Finally realizing I'm probably autistic, now what?

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

Clandestiny
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

20 Feb 2014, 5:57 pm

Hey everyone, this looks like an amazing community, which seems fairly rare and special these days. So kudos! I'm hoping I'll be able to maintain some level of internet social stamina and actually become apart it.

So as the subject says, despite being in my late 20s, I'm only now realizing that I'm likely somewhere on the spectrum of autism. It began a few months ago when I watched a Ted Talks with Temple Grandin and I realized that my brain works exactly like her's. Visually, associative, details before the big picture, exc... . I wouldn't normally divulge this to strangers on the internet, but I trust you guys already so why not; I'm pretty sure I started balling (in a good "oh that's what's wrong with me!" kind of way) by the end of her presentation.

So the big question I have is, if I now know that I'm likely autistic and I also know that most of my life feels like putting out fires in an endless, exhausting cycle, what can I do about it? The tools I've developed on my own were great for surviving childhood, but they are sabotaging me as an adult.

The major area I'm struggling with right now are classes. I work full time and I have a full load of college classes. Apparently having a severe lack of social stamina is part of autism and I feel it the most when I have to show up to class. It's incredibly frustrating, because in every one of my classes I'll be making near 100s on absolutely everything (because I spend significant portions of my time teaching myself the material, and because I do genuinely care about each class) and clearly know the material inside and out, but will often end up sacrificing entire letter grades due to attendance.

I frequently, minimally once a week (usually more), hit a point where I just don't have the energy to make myself go (especially when it's a day I have to also work, which is nearly every day). Sitting in class has really become a torturous thing. I can't learn in a classroom setting and pretending to listen for that long, sitting elbow to elbow with a sea of other people, wears me out (especially right now since I have so many other things on my plate and I'm always more productive when I choose to stay at home). I've been managing alright until last year when my expenses went up significantly and I had to double my working hours.

I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled with something similar. I'm making an appointment with the counseling services at my school, but in the meantime I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this and what were some solutions/tools you found? I'm also wondering what concessions schools might make (secretly I'm hoping it's a possibility I'll get more lee-way on attendance not that I don't realize more of the problem is in my coping strategies to stress). But really I'm just so tired of constantly feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and like my life is one fire to put out after the next. Most of all I'm tired of wondering why the rest of the world seems like they were born with this extra invisible something that makes them perfectly equipped to handle their daily grind, when just going grocery shopping tires me out.



Sethno
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Nov 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,077
Location: computer or tablet

20 Feb 2014, 6:03 pm

What's next is you get yourself evaluated.

Please try to make sure the person you see works in the autism field, and is not a generalist with regards to psychiatry or psychology.

How you find this person...

That's another matter.

Could I ask what country you're in? We may be able to make suggestions.


_________________
AQ 31
Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".


Clandestiny
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

20 Feb 2014, 6:57 pm

Sethno wrote:
What's next is you get yourself evaluated.

Please try to make sure the person you see works in the autism field, and is not a generalist with regards to psychiatry or psychology.

How you find this person...

That's another matter.

Could I ask what country you're in? We may be able to make suggestions.


Wow, thanks for the crazy fast reply!

In terms of the diagnosis, I'm in a very fortunate position of actually having access to psychiatrists. I have one I currently see every few months so he can write me my prescriptions to ADD medication (a diagnosis I now strongly believe only masks the real diagnosis, since give me a topic I'm fascinated by and I'll stay focused on it for weeks or even years on end without a break), and free access to a psychiatrist through my college.

I was hoping to go the free rout, but is that actually a dangerous thing to do if the psychiatrist decides I'm wasting his time? I'm actually nervous about this, since I've learned to fake social situations well enough that I don't think I present any overt social asperger symptoms (despite that internally I find social engagement exhausting and every other classification of aspergers describes me to a T).

I'm also wondering what a diagnosis will get me other than a stigma? I wasn't thinking about needing an official diagnosis. I was hoping more for a bit of counseling to help me develop tools for everyday life. The idea worries me because I wonder if it will limit any of my future options. I'm pretty sure it would rule out any possible contract military jobs in my future, which is a substantial number of job potentials for me given my major. I'm not against a diagnosis by any means, it would be nice to have a psychiatrist on my side, I'm just wondering if it's worth it.

