do i understand ppl too much to have aspergers?

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From my intro post, I know I've had a lot of asperger's symptoms over my life, and ppl agreed I probably do have AS. However, I need some comparisons especially to women on the social front. I do have a diagnostic session upcoming next week, but here I am obsessing again....

I don't really understand social cues all that well, however, after I know people for a while, I do get on an aquantaince level with them. I can read some of their social cues, and I remember their interests so I can make small talk. I can read boredom sometimes, but more often than not I just try to extricate myself from the conversation after a certain amount of time to try to avoid this.

I am certainly much better at this than I was growing up, however getting past the aquantaince stage is like trying to break through a bullet proof glass wall. I do have one close friend, however she has some AS qualities herself, although her therapist says she's not. However, she says many socially inappropriate things (like asking someone's age, telling people her medical history, calling a 40 year old old, etc). I recognize these flubs and cringe. I do say things out of turn-inappropriate, but I've learned over the years to keep this at a minimum.

I also do like to be around ppl at times, and do enjoy some small talk because it makes me feel connected for a time.

I've always been a mimic, and because I have a very good memory for social situations/events in my life, I believe i have used these to appear as normal as possible, minus friends/boyfriends though I have gone out on a few uncomfortable dates.

A big issue I have though, especially lately, is with paranoia. I analyze, and reanalyze all of my interactions with people and usually conclude I did something wrong. Also, at work I'm in a cubicle, and I have to keep ear buds in all day because otherwise I get distracted by my coworkers conversations and my anxiety level rises unbelievably high as I take every 'she' as me, and every laugh as a negative about me.

Lots of people with AS have only mild social problems. Socializing needn't be the major issue.

Sounds like you've done what almost every autistic person has done--you've spent a lifetime learning how to compensate. That you've done this does not mean you can't have autism; it's normal for autistic people to learn these things, especially when they learn language early, as Aspies do.

You do seem to have some tendencies toward social anxiety. Your "paranoia" and re-analyzing of conversations is normal for somebody who has AS and social anxiety; but the social anxiety is a solvable problem and the AS doesn't prevent you from learning.

You have enough traits there to seek an evaluation. Whether you'll get a diagnosis of AS in the end probably depends on whether your traits are sub-clinical or not. If you have some sort of impairment due to those traits, they'll give you some sort of diagnosis. Once you have that, you can use it to ask for various bits of help. See if you can get into a social-skills class for one thing; whether it's made for people with AS or for people with social anxiety, you'll be getting practice and having people to give you feedback.

You sound like me, especially about the bullet-proof wall. But I don't have the paranoia that people are talking about me. I feel like people forget about me if I'm not right there in front of them and that nobody talks about me at all.

I often wonder if I really have AS or not, because I have always been instinctively good with reading body language and other non-verbal cues, and also once I get to know somebody I can form a good acquaintanceship with them which sometimes turns into a proper friendship, when they start asking for my number and wanting to meet up with me elsewhere.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm an NT with extreme shyness and social phobia, because I've gone through lots of different tests online on social phobia, anxiety disorder, depression and shyness, and I seem to score 100 percent or near enough on these tests more than I do on the AS tests I have taken. But then I think, I must have AS because, well one thing I was officially diagnosed when I was a child, and another thing I am prone to outbursts, odd behaviour, obsessive behaviour (special interests and paranoia), and I become easily upset or annoyed at silly little things that others don't, and I am not just underestimating that, I really do mean I get upset or annoyed at things that other people don't. It seems like my fears and peeves are pathological: they get caught in my mind and are difficult to be reasoned with or talked out of.

Some folks in my immediate family do think I have Asperger's and some don't. I was diagnosed by a clinical psychologist so I don't doubt it. I know I'm shy and have social phobias. Like Joe90, I also have odd behaviors and quirks which pushes me towards the spectrum. My "thinking" is more akin to a 12 year old than an adult because I have no interest in marriage, getting a mortgage, or having kids. I still play video games and my focus on my special interests is at the expense of all else.

Joe, that's what I'm wondering too. Do I really have AS or do I have social anxiety with paranoia, ocd, sensory issues, and slight depression caused by all these.

Who knows; you might be. But since "NT with social phobia, OCD, and sensory issues" is so close to Asperger's that it involves many of the same experiences and can be helped by many of the same treatments, it might not even matter whether you're diagnosed with AS or with something else. Someone like that would probably even have more in common with autistics than with NTs.

But do remember there's more to autism than a single symptom. It's called a "syndrome" for a reason--there are multiple traits and they're found together, but most of the time, a trait or two will be missing. That's why you don't have to have all those traits for a diagnosis; just most of them. And why PDD-NOS is such a common answer to the problem of "Well, that looks like autism, but it doesn't fit into any other sub-category."

Whether you have autism or not, you owe it to yourself to address social-anxiety issues. I don't have social anxiety, but I have dealt with other forms of anxiety disorders (including a phobia and PTSD as well as anxiety associated with depression) and I know how unpleasant it is when your emotions insist on your being on high alert even when there is no real danger. That is no way for a person to live. AS or no AS, it's something that you should be getting help with. Being horribly scared of being with others, constantly worrying about rejection, is not hard-wired into your brain whether you're autistic or NT. And whether you're autistic or NT, addressing that problem will make life easier.

Thanks Callista. You're right, I should stop worrying about the diagnosis and focus on the issues. My social anxiety is definitely my biggest issue I need to deal with. To top it off, I get panic attacks at night, and have to sleep with my bedroom door locked. I live alone in a very safe area and apartment building, but I lived thru one attempted break-in during the day at my parents house nearly 10 years ago, and it affected me more than I realized as far as feeling safe.

I don't think I can get away with calling myself ''100 percent NT'' especially to employers, but I can get away with calling myself whatever I wanted, anything without a physical look (like I obviously couldn't pretend I have Down's Syndrome or something like that). But I could turn round and say I have just Dyspraxia alone, or serious anxiety issues, or social phobia, or OCD. I do have Dyspraxia, serious anxiety issues and social phobia, which (I think) are co-morbids. But sometimes I wonder if my main issue is anxiety disorder and social phobia but the AS is co-morbid, but I don't know if that can be possible.

Yep, that sounds quite close to my Aspie trait list, and my Aspie scores are about halfway between the diagnostic threshold and absolute maximum. And I agree the main thing is to focus on the traits not the diagnostic label. The power (or failure) of studying general Aspie traits to predict your own will probably help inform you with that, over time, along with the DX of course, if you get one.

The Aspie "glass wall" is often discussed here, and if you arrived at that description independently of reading about AS, that would be a strong pointer.

It took me a while to believe I could have AS because I felt I'd done too well socially. But I realised eventually how I was only successful with unusually nonjudgemental, non-mainstream people, and even then I needed time to get used to them before I was confident enough to engage much.

No, this can be hard-wired into your brain when you experienced a childhood of rejection or a lack of safe attachment or early life trauma. Areas of the brain as for example the medial frontal cortex and dorsal frontal cortex and others get affected leading to either not filtering stimuli to the amygdala (fear-center of the brain) and causing hyper-arousal or blocking stimuli reaching the amygdala and numbing emotional responses and even causing alexithymia.
But people with social phobia and anxiety disorder have to investigate that point, maybe with help of a professional.