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Bubbles137
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13 Aug 2012, 2:12 pm

Kenjitsuka wrote:

Sure, why not? If they require an official diagnosis you can always think about getting one.
If your ASD is making you fail where you could succeed with some minor adjustments you owe it to yourself to give it your all to make those changes happen!! !
Not going all out to get what you want/deserve is typical with the low self esteem generally attached to ED's, no?

About noise levels; wear earplugs untill the teacher begins to speak?
Or listen to music... I *always* do that to block sounds.


It's definitely something to think about, think I'm going to ask the woman who brought it up what she thinks. Bit worried it didn't work out because I'm just a rubbish teacher though! I love working in schools though, I'm voluntary atm and have been for 5 years, would love a 'proper job' in a school.

Can't use earplugs because I'd actually be teaching and would have to be able to hear the kids; I think it's something I need to either work on learning to tolerate (or at least not go into 'panic' mode where I can't see straight or communicate anything to the kids) or to control the noise level before it gets too much. Needs a lot of thought I think... My mum seems to think that one of the reasons it didn't work last time was because people knew I'd been an inpatient for ED which is why she doesn't think I should get an AS diagnosis. No idea what to do!



Kenjitsuka
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13 Aug 2012, 2:22 pm

Bubbles137, you're pursuing a teaching career with an ASD?
Depending on where on the spectrum you are this might be impossible to keep up with in the long run, stress wise.
The noise, the completely random and 100% unpredictable nature of it....

I thought classes at Amsterdam University... They where all 18+, but still.... couldn't do it for more than half a year. And that was my very best period of being EVER...
Saw a documentary about a very mild case actually trying to be an assistant at a kindergarten. She'd shutdown several times a day completely for periods of time. Not sure that could be called healthy!

About people knowing you where IP; who knows that should impact your job? Surely not the students?


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Empathy quotient: 14
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Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 14 of 200
The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: You scored 132 aloof, 126 rigid and 132 pragmatic. IQ: 139. AQ: 45/50


Bubbles137
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13 Aug 2012, 2:48 pm

I've thought about it a lot... I started working in schools when I was 16 because I needed the structure and routine of school and I love that side of it. I also really liked planning lessons and marking the kids' work. I can't do early years because of the noise level and chaotic nature of the classroom, but a 'properly managed' KS2 (age 7-11) classroom could work if I could control the class, I've helped in KS2 classrooms for a long time and if the kids are quiet and getting on with what they should do, it's really nice and I usually get on with kids and can communicate with them a lot better than with adults. I find it really hard with other adults though and I have no idea how I'd cope with parents, and with feeling adult and professional which I could never do. I really want to work on it though because I genuinely can't think of another job I'd feel comfortable doing, I feel really comfortable in a school setting. I only have mild AS which is why I didn't follow through with the diagnosis but if it helps, it might be worth looking into. Definitely going to ask the woman who mentioned it though, her kids were in the class I was trying to teach so she knows both sides of it. I never told the kids about ED but I had to mention it on the health form so the teachers knew and some parents did because I'd babysat their kids at some point so it got around which I hate. Really don't like people talking about me.



InThisTogether
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13 Aug 2012, 5:53 pm

[quote="Kenjitsuka"

EDIT: By the way, about my perhaps too aggressive response...
I used to be on pro-anorexia forums where only the chronic cases would meet.
Often random people would sign up and then post things like "You faking whores! I hope you all get raped and die!" and even more foulmouthed, mean spirited things... some even posted rape pictures with messages like "this should be you". Quite sickening, as we where just minding our own business and bouncing out the wannarexics etc...
Guess that makes me a little ... fast and loose with my responses.[/quote]

No need to apologize for your response. You have every right to be self-protective and you don't know me. I do not say mean spirited things to anyone, but you would have no way of knowing that.

The thing is, you HAVE to believe you are one of the 20% who can get better. Why wouldn't you be one of the 20%? I found cognitive-based therapy most helpful, and a lot of that is learning to reframe the way you see the world. The toxic crap we have flying around in our heads holds us back. You can choose to focus on the 20% who will eventually die, the 60% who cycle, or the 20% who "get out" as you put it. But I can pretty much promise you that if you believe you fall in one of the first 2 groups, you will never find yourself in the third group. At least by believing you belong in the third group, you give yourself a chance.