Oh and I live in the USA, NC.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

20 Feb 2014, 7:43 pm

Okay, then maybe ride with the ADD diagnosis for a while, which might provide a way for your school's disABILITY Services to lobby that you should not be punished so hard on attendance as long as you're learning the material on your own, which it certainly sounds like you are doing.

In negotiations or inquiries, including with disABILITY Services themselves, I very much recommending having someone there with you, a friend or relative. This is a lesson from presidents and mafia chiefdoms, it changes the dynamic in your favor to have someone there with you. Besides Herb Cohen's classic book "You Can Negotiate Anything" (not strictly true, but I love the title)

By the way, I self-diagnose as bring on the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum, and I'm comfortable this way.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

21 Feb 2014, 8:55 pm

Your realize of course that your method would work really well at medical school? What I've read is that classes during the first two sub-clinical years often have PhD lecturers from other countries with hard to understand accents. And a lot of students just show up for the tests. It's kind of a shame you're in an academic program which makes such a big fetish out of attendance, instead of leaving it to your choice.



Dreycrux
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 552

22 Feb 2014, 12:00 am

Holy crap! Working full time and going to school full time? Its not Autism that's going on here its the stress.


_________________
In order to prevent being blasted into the stone age by an asteroid we better start colonizing space as soon as possible.

Just look at the dinosaurs, they died out because they didn't have a space program.


Marybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,818

22 Feb 2014, 1:15 am

I couldn't work full time and go to school full time.
I could only handle 2 or 3 courses per semester while working part time.
I didn't understand how other students could take so many classes at the same time.



Eccles_the_Mighty
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 591

22 Feb 2014, 4:55 pm

What next? Try a brief but intense period of self analysis.

In my case I knew that SOMETHING was wrong but I didn't find out about my AS until my mid 40's, by which time it was way too late to do anything about it. So...............

I worked out what things I was good at and carried on doing them

I worked out what I was bad at and stopped doing them, or found work-arounds

I found out as much about Aspergers as I could, know your enemy

I accepted that many mistakes had been made in the past and there was nothing I could do to change this. I could however learn from those mistakes

I made minor alterations in my lifestyle so that life as an Aspie was more comfortable.


_________________
Eccles


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,146

22 Feb 2014, 6:31 pm

Clandestiny wrote:
Hey everyone, this looks like an amazing community, which seems fairly rare and special these days. So kudos! I'm hoping I'll be able to maintain some level of internet social stamina and actually become apart it.

So as the subject says, despite being in my late 20s, I'm only now realizing that I'm likely somewhere on the spectrum of autism. It began a few months ago when I watched a Ted Talks with Temple Grandin and I realized that my brain works exactly like her's. Visually, associative, details before the big picture, exc... . I wouldn't normally divulge this to strangers on the internet, but I trust you guys already so why not; I'm pretty sure I started balling (in a good "oh that's what's wrong with me!" kind of way) by the end of her presentation.

So the big question I have is, if I now know that I'm likely autistic and I also know that most of my life feels like putting out fires in an endless, exhausting cycle, what can I do about it? The tools I've developed on my own were great for surviving childhood, but they are sabotaging me as an adult.

The major area I'm struggling with right now are classes. I work full time and I have a full load of college classes. Apparently having a severe lack of social stamina is part of autism and I feel it the most when I have to show up to class. It's incredibly frustrating, because in every one of my classes I'll be making near 100s on absolutely everything (because I spend significant portions of my time teaching myself the material, and because I do genuinely care about each class) and clearly know the material inside and out, but will often end up sacrificing entire letter grades due to attendance.


Welcome to the association of WP members who self-Dx. You'll find most of us are considered with some skepticism until we take the plunge and get an official Dx. Frankly I wouldn't bother trying if you are already confident you are on the spectrum.

In my case it was fairly easy to self-Dx as my brother was clearly undiagnosed ASD with a language-speech delay but now considers himself NT. My daughter is Dx with ASD. Based on my own development plus my family history plus taking online Aspie tests it was fairly easy to do a self-Dx. I did not need to pay some psych a few thousand dollars to tell me what I already knew. I also do not want an official label to follow me around.

