of being intransigent whenever you try to assert yourself? Do you see any patterns where they are kind toward you but turn against you after they can't use you anymore? Ever tell them STFU and live to tell about it? Ever flash their pea brain like a cheap thumb drive and rewrite better code? If anybody has that manual, I'm looking for it, I'm so tired of my interests and routines being derailed over their drama


I get this a lot. "it's all about you". Well no s**t it's all about me. I wouldn't even blink if most of the people I meet got hit by a bus, why should it be 'all about them'? I mean I'm not totally cold hearted but when people act like as*holes why should I care about them at all? Unfortunately I don't have the best impulse control and end up saying what's on my mind without thinking first so I'm probably not a good person to give advice on this topic. It is pretty F'in annoying though, just based on the stupidity of it alone.



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21 Jun 2012, 9:07 pm

I have been told this by girlfriends... not sure if it's the same thing.
But I don't like having to feel bad about being honest.



daydreamer84
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21 Jun 2012, 9:25 pm

Yes people tell me this but I'm really selfish/self-absorbed so they are right. :(



Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 9:59 pm

"It's not about you, ______. You're always changing conversations to be about yourself. It's very selfish." It's mainly from one person, though. She doesn't do it as much, but I despise when she does. I'm just trying to relate the person/topic to me and try to understand where they're coming from a lot of the time, but they seem to think I'm being selfish and making everything about me. I've even tried explaining why I do it and they still don't seem to get what I mean.



FireMinstrel
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21 Jun 2012, 10:31 pm

Was I born to serve everyone else, then? To be honest, the people who would say that to me are people I never liked in the first place. I never hear it from my friends. I just can't make myself care about people whom...well, I don't care about. :P


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1401b
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21 Jun 2012, 10:49 pm

I just had a bad day w/ a 50 y.o. guy that sure seems to be on the spectrum to me. known him for a while.

- He seems to have no ability to self-monitor, that he does the exact things that he rages at others about. -exact things- he doesn't seem to see it enough to even try to justify doing it.
- He cannot grasp the concept that everyone else on the planet cannot see things from his exact point of view. This also includes in the real physical world, while driving, he clearly assumes others can see what he sees in his rear-view mirrors, w/out adjusting them.
- He has no clue that others cannot completely and retroactively, read his mind, and gets angry and blaming when ppl don't do what he wants w/out having to be told even remotely what it is he wants.

I'm concerned about being self-blind, if I'm even a little like this guy, I imagine I'd be told 'it has to be all about you' quite a lot.


maybe I am told, but can't even see it.
I was told three times today that I'm 'a good man'. I didn't think much of it at the time.
In hindsight, that makes me suspicious, I wonder if they were patronizing and really I was pathetic today.

Can I be blind to 'it has to be all about you'? How would you know/test it?


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Jasmine90
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21 Jun 2012, 10:57 pm

I had a friend who did, this, twisted every conversation until it was about her. I try not to do it as much as possible, and am always concious of how many I's are in my sentences, but sometimes just forget and afterwards feel like a jerk sometimes.

Talking with people IRL, though, I usually just let them talk and pretend that I'm listening if it's something completely mundane that disinterests me, which also makes me seem like a jerk. Sometimes you just cannot win.

When it comes to my special interests, though, there are very little I's and far too much jargon. Or so I've been told.