It sounds like your weight is stable and that your therapists want you to focus on other things right now. Then that is what you should do.

But don't sell yourself short. The road to recovery can be long and hard, but I can personally tell you it is worth it. First you need to give yourself the gift of believing.


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Kenjitsuka
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14 Aug 2012, 9:11 am

InThisTogether wrote:
The thing is, you HAVE to believe you are one of the 20% who can get better. Why wouldn't you be one of the 20%? I found cognitive-based therapy most helpful, and a lot of that is learning to reframe the way you see the world. The toxic crap we have flying around in our heads holds us back. You can choose to focus on the 20% who will eventually die, the 60% who cycle, or the 20% who "get out" as you put it. But I can pretty much promise you that if you believe you fall in one of the first 2 groups, you will never find yourself in the third group. At least by believing you belong in the third group, you give yourself a chance.

It sounds like your weight is stable and that your therapists want you to focus on other things right now. Then that is what you should do.

But don't sell yourself short. The road to recovery can be long and hard, but I can personally tell you it is worth it. First you need to give yourself the gift of believing.


Thanks for your kind response.
I do believe that I am one of the toughest fighters out there.
I've sought out therapy again and again, left useless therapists behind and I do some pretty hardcore scary EMDR therapy.
I used to think that's what everyone does. But when I look at my mother, she is breaking apart by ignoring her PTSD... She now has eye migrains and can almost not see anymore, because she refuses to look at the past... Psychosomatic symptoms have a way of being symbolic that way, my therapist assured me.
Also all my therapists (and parents) say: "You work so hard at getting in a better place (used to be suicidal and depressed etc.)! We are proud of your progress and mentality."... so I guess it's true. Again, that sort of compliment is hard to accept with low/zero self esteem... :roll:

I do think this might be a crucial problem with overcoming the ED though. I think I'll fight every inch of the way to keep my cognitive biases intact, to ensure myself *I* won't get bad physical symptoms and so on...
The strongest willed ones might be the ones that starve to death the easiest?

On your career, Bubbles137:
It's a good idea to choose that age group; no longer very childish/wild, and not yet in puberty...
The youngest ones are indeed just too noisy and active for ASD's to be around all day.
If you think you can really manage the stress in the long run you should go for it for sure!
Just be really sure you are not overreaching a little from the start. Because that little bit (maybe unconsciously even!) will eventually wear you down over time just as much as a huge, shortterm overreaching....

I think it's stupid that you have to tell your employer about any past diagnoses! Here that is illegal to ask, and rightfully so!
Once you have recovered from something you deserve to leave it behind. Not have it postered all over your resume!
However, even if the school knows that you had an ED and accept that it should be fine to say: "Hey, thanks so much for your understanding, but... I do suffer a little from mild ASD. Can we think of a few things to make it possible for me to teach here despite that?" (Could even be a little funding for that? Disabled people-back-to-work money?)...
I guess if you only worked mornings? Or half a week? Such things can take meltdowns out of the equation, perhaps?
The core is this: It's in EVERYONE's best interest to accommodate the ASD. Ignoring it will cause a mess in the long run!! ! And then no one is happy...


_________________
Empathy quotient: 14
Your Aspie score: 185 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 14 of 200
The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: You scored 132 aloof, 126 rigid and 132 pragmatic. IQ: 139. AQ: 45/50


Bubbles137
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14 Aug 2012, 11:37 am

Kenjitsuka wrote:
On your career, Bubbles137:
It's a good idea to choose that age group; no longer very childish/wild, and not yet in puberty...
The youngest ones are indeed just too noisy and active for ASD's to be around all day.
If you think you can really manage the stress in the long run you should go for it for sure!
Just be really sure you are not overreaching a little from the start. Because that little bit (maybe unconsciously even!) will eventually wear you down over time just as much as a huge, shortterm overreaching....