All you need to do now is check your family history and do some online tests and you can be more sure.



Rocket123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2012
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,188
Location: Lost in Space

22 Feb 2014, 7:49 pm

Eccles_the_Mighty wrote:
I made minor alterations in my lifestyle so that life as an Aspie was more comfortable.


Just curious, what type of minor alterations did you make? This is not only directed at you, Eccles_the_Mighty, but anyone else who made lifestyle changes after discovering they had Aspergers (self-diagnosed or not).



corvuscorax
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 266
Location: Pontiac, MI

22 Feb 2014, 9:22 pm

Well, here are some tips from my experience.

I was diagnosed when I was 19 at a very vulnerable time where I was being abused by my friend and his mother, and after the diagnosis things got worse until I cut myself off from them. A big issue was that my parents believe that the autism spectrum doesn't exist and is used to shove pills down people's throats (???) and all that conspiracy jazz. I was pretty much on my own.

First, I wouldn't get too upset. That was my biggest mistake and it shook me up. If you get diagnosed, it's not a bad thing. It's actually a good thing because it makes you more aware of your problems. It means you can do something about them! At least somewhat (some problems just never go away). But if you're aware of the things you do it can help immensely, and it has helped me. It also helps if you need help from a person in the psychology field.

Autism is seen as a bad thing but that's a stigma. Remember that.

Second, I would shop around for possibilities. Getting a test for autism is rarely covered by insurance and is usually quite expensive and is a long time, so please keep that into consideration. I was lucky and diagnosed through a university study for adult diagnosises, and actually got paid for getting tested. Keep in mind a lot of places test for child autism. Of course, if your problems are not bad enough where they are interfering with your life, there is no real need for a diagnosis, and self diagnosis can be handy in this case since it is very expensive if you don't luck out.

That's my two tokens of advice from my experience. Also, don't trust anyone who talks about autism who isn't a doctor, such as a crazed mom or something. I know it sounds mean, but remember, you are you and you know your best problems. Your doctor knows second best since they have seen many people similar to you. Not some random person who thinks they know it all because they met one autistic person. But yeah, that was a huge mistake I made. Always do your research and remember that you are still you no matter what, and autism is a part of who you are, it's just giving a name to it.


_________________
IQ:134
AspieQuiz Score: 159
AQ: 43
"Don't be That One Aspie..."


Sethno
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Nov 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,077
Location: computer or tablet

22 Feb 2014, 9:37 pm

Clandestiny wrote:
...I'm also wondering what a diagnosis will get me other than a stigma? I wasn't thinking about needing an official diagnosis. I was hoping more for a bit of counseling to help me develop tools for everyday life. The idea worries me because I wonder if it will limit any of my future options. I'm pretty sure it would rule out any possible contract military jobs in my future, which is a substantial number of job potentials for me given my major. I'm not against a diagnosis by any means, it would be nice to have a psychiatrist on my side, I'm just wondering if it's worth it.

Oh and I live in the USA, NC.


A diagnosis will allow you to give a name to what you see, and know it's not just your layman's opinion, but that of someone who really knows what they're talking about.

There will always be stigmas...if you're dealing with stupid people. There are people out there who'll look down on you if you're wearing the "wrong" colored shirt.

Ignore them. They're not worth it.

A diagnosis will also allow a counselor to know what they're dealing with...what your needs are as they work with you.

As for what it allows you to do for work, you do want to be fair to an employer...

...and to yourself.

If you ARE on the autism spectrum, and there's something about a job that makes them feel an Autistic wouldn't be qualified, would you really want to take the job, only to have them find out later you're suspected of being on the spectrum...and that you KNEW? (Besides... If they don't want someone with your neurological condition...your "disability"...WHO NEEDS'M?)

Here-
Let's be blunt.

If you ARE autistic, it's part of who you are, and it can (and should) be embraced. Doing so will also allow you to know what things you need to work on. It'll give you more control over your life.

