Is there such thing as 'mild' Aspergers?

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littlebee
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20 Apr 2013, 11:09 am

JCJC777 wrote:
Great thread.

I have Aspergers but am able to get by in many social situations - I have learnt ways.

However what bothers me is a gnawing pain and emptiness and sadness at my lack of real communication with people, a lack of real sharing and interaction - do others feel that?
I feel that others accept me, 'go through the social motions' with me, but that they are not getting the sparks of genuine sharing they get with other NT's.

Is there any way forward from this? Maybe I just have to accept it. Or maybe I have to change my game, and try to raise my high-functioning further, to look for moments of humour and connection.


This is a sad message, but thanks for sharing. Feeling ones sorrow can be the path to truth.

Good for you for having "learnt ways." That is very touching. I have, too....

Many people feel a gnawing pain and emptiness, and some are able to hide it from the world. Just because a person seems to be having warm and genuine reactions does not mean they are born being able to do that. Social response is basically learned. Maybe some people because of the parenting they received were just able to learn better.

Yes there is a way forward from this, of course. Become more sensitive toward yourself, and eventually this sensitivity will incorporate other people into it, but this does not just happen. It needs to be a conscious practice, and that is work.

The first thing I suggest is to try to get rid of the aspie--nt distinction. Thinking that way can keep you not only from knowing yourself but also from knowing other people. This does not mean there is not some functional value in putting a name on various patterns of behavior."Autistic" has been very valuable to me in many ways, but in terms of the larger scheme of generative and alive relationship the value is minimal. It can be used as a framework and a tool of understanding, but to a limited degree.

Of course many aspies get stuck on labeling and diagnosis. That is in itself an aspie trait. Now if a person sees that is an aspie trait and he is stuck in these labels and making simplistic dichotomies, then this is an example of functional value, perhaps, but then go past it into a mode that is more comprehensive and incorporative, but again, it takes work.

Finally, imo, people do not get this way because they are born this way. There can be tendencies, but it is environment that exaggerates them, causing development to play more and more into a certain direction. If a person is cut off because he cannot deeply feel because it is too painful, it is easy to see how thinking it is because he was born that way would not lead to integration but would keep him isolated, and if there are emotional issues behind it he may never feel the feeling but would constantly be diagnosing, analyzing, comparing himself to others such as to so-called nt's, so stuck there, and on a forum such as this that can become a superficial form of socialization.. I am not referring to you, but I see many here who are like that.



AlanMooresBeard
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20 Apr 2013, 7:26 pm

I've just had a go at the AQ test and the Aspie quiz. For the AQ test, I got 27 which seems to be at the lower end of the range for AS while the Aspie quiz gave me an Aspie score of 83 out of 200 and an NT score 109 out of 200 which apparently means that I have both Aspie and neurotypical traits. That does tally with my belief in having mild Aspergers. Had I done these tests 10-15 years ago, I may very well have scored higher.



KnarlyDUDE09
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21 Apr 2013, 5:39 am

I don't think there's such thing as "mild Asperger's"- I mean, one can be more mildly affected by AS at different times in one's lifetime, but at other times be more severely affected...Although my mum seems to think that I have "mild AS", too. :)


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AWD
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24 Jun 2014, 5:55 pm

Yes.

I consider myself mild now. My problems were ironically much more severe many years before I got diagnosed, so I was diagnosed after becoming "mild". Learning about Aspergers actually helped to "milden" most of my social symptoms and improve my social understanding and competencies greatly, because it gave mental concepts to understand social mechanisms and my own errors in a systematic way, and because I stopped putting myself in sitations I can't handle. Plus I realised how big a role sensory issues had played in my poor social development during my youth (where parties and oother large group sitations seems like "the" way young people socialise, or did at the time). I'm so good socially now (in my everyday environment = low pressure, work from home, mostly solitaire or with my husband only) and have improved my executive function skills so much (= have good systems that work) that my presentation now would seem like primarily SPD + solitaire personality type + strong occupation with interests.


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24 Jun 2014, 6:08 pm

Would like to add that I have never presented as "severe" or obviously autistic. What I mean is that I'm able to function and present as - and be - socially competent, whereas when I was younger my social difficulties in particular prevented me from functioning so that I was isolated - had no friends, couldn't express myself and connect with anyone at all, couldn't handle school, jobs, everyday practical life management or life planning - but just lived from moment to moment without really building useful life experience / social competencies, generally just very confused about my very messy life.

I'm still not good with overall life planning (like career etc), and am financially living month to month without much overview or preparation for the future... which gives a basic sense of insecurity and is something I would really like to change but it seems impossible to manage. I also still easily get a diffuse paralysing sense of "life confusion" if I don't stick to my systems and routines, but that is internal problems that people can't see when they just talk to me.


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24 Jun 2014, 6:22 pm

I keep spotting phrases in my posts that can be misunderstood... Like this one: "Couldn't express myself or connect with anyone at all" isn't to be taken literal. Of course, just buying a newspaper, food or a train ticket means expressing a desire and connecting with another person in the process, and I could always do things like that, so my phrase is not true in a literal sense. It means that I couldn't express my true inner feelings and thoughts so as to create emotional bonds with other people, and was struggling so much with non-verbal aspects of conversations that I made people uneasy and rarely could make social communication work well, other than some brief moments.

(There may be other aspects of my posts that are inaccurate, depending on perspective/definitions - "Mild" is a quite vague term in the first place)


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24 Jun 2014, 8:11 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:
There IS a "mild aspergers", but that apparently means that you are about the level I am. You SEEM normal, for the most part. Supposedly, Stephen spielberg and Dan akroyd have mild aspergers.


John Turturro and Daryl Hannah have also been diagnosed with Aspergers, and I suspect that Tom Hanks and Keanu Reeves have Aspergers as well (but I don't know whether they ever got a diagnosis, or if they really do have Aspergers, I just think they have some visible traits). P.S. all these people are among my favorite actors, so is Dan Akroyd (and the Ghostbusters movies are among my favorite movies too lol I have the CDs and watch them a few times every year).


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Akshara
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20 Apr 2017, 5:13 am

I've been diagnosed as on the Spectrum, Level 1, "mild". And I can see why people say that - at times I can be very sociable, talkative, responsive, humorous, and warm. Which isn't what people expect. (Of course, they're not seeing me the rest of the time...) My personal experience is anything but mild. Stress, anxiety, uncertainty, a sense of disconnection, loneliness... Moments and moments of feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to do in social settings or in public. Like running into someone I don't know well walking downtown... And having to act and pretend that it comes natural to say whatever it is I say, to manage the moment and move on. But mostly, it doesn't come natural and never has. But that's not what people see. They see me being "social" with someone downtown. So I couldn't be on the Spectrum...

Which I think is why Asperger's has been called the "hidden" diagnosis. And it's ridiculous. The truth is, I can relate and interact with people just fine. They just mostly don't know what to do with me. I say what I'm thinking, and it's a non-sequitor, or not emotional enough, or the wrong emotion, or they don't get the connection (that happens a lot)... Or it just doesn't follow the social script. Which is usually what it boils down to. And so I learn to be careful and try to manage interactions so I don't stand out or get judged or treated unfairly. But if there were more of us, it'd be them struggling to get along.

I totally agree with someone who said that most of the suffering of Asperger's comes from dealing with folks who don't have it. If there was real acceptance of all our differences, there'd be far less need for the diagnosis.


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