I think it's stupid that you have to tell your employer about any past diagnoses! Here that is illegal to ask, and rightfully so!
Once you have recovered from something you deserve to leave it behind. Not have it postered all over your resume!
However, even if the school knows that you had an ED and accept that it should be fine to say: "Hey, thanks so much for your understanding, but... I do suffer a little from mild ASD. Can we think of a few things to make it possible for me to teach here despite that?" (Could even be a little funding for that? Disabled people-back-to-work money?)...
I guess if you only worked mornings? Or half a week? Such things can take meltdowns out of the equation, perhaps?
The core is this: It's in EVERYONE's best interest to accommodate the ASD. Ignoring it will cause a mess in the long run!! ! And then no one is happy...


Thanks for the comments, I think I'm almost decided that I'm going to apply for the teacher training (although I'm still going to talk to the woman I babysit for next week to see what she thinks) because I genuinely love working in school with the kids and I'm also really scared of having a job that isn't in a school as I feel really 'safe' and comfortable in that environment. It might be a bit much at first but I think any fulltime job would be a challenge because of the social and 'unroutine' aspects and I've been working in schools for long enough to be used to the system and routine of it. It'll definitely be really hard, both with classroom issues and with other adults (teachers, parents etc) especially but I really want to work at it and it being open with them will help that, it might be a good idea even if just to get a bit more patience/understanding instead of being told you're not progressing fast enough or not putting enough effort in when I was nearly at meltdown mode every night and working til 2am every day. I'm also thinking of applying part-time so it's only a few days instead of every day to make it easier to deal with. I know it'll be hard but I think it'll definitely be worth it, and probably beneficial to the kids as well as there is often ASD kids at school who I really like working with. It is annoying having to declare ED, I definitely think it should be optional especially if it's a while ago or not actually relevant to the job!



InThisTogether
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14 Aug 2012, 8:29 pm

Kenjitsuka wrote:

I do think this might be a crucial problem with overcoming the ED though. I think I'll fight every inch of the way to keep my cognitive biases intact, to ensure myself *I* won't get bad physical symptoms and so on...
The strongest willed ones might be the ones that starve to death the easiest?


I'm sorry to say I think you might be on to something with that. I saw an odd bumper sticker the other day. It said something like "No little girl dreams of growing up to be a crack wh*re" Sometimes self-control is an illusion. I don't think anyone who ends up with bad physical symptoms thought they were going to be one of "the ones."

That is why I suggested before that you have to give up your illusions and fully accept that you are killing yourself and offer yourself no excuses or justifications or rationalizations. It is a harsh reality to come to terms with, but when you finally understand you are truly fighting for your life, you (or at least I) found a strength within me that was lacking before. However, since you have shared the other issues, perhaps this is not the right time for you to do that. Perhaps it is wisest for you to hold steady where your health is not in imminent risk and work through some other things first. I did not have PTSD to work through and although I have social difficulties to some degree and was bullied, etc as a kid, it isn't the same as growing up autistic.

But at some point you will have to decide with every cell in your body that you are done. Period. As Yoda says "Do, or do not. There is no try" When you do get to that point, I wish you courage and strength. But I believe you will be able to get through it because as I said before, I did it, and I am no different or better than anyone else. The key is to find the courage to change what you think.


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Bubbles137
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15 Aug 2012, 1:41 am

InThisTogether wrote:
Kenjitsuka wrote:

I do think this might be a crucial problem with overcoming the ED though. I think I'll fight every inch of the way to keep my cognitive biases intact, to ensure myself *I* won't get bad physical symptoms and so on...
The strongest willed ones might be the ones that starve to death the easiest?


I'm sorry to say I think you might be on to something with that. I saw an odd bumper sticker the other day. It said something like "No little girl dreams of growing up to be a crack wh*re" Sometimes self-control is an illusion. I don't think anyone who ends up with bad physical symptoms thought they were going to be one of "the ones."



I've had the same experience recently- I had a meeting with the people I've been seeing over the last few years who said that they think I'm too scared to change, which could be true but now I have no idea what to do. I think part of the problem is that it's become so routine I literally don't know what to do differently and it scares me. It seems safer to keep doing the same things because I've been doing it so long and anything different really freaks me out.