Having things be vague, unknown, "slippery"... Not a good situation. Having things locked down and under control...VERY GOOD.

If it's suspected by you and/or professionals that you're on the spectrum, okay...GET EVALUATED. (And again, make sure it's by a person who specializes in autism.)

Would you like us to help you find someone, or do you think it can be handled on your end?


_________________
AQ 31
Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".


Clandestiny
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

24 Feb 2014, 10:47 pm

Thank you everyone for the great suggestions!

I took the plunge and made a visit to the counseling center today after my first class. It was terrifying and awkward but I've got the ball rolling. I specifically mentioned that I think I might have aspergers, and definitely anxiety so they are pairing me with a psychiatrist who specializes developmental disorders. I also told them that I wanted a bit of extended counseling to work on developing tools to manage my symptoms better.

I realized that it was silly to not get a DX in case I may work for the military, since I wouldn't take a contract military job anyway (it's not the kind of work I like, and I despise the US government at the moment after all the NSA scandels... not to mention I don't want to be apart of making weapons of war).

In taking advice from here, I've started making a lists to help me develop some routines, hopefully counseling will help me stick to them (it's tough to start a routine when it means breaking my non-functional routine).

I'm wondering though, these are some of the things that I think are indicators I have aspergers and I'm wondering if you guys agree?

-I didn't start developing eye-contact until I was around 15 (I worked on it on my own, now it's very natural for me).

-My mom wanted to get me diagnosed with aspergers when I was around 9 or 10, but didn't trust the medical community enough to fallow through and instead home schooled me.

-I've never had more than 2 or 3 friends at a time, and never felt the need to have more.

-While I do fine most of the time in social situations, it's not completely uncommon for me to hurt someone's feelings or put them on the defensive and have no idea what's going on or how we got to that point. The only compensation I've found is during non casual moments, to verbally say "I'm not trying to attack you, my intention here is XY and Z," because I can't seem to make my tone softer.

-I can pass as normal most of the time, but when social situations arise that are new, even if it's with familiar people, I get crazy awkward (such as running into a friends unexpectedly at a restaurant with my parents... this happened a few weeks ago).

-I have to mentally rehearse how to show appreciation. I don't "feel" appreciative for things that I should in the moment. It isn't until I'm alone and can think back on it that I feel appreciation. So to compensate, I instantly pull up a movie of myself showing appreciation before I actually do it. It took years to figure out the "right" amount (as a teen I would waaaay over-compensate).

-I struggle with specific instructions and lists (verbal and non-verbal). As an example, if my boss gives me a quick set of tasks to do, I nod like I understand, walk away, and replay what she said in my mind like a movie until it clicks.

-I can't expand the definition of things very easily. As an example - at work they "changed" the filing system. When it was explained to me, I fallowed the directions exactly. What I didn't understand, was that they didn't discard the old filing system. The defining characteristics of the filing system expanded instead. This is a problem I face quite often.

-I find it completely and utterly jarring when I'm interrupted and/or a conversation changes topics immediately. It sparks immediate frustration and anxiety, and I scramble to re-figure out where we are in the conversation.

-I was told I was a savant at playing piano. I began playing music by ear at the age of 2, and still play and compose for hours on end every day.

-I need time every day where I have no obligations to anyone or anything. Where I can sit and withdraw inside myself, either via drawing and art, playing the piano, or closing my eyes and thinking. I need at least an hour of this.



JSBACHlover
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,282

24 Feb 2014, 11:00 pm

With your hectic schedule no wonder you skip classes. You're suffering from continual sensory overload.

You list many autistic symptoms. Continue with the diagnostic process.



Clandestiny
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

24 Feb 2014, 11:17 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
With your hectic schedule no wonder you skip classes. You're suffering from continual sensory overload.

You list many autistic symptoms. Continue with the diagnostic process.


I've got my official appointment wednesday :). Now that I know the building and room it's in, as well as the system in place, my anxiety is ten times reduced with this.

Is sensory overload something NT people deal with too?

On a side note, I just thought up about 5 or 6 more things I deal with or have dealt with on a day to day basis. I wont mention them here since it will be moot after wednesday, but for the record - sensory overload sucks.