Today's example of being overwhelmed by daily life

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vividgroovy
Deinonychus
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Location: Santa Maria, CA

08 Aug 2023, 5:41 pm

Vent post.

Short version: today, my parents wanted me to do two completely different minor tasks at the same time. This overwhelmed me and I screamed. Now my mother is mad at me.

Longer version: I'm an adult who lives with my parents. At any given moment in life, it's a safe bet that I'm overwhelmed and frustrated by something, even if "nothing" is happening.

Earlier today, my stepfather asked my mother to bring him a glass of juice at the TV. I was at the table eating breakfast. As my mother was busy, I offered to get him the juice. The moment I was in the kitchen, my mother suddenly asked if we noticed that she hung up a new painting that she had painted last night. Her urgency for me to come see this painting went from 0 to one million in a millisecond. So I hurry to pour the juice and get back into the other room to see the painting. She starts asking me questions about it, so I start to look at it. Then, she says, "No, bring Daniel his juice and then look at the painting." So I hurry to set down the juice. Now one task is done and I can concentrate on the other, right? Wrong! Now my stepfather is complaining that when I set down the juice, I knocked over a little Minions toy that he had there. When I turn back to him, my mother starts complaining that I'm not looking at the painting. Feeling that I'm getting overwhelmed, I say, "That's it, I'm not going to do anything else. I'm just going to sit down and finish eating my breakfast." To which my mother says, "What, you can't just look at the painting?!"

At this point, I screamed. Not at either of them, but just at the air. Only for a few seconds.

Mom got very quiet, which usually means she's very angry. She went into her room and shut the door. My stepfather, a man who has screamed multiple times a day for as long as I've known him, tells me that what happened wasn't worth me screaming about it. Then, however, he shrugs the whole thing off and goes back to talking about what he's watching on TV. He actually gets more angry at me when I'm trying to be pleasant to him.

My more optimistic side says this is nothing and will blow over. My more pessimistic side says that Mom is virtually the only human being who has any understanding of me, so if she's mad at me, what hope do I have? Then I start fantasizing about living in a cabin in the woods isolated from all humanity for the rest of my life. A not-at-all-viable but sometimes comforting fantasy.



timf
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09 Aug 2023, 7:34 am

When faced with conflicting demands for your attention, you can act like a traffic cop with a whistle. In the situation you described your mother asking you to look at her painting could be told that it will have to wait for the first task to be completed. Your stepfather's concern about the dislodged toy could be dealt with by saying, "The tragic incident to which you refer will have to wait until I have finished with my art appraisal".

The key to these sort of situations is to maintain control even in the midst of chaos. If you are challenged in your choice of priorities, you can tell the competing claimants to negotiate among themselves as to what the priority should be.

As far as your mother goes, it is not a bad idea to discuss with her privately why you had a meltdown and apologize.



rse92
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09 Aug 2023, 11:50 am

I doubt your mother is angry at you. More likely she was simply frustrated, or blamed herself thinking she innocently overstimulated you. I agree with the advice of the above poster.



vividgroovy
Deinonychus
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Location: Santa Maria, CA

10 Aug 2023, 1:23 am

Thanks for the responses :).

timf wrote:
When faced with conflicting demands for your attention, you can act like a traffic cop with a whistle. In the situation you described your mother asking you to look at her painting could be told that it will have to wait for the first task to be completed. Your stepfather's concern about the dislodged toy could be dealt with by saying, "The tragic incident to which you refer will have to wait until I have finished with my art appraisal".

The key to these sort of situations is to maintain control even in the midst of chaos. If you are challenged in your choice of priorities, you can tell the competing claimants to negotiate among themselves as to what the priority should be...


I like your response to my stepfather :lol:.

I do the "traffic cop" thing at my retail job, where more than one customer sometimes wants my attention. I guess I wasn't expecting it on my day off and it just seemed to happen so quickly. Not that anything really happened, but it seemed overwhelming at the time.

rse92 wrote:
I doubt your mother is angry at you. More likely she was simply frustrated, or blamed herself thinking she innocently overstimulated you. I agree with the advice of the above poster.


I think she was initially angry. She did say later that she didn't understand what happened. Things seem to be okay now. I spent most of yesterday upset, though. My stepfather is generally annoyed at what I say and do, so when he's mad, it can be irritating, but it doesn't faze me much anymore. Whereas my mother and I get along very well, so when she's mad, it seems devastating.