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Butterflykids
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05 Jan 2008, 8:38 pm

My spectrum sons (the older one especially) can look angry when really, they're just neutral. Or even feeling moderately content. I'm used to t hem, so I don't see it, but friends tell me, "I saw your older son walking through the mall, wearing all his back heavy clothing and biker boots like he does, and I wanted to say hello but he looked so angry, I didn't want to go near him."

I pointed out to my friend that if he was feeling as angry as she thought he looked, he wouldn't have been anywhere near the mall, with all the bustle and people.

It DOES take effort to actually smile. They say it takes less effort to smile than frown, but so often we forget, that no expression is least energy of all.

As a NT, I would recommend you don't change who you are, but be aware maybe, that when you are greeting someone you may need to smile, a little. My Aspie husband used to tell little jokes, totally deadpan. But with absolutely no expression, people thought he was being serious, they thought he was really weird to say such a thing. So he learned to smile, just a tiny bit, when he made a joke. It works!

My older son's best friend (Aspie) really scared the teachers at school with his totally expressionless delivery. He was physically imposing, which made them even more nervous. One nasty teacher eventually used that fear of him to get him thrown out. And being Aspie, he was ill-equipped to fight back in any way (especially legally).

You may find family won't comment because they know you are can 'read' the much smaller expression changes, but it will be friends and strangers who won't understand as well.

Also be aware - some people will say to ANYONE who for that moment has an expressionless face, "Cheer up! It probably won't happen." Or something similar. it's a joke, a light-hearted way to change a topic or even begin a topic. A conversation starter, a chance to share something that might be bothering you, or a chance to say something light-hearted in return, such as "let's go catch a movie."



Brittany2907
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05 Jan 2008, 9:00 pm

WurdBendur wrote:
I'm told I look angry all the time when my face is just relaxed. It pisses me off that all these people who are supposed to be so much better at reading faces actually have no clue what "relaxed" is.


Lol :lol:, WurdBendur thats funny. Yea I think the same thing most of the time.
The so called "experts at non-verbal communication" can't tell when we are relaxed.

I am told that I look "intense" when relaxing.


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LeKiwi
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05 Jan 2008, 9:09 pm

I get 'intense' (it's called 'thinking' guys, not that difficult...! !). Problem is it always happens when I'm out with a group of friends and start thinking about other things, I'll kinda focus on something across the room and everyone starts laughing and asking what's wrong as I look upset or 'super focussed'. Or "Oh wow, yeah, that picture's fascinating... are you there? Hello? Wake up! You haven't had THAT much to drink yet!!" or such like. It just makes me laugh though, I know I look silly when I'm relaxed or thinking.


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YowlingCat
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05 Jan 2008, 9:38 pm

Here's an article ftom The New Yorker that I think you'll find interesting (it's long). Note that the two researchers of facial expression sound like classic aspies. 8O

The Naked Face

It rather scary stuff for an aspie.



Avenger
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05 Jan 2008, 9:38 pm

It always happens to me. My family does not say anything about it, because they are probably used to it. But just about every day someone at work asks me what is wrong, or if I'm doing all right, because I "look pretty bummed out." I tell them it is my neutral face, or sometimes, I tell them it's my happy face. I am really unable to smile for more than a few seconds without feeling awkward and forced.

Most of the time I go around with a pretty angry looking scowl on my face, but that's just a result of being intensely focused in thought.

On the other hand, people who have smiles permanently etched into their face piss me off to no end. One smiling guy like this at work is short and chubby and has beady bug-eyes that bulge out of their sockets. He really physically resembles a clown!



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05 Jan 2008, 9:46 pm

all the time.



EvilKimEvil
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05 Jan 2008, 9:49 pm

Yes, people often tell me that I look sad or angry when I am actually neutral, content, and relaxed. When I am actually sad or angry, I apparently look tired or smug.



preludeman
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05 Jan 2008, 9:56 pm

I am also asked if I am angry, I am not. I could be in deep thought. I have been accussed of staring when I am looking at

something else or in deep thought. That is why when I am at lunch I am reading, I have a good excuse, for I am in school.

I have tried to smile and nod at people , and have tried to be friendly at work.


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RandomGuy105
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06 Jan 2008, 5:18 am

Yeah, same here. Anytime I'm neutral, thinking, or maybe even slightly happy, people still tell me I look angry.



Jayutimestwo
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06 Jan 2008, 5:19 am

yep, me too.



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06 Jan 2008, 10:00 pm

Brittany2907 wrote:
WurdBendur wrote:
I'm told I look angry all the time when my face is just relaxed. It pisses me off that all these people who are supposed to be so much better at reading faces actually have no clue what "relaxed" is.


Lol :lol:, WurdBendur thats funny. Yea I think the same thing most of the time.
The so called "experts at non-verbal communication" can't tell when we are relaxed.

I am told that I look "intense" when relaxing.

Me too.
Been told I look mad, when my face is "at rest"-meaning neither smiling nor scowling, just being. I can sorta' see why people might think that, when I look in mirror, since they can't see how I feel inside/behind my appearance. I figure it's just my features, how my eyes nose mouth & so on happen to be arranged-nothing to do with my neurological status. When I genuinely am feeling strong emotion, whether happy or sad/mad, my features are plenty expressive in reflecting/conveying those states.

I may have gradually learned this, or maybe it's innate-I don't know-but I tend to guess someone's mad or upset & then am told that this isn't so. It's confusing-I know what those emotions look like-yet how they appear in the present, on a specific individual (and whether that person is aware of, or willing to admit to feeling a certain way) is far from obvious. I've done well on those still photo "read-the-emotions-in-the-eyes" tests, but IRL (with a person who is moving & speaking, while other stuff is going on) I'm not skilled at it.


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06 Jan 2008, 11:13 pm

I usually have an "intense" and slightly sad and melancholic-looking relaxed facial expression that often triggers "What are you thinking about so hard?" comments.


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onefourninezero
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07 Jan 2008, 5:21 am

People think I am angry all the time when I am not. It's probably because it is too bright outside so I am always squinting.



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07 Jan 2008, 6:54 am

I have an "angry" face almost every moment. However, when I'm talked to I tend to smile.

Strange thing: I'm always criticized for smiling too much, or never smiling; I don't get it. I also never smile, nor frown, when it's appropriate. Ha.


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07 Jan 2008, 10:52 am

TheRani wrote:
I can't count the times people have asked me, "What's wrong?" or "Why are you upset?" when I was feeling totally fine.


Me too.


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07 Jan 2008, 11:14 am

If I'm nuetral/relaxed, people tend to think I'm stressed out or sad. When I am stressed or sad, people thing I'm angry at them, which is annoying. When I really, deeply relax and zone out a little, people think I'm high, and sometimes try to get my